Chapter 14 Ethan #2
I press on with cauterising each wound until each limb hole is perfectly charred and no longer bleeding, then I release the trigger and place the blowtorch back down before turning my gaze back to Alina, who's now just a torso and a head. Even resembling a chicken nugget, she’s perfect.
Her skin glistens under the light and flecks of dried blood are smattered across her pale, translucent flesh.
A golden halo spreads over her shoulders from her hair but I can’t help but notice how it’s now peeling away from her scalp, like her body is forcing everything to fall away from her.
Rejecting itself.
I’m not too sure how I’ll fix her hair yet. Maybe I could try and sew a fresh scalp onto her skull. Alina always loved her blonde hair, and so do I, but maybe she’d like to try a different colour. I should ask her if that’s what she would like.
Stepping closer to her limbless torso, I brush a piece of stray hair away from her face and tuck it behind her ear that’s starting to peel away from the side of her head. The strands catch in the flap every time I try to place it behind her ear.
Stupid fucking ear.
In the end, and with frustration heavy on my mind, I grab the thin skin of her ear and peel it away from her head, then throw it onto the plastic sheet.
She doesn’t need both ears anyway.
“I hope you love my creation, pretty dead girl. You already look so fucking beautiful.” I whisper against her hair, then leave a trail of soft kisses across her cheek and down to her lips.
In all this time I’ve had Alina in my care, I’ve never kissed her and I’m not entirely sure why but now I want to.
I want to know if they feel the same way they did before she left me.
Her lips are still pretty plump for now, but there’s prominent cracks in the centre and slight peeling in the corners.
Still, that doesn’t deter me. Leaning over, I take her jaw in my hand and turn her face then I brush my lips against hers, whereas mine are soft, hers are dry so I run my tongue over the plump flesh to moisten them before dipping it inside her mouth.
My tongue brushes over the ridges of her teeth until it finds her tongue that’s cold and tough, like the rubber sole of a shoe. I trace the fleshy-inside of her mouth and seal our lips together.
Immediately our last moments together flash across my mind and I can feel the ghost of her hands gripping my hair tightly, pulling me closer to her.
I groan into her mouth and grind against the edge of the table, feeling my cock grow harder and thicker against the zipper of my pants.
I’ve already come once, and now I need it again.
I keep my lips sealed to Alina’s and trail my hand from her jaw, down between the valley of her breasts, over her stomach and down towards her pussy.
There’s no need for me to spread her legs, seeing as though she doesn’t have any so I’m granted easy access.
Once I reach that forbidden fruit, I swirl the pads of my fingers through the smattering of dark hair and down towards her cold clit, then I spread her open before dipping my fingers inside.
She sucks me in like a tight vacuum and I groan into her mouth again before pulling away and nibbling on her bottom lip. The flesh is tender and mushy between my teeth and I have to be careful not to bite too hard in case I tear her bottom lip off.
I allow my lips to rest against hers and whisper. “I want you to come for me, pretty dead girl, one last time. Give your big brother what he wants.”
Pushing my fingers in as far as they will go, I circle her clit with my thumb and press against her spongy walls, hoping and praying that I’ll get some kind of reaction from her but she lies motionless.
“Why won’t you fucking move?” I seethe. “Fucking say something!” Anger flairs to life inside of me and I shove my fingers inside of her again, harder this time, doing anything I can to make her say something, to cry out for me.
To just do fucking something.
Tears well in my eyes and for the first time in years, I let them fall.
Grief begins to swallow me whole like a thrashing wave, I rip my hand away from her in fear and crumple to the floor in a heap, blood soaking into my pants from the plastic sheet but I don’t care. I don’t care about anything anymore.
I just.. I just want my sister back.
I can’t live like this anymore.
I’ve tried to live in a world where she doesn’t exist and it’s killing me slowly.
The cavern inside my chest where my heart used to live is now empty and hollow, a soul no longer lies there.
I thought that keeping her here with me would fix everything, I thought that rebuilding her would maybe bring her back in some way, but I was wrong. I was so fucking wrong.
Grappling with my heavy thoughts, I run my hands through my hair and grip the strands tightly between my fingers to silence the voices that are bombarding my mind.
They stab into my ears with their blunt knives and deadly claws, and I can’t seem to silence them.
They’re too loud and I don’t know how to stop it.
“You’re a waste of space, fucking freak.”
“A wretched boy.”
“You’re not welcome here.”
“Why don’t you just fucking kill yourself?”
“Murderer.”
Blow after blow, the voices don’t stop their torment.
Even when I cover my ears, they still find their way inside, slipping in like venomous snakes.
Tears cloud my vision until the whole room is cast in a blurry haze and I swear I can feel my chest caving in, the bones beneath my skin cracking with every deep breath I take.
How do I make thi–
“Ethan?”
Snapping my head up at the familiar voice, I wipe my eyes to clear my vision, hoping to find the one person that matters the most to me, but instead I’m still a crumpled mess on the floor, surrounded by blood and severed body parts.
Still, the soft voice remains.
“My sweet, big brother. Please don’t cry.”
I can feel my bottom lip tremble as Alina’s haunting words wash over me. “Alina? Is that you? Please, tell me it’s you and that I’m not going insane. I can’t go insane.” I whisper, afraid that if I speak too loud, she’ll disappear again.
“It’s me, Ethan. I’m right here. I’ve always been right here.”
White hot pain stabs straight into my chest when I hear her reply and I can’t stop the tears from falling once again.
“I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry.” I choke out. “I never meant to hurt you. I love you more than you’ll ever know and I’m.. so fucking sorry.”
Warmth spreads over my shoulders, almost like I can feel her touch.
Maybe I am crazy, and maybe this is all just a sick dream, one that I’m forced to relive every day for the pain that I’ve caused.
This is the price I have to pay. Maybe I never made it out of that Halloween party five years ago and all this time has been a figment of my imagination.
A purgatory that I’ll never be able to escape from.
Alina’s sweet voice slips into my mind again, shunning all the heavy thoughts away.
“You have nothing to apologise for, Ethan. If anything, it should be me. I left you alone and I’ll never forgive myself for that but I wanted to protect you.
To give you a better life, but I can see that I didn’t quite accomplish that.
I just hope that you can forgive me, please? ”
Forgive her?
Alina could stab me in the heart and I’d accept it willingly, if it meant that I’d die by her hands. I’d forgive her every day for the rest of my life.
I blow out a heavy breath to calm my erratic heart, then I hand my forgiveness over to my sister without a second thought.
“I forgive you, even though there is nothing to forgive. I pushed you too hard and too fast. I should have kept my distance, but I loved you then like I love you now and I’m done.
” I breathe out with a heaviness on my shoulders.
“I’m so fucking tired of this existence.
I’m tired of living in a world where you don’t exist. I’m exhausted from breathing the air that doesn’t fill your lungs. ”
“I’m ready to go home now. I have been for a long time. Please, take me home Alina.”
“You’re already home, Ethan.”