Chapter 16
Sparks, I’m learning, can move along a live wire a lot faster than you intended. —Milo Warner
“Are you seriously asking me to keep a secret, Milo Warner? From our mother, of all people?”
I sigh as I finish tying up the laces of some favorite black and red Reeboks of mine. “For fuck’s sake, Mia, I’m not asking you to lie to her. She isn’t exactly going to ask you if I’m dating Stan Hardaway’s son, is she?”
“Brother, have you ever met our mother? Remember when I was in the ninth grade, and she watched me walk into the kitchen and knew in under five seconds that I’d gotten my belly button pierced. I was wearing two sweaters over a t-shirt!”
I have to laugh. “Yeah, okay, so she’s got some serious ESP when it comes to the two of us. But I don’t think even Lilah Warner’s going to suss out that I’m dating someone young enough to not know what a CD is.”
“Ah, and I see you’re going to get all Milo-concerned over that age difference,” Mia says.
“Milo-concerned? What does that even mean?” I finish doing up my belt and sit down on my bed, ready for whatever lecture Mia’s about to give me.
“New term I’m thinking of trademarking,” Mia says. “It’s how I’ll refer to any one of these moments when you get so concerned about everyone else around you that you damn well forget to care about anything you might want.”
“I’d be rolling my eyes right now if you could see me.”
“Only because you know I’m right.”
I groan. “Mia, there’s shit to be worried about here, okay? We both know Noah’s history, and we both know how fucked up my life is right now.”
“Only because some politically motivated asshole fucked it up for you.”
“Yeah, and don’t you think that’s another reason for me to be careful?” I remind her. “You think Noah needs any more cameras following him around looking for scandals?”
“Sure, okay, I hear that.” Mia’s voice gentles, just slightly. “But M, here’s the thing: I don’t think either of you deserves that. And I do think my favorite brother in the whole world deserves someone who makes him excited to wake up in the morning.”
Her phrasing stops me in my tracks, just a little bit.
Did I go to bed last night thinking that kind of way?
Okay, maybe I did. Today’s Sunday, and Noah and I have some good things planned.
He’s going to show me some yoga practice he likes to do on the weekends, and we’re taking Bear to the farmer’s market so she can beg us for cheese samples.
Later on we’ll do some takeout at Thai for Two, maybe with the rest of the friend crew at Sam and Malachai’s house.
And since it’s Sunday, and we’re not on any kind of fixed schedule, I was thinking maybe we’d get up to some other things too.
I noticed something the other day, lying in bed with Noah: he never takes his clothes off with me.
Not his pants, anyway. I don’t want to push him or make him feel uncomfortable, but I’ve been trying to find a way to ask him if he’s okay with what we’ve been doing together in bed.
Half the time he’s the one pushing me down onto the sheets, but that whole clothing thing has me wanting to make sure.
There’s something else, too, that I’ve been wanting to ask him about.
After he left the town hall meeting to take his dad’s phone call yesterday, he seemed off.
Subdued. Very quiet. And he brushed me off when I asked him what his dad wanted.
I’m hoping he’ll talk to me today if there’s something he needs to get off his chest.
“You still there?” Mia asks me. Shit.
“Sorry, sis. I was just thinking.”
“What? About how excited you were to wake up this morning?”
I groan. “Okay, so maybe Ma isn’t the only one in this family with ESP. Fuck, Mia. What was I thinking, getting into this whole test-the-waters thing with him? This is all going to go wrong, isn’t it?”
“Or maybe we can make sure it goes right.” Mia’s got her lawyer voice on now, I can hear it. “Don’t try to hide this from Ma, Milo. Please don’t. Tell her and Stan. Let them help you and Noah figure this out.”
I lie back down against my bed and close my eyes. “Noah’s not ready. He’s too worried about influencing Stan’s decision.”
“Have you told him what you want?”
“Life isn’t always about what I want, Mia.”
Mia makes a noise that almost sounds like she’s hissing.
“Milo Warner. Brother, I love you so much, but someday all this self-sacrificing bullshit of yours will destroy you emotionally. What happened down in New York, with you becoming the sacrificial lamb for that bill? That was bullshit that nearly ripped apart your soul.”
“I wanted to help stump for that bill,” I remind her.
“Then there are assholes like Brad, who want you there, taking care of them, and then make you feel ashamed as hell about wanting to do it for them.” Because of course she’s still talking.
“Noah’s not like that,” I tell her.
“Okay, I hear you. I think I even believe you, given everything you’ve told me. And I get it, your dick still loves him and he still makes you bacon.”
I laugh out loud. I can’t help it. Who else but sisters can put your world into terms that stark?
“But Milo,” Mia goes on. “I need you to hear me on this: I will not stand on the sidelines and watch you get hurt one more time in your life. Noah sounds like a truly wonderful human, he does. But his dad’s COS sounds like just the kind of a-hole who ruined you before.
And Noah not wanting to tell the parents what’s going on here?
That choice seems like it could spell a hell of a lot of trouble, and keeping this whole test-the-waters thing a secret isn’t what you want. I know it isn’t.”
“Shit, Mia.” I groan again. “You know, I was excited to wake up today. And here I am, just hoping to have a lazy Sunday with the man who makes me bacon. But you just had to bring some truth into the morning, didn’t you?”
