CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Iprotested the entire time Preston dragged me out of the dungeons and back to my room.
“Release him! You have what you wanted: my agreement!”
“And he must pay for defying us by slipping you that knife,” Preston hissed in my ear when we stopped outside my door. Once he’d ordered the guards who’d trailed us to unshackle me, he opened the door and shoved me in unceremoniously. “We’ll make an official announcement tomorrow. Sleep well, Fiancée.” He sneered before slamming the door in my face.
Motionless, I waited several seconds for his footsteps and those of our escort guards to fade away. Blood pounded in my ears. Yet just as I’d feared, when I tried the door, I found it locked.
I lost track of time as I slid to the floor, burying my face in my arms and dissolving into tears. Helplessness consumed me, and I hated it. Hated that I was trapped in this room while Garrick suffered. Hated that I couldn’t stop it. Hated that I was a prisoner to these fae, forced to obey their cruel whims. Hated that I’d been powerful enough to defend Garrick and slay Isolde, only for Preston and Nerissa to force me back into a corner where I was weak and trapped again.
They won’t win, I promised myself, curling my fingers into fists. Though I wasn’t sure how when they’d all but stripped me of my power, I would find a way to win my freedom.
Wiping my face, I stood, seizing one of the blankets from the bed and wrapping it around myself as I sank into the chair before the fire. After facing the underworld creature, I knew in my bones I was meant to be in Silverfrost, meant to protect this kingdom—and the rest of the world—from those demons slipping into our realm and harming us.
That meant running was no longer an option.
My mind whirled, but in this unfamiliar place, where I was surrounded by magical fae who’d been wielding their power far longer than I had, I wasn’t sure how I could fight back. I’d have to bide my time, patient and observant as I awaited an opportunity.
At some point, exhaustion from my earlier fight and my tears took over and I nodded off. The creak of the door and then a slam jolted me awake. Startling, I jerked upright in my chair, blinking against the dim light of the low-burning fire.
Garrick leaned against the door, his shoulders slumped. His loose shirt was only half buttoned, giving me a glimpse of countless bandages stretching across his chest. He stared at me with glazed eyes, appearing as bleary as I felt, but neither were swollen shut, so a healer must have tended to him since he’d been released from his cell. But that realization was only a small relief.
“Garrick,” I whispered, abandoning my chair to run to him. “Are you all right?”
I reached for his arm, but he wrenched away, hissing like he expected my touch to burn. Biting back my frown, I pulled away.
“You can’t touch me,” he said, his voice a low rumble, his golden eyes fixed on the floor. “They’ll know.”
“I don’t understand.”
Garrick lifted his face to meet my gaze, his expression pained. “They prey on weaknesses. They’ll always use us against each other, Starlight. If you touch my skin, Nerissa will smell you on me. The scent will be too strong that way. And then she’ll punish me by hurting you.” He barely resisted a shudder. “And if I touch your skin? The same.”
“Why?”
Garrick’s expression was hollow, his eyes haunted. “They love to play games like this. They forced me to come here and guard you, knowing...” He trailed off, shaking his head. “Knowing that because of your royal blood, you have my deepest loyalty, and I’d naturally want to serve you. If I try to tend to those scratches of yours” -his eyes flicked to the bandages covering the claw marks on my arm- “they will know. It’s a sick way for them to force us to not show basic kindness or companionship toward one another. A way to make us feel divided and alone and hopeless.”
I swallowed. “They’re monsters.”
“I belong to them. I belong to her.” He raked a hand through his hair, mussing the white-blond strands. “Just like you belong to him.”
My stomach clenched. “You’re engaged to Queen Nerissa?”
He flinched. “Not as if they’d ever let me rule, just as they won’t let you. She simply loves to know she owns me, her prized hunter.” Garrick’s tone turned low and guttural. Hateful. “Her dog.” His eyes flicked back to me. “She doesn’t care for my affection, only my obedience and service in tracking down whoever she needs. But that doesn’t mean she isn’t possessive. Especially now that she knows—they both know—how to control us both.”
I sucked in a breath. “You shouldn’t have done it, Garrick. You knew giving me the knife was breaking a rule. It was too recognizable, too dangerous. Why did you do it?”
His eyes were like molten gold, burning into me with an intensity that reminded me of his wolfish nature. “There’s no doubt you’re a Silverfrost, and I could tell...” He cleared his throat, clearly struggling with words. “They were...affecting your magic somehow.” I wondered if his oath to the siblings made it so he couldn’t openly speak ill of them. “As your rightful subject, my loyalty belongs to you.”
I let the proclamation warm my heart, even if I wished he’d been saying he was loyal to me for other, more sentimental reasons. “Did Nerissa poison you?” I ventured.
