Tradesmen （Anne）
“Mr Gardiner, Mrs Gardiner, and Miss Bennet.”
Jane is here! Jane is here! Jane is here! Life is wonderful! Jane is here!
The refrain started bouncing around my mind over and over and over as I ran across the room most indecorously. I ran up to her and gave her an enormous sisterly hug, and she returned it with all the exuberance she was capable of.
Naturally, she then turned and did the same thing with Lizzy who had been a step behind me. She looked perplexed with my actions, but I did not care. I had to assume she was wonderful if she was Elizabeth’s sister, and I had heard enough about her indirectly to be quite excited to see her.
The older couple looked at me in some confusion, but nowhere near as much as I would have expected.
They were genteel and caring-appearing people, and I could tell that they were in love.
At least, in my fanciful imagination I believed that to be the case, and since in my circles I mostly saw couples who were in love the way a snake is in love with a mongoose, perhaps I was just a touch on the cynical side.
The couple took the sight of a complete stranger hugging their—what was she, niece perhaps—with nary a raised eyebrow.
I imagined that they had some idea of the exuberance of girls, and probably thought getting any sense out of any of us within the next minute or two was an impossible task, for which they had no inclination.
They waited patiently as if they had all day.
The day was getting better and better. First, that horrid woman got the set-down she deserved—social-climbing bottom dweller that she was—and now I had one more Bennet sister with me. I wondered if the next bell might be the other three!
Much to my surprise, Darcy was right behind Lizzy as if glued to her, so perhaps he was reevaluating whether he really needed a fortune or whether he could have a more worthy woman and act the man with respect to saving his estate.
I would definitely talk to him about his aborted proposal at the very first opportunity.
I was also certain to canvas the absurdly ungentlemanly conduct of telling a woman he could not offer for her because he needed an heiress.
Of course, I could not truly chastise him for making an address that Elizabeth did not seem to even desire, but I was in no mood for reasonableness.
A reasonable person would be quite the anomaly in this room anyway, and you know how much I like to fit in.
I also had to reflect that with the way Lizzy had been looking at him the previous five minutes (a lifetime in this particular assembly), I was not entirely certain of her indifference.
Miss Orange Dress with Feathers viewed the display of affection with open disdain, while her brother guided her slowly and steadily towards the table, apparently fearful that she would fall over.
He did not seem to feel it would be a terrible thing for her to swoon and spend a bit of time prostrate on the floor, but he seemed gentlemanly enough to think that would oblige one of the other gentlemen in the room to assist her, and I doubted either of them would be willing to assist her from the floor with tongs.
He gently guided her to the table, and sat her in the chair next to the Colonel.
I imagined she could not possibly be all that much worse than French cavalry, so Periwinkle seemed safe enough.
He was poor as a rat, so he was safe from her, and she was—wait just one minute—for all I knew she had a decent dowry, was obsessed with entering the first circles, and the colonel was eyeing her with the same look he used with Darcy’s horse.
Ah well, he was a big boy. I was not to be concerned about him.
The only thing I really needed him for anymore was to explain Darcy’s financial woes, but the way Darcy was looking at Lizzy, I was not at all certain that problem would not sort itself out in time anyway.
According to my design, they might have months together at Pemberley, which was ample time to either fall in love or grow to hate the very sight of each other. Those two could go either way.
Elizabeth and Jane separated, and Lizzy set about performing introductions.
“Uncle Gardiner, Aunt Gardiner, Jane, may I present to your acquaintance some friends of mine, Mr Darcy of Pemberley in Derbyshire… Miss de Bourgh of both Rosings in Kent and occasionally Bedlam… Colonel Fitzwilliam… Mr Bingley… Miss Bingley.”
She indicated each person in turn, and each person gave the appropriate bow, curtsy, or lunatic stare.
For some reason I liked the Gardiners immediately, and for their part, they looked at everyone curiously except Mr Bingley.
Him they looked on with the same look they would give a man with the pox.
I also noticed Jane would not make eye contact with him, and he looked decidedly nervous as well.
I would have to get to the bottom of that.
“Mr Darcy, Miss de Bourgh, Colonel, Mr Bingley, please allow me to make you known to my aunt and uncle, Mr and Mrs Gardiner of Cheapside, and my eldest sister, Miss Jane Bennet.”
All the appropriate moves were made, and Elizabeth surprisingly added a superfluous sounding detail, “My sister has been staying with the Gardiners in town these four months.”
With that statement, she did her best to burn a hole in both Darcy and Mr Bingley’s heads with her eyes, which was probably not physically possible, but they both looked like naughty boys who wanted to run for cover, so perhaps it worked metaphorically.
Mr Gardiner replied, “Lizzy, I apologise for appearing so unexpectedly. Entirely by chance, I had some rather urgent business with the Smythe estate which is but ten miles from here, and Jane asked if I might call on you and possibly even prevail upon Mrs Collins to stay here for a few days if it is no trouble.”
Elizabeth and Jane both gave enormous smiles, and perhaps this whole arrangement might make sense. A new voice surprised me, since I was unaware it was possible to enter without that infernal bell going off.
“Of course, you shall be welcome, Jane! You know you always are! Mr and Mrs Gardiner, welcome to my home.”
Mrs Collins entered from another door, and she hurried up to embrace Jane and Mrs Gardiner.
She already knew everybody, so introductions were unnecessary, but she looked at me like I was some new and curious creature she had never encountered before.
She did not seem unduly concerned; but then again, I doubt anything could unduly concern Mrs Collins.
“My husband continues his discussions with Lady Catherine, but I must admit that her curiosity might not be satisfied for very long since the colonel let out a very ungentlemanly scream just before running from her presence like a man whose coat was afire.”
Periwinkle looked chagrined, but not as much as you might hope for.
