Chapter 9
Us both being wired the way we are means… nothing. It can’t. Ever. —Noah Hardaway
Uncle Stan
KIDDO, are you alive? I’m getting worried.
Uncle Stan
You haven’t texted me back since yesterday.
Uncle Stan
If I don’t hear from you by the end of the day, I am taking drastic measures and sending Ezra to Devon Falls with some of that terrible Rocky Road ice cream you like.
Noah
Hey! I’m fine. No need to shout in caps or send Ezra here, I promise!!! Also, Rocky Road is amazing.
Uncle Stan
No ice cream needs that many accoutrements. What the heck is it trying to prove?
Noah
I’ve just been really busy. Milo and I spent all day yesterday setting up the center’s social media account. We already have over a hundred followers.
Uncle Stan
Kiddo, that’s amazing! So proud of you. You’re having fun out there, aren’t you?
Noah
Things are pretty good. But I haven’t seen much of the actual town yet, so Milo’s taking me on a tour this morning.
Uncle Stan
Great! You and Milo are spending a lot of time together, huh? I’m glad. He’s a good guy.
Noah
Yeah, he is. Do you think you’re going to decide to run against his mom?
Uncle Stan
Oh, heck, I don’t know. I like being a state senator.
We’re doing good work for the Pottsville area right now, and that’s all I ever wanted to do.
But Ezra makes some good arguments for launching a campaign and seeing what happens.
I’ve enjoyed being able to help the people in Pottsville.
I wouldn’t mind doing more of that across the state.
Noah
...
Noah
...
Uncle Stan
Would it bother you if I ran against Lilah in the primary, kiddo?
Noah
…
Noah
…
Noah
Hey, Milo says it’s time to leave. I’ve got to go, okay? I’ll talk to you later.
I drop my phone onto the kitchen counter in the cabin.
Milo hasn’t even made it down from the loft yet; we’ve got plenty of time before we need to leave for this impromptu tour.
Gabe told us yesterday to take the whole morning off.
“You’ve both been working too much,” he’d said when he got back from Montpelier.
“And I have to take Lou to the elementary school registration tomorrow morning anyway.”
He’d looked exhausted. He hadn’t made any headway figuring out what’s going on with all the rejected grants, and I know he and Milo are both worried.
I’ve been thinking about offering to take a look at what they’re submitting.
I worked on a grant during my externship last year, and I wonder if I might be able to help.
But I don’t want to step on Gabe’s or Milo’s toes.
They’re my bosses, after all. If they want my help, they’ll ask for it, right?
“Hi there.”
Milo’s voice sends a shock through my system, and my breath jolts in my chest as I turn around. “Hi! Good morning!” I pour a cup of the coffee I just made and pass it across the island to him. “I already fed Bear and took her for a walk. Well, she ran. I walked.”
Milo laughs. “If we’re going to keep fostering her, we should probably work on her leash manners.” He rubs a hand across his eyes as he takes a sip of coffee. “Damn, I’m tired. Wouldn’t mind heading back to bed right now.”
An image of Milo in bed, curled up across the sheets, wearing nothing but pajamas—or maybe even just boxers—makes its way through my brain, and I have to grasp at my coffee cup to keep from dropping it.
Ever since he told me about his failed relationships yesterday, I haven’t been able to stop imagining Milo in various positions: wrapping his body around mine, ordering me into bed, folding me against him on the cabin’s couch.
Living with Milo Warner had enough complications before he confirmed for me that he does like men. Now I’m probably doomed to a life of cold showers until he leaves Devon Falls.
“You could go back to bed,” I tell him quickly. “You don’t need to take me on this tour. The town’s like one street, right? I can show myself around.”
He makes a slight grunting sound that’s a little closer to a growl, and a small shiver runs through me. “No way,” he says. “Devon Falls needs narration. Otherwise, how will you know the history behind why the Farm-Acy drug store has a gorilla as its mascot?”
Okay, that does seem confusing. “I made you an egg sandwich,” I tell him as I open the oven door. “With garlic aioli and maple bacon. I wasn’t sure the combination would work, but it’s tasty.”
Milo groans as I plate the sandwich and pass it over to him. He grabs a napkin from the holder and settles down on a barstool. “Noah Hardaway, how am I even supposed to eat other food after I go back to New York? You’re spoiling me rotten here.”
Back to New York. With every passing day I spend with Milo, I find myself losing track of how many days we have left before he leaves. But that’s a good thing, right? Us both being wired the way we are means… nothing. It can’t. Ever. And we both know it.
“This is delicious,” Milo says. “Perfect appetizer to the pancakes we’ll eat in about an hour.”
I nearly choke on my bite of bacon. “We’re having pancakes? After this?”
“Yup. We’re going to the bakery too. And there’s this ice cream you should try.” He stands and brushes crumbs off the counter and onto his plate. “Noah Hardaway, you’re about to learn one of my favorite things about Devon Falls: people know how to eat here.”