Garrick shook his head, pushing off the door to pace the floor. “It’s a toxin without lingering effects.” It didn’t miss my notice that he didn’t expound on what those effects were. “I don’t regret what I did.” He whirled toward me. “You need to leave. Run. I know their orders will force me to pursue you, but you’re powerful and clever. You can invade me. You’ll find a way. Anything is better than this. Forget the risks I mentioned, forget everything.”
“No.”
Garrick’s eyes widened. “You have no reason to stay.”
“I’m not leaving these people to be tormented by underworld creatures. I’m not risking that more escape into our world. There won’t be a safe corner of the earth if they overrun us.” I crossed my arms. “And I’m not leaving you.”
Garrick stepped closer, his eyes glinting in the firelight. Earnest. Hurt. Pleading. “You owe Silverfrost nothing. You owe me nothing. It’s my fault you’re here. I’m already lost, but you can still save yourself.”
Tears burned my throat. “No, Garrick. I’m going to save you too.”
He scrubbed his hand over his face, turning away and shaking his head. “I’m too far gone,” he muttered.
“I refuse to believe that,” I insisted. My hand hovered over his shoulder before I remembered his warning and dropped it. I didn’t want to see him hanging in chains again, suffering because of the siblings’ cruel need to hurt us both. “Don’t try to talk me out of what I know is right. Staying is the right thing to do. Running would only delay the inevitable, and knowing others were suffering because of me—I would never know peace again, Garrick.”
Garrick’s shoulders slumped. “I know,” he said, resigned. He turned back to me, eyes scanning my face almost reverently. “You’re good, Starlight. Pure and courageous and powerful in ways most of these fae cannot begin to fathom. Selfishly, I wish you were a little less so and would leave for my sake, but I can’t ask you to be anything less than what you are.”
My heart skipped a beat, wanting that look and those words to mean more than they did. He cared for me as a friend, as his potential queen—nothing more.
And even if there were deeper feelings, I told myself it didn’t matter. We both belonged to others, whether we wanted to or not. Even our own hearts weren’t free.
I glanced away so Garrick couldn’t see the heat flooding my cheeks. “Then it’s settled. You know I have to stay.” Sighing, I dared to study him again. “And you really are all right?”
Garrick swallowed, his smile bitter. “As all right as I can ever be.” He sighed. “You must be exhausted. That fight with...” He shook his head. “It was brutal to watch, even if I knew you would win in the end. You should get some rest.” His eyes flicked to the bed.
Discomfort squirmed in my stomach. It wasn’t the first time we’d occupied a small space, but I was far more aware of it—of him—than I was even before. “You need to sleep too.”
“I’ll take the chair,” he said, nodding toward where I’d left my blanket before the fire.
I opened my mouth as if to protest, though I wasn’t sure what I’d argue. It wasn’t as if we could share the bed. Surely Nerissa and Preston would know if we were in such close proximity to one another. Not to mention, that would be a different sort of torment for me to endure, longing for his touch while knowing I couldn’t and shouldn’t have it. Instead, I bit my lip and nodded.
Without anything to change into, I unlaced my boots and set them beside my bed. My leggings and tunic weren’t the cleanest after my encounter with the demon. Some of the fabric was spattered with my own dried blood, but there was no tub to bathe in this room. As I settled under the blankets, grateful we were high enough above the dungeons not to hear the prisoners or creatures residing there, I relished the warmth. Despite the earlier horrors I’d witnessed, having Garrick nearby comforted me. My eyes traced the dancing shadows cast by the glowing embers of the fire.
After a long moment, Garrick’s voice rumbled toward me. “Don’t fret too much, Starlight. At least the king and queen’s propensity to assign me as your guard is as comforting as it is tormenting,” he joked.
I blinked at his form in the dimness. “What?”
“I mean,” he continued, his voice still laced with humor, “if we must suffer, at least we don’t also have to be lonely. I’ve grown fond of your company.”
My face warmed, even if I knew it was only a friendly statement, not some declaration of love. “I’m not surprised you’d try to find some good in our circumstances, even now. Goodnight, Garrick,” I whispered.
“Goodnight.”
The underworld creature was staring at me, as if it could see straight into my soul despite the black smudges where its eyes should have been. Its horned skull leered over me, wreathed in darkness, and every muscle in my body drew taut. Iciness flooded my veins, nothing like the power I felt from my magic.
This was like an absence. A warmth and life-stealing void. My bones turned leaden, and my mouth tasted of ash as my lungs seized. I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t move. Even my tears froze on my lashes.
The creature leaned closer, its cold breath ruffling my hair and causing my body to spasm with shivers. Pain. Terror. Despair. I was overwhelmed and lost in the darkness, trapped forever in this hopeless place.
And the creature whispered in my head:
Quiet and powerless. Little Snowflake, you will never be free.
I choked on my scream, because I couldn’t force any sound out at all when there was no breathe in my lungs.
