Chapter 44
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
Declan
The next few days turned into weeks of what I can only describe as bliss. The mundane moments are the ones I hold closest.
Waking up to see Evie sleeping next to me, arms hugging one pillow and legs rucked up over another.
Walking in to get Charlie ready for the day only to find him grinning with hair wild and tummy rumbling.
Carrying Evie’s bag all the way home and setting it on our kitchen counter.
Even cleaning up after the three of us is a simple joy right now. I worried I might struggle with the messes and additional stuff in my space, but thus far, the small piles of toys and occasional crumbs serve as reminders of what I’ve gained.
Along with developing our routines, we’ve also learned more about each other. I’ve gotten a glimpse of just how much Evie loves Stranger Things and her even greater passion for chocolate ice cream. And she’s gotten to know me.
I don’t know why I’ve felt shy about telling her my plans. But when I mention to her that I’ve been slowly building plans for a senior living community, she gives me one of those looks that make me grateful Charlie’s already in bed.
It’s happy and proud and makes me love her even more.
“That’s incredible. I’d love to help however I can.”
It’s sincere and there’s a prick of real excitement, like maybe I’ve said enough and she’s seen enough to catch my vision.
What a dream it would be to work on it with her.
“Does your family know about this?”
My sigh is long and filled with disappointment in myself. “No. We’re all encouraged to find something we care about and invest in it, but I’ve been a bit tight-lipped.”
“Any reason?”
“I’m not sure. Grant only just decided to fund the library.
I think part of me worried they’d feel that since the other parts of my life weren’t settled in a way they valued, I shouldn’t be deciding on that.
But I think in reality, I’ve also been a bit hesitant to fail publicly.
Or maybe to have them say they don’t understand, because that would break my heart. ”
“Settled like married?” She runs a hand along my shoulder and up my neck, then back down.
“Yes.” My eyes slowly close, pleasure from the repeated, almost mindless movement of her fingers lulling me into a daze.
It’s not that I’m touch-averse, but I don’t engage in touching people outside of work-related palpations and such, which is entirely different than affection and connection.
Of course, my family requires hugs and pats and such, but being with someone so constantly tactile makes me realize I don’t just enjoy physical touch, I need it.
Even that part of me was withering before Evie.
“Why is that? You’ve mentioned you haven’t had relationships and your family understood you weren’t really open to it. I guess I’m still trying to understand that line of thought.”
My eyes crack open to see her leaning her elbow on the back of the couch, her head propped in her hand.
“I’ve only been in the one long-term relationship I’ve mentioned, and that ended long before I realized it had.
In retrospect, I was so blindsided by the way that ended and how awful it all felt, going forward, I was scared of being oblivious.
I like things to be orderly and neat, and relationships with other human beings simply aren’t like that. So I abstained.”
Understanding dawns. “So a marriage of convenience was actually the perfect thing.”
A bolt of panic hits. “Well, yes, but not because—”
“Hold on. I don’t mean it in a bad way.” She sits up and takes my shoulders in her hands.
“I mean as in, this was the perfect way to lure you in. And maybe also your subconscious or whatever we want to blame it on orchestrating a scenario where you could claim you were in control but really we both know neither one of us had a lid on things.”
She’s grinning wide, like everything makes sense to her now.
“I guess so.” It hadn’t clicked before, but she’s right. I don’t know that I ever would’ve been bold enough to attempt dating her in real life. She’d seemed untouchable and yet I couldn’t stay away. But I didn’t think I could be what she needed until there was a very specific need I could meet.
“Whatever it was, I’m glad. Grateful.”
Her eyes are shining. “Me, too.”
The next day, the clinic is closed to patients while we do a quarterly catch-up before the end of the fiscal year, so I let Evie sleep in and take Charlie to get coffees and pastries from Corner Coffee.
Inside, May’s chatting with a customer as she pulls espresso. There’s a small handful of people already here, which is no surprise for a weekday morning, I suppose. Charlie’s chatting with me and is so excited to see May, his “Hi, May!” rings out and draws everyone’s attention.
“Hello, my little sweetie. How are you?” May grins at Charlie, and again, my heart threatens to burst.
I never anticipated the joy I’d feel when watching my own siblings interact with my child.
Maybe there’s an extra layer of satisfaction in seeing them accept Charlie so completely when they aren’t biologically predisposed to after seeing him as a newborn or because they share DNA.
But I think it’s mostly because watching them love someone I love so much is a simple human joy.
A few minutes later, I’m working on securing Charlie in the carrier I brought with me so I have hands to carry everything when Kathy approaches.
“Well, hello there.” She smiles at Charlie.
He clams up, perhaps not remembering her, or just not in the mood to perform for someone new.
“Hi, Kathy. How are you?” I don’t particularly want to stand around and talk with her in case Evie’s up, but I won’t dismiss her.
It happens too often with older folks, and multiple studies show that social interactions with other generations is beneficial for mental health and memory.
Kathy’s likely in her sixties so she’s hopefully not experiencing that dismissal yet, but either way, I don’t mind taking a minute.
“I’m just fine. I heard you had good news recently.”
Does she mean the wedding? “We’re very happy to be married, yes.”
“No, no. I mean the custody hearing. Sounds like you won by a landslide.” She inspects Charlie, who has tucked himself into my chest.
Small-town living has taught me to never be surprised when people know about my life, especially if that someone knows anyone else in my family. Since Kathy is my mom’s newest friend, I’m sure she’s hearing all about every member of our family in detail.
“Ah, right. Yes, we’re very happy with the outcome.”
I won’t say that it never should’ve been a hearing to begin with and that the fact that Trevor had been able to file a legitimate claim after what he’s done is insane, but I stop short of it.
There is a part of me that’s bracing for him to contact Evie and ask about seeing Charlie even if he can’t have regular custody, but we’ll deal with that if and when it comes.
“I’m sure you are.” She smiles, then reaches out for Charlie like she just can’t help herself. She pats his shoe, which is innocuous enough, and I bid her adieu.
Finn’s in the corner with headphones and a coffee.
Charlie doesn’t see him, and something about the way he’s bent over a notebook writing furiously with his pen makes me think we’re better off leaving him uninterrupted.
Has he already been to the farm for the day?
He likely has lessons later, and most of his personal training clients are morning and evening.
I should probably know more about his life and schedule.
A pang of guilt hits me when I remember his pained words about me having so much of what other people want.
Finn has always wanted a big family. He’s always wanted a second generation of what we’ve had.
He hasn’t said it, but I think turning thirty this year hit him unexpectedly hard.
Not that it’s old, but it’s not what he had planned.
I can relate to that.
Resolving to check in on my little brother in the next week, I grab our drink tray and bag of pastries.
Right as we’re exiting the shop, Gus walks in.
He gives Charlie a high-five and me a pat on the back.
I’d forgotten that about him, the way he’s so hands-on.
Part of me wants to make an excuse to see how it goes between him and May, but it’s time to get back.
Maybe he’s there to meet Finn. That eases my mind a bit for both of them.
Even still, after I deliver a giggling Charlie to snuggle Evie in bed, I shoot off a text to Grant.
He and I need to circle up about all of our siblings sometime soon now that my drama is over.
Eirinn and Davis, Finn, May and whatever’s going on with her brusqueness with Gus, and Mac.
My heart squeezes thinking about them all, hoping they’ll have, or have again, the happiness Grant and I have both found.