Chapter 32
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Selena
I lounged on the couch in our suite, my body wrapped in a silver blanket. My still-disconcerted nestmates were treating me as though I was fragile and would either break or explode at any moment.
Xylo had refused to allow me to walk back to our quarters—instructing Odelm to carry me as he hovered protectively nearby.
Kaede was, fortunately, keeping his distance.
When we’d left the infirmary, it was K’dyth who stood guard.
He’d mentioned Kaede was on the bridge and would remain until the princes were able to relieve him.
I’d been relieved—what Kaede had said still hurt, and I wasn’t ready to face him.
Odelm had pulled my legs across his lap and was currently rubbing my feet. He hadn't left my side since he woke from his sedation—one of his hands or a tentacle in continuous contact. I think the earlier episode had woken all his fears I would sever our bond.
I didn't mind his attention. He was only seeking comfort, and the little touches made me feel cared for—and comforted. I thought for a moment as he stroked my calf. Far from minding the contact, his absentminded touches spread warmth throughout my body. I’d felt the same thing when I’d first met Xylo.
It wasn't arousal. It was something else, something I’d been experiencing a lot lately around the two of them.
Xylo paced the floor of the common room.
If he wasn’t careful, he’d wear a path in the carpet in his agitation.
He hadn't said much since we’d left the infirmary.
Both of my nestmates were quiet. I didn't know if they were still shaken from earlier, or if they were upset with me.
I nibbled on the edge of a nail, unwilling to be the one to break the silence.
Xylo stopped his pacing and turned on me, his face furious.
“Selena. What in the Stars were you thinking? I need you to tell me why you did it.”
Odelm’s hands stilled on my feet. I kept my gaze on Odelm’s hands, afraid to meet Xylo’s gaze.
“I didn't know what they were suggesting would cause any trouble. It seemed like it would be helpful if the princes understood how I felt and could help when we reached the space station.”
“But why them? Why would you allow them to do something so intimate? Something only your nestmates should be able to experience with you?” Xylo demanded.
I could see his hands waving from the corner of my eye.
He was angry at me—so angry.
I shrank down in the sofa to make myself a smaller target. I waited for him to tell me what a failure I was as a nestqueen. How could I have allowed other males to do something so intimate? How could I have been so stupid to not realize only Favored nestmates should be allowed so close?
Was he ashamed of me? Did he regret bonding with me?
My heart raced, and my breathing quickened. Spots began to dance in front of my eyes.
I’d never seen Xylo like this before. Was this a side of him he kept hidden? Was this the real Xylo?
I shrank further into myself and closed my eyes, waiting for the blow.
“Xylo. She is terrified. This is your jealousy talking. Feel her. You are scaring her,” Odelm snapped.
I turned and buried my face in Odelm’s side, struggling to breathe. He wrapped his arm around me, holding me close. A sob escaped as I wrapped one arm around his chest, holding my stomach with the other.
The weight of the events of the day finally hit me.
It was too much.
I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath, filling my lungs with Odelm’s comforting, slightly sweet, musty scent.
I held my breath, soaking in his unique fragrance and willed myself to calm down.
I felt Odelm trying to balance my emotions across our bond, but since his own feelings were unsettled, he wasn’t as successful as he usually was.
The feeling of two appendages snaking around my legs broke me from my absorption, and I looked down to see what was touching me. Xylo’s vines. He knelt on the floor by my feet with a horrified look on his face. His hands hovered above my legs, shaking.
I turned to face him, dragging my hands across my eyes to clear the tears. Xylo’s eyes were sorrowful, full of regret as he searched my own.
“Selena…” he choked out, voice thick with emotion.
“The things you were thinking... I would never...” He swallowed hard and started again.
“I am sorry. I did not mean to yell at you.
What I experienced earlier today while you were unconscious is something I hope never to experience ever again.
You terrified me. When we found you unresponsive on their couch—with them collapsed beside you—I feared the worst.
“And after learning what had happened, what they had done... what you had allowed”—he swallowed again—“I was overwhelmed by so many conflicting emotions, I am still trying to sort them out. Rage they asked this of you when you are not a criminal, when you are pregnant and an unfamiliar species. Lingering pain from the feeling of the severed bond we suffered the entire time you were unconscious. I have no idea how Odelm managed all these years, frankly. Jealousy because that is something so personal—so intimate—that it is usually not done. And if it is, only a few nestmates experience it with their nestqueens. I felt robbed. Inadequate.”