“So, you weren’t kidding about the pancakes.” I squint up at the sign above the car as Milo easily slides his SUV into a parking space on the main street of Devon Falls. “This is a café. But shouldn’t we at least go for a walk or something first? We did just eat breakfast.”
“Ah, but Luis’ Café and Bar is more than just breakfast.” Milo jumps out of the driver’s seat, and before I can do anything myself, he jogs around the car to open the door for me.
He bows slightly as I step out. “Noah Hardaway, welcome to your official day of Devon Falls mini adventures. And everything in Devon Falls starts here, at Luis’ place. ”
“Cool.” I start the walk toward the entrance of the brick building… and that’s when it begins.
That slow, sturdy drumbeat in my chest. The one I’m a lot more familiar with than I’d like to be. It moves up through my lungs, and my shoulders and neck quickly turn to bricks as all of my muscles tense.
I stop in my tracks. “Um, you know,” I tell Milo.
“I’m really not that hungry. Maybe we should just skip this part of the tour?
I mean, we probably shouldn’t leave Bear alone at the cabin for too long, right?
She’s still figuring out her place here, and we don’t want her to think we abandoned her, and—”
“Chucks,” Milo interrupts. He sets one hand on my left arm. “What’s really going on? You feel comfortable enough to tell me?”
I open my mouth and then quickly close it again.
The real answer, the true one, is weak. I know that.
Ezra would call it weak, that’s for sure.
Plenty of people I went to high school and college with would call it weak.
And someone like Milo, someone who’s all strength and power and self-confidence… what if he thinks the same way?
“Chucks,” Milo says softly. His hand is close comfort on my bicep, and he’s staring at me, his eyes clear and bright. “You can tell me. I promise.”
I swallow hard, and I blurt out the truth.
“Sometimes I get weird about walking into places where everyone might turn around and stare at me. Places where large groups of people are eating tend to get to me the most.” I sigh.
“But I’ve been working on getting over this weird quirk for years, and I need to keep working. So let’s go in. I can handle myself.”
I start to move forward, but Milo holds me gently in place with his hand. He frowns. “I’m guessing this has something to do with shit that went down when you were a kid?” he asks.
My cheeks heat with sparks of shame. “Multiple therapists would say that’s the case, yeah.”
Milo nods. “And I assume being out at public events with Stan can sometimes trigger this reaction?”
I frown. “Yeah. But we’ve figured out that if he walks in front of me, smiling and waving and whatnot, no one really pays attention to me. I can kind of just breathe while he leads, and then everything’s fine.”
“Oh. Got it.” Milo grins. “No problem, then. You just walk in behind me, and I’ll play the waving and whatnot role.” He winks at me. “I may not be a politician, but I think I can entertain the Devon Falls diners while we get to our breakfast seats.”
I stare at him as I process what he’s saying.
Is he seriously offering to run point for my childhood traumas?
Is he seriously standing there, acting like it’s totally normal that I can’t even walk into a random restaurant in Vermont without him putting his body in front of mine?
“Are you sure?” I finally manage to squeak out.
He frowns. “Why not? It’s not like it’s hard to walk in front of you, Noah.
” He drops his hand from my arm and holds it out, gesturing for me to take it.
“Look, I know the world’s full of people who expect you to tamp down your trauma and just ‘act normal.’” He snorts.
“Like there’s any one definition of normal.
You deserve to be able to walk into a restaurant without stressing about the bullshit from your past coming back to haunt you. ”
I raise my eyebrows. “Really? Because I have to tell you, most people don’t just shrug and say no big deal when they hear that walking into a café gives you hives.”
Milo sends me a soft smile. “Welcome to the magic that is Devon Falls. People can be pretty come-as-you-are here. Burt Busby once wore his purple overalls to a formal wedding, and no one even blinked.” He pushes his hand toward me again.
“So, Noah Hardaway. Would you like to have second breakfast with me? Even Luis can’t touch those breakfast sandwiches of yours, but he does make a damn fine pancake. ”
I can’t help it. I burst out laughing. “Wow. You really weren’t kidding when you said you liked taking care of people, huh?”
Milo’s face changes as the smile slips from it, and he makes a slight move backwards, away from me. “Shit. Did I overstep? I overstepped, didn’t I? Got too alpha or whatever.”
“No! Absolutely not!” I move forward to take the hand he’s offering, and I draw in a deep breath. “Let’s do this. I’m ready to walk in there behind you.”
I place my hand into his, and he squeezes my palm against his own. Energy courses through my body, and a voice in my head—one that sounds suspiciously like Ezra—begs me to let go.
But I don’t. Instead, I stand on Main Street in Devon Falls, Vermont, holding hands with Milo Warner.
And neither of us lets go right away.