Charlotte added, “I should also mention the weather outside is turning nasty. I barely beat the storm, so I hope you shall not be going out again. You are welcome to spend the night, though things may be crowded.”
Mr Gardiner told her he had made arrangements at the inn, and would send his coachman to the village for a few hours, to return later to fetch them.
“I believe we have enough card tables for everyone to be seated, and I have asked Hannah for more tea and some snacks. By the way, Lizzy, have you any idea why she would be in a sour mood?”
Lizzy looked around at the crowded room, and Mrs Collins said, “Yes, I see. Come along, Mr Darcy. It is time to earn your keep.”
Like I said, or perhaps never got around to, “I really like Mrs Collins.”
True to form, five minutes later we had an impromptu tea set up with card tables and the occasional odd chair, and everyone was seated around making a merry but quite odd party.
We barely had any room to manoeuvre in the small parlour, but that was no excuse for Darcy to sit so very close to Lizzy, but she had not bitten his head off yet, so I imagined he was safe for the moment. Lizzy could well take care of herself.
Jane—er, Miss Bennet—had been seated next to Mr Bingley but only the leg of the table prevented her from moving further from him, and she would not even look at the gentleman.
He seemed an amiable enough fellow, but he also looked like a naughty schoolboy who had just been thrashed, or was expecting it momentarily. Curiouser and Curiouser!
As the tables were set up, I tried to work out the mystery of Mr and Mrs Gardiner.
Mrs Gardiner managed to chat with Darcy for a few minutes, and it was established she grew up five miles from Pemberley and had some mutual acquaintances.
Darcy was the most amiable I had ever seen him, and they spent some time talking about her uncle’s bookshop, with Lizzy chiming right in along with them.
They were the most comfortable I had ever seen them, but considering they were previously the two most awkward people I knew in each other's company, that was not necessarily the pinnacle of success.
The Gardiners told me that they were in trade, and Mr Gardiner briefly described his business and his reason for calling on the Smythe estate.
Mother would practically be in hives if she learned I had spent time in such company, but Darcy took it all in stride and even suggested he might be amenable to a visit to Mr Smythe and his frog, as he had not seen him in some time.
I was definitely going to quiz him on his odd behaviour at the very first opportunity.
Since meeting Lizzy’s relatives did not seem to bother him, I thought it incumbent on me to try to rattle him again, since I had not done so in at least half an hour.
I naturally said the only possible thing, “Mr Gardiner, I realise this is a most impertinent question, but are you fond of fishing or shooting?” It was indeed an odd question, but I believed the Gardiners were unflappable.
He replied, “I enjoy fishing enormously, though I cannot indulge as much as I would like.”
Darcy looked at me curiously, with the half his mind he seemed willing to detach from Lizzy, so I continued.
“Excellent. My cousin Darcy has been lamenting the state of his trout stream for months, and as it turns out we are all to Pemberley Saturday week, for a stay of some months. Might you be willing to join the party at some point and assist? He is nearly insufferable when his trout stream is overrun.”
Mr Gardiner looked at me critically, and I watched Darcy waiting for the inevitable explosion, which I planned to enjoy immensely. In the end, it was not nearly as entertaining as I had hoped.
Darcy said, “I know it is a lot to ask Mr Gardiner, but I am truly desperate, and naturally you must bring your children and stay at Pemberley.”
It turned out the Gardiners were not quite as unflappable as I had surmised, as they both looked at him most disconcertingly. They looked at each other for a moment, nodded, and agreed to the scheme pending their availability from his business.
I stared at Darcy while he gave me an evil grin.
Payback is most disconcerting, I can assure you, and lessons in teasing seemed as unnecessary for him and me as our previous experience might have led one to believe.
I looked at Lizzy, since the whole thing rotated around her, and she looked just about as confused as I felt, but it did not matter. We were all to Pemberley!
Lizzy leaned over towards Darcy—alarmingly close to Darcy—and whispered some words that clearly included thank you, and my heart sang with joy. Not so indifferent after all. It was time to start on the mystery of Jane Bennet.
What was her story with Mr Bingley? Perhaps she fell in love with Darcy, and he interfered in some way, but that did not seem right.
Perhaps he had when… EUREKA! I had it. I do not listen to every rumour that passes through the parlour at Rosings, as it would drive me mad, but I remembered one very clearly.
It lacked detail, as I believe it came from Charlotte, or more likely Charlotte talking to someone else while I was supposedly not listening—no need to quibble over details.
The story perfectly well explained everything, though I would definitely quiz Lizzy on the details at the first opportunity. My investigatory schedule was becoming quite fraught!
Basically, the story, which came from Mrs Collins, who had more authority than Moses, had it that one of the so-called gentlemen of Darcy’s party had rather ruthlessly slighted one of the Bennet sisters on the very first night of their acquaintance.
Called her ‘not handsome enough to tempt him’ or some such rot, at a public assembly.
It was clear Darcy would never do such an ungentlemanly thing.
I am not saying he cannot be rude and arrogant, or that he might say something like that.
He could out-rude-and-arrogant my mother when he was of a mind to.
However, I could not imagine any situation that could drag that many words out of the taciturn man at a public assembly.
No, a dozen words was his limit for attendance at an assembly such as that, and that under extreme duress.
No, it could not possibly have been Darcy.
It had to be Bingley. With his sister’s deportment even a step below my mother’s, I had to assume the apple did not fall far from the tree, so he must have slighted Jane Bennet, apparently publicly, on the first night in the neighbourhood.
He must be the worst chowderhead in England.
Now, unfortunate circumstances were forcing her to sit next to the horrid man.
I was so relieved to have it all worked out, and I started on my way over to somehow rearrange the seating to be more to her liking, when we were interrupted yet again by the bell.