Tears were once more streaming down my face, and I pressed my hands to my mouth to silence the sobs.
“Why did two males—both princes—get to experience something with you that you did not offer to share with me, your only permanently bonded nestmate? The one who has been with you since you woke up? Or Odelm? Who has always been there for you, even before you court-bonded?”
With my emotions riding me so hard, I couldn’t find the words to ease him, to explain. So instead, I leaned forward and cradled Xylo’s face in my hands, pressing my forehead to his. I focused on lowering my barriers and pouring my thoughts and emotions into my bond with each of them.
I looked deep into Xylo’s eyes before closing mine and tracing his soft lips with my own. I fell into the kiss. Odelm’s arms crept around my stomach as Xylo’s hands slid into my hair, pulling me closer to deepen the kiss.
My pulse quickened from my nestmates’ touches.
Pulling back just enough to bite his bottom lip, tasting his downy fuzz, I licked along the seam of his mouth.
He sighed and opened to my questing tongue.
A moan escaped me as I savored his sweet herbal taste.
I lapped at the inside of his mouth, his tongue entangling with my own.
I gave myself over to him, wanting to show him how I felt.
I felt Odelm slide his hands away, then the blanket was pulled free. Cool air hit my bare legs. His hand gripped my foot, working its way up my leg, and I moaned at the teasing caress.
I dragged myself away from Xylo’s mouth with an effort, panting, and focused on the exquisite sensations as Odelm’s hand journeyed up my leg. My arousal spiked, and I could feel my center getting slick with my essence.
Opening my eyes, I met Xylo’s pupilless teal ones, needing him to understand. Willing him to understand. “Xylo—”
“I know Selena. I read it. I felt it,” Xylo whispered.
Odelm’s hand froze at my knee—as if he knew how vital it was to me to speak, to resolve things with Xylo.
“I am sorry, Xylo. I never meant to hurt you. Either of you.”
“There is nothing to be sorry for. I understand now. I see what happened. But... please. Do not do that to us again?” Xylo breathed against my lips, tickling as he spoke.
“Once my cubs are born”—I hesitated, not wanting them to think I was pushing—“maybe we could try it? The three of us? I’d like to show you... if you wanted to, I mean...”
Xylo turned to meet Odelm’s gaze beside me, then looked back at me.
“I would like that, but only if you are willing.”
“I am. I hadn’t known it was possible, Xylo. I never knew I could do that. But I want to share that with you,” I murmured, turning to Odelm as Xylo’s hands released my hair. “With you both.”
I watched Odelm, trying to gauge his reaction as his gaze darted between Xylo and me. Finally, he responded, and I could hear the hope in his voice.
“Does that mean that you will accept my bonding spore soon?”
Of course, he wanted a permanent bond, probably now more than ever. I knew today had triggered bad memories for him. Having felt his panic at nearly losing me and how closely his trauma mirrored Xylo’s, I realized how much I mattered to him already.
He deserved this. And he deserved the security of knowing we were bonded—that I would not reject him.
I smiled. “Yes. How about now?”
His eyes widened in shock as his hand gripped my knee tighter. “Truly?”
I looked over at Xylo, “If that is—”
“I will claim my right as your nestmate to watch.”
“What?” I choked.
“Nestmates not copulating with their nestqueen are allowed to watch. They can aid in her pleasure if the nestbrother fails to bring her to completion. It is the chosen nestmate’s chance to prove to his fellow nestbrothers he can satisfy their nestqueen, that he is worthy to sire her next batch of offspring,” Odelm explained.
“But I am not ovulating. Umm... not in heat.”
“No, but the nestqueen accepting our bonding spore is similar. Once you accept our bonding spore, our bodies sync with yours biologically, producing our seed when you start ovulating. We only have that one chance to breed with you during that heat-cycle. Once we either perform or your heat-cycle is over, we are not able to perform until the next,” Xylo stated matter-of-factly.
“So, you can’t have sex with me until I am ovulating?” I blinked in disbelief.
“Correct. It is biologically impossible.”
I tilted my head in question. “Is that why we haven’t had sex since I accepted your bonding spore?”