Chapter 42
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
Declan
At dinner the next night, everyone’s chattering nonstop as though their goal is to create even more frenzy than there normally is.
May’s asking Sam about her classes for this semester. Finn is on the far side of the living room with Gus, and though I can’t hear exactly what he’s saying over the din, I’d guess it’s something to do with military life.
Grant is standing by Eirinn and though they’re both stone-faced, they are contributing to the madness. Lily and Poppy are playing a game with Charlie that’s making him squeal and giggle, and Sisi and Rowan are very sweetly participating.
And my lovely mother is looping me into her conversation with Da.
“He’s just so precious. But how about you two go out tomorrow? We’ll watch him again. We can get all the grandkids over here for a few hours.”
Evie slipped away to the bathroom. She was standing with May and Sam. It’s more than a little pathetic I find myself watching for her to come back.
Or maybe it’s not. Maybe that’s just what it looks like to love someone so much you can hardly think about anything else. It’s consuming and seems to multiply when I’m not looking.
“Dec, honey? Did you hear me?”
I return my focus to the kitchen and pretend I wasn’t staring after my wife like a puppy. “Yes. You want to watch Charlie?”
“Tomorrow? Or Sunday after church and lunch?” She makes a face as though she needs to beg me.
“Either’s fine with me. Let me just check with Evie.” And now I have my excuse to go find her, which I do immediately.
She’s emerging from the bathroom down a hallway off the living room and beams when she sees me.
“Is dinner ready?”
“No.” I wrap my arms around her waist. “I just wanted to see you.”
She huffs out a satisfied sound and presses against me while hugging me. “Here I am.”
Her voice has an inviting quality to it that makes my blood heat. “And you’re so beautiful I might go insane from thinking about you.”
She laughs and squeezes me once more. “Well, we are newlyweds.”
She takes my hand and we wander back into the living room right when everyone is moving to sit down for dinner.
Once the whole crew is settled in, Da says the prayer and we dig into the delicious food.
Charlie’s highchair is planted between me and Evie, and his feet are kicking as he takes in the plate she loaded up for him.
“Mm. Yummy.” He dives right in.
Finn chuckles. “That’s my nephew. Right into it. A man after my own heart.” He catches my eye and we share a moment.
I haven’t seen much of Finn lately—at least not one-on-one. His easy love for Charlie hits me right in the chest.
“How is he, like, the cutest baby I’ve ever seen? Like, literally, no one has been that cute since Poppy, and he’s a boy.” The family applauds Sisi’s eloquence on the matter by agreeing that Poppy and Lily were adorable, and now so is Charlie.
“Pinn!” Charlie claps when Finn smiles at him and leans over to give him a high-five. He can’t quite manage the pronunciation, and I for one sort of hope he’ll always call Finn “Pinn” because it’s adorable.
This time, Grant and I share a silent exchange.
It’s insane to think that none of these three children technically belong to this family by blood.
Not one. And yet, they are already sewn into the fabric of the Ryans.
It’s impossible to imagine us without them.
Charlie’s been a Ryan for less than two months but I hope someday, if Evie or he wants it, he’ll carry the name. My name.
Our name.
Emotion kicks in my chest. This is why I came home. I wanted to be here, with these people. And now, I’ve been given even more than I ever could’ve imagined in Evie and Charlie.
I lean over and drop a kiss to Charlie’s head. He giggles and grins at me, a squish of mashed potatoes eking out the side of his smile.
“Who’s this?” Finn asks Charlie, pointing to Sam.
“It’s Sam. My friend Sam!”
Everyone beams at this little genius. Sam sounds more like “tham” and friend like “fwend” and in his tiny voice, it’s unbearably cute.
“And that?” Finn points to Evie.
“Mama!” Charlie grabs Evie’s hand and pats it.
“And that?” Finn asks, pointing at me.
Charlie’s head swings to me. “Dec!” He grins wide, then reaches for me. I give him my hand and he hugs it to the side of his face.
It’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever experienced and my heart is swelling in my chest, but then he tilts his head and asks, “My Dada?”
I wouldn’t be surprised if the earth has ground to a stop. My mouth drops open, but I look to Evie, who’s inevitably swiping at her eye. She grins and nods.
I lean down so I’m eye level with this precious boy and I tell him the truth. “Yeah, buddy. I’m your dada.”
Charlie beams, legs kicking, and then mutters “dada” to himself before shoving a spoonful of mashed potatoes in his mouth.
Meanwhile, more than one resident of the table is sniffling. I look up through admittedly blurry eyes to see everyone, from Finn all around to May, blinking or wiping away tears. Even Gus, who hardly knows me anymore and certainly doesn’t know Evie or Charlie, clears his throat.
“Well, that’s in the top ten,” May says, chuckling and leaning into Eirinn, who puts an arm around her.
“Easily,” Finn says. “Sorry, I need a minute.” He gives the table a broad smile, but it’s brittle at the edges. He slips away toward the hallway that leads to the bathroom.
“Okay, but we’ve got to talk about something else or I’m going to end up a puddle.” Evie’s dabbing at her eyes.
My mom launches into a story about having lunch with her friend and everyone allows for the subject change.
She’s loved having someone to get to know who seems to have the same amount of free time she does.
Kathy comes for lunch and seems to enjoy hearing all about the family since she doesn’t have much of her own.
Honestly, I’ve tuned her out a bit. I reach around Charlie’s chair to set a hand on Evie’s shoulder.
The soft look she gives me is like coming home. But better.
I came home to be with my family, but I haven’t felt settled. It’s like I’ve been waiting for something, and there’s no way I could’ve known what.
There’s no way I could’ve anticipated that what I was missing was this woman and this little boy. I was missing my family. I just didn’t realize who, exactly, that meant.
I’ve never been so grateful I came home when I did.
Of course, I came because I wanted to be closer to Ma and Da, especially in the wake of his heart attack.
I’m grateful I felt the need to focus on family medicine so I ended up working here in town right next to Evie at the clinic instead of commuting to Silverton Hospital.
And Evie’s words hit me anew. Gratitude doesn’t equal obligation. I comprehend this now more than ever before as I feel gratitude crowd in from every possible source and direction.
It doesn’t make me feel obligated to her, or my parents, or anyone else. Instead, it sets off a joyful, boundless desire in me to express and celebrate it.
The family is chatting about mom’s new friend, then about Gus, but only for a moment before he changes the subject.
He has never liked the attention on himself.
Eirinn reiterates the reason Davis isn’t there, and then we shift to listening to Grant talk about the girls’ soccer schedule.
This ignites Finn’s excitement for the adult soccer league that already started.
I opted out of this season with everything going on.
An hour later, Evie and I set off towards our home.
My heart is full, but I’ve realized one glaring issue.
We haven’t been clear about our plans going forward.
I think we’re on the same page, but we haven’t said the words.
But Charlie has. And it feels like her nod, her permission, means she and I are thinking the same.
So it’s time to speak up and tell her.