Chapter 37
Silas didn’t look at me differently at meals, and to see him in the arena, and then in Master Talik’s workshop, you’d think that morning in my room never even happened.
Curiouser and curiouser. I didn’t know whether to believe my own self, especially when a big part of me was convinced that I’d dreamed the whole thing up. Because if it were true…how could I even begin to understand what he’d implied?
That I needed to ask questions, and look at records, and find out who saw the Great Clock as it did what it had been doing for three-thousand years?
Absurd. All of it, too absurd.
Then, there was March.
He watched me like he always did, but there was a different feel to his attention now.
It had gotten…colder. There was no stopping his words from spinning around in my mind at any given second, and as much as I tried to tell myself that it didn’t hurt, it did.
As much as I wanted to be glad that I had given my compassion away, this was different.
I still cared about this. I still cared about being treated that way, humiliated.
So I did my best to avoid meeting his eyes, to never once look at him, even when he was sitting right in front of me. Even when we were eating and he casually touched my arm with his, I had to sit there and take it and pretend I wasn’t affected.
It was a long day, but the last trial was tomorrow, and that’s where my focus was.
Time’s Teeth, I’d had enough of this place.
I’d had enough of picking myself apart and leaving pieces of me behind—not only in the games, but in the days in between.
I’d always thought I wanted to feel. I wanted to experience the entire spectrum of emotions, know the bad and the good and everything that lived between them, but I never knew how tired feeling could make you.
I never knew how exhausted you could really become, and now I needed rest. I needed the lake.
I needed to be by myself and break apart this tangled mess of why’s and how’s that currently had me in a chokehold.
Then I’d know how to live through it. Then I’d know how to get to the other side.
But I still had another day to go, and a game to win.
What else would I be required to leave behind in the last trial?
Master Talik sounded like he always did.
He spoke like he always spoke as he explained the ins and outs of the most basic chronobanks, and Calren didn’t leave the workshop at all, so Master Talik didn’t mention the timeometer.
I wondered why he’d try to hide that from him, but then downstairs under the mechanical garden, they’d spoken so openly about who’d loosened those anchors.
I wondered why about a lot of things.
“This is it, children,” Master Talik said when the three hours of lecture were over. The old Timekeeper brought a hand to his chest as he smiled at us, and it hit me all at once—this was our last class with him. I was most likely never going to see Master Talik again.
A bad feeling settled in my gut. Dread was a cloud floating over my head.
“Allow me to say that it has been an honor to teach you what little I could teach you in the limited amount of time we’ve had together.
You’re now better equipped to fix any gear or any clock than most your peers, and my reward is that you will carry that knowledge with you until the day you run out of time. ”
Why-why-why were there tears pricking the back of my eyes again? It made no sense. I was looking forward to leaving this place behind. I was looking forward to going home. These people were all very much strangers to me—so why did I want to cry at the idea of never seeing them again?
“I’ve had a great time with the lot of you, and if I could choose one thing to leave you with, it would be this: aim.
Aim to win. Aim to get to the finish line, for aim is intention, and intention is the only thing that gives you direction.
Once you know where you’re going, there’s very little that can stop you,” Master Talik said.
His words layered themselves in the very center of me, letter after letter.
He waved his hand. “Now, go. Go get through the rest of your day. I’ll be watching you in your last trial, and I wish you all good-timing from the bottom of this rusty heart.”
Some laughed. Some waved. Some even cried—Mimi, Helen and Cook had tears in their eyes.
“We won’t forget you, Master Talik.” Mimi.
“You’re probably the smartest old guy I’ll ever know.” Russ.
“Old? I might be a little rusty, but I am far from old, young man,” Master Talik said.
More laughter.
Words were tied on my tongue.
There were things I wanted to say all of a sudden, things I hadn’t even thought about, only felt.
Then March was there, standing in front of me when he slipped out his bench to leave, and he looked like he wanted to say something, too. Like there were words tied on his tongue as well—for me.
I wondered, how would he humiliate me this time?
A blink, and I realized—I didn’t want to know at all.
No red on my cheeks. I just turned around and left the workshop before he had the chance to say a single word.
