Rider （Express Rider）
The bell was fairly annoying, but I suspect that was because I knew I was about to get a tongue lashing.
I had endured more than one in my past, and expected to endure more than one in my future, starting with that delivery.
I had never felt like I had much luck in life.
My papa left home when I was three, and did not leave much for mama and me.
His empty bottle of booze was nowhere near as useful for a three-year-old as you might think, and even at sixteen, I still found its utility limited.
The maid looked me up and down with a critical eye, but mostly she just looked annoyed with the quality of her day.
It seemed I was just her latest challenge, so I assumed the master or mistress of the house was being difficult, or perhaps they had visitors.
Actually, I knew they had visitors, since my express was for one of those chuckleheads.
After giving her the name of my delivery, she bade me wait in the entry hall and entered the parlour with the same look I imagine she would use to enter a pit of snakes, and spoke to a group of ladies and gentlemen sitting around a small table.
“Mr Darcy, you have an express, sir.”
A tall gent arose with what looked like relief, so I suspected the two women or the other gentleman were what constituted the snake pit; though to be honest, he could just as well have been the snake and the rest of them were mongooses.
“You have a message?”
The man was certainly tall, and I imagine with his fine clothes, obvious wealth, and gentlemanly manners he probably had the ladies falling all over themselves over him for a century… maybe even two. He could certainly look down on any man of lesser worth with the greatest of ease.
Unfortunately for his ease, I was as tall as a mountain and I looked down on him from a height sufficient to see the small bald spot forming on the very top of his head; though I obviously would not mention it, as I was in enough trouble as it was.
“I have a reply for you, sir, but I must make a confession.”
He said the oddest thing. “My good man, you have rescued me from the most uncomfortable quarter hour of my life, so unless you plan to tell me you just burnt down that great estate a half mile up the lane, you have nothing to fear. Even that might be forgivable if my aunt was inside when it went up. Did you burn down Rosings?”
I probably should have been startled by such a statement, but my father’s booze bottle had not in fact been empty when I was three, and I may have had a few difficulties growing up.
Some girls would giggle over my great height or awkward manner and I would get red.
Some boys would laugh, so I would bust their heads.
That man was saying things that made not the slightest sense, but a man such as me rarely encountered anything that made sense anyway, so I was not alarmed.
When it came right down to it, the regular mail was nearly as fast as an express rider, so anybody who hired me was already at a disadvantage when it came to sense, but I accepted their rush, since life is not easy for a boy like me.
In the end, I decided I had better come clean while he was clearly in a good mood.
“No sir, I did not, but I am at your service if that is your desire.”
He just chuckled. “Probably best if we leave it standing. My valet would be vexed if I allowed my clothes to burn.”
I thought I had best get on with it. “I must confess that my horse spooked on the way into town with your last letter and dumped me off a bridge and into a stream. I am afraid your letter may have been damaged. I delivered it as instructed anyway. The gentleman seemed excited but not perturbed, so perhaps it was not badly damaged, but I must come clean. Here is the reply.”
I just stood waiting for the man to explode, but he simply grunted as if this was only the last in a series of unfortunate events, or perhaps he was quite accustomed to his letters going into the stream.
For all I knew, his fortunes may have changed, and he might be glad his friend could not read the letter.
I thought I should get all of the bad news out at once. “Also, on the return journey, I threw a shoe, so I have been delayed by four or five hours.”
He just grunted, as if this were such a minor setback it was of no note, and tore open the envelope. “Did you fall in the stream with this letter, or mine? I cannot read a word.”
“Yours, sir. This one was written that way to start with.”
He shrugged and gave me a coin. “I thank you, my good man. You have at least saved me from that room for a few minutes, so I am in your debt.”
He turned back to the snake pit. “Go to the kitchen at Rosings, tell them I asked you to be fed, and return in a few hours. We shall see if you can manage to get the next note to its recipient in one piece, shall we?”
“Yes sir.”
“And probably best if you did not burn it down, regardless of the temptation.”
“Yes sir.”
It was the strangest set-down of my life, but I had no reason to question my good fortune. I might take him up on his offer of supper, but first I would go to the tavern and get myself a brew. Life ain’t easy for a boy like me.