Jackson #4
A few months later, when we had settled in our new home, I decided to take a trip back to try and speak to your father.
Willow stayed back with Michael and the boys.
I told Michael everything that happened with your father and me.
He wanted to help and get us a lawyer, but I knew that I would never be able to win in court.
I was a twenty-one-year-old high-school dropout and runaway that had no support and just started making a consistent income.
Never mind the threats that I got from your dad, the Brothers, and Andrea if I tried to bring lawyers and the cops into it.
I showed up at the clubhouse, and I saw you playing outside.
I think the prospect only let me in because he was new, and I told them that I was your dad’s baby mama.
I saw you and called your name. You saw me and ran over to Andrea and hid behind her, not recognizing me.
Your father pulled me away and told me I was trying to fuck up your childhood.
That you were happy, and I was going to mess it all up.
He let me know that this was something that I didn’t want to pursue because the MC would back whatever he said, and that they would dig into me more to ruin the little that I had.
I left the clubhouse, and even though I was desperate to get you back, I couldn’t risk your father finding out about Willow, and I couldn’t risk messing up your happy family, even if that meant that you would leave me behind until you were older.
I refused to be selfish with you and force you away from the family that you loved.
Looking back, that was my biggest fear, because I would have given anything for a happy family growing up, and I am so sorry that I let this fear get in the way of fighting for you like a mother should.
Michael and I started dating three years later and got married.
He is the only father that Willow has ever known, and your step-brothers are her best friends.
Our family has been through more than any family should, especially your sister.
She is not the best with people or feelings, but that is because she has been through so much.
I know that you two will help each other grow and move on from the mistakes of your parents.
All of our kids know about you. We have found a way to include you in all of our big moments. Even if you didn’t know it, you were never left behind.
Last year, I was diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer.
It did not give me a lot of time. I wanted to do this all in person.
I wanted to hold you one more time. Please look in the boxes, they have every letter, birthday card, family photo and all the diaries that I wrote to you.
I hope that you will give our family a chance, even if it is just your sister.
I am not trying to make excuses or blame your father for everything.
What I have realized over the years is that I survived all my life, but I never had the time to grow.
I wasn’t able to have a close relationship, and that is why I threw myself completely into a relationship with your father.
I would like to say that I’m so sorry, my baby.
I’m sorry that I didn’t know how to fight for you.
I’m sorry that you were the gift given to two broken kids who had no roadmap for parenting, let alone a relationship.
I’m sorry for the time that we’ve lost and the relationship that we were never able to find.
I love you so much, and I realize that you were let down.
Most of all, I am so sorry that I can’t give you the time to digest all of this before I am gone.
I know that this will just be thrown at your feet, and that is going to be my last regret leaving this world.
But, hopefully, your sister and the rest of the family can help heal some of the wounds that the world and your father and I gave you, if you want to give them a chance to.
I love you more than you will ever know. I will always be proud of the man that you have become, and proud of whatever you will do. You were and always will be my first, greatest love. I will always look out for you.
Love always,
Mom
I put down the letter and stare at the wall. I don’t know how long I sit there, trying to process all the information. It could all be some fucked-up lie. But it all makes sense now.
I can’t believe that I had such a piece of shit for a father!
Step-cunt was worse than I knew, and everyone knew what happened to my mom?
! I have a full-blooded sister that hates me now, and rightfully so.
To top off the pile of bullshit, my mom’s already dead!
She wanted me, but the club kept her away.
This is the first time that I have ever felt betrayed by not just my blood family, but my club, too. I want to rage and kick an entire list of people’s asses. But first, I’m going to verify and go through the boxes. Then, I will confront Dad and Red.