“Okay, okay.” I can hear her smile through the phone now, the one I know so well. “I get it, brother. I’ll back off, I promise. But you know all of this comes from how much I love you, right?” Her voice drops a few decibels. “I don’t want to keep watching you get hurt, Milo.”
“And that’s why I love you, sis.” I clear my throat. “So. What are you and Abby up to today?”
We move the conversation over to the horse riding lessons her partner Abby wants the two of them to take—Mia’s seriously not interested in spending her Sundays walking through horse shit, she tells me—and I let her words do some dance moves in my brain as I try and figure out the rhythm that makes them all work together.
She isn’t wrong, I know, about me putting other people before myself sometimes.
But damn. What Noah and I have here? I don’t want all that other bullshit wrapped up in it right now.
I just want to set all of that reality off to the side of the plate and enjoy the entrée that is life with Noah, and his delicious bacon, and our sneaky afternoon kisses, and walks with the dog neither of us actually owns.
My mom and dad got engaged two months after they met.
Growing up, I always thought that was bonkers.
Who gets engaged after they know someone for two damn months?
But these past few days with Noah have given me a little more insight into how fast a connection can happen between two people.
Sparks, I’m learning, can move along a live wire a lot faster than you intended.
And as much as I hate to hear her words, I’m grateful Mia’s here to remind me that sparks can be dangerous.
Mia and I talk about horse shit for a few more minutes before we hang up, and I jog down the stairs.
Noah and I already ate a slow breakfast of some oatmeal he made—and I never knew I actually liked oatmeal until today—so I start making some tea we can take with us on our next set of adventures.
I’m just shutting off the kettle as it whistles when Noah comes out of his bedroom, zipping up a hoodie sweatshirt.
“What’s today’s shirt, Chucks?” I ask him.
He laughs. “It’s just the cow pi one again. I don’t have an endless supply of funny t-shirts, unfortunately.” He walks across the kitchen and takes the travel mug I hand him. I brush a finger along his hip, and we both set our mugs down.
“We should go do some yoga,” Noah says. And then he moves up onto his tiptoes and starts kissing me.
I take hold of his waist as I settle into the moment, into the way he leans his body toward me, always looking for more touch, more sensation.
I drop a hand over the front of his jeans, and my fingers brush up against the hardness there. He whimpers.
“You get me hard just making tea,” he tells me.
I want him. I want every single damn part of him.
I want to see all of him, taste all of him, touch all of him.
I pull away from the kiss long enough to rest my forehead against his.
“I’m about to do some things,” I tell him.
“Anything you don’t like, just say the word red.
That’s all you have to say. Red. Sound good? ”
He’s looking at me a little strangely, but he nods. “Yeah. Sure. Okay.”
That’s when I drop to my knees on the tile floor of the kitchen and start unbuttoning his jeans.
He lets out a small gasp. “Milo. Oh, um. Milo. I…”
I pause as I look up, making sure my eyes are locked on his. “Do you want me to keep going?” I ask, as clearly as I can. Because I have to be sure, one hundred percent sure, that he wants everything I’m about to do.
I can see his Adam’s apple move as he swallows hard. It seems like a long time before he nods and then whispers two words. “Yes. Green.”
I let out a breath I definitely never even fucking realized I was holding onto.
Then I get the button undone, drop Noah’s jeans, and push down his boxers.
I help him step out of both, and now he’s standing half naked above me.
He’s got the most perfect cock I’ve ever seen, I swear.
It’s on the smaller side, lean and strong and standing proud between his legs.
“So beautiful,” I whisper to him. A cock like this…
it’s so fucking pretty. I know right away what I want to do, and I haven’t heard Noah say the word red yet.
So I lean over and take him in my mouth. All of him.
“Oh—oh. You’ve got my whole dick in your mouth!
” Hearing him say those words turns me on more than I ever thought possible.
I work my lips around every inch of him, memorizing every millimeter of skin, as I brush the tip of his head against the back of my throat.
He grabs for my shoulders and hangs on, and I can already tell he isn’t going to last. I add some suction to the party, run a few more circles up and down his length with my tongue, and I can feel the moment when he’s ready.
He arches up into me, and I hold on to his hips just enough to make him feel that need a little harder.
That’s when he cries out, long and loud, and his entire body shudders as I swallow down everything he’s giving me.
He’s still panting, hard, when I stand up, lift him up into my arms bridal-style, and carry him over to the couch. I lay the two of us down there, spooning him against my body. And because I’m not ready to let go of the moment we just had together, I wrap my hand back around his half-hard cock.
He stares down at the space where I’m holding onto him. “It’s like your hand is swallowing my dick,” he whispers. “Just like you just swallowed me, and—you,” he whispers. “You need—”
“I’m getting what I need, Chucks,” I tell him. “I’ve got everything I need. Right here.”
Noah’s eyes are wide, and he burrows his face hard into my neck.
Somehow, I know, something important just happened here, between the two of us.
Some kind of moment for Noah that matters in ways I don’t even understand yet.
When he’s ready, I’ll find a way to ask him.
And I still want to ask him what happened on that phone call during the town meeting yesterday, if he’s ready to talk about that.
So many unspoken conversations surround us right now. I hold his body against mine, and I try my damn hardest not to let Mia’s words from earlier take up too much space in the moment.
But no matter how hard I try to let go of her warnings, they won’t quite leave the periphery of my brain.