11. Jackson #2
“You keep doing that when you’re stressed, you’re going to be the first out of the three of us to go bald.
Actually, thinking about it, keep doing it.
Maybe people will be able to tell us apart finally if you go bald and Tell stays ugly,” Gig adds to the conversation.
Tell and Ben just glare at him while the rest of us at the table burst into a laughing fit.
“I’m working on it. I feel like the retired guys are calling me everyday for updates because they hate texting.
I’ve never spoken on the phone this much in my life!
I’m almost about to give them the number to the contractor.
I feel like if the guys start blowing up their phones, my completion date will get pushed up weeks sooner instead of them calling to tell me about all the setbacks.
I mean, who can say no to a bunch of sweet old guys?
” She sounds like she started out joking, but by the end of her statement, she looks like she’s actually considering it.
“By ‘sweet old guys,’ you are referring to the group of retired mercenaries, right?” Tell asks in a curious voice.
“Well, yeah, but they’re really just a bunch of big teddy bears that killed a bunch of people for most of their lives. And they tell the best dad jokes that I have ever heard,” Willow says like it’s common knowledge.
After dinner, her brothers do the dishes with her “supervising” them, but she actually just sits on top of her kitchen island, swinging her feet and hanging out with them.
Michael plants himself next to me in the living room in front of the fireplace, looking at the pictures on the mantel of Willow and Mom.
The first one that I noticed was when Willow was sick, probably the first time because of how small and frail she looked. It’s a picture of them in a hospital bed. Willow has a bald head, and they are snuggled up, sleeping.
“I took that when Willow was seven. She had just started a new round of chemo, and Lilly was there every night for the first week. Every morning, when I would go to check on them, that’s how I found them,” Michael says in a soft voice, looking at the picture with a distant gaze in his eyes.
I noticed that he tried to hold it back every time someone brought up Mom at dinner. “She would have loved to see you here with her other kids. How are you doing with all of this? I know that it was a lot dumped on you all at once,” he adds, still staring at the picture.
I think heavily about how to say what I feel for a minute. He didn’t get upset that I didn’t answer right away, never rushing me like Griz would when I think my answers through.
“It was a shock. I wish that she would have tried to come to me before she died. I know I didn’t have the best feelings towards her, but I would like to think that I would have heard her out.”
“I understand that. It was one of the topics that we disagreed on towards the end.
She told the other kids awhile after she got her diagnosis.
I think she had to wrap her head around it, and knowing your mother, plan all of her next moves in excruciating detail.
She always had to think everything through.
“When she told the kids, they didn’t take it well.
The boys wanted to come home and help take care of her, but she made them stay.
She tried to get Willow to do more out of the house instead of taking care of her.
She said she didn’t want her kids to watch her die.
She wanted them to remember her with the same amount of life that she always had, not a version of her wasting away that would haunt them.
“She didn’t want you to only have that memory of her. She worked hard over the years to build up those memories that she left for you and wanted you to have that Mom to think of,” he says in a sad voice.
After a moment, he looks away from the picture and turns to me.
“I’m sorry that you lost her before you two could have something.
She was an excellent mother and human being in general.
She spoke about how much she wished that you could be with us almost every day.
I understand if the boys and I are too much for you to call family right now.
But I am so glad that you are willing to give Willow a chance.
She is just like your mom. She cares for everyone that’s in her circle, and she doesn’t have a selfish bone in her body.
I hope, at some point, you would be open to giving your brothers and me a chance, too.
But from what I have seen and heard tonight, you, Jackson, are a good man.
You need to know that Lilly was always so proud to be your mom.
” He plants his hand on my shoulder, squeezes it, and walks away.
I feel jealous of my “siblings” at that moment.
Not only did they have each other, but they had two parents that loved them and wanted to be around them.
They got a mom that doted on them, and a dad that gave them understanding and patience.
Parents that cared about if they got their school work done or tried to shelter them so they could have a childhood.
I, on the other hand, got a Step-cunt that was selfish and only pretended to care about me until I started making her life of a perfect family difficult.
I have Maggie, who is a spoiled piece of shit, and a dad that never fuckin’ cared about how his child was feeling, only about how I could benefit the club.
I spent the first part of my life with no one wanting me around until I could be patched in.
I love my club, and would take a bullet for any of my brothers, but I’m starting to wonder if I would have chosen this life if I was raised by Mom and Michael.
After saying goodbye to Michael and the guys, I surprise myself by offering to bring Willow to the airport tomorrow. She accepts, and I ride back home feeling settled for the first time since the letter showed up from the law office.
After getting back, I closed myself in my room at the clubhouse, still reading Mom’s journals.
Flame knocks on the door as he opens it, which, sadly, is progress for him, since he usually just walks in.
He immediately starts asking questions about my time with Willow; I know it’s killing him not to have all the details.
I usually tell him everything, but I need to work through this first. I can tell he is trying to give me space, but boundaries have never been something that Flame understands.
After I let him get out some questions, I decide to bite the bullet and invite him tomorrow. If Willow wants to get to know me, she should probably get used to Flame being around.