Journal Entry Cole
A FUCKING JOURNAL ENTRY - BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT I DO NOW
Penned by Cole, Demon of Rage
Era: Third Echo of Calamity written during the Supernaturals War
Kaito suggested that I write my thoughts down, or feelings, as he calls them.
He and I don’t have the best relationship, more like a necessary bond built between males of a mate-circle.
He knows how to crawl under my skin and get to me.
He also knows what I need, even though I’d never admit that to him.
(So if you’re reading this, Kaito, I’ll fuck you so hard up your ass my dick will come out your throat—although you’d probably like that, you sick fuck.)
So, right. Where was I.
Feelings.
Lilith changed me. She’s my new mate, and because of that I’ve formed a bond I never thought a demon like me would have.
Although am I really a demon now that I’ve been stripped of everything that made me Lucifer’s brother?
A better question… do I want to be Lucifer’s brother anymore?
Maybe now it’s time to become a new creature, someone that will one day be worthy of my mate.
Still, I’m not sure where to go from here, or how I can be useful to the Third Champion of Calamity when I don’t even know what I am anymore.
I lost my wings.
When I think of how Kaito phrases things, he would say I lost my identity, so now it’s time to forge a new one.
It’s not that easy.
My demonic power went with my wings. I gifted them to my mate to help her survive when Lucifer tore one of her angelic wings from her body.
Lilith thinks that I’ve changed since I lost my wings, but she began a change in my Hellfire heart that started the moment I felt her hold on me.
That’s why I tested her in the way that I did.
That’s why I allowed her to die… so that she could be reborn and find her true potential.
And now I carry the burden of that sin, one that weighs heavily on me these days.
I hadn’t always been this way.
In the dungeons of Fortune Academy before its fall, before Lilith’s death, and before her rebirth, I crawled out of the pits of Hell and ventured to such a dull place because my brother had promised me we would finally receive retribution.
Thriving in my rage was all I knew… all I ever wanted, until I met her.
Lucifer’s downfall affected me more than he knew. We’d lost Balthazar long before Sonya took his throne.
That’s when I began doubting him, and that’s when he started going down a dark path that would only lead to death and chaos.
No one knew his plans but me for a long time.
He’d used powerful magic to disguise his appearance and to make everyone in Hell believe he was just another Demon Lord ironically named Luc. He ran the barracks and built a sizable army to overthrow Sonya without anyone being wiser until it was too late.
My job at Fortune Academy was to lie in wait for when our little savior returned after he had tested her as worthy of our cause, only I didn’t anticipate that she would be the Champion of Calamity… or that I would be called as one of her Virtues.
I’m a Demon of Rage and brother to Lucifer, a demon who was the undisputed King of Hell for thousands of years before Hell turned against us and chose Sonya as its ruler.
Lucifer had always ruled the Underworld through sheer force of will, knowing that one day Hell would reject him, but the impact still stung.
We’d built Hell up from the frozen rock that it was, gave it the heat of our rage and provided a molten core that had saved all of demonkind.
I’d been blind to the lengths my brother would go through to keep his throne.
Namely, Balthazar’s death, a demon that was like a brother to both of us.
And now, the loss of my wings and my status as a lower-level demon, a sacrifice I willingly gave to my mate who deserved everything I had to give.
Lucifer had let it happen.
He would let me die if I chose to stand against him. It shouldn’t have bothered me, but after the changes Lilith had instilled in me… it did.
Still, I realize that she had tamed my molten heart long before my sacrifice and given me feelings I’d never experienced before.
Remorse.
Regret.
Patience.
… Love.
I’ve never prayed before, but if the angel twins are good for anything, it’s learning how to worship our mate.
So I will pray to her just like I do every night.
I will pray that one day I’ll prove myself worthy of her… and perhaps it’ll be enough to save her from a second death that would ruin us all.
I saw what happened to her mates when she died. While the demon part of me drank in their misery and rage, another part of me communed with their sorrow at her loss.
I felt the change in myself.
Heartbreak.
That was the test, to believe in Lilith even when all seemed lost.
If they never forgive me for testing them like Lucifer tested Lilith, then that’s a burden I will willingly bear.
But if I’m not worthy of Lilith… If I can’t save her… then I don’t deserve to live at all.
I must do something.
My sacrifice wasn’t enough. There is yet one more thing that only I can do with my knowledge of the Underworld. I can find a lost treasure that might save us all.
That is why I will leave and find the only thing that can save her, even if it costs me what little life I have left.
A Death Lotus might be a myth, but so was ambrosia, and the angel twins can’t shut up about Lilith’s ability to create it during her time in Purgatory.
Which means if I can find the Death Lotus in the deepest pits of Hell, a forgotten location that Kaito might have unknowingly uncovered, then perhaps it’ll awaken the demon soul that’s trapped within her.
It’ll be enough to help her find the balance she needs to thrive as a Champion of Calamity and overcome this challenge.
It’ll be enough for her to survive… to thrive.
Even if it costs me my life to travel to the heart of Hell to find what she needs, so be it.
It’s worth it… for her.
My Lilith.
My queen.
My goddess… may she forgive me when I leave her in order to save us all.