I thought, hoped that the day was done with me—even Asha and Hector had taken it easy, had given us twice as many breaks as usual since it was the last time—but no. Because when we entered the eating hall for dinner, the White Queen was there, waiting for us.
“There you are, my little tickers! Oh, I will miss your faces so!” was her entrance line.
Even Calren was surprised to see her. He didn’t need to say that he wasn’t expecting her—the sorry reflecting in his eyes when he looked at us spoke volumes.
“Let me see you—oh, how brave. How absolutely stunning you all are,” the queen continued with that fake smile on her icy lips, her white dress in thin, light layers that moved about her when she did, like it was made out of light, not fabric.
Her hair hadn’t changed. Her crown hadn’t changed, either.
Just like the unease in the center of my chest at her proximity.
“I’m afraid I can’t stay for dinner, though I really did want to hear all about your last few days here in The Ever. The last trial is tomorrow—how exciting!” She clapped her hands together and she barely made any sound.
I couldn’t help the relief that went over me, but I did manage to hold back a sigh.
Something about the White Queen.
She came closer. “Oh, these days flew by so fast,” she said, and looked at each one of us for a tick, raising her hand as if she considered touching our faces, but thankfully didn’t.
“You’ve given us such great entertainment, and so much Sparetime,” she continued, moving down the middle of the line we’d made just into the doors of the eating hall.
“You’ve exceeded all my expectations, my little tickers.” Her eyes fell on my face next, her smile wide, fake.
I looked at her, too. Really looked at her for once, and I was almost surprised to see that she wasn’t made of plastic. Her skin had pores and lines, even wrinkles.
Which made me wonder, how old was the White Queen? How old was the Red? They’d been queens since I could remember, but when had they taken the throne of the Clockrealm?
I couldn’t remember ever hearing about it before.
“I’m sad that we won’t be able to share more meals together this time around…” She moved over—to Erith, Anika, then Silas at the end of the line. Her flinch was obvious when her eyes fell on his face. “You’re all okay. In good health. Glowing.”
The White Queen stepped back again, hands over her heart. “My sister couldn’t make it, unfortunately, but I had to come wish you good-timing. After all, tomorrow is the most important game of the trials!”
We muttered our thanks, and I wasn’t the only one who felt uncomfortable in her presence just now. In fact, none of the other Hands were looking up at her—except for Silas. She ignored him just fine, though.
“Well? Are you going to say something to your queen?” the White Queen then said with a little laugh.
Everyone spoke at the same time—yes, yes, of course. It’s been a pleasure, Your Excellency.
We’ve had a great time here as well.
We’re glad we were able to provide this much Sparetime…
We’re really sad to go, so sad…
I moved my lips, too, though I never actually said anything.
She couldn’t tell with all those voices speaking at the same time, so I got away with it.
The queen was happy—that was all that mattered.
She clapped her hands again, then blew us a kiss, her eyes jumping from face to face (never on Silas’s again, though.)
“I’ll let you get to dinner, then. You will need all the rest you can get!
I’m sure I’m not supposed to tell you this, but…
” she leaned in and put her hands around her mouth as if she really were letting us in on a secret.
“There will be two parts to the last trials—two parts!” More laughter. “Isn’t that wonderful?!”
My heart fell all the way to my heels.
We exchanged looks with the others, and they all felt the same way—no, this was most definitely not wonderful.
“Anyhour, don’t tell anyone I said so,” the White Queen said, moving around us, waving her hands as she went. “Good-timing, good-timing, my little tickers. The whole world will be watching!”
The door closed behind her, and cut off the sound of her laughter abruptly.
Thank Time.
A few sighs. A few deep breaths.
“Well.” Calren cleared his throat, pressed his cane against the floor. “Shall we eat, then?”
None of us were in a talking mood. Most stuffed food in their mouths in a rush—March, Silas and Reggie included—and left the eating hall to go rest ten minutes later.
Everyone would be going out to the garden again later—no secret there. But whether I went or not, I hadn’t decided yet.
With my stomach full, I said my goodnights a few minutes later and left the eating hall by myself—only to find March was still there in the hallway alone, kicking the edge of the wall with the tip of his boot lightly, waiting.
For me.