When I blinked, the darkness and the demon were gone, but the horror remained. I was in the dungeons again, listening to the restless pacing of unseen creatures, their claws running along stone. Whimpers and moans echoed in the damp air. Ahead, the only flickering torches in the whole space bathed a single cell in orange light. Within, Preston and Nerissa were laughing as they carved into Garrick’s flesh. Chained to the ceiling as he was, he could do nothing but scream and flail as they mangled his body into something bloody, nightmarish, unrecognizable.
I screamed. I beat against the bars of the cell. I reached for magic that wouldn’t come. But nothing I did stopped the cruel siblings; nothing could save the wolf shifter I cared for.
Garrick’s gold eyes flashed open one last time, even though his body had stilled, and I had been certain he was dead. His voice was guttural. You should have run, Starlight.
My throat was raw from my screams as I jolted awake. Tears wet my cheeks and my legs were tangled in the bed clothes.
“You’re safe.” Arms enveloped me, helping to calm my racing heart. “Starlight, it’s all right. It was only a nightmare. I’m here.”
More tears traced a path down my jaw. My chest was so tight that it took a concentrated effort to steady my shallow breaths into deeper, more fortifying drags of air. I let myself relax against Garrick’s chest, relishing the wall of solid muscle and the rhythm of his heartbeat and the way they grounded me. In his arms, I was safe.
But...
Renewed fear froze my insides.
“Garrick,” I managed, wiping at my cheeks. “You’re not safe.” I nearly sobbed again as the images from my dream seared my memory.
“It was a dream, Starlight,” Garrick insisted, running his fingers through my hair.
I closed my eyes, trying to soak in this moment and reassure myself. He was here. Alive. Holding me. He cared.
Warmth filled me as he pulled me closer, tucking me against him as one hand held my waist securely and the other traced lazy patterns down the back of my neck. Each touch sent trails of fire down my skin. Was this the comforting touch of a friend? Of a man loyal to the death to the woman he believed was his rightful queen?
Or was he feeling what I did with our nearness? Every brush of his breath against my neck had me resisting the urge to shiver, and each caress from his fingers made me feel emboldened in a way I never had before. Suddenly, I was thinking of twisting in his arms, of facing him and pressing my lips to his. I was lost in a daydream, wondering what he would taste like. Wondering what it would feel like to be pressed against him.
What had seemed so scandalous before now only carried with it a sense of security and belonging. I knew Garrick wouldn’t touch me inappropriately; he had always been a gentleman, and our proximity comforted me.
But...
He was still touching me.
“Garrick,” I said again, more urgently. I wrenched away so abruptly that his hand fell from my waist. Chill air licked at my skin as I sat up, away from Garrick’s warmth. “You can’t be here. You can’t—” My voice cracked as I turned to him.
He was already sitting up, and my stomach leapt when I realized he’d removed his shirt to sleep. Though the embers had almost completely burnt out in the hours since I’d fallen asleep, there was just enough golden light to burnish his skin, accentuating the outlines of countless muscles. Cheeks heating, I dragged my eyes up to his face.
“I thought you were going to hurt yourself,” Garrick murmured, his face solemn.
Fresh tears burned my eyes. “But they’ll hurt you for touching me.”
A muscle jumped in his jaw as he swiped a hand through his hair, standing some of the white-blond strands on end. One fell across his forehead, and I had to curl my fingers into my palm to keep myself from reaching out and brushing it out of his face. “More likely, they would harm you to make me suffer,” he said, his eyes dark with loathing. He swallowed, his throat working. “They’ve wanted me to serve as both your captor and your bodyguard. Maybe we can convince them you were trying to escape. I can pretend I was only here to keep you in your bed.” His lips twitched in a humorless smile. “We can behave as if I was only being their faithful dog.”
Garrick rose from the bed, pacing across the floor.
“You can’t lie,” I whispered. I couldn’t banish the images of a bloody, tortured Garrick from my mind, and I didn’t want to find out what Preston and Nerissa would do to him if they found him holding me, sharing my bed.
His expression was tormented as he raked his fingers though his hair again. “Maybe you should leave—”
“No. We already went over this,” I said firmly.
“They’ll torture you.” Garrick’s voice was ragged. “That’s how they’ll punish me. And it’s my fault. I was the fool who held you—”
I lifted my chin, once again cutting him off. “Well, they can’t do much to me if Preston is to announce our engagement soon. They need me alive, and they can’t do anything to obviously mar my appearance, either, or the citizens will see and know.”
“Starlight...”
“I’ll be fine,” I insisted. “Go back to sleep.” I lay back against the pillows and pulled the sheets over myself, pretending that I was about to fall asleep myself.
We spent the rest of the night in tormented silence, each trying to fool the other into thinking we were fine. Asleep and unafraid.
Occasionally, I heard faint shrieks from deep in the bowels of the fortress, down in those awful dungeons. I squeezed my eyes shut, telling myself at least it wasn’t Garrick. And it wouldn’t be him tomorrow, either.
Better me than him,I thought.