Chapter 19 #3
In a little voice that Attalus hated, Leita explained, “The pact means that you’re bound to me. Not as a mate, but as a subject. Your life is mine, no matter how you think or feel.”
“Well, I suppose it’s a good thing I like you and want to be bound to you, then.”
But Leita shook her head, denying his answer. Attalus drew a long breath, fighting back the frustration. She was baffling, his little doe, but he could see she truly struggled with this.
Coming round the fire to face her, he squatted down to catch her reluctant gaze.
“I can’t help but feel you’re trying to find reasons for me to hate you.
Pointing me towards an exit I’ve no intention of taking.
But I’m not the one who keeps leaving, agae.
” He didn’t say it or mean it maliciously, keeping his tone calm, but it was important she understood.
“Do you think I should want to hate you? That I should want to leave?”
When Leita raised her head, the breath hissed from Attalus’s lungs. Yes, that’s exactly what she thought.
“Oh, agae,” he murmured, drawing her down to him.
She came, blessedly, willingly, throwing her arms around his neck. Her tears flowed to wet his scales, and Attalus gathered her close, offering her whatever comfort and reassurance she needed.
“If I was ever going to hate you, I would by now.” Sitting back, Attalus crossed his legs and placed Leita in the hollow of his lap. He wrapped her up in his arms before tipping her chin up so he had her gaze. “I hated that you left me behind, it’s true, but I don’t hate you.”
“Why?” she asked, a single word that cut him to the quick.
Attalus nuzzled her temple. “Because I know what it is to hurt.”
Tears streamed down her cheeks although she didn’t sob. “I almost lost you,” she groaned, her eyes haunted. “Because I was afraid. Of losing you.” Her lips stretched over her teeth in a pained grimace.
“I’m alive and we’re together. That’s far more than I had just a few days ago. I’m more than content.”
“If I’d just…” She pushed her fist into her head, her clear frustration making Attalus’s hearts hurt.
He caught her hand in his, pulling it away from her face to kiss instead. “I know it seems we make an odd pairing. That we’re the butt of some divine joke. But the more I think on it, the more I see the sense in it.”
“What?” She blinked up at him, his words having surprised her.
Attalus nodded. “We’re a good pair, I think.
I want not just to make you happy but help you be happy, if that makes sense.
I want…to help you.” Hugging her tight, he admitted, “I haven’t been serious about much in my life, agae, but I’m serious about you.
My life is yours, Leita, with or without this pact.
So use it, keep it. Let me be your mate, your consort. Let me help you.”
“I’m scared, Attalus,” she whispered.
“I think you’d be foolish not to be.” He kissed her temple, promising her, “But we have each other now.”
They lapsed into another silence, but this one wasn’t so painful. Attalus let them both sit in it, rocking them gently back and forth as he dried her tears and crooned for her.
It was important she understood this was right where he belonged. She may sit upon a throne, rule a kingdom, but first she had him. He could be her support, her bedrock, her protector. Whatever she needed him to be, he would rise to the occasion.
He’d never felt so sure of something before. His whole life, he’d been underestimated, undervalued. Twelfth-born, useless, redundant. To her, he would be someone. Important. The chance to be so was a gift.
He tried to explain this to her, to make her see, even when words failed him.
They were deep hurts, intimate hurts, ones that ached just from being exposed to air.
But Attalus endeavored, if only to prove he meant it.
“My whole life, I’ve lacked purpose. With you, I have one.
None could be greater than serving my mate. ”
Attalus knew that she couldn’t be convinced within a moment.
One discussion, one promise, wouldn’t sway her.
Her trust, her belief in him, would be won day in and day out, building upon yesterday.
It could take all the time it needed, but one day, just as workers hauled stones and labored for years, there would be something new and brilliant built.
He could not only endure, he could build. He wanted that chance.
His hearts swelled to feel her nod against his chest. The smallest gesture, and the greatest, too.
“Thank you, agae,” he murmured before kissing her hair. He understood what a gift she was and what an opportunity now lay before him.
They sat watching the fire for a long while, letting Leita’s tears dry. When it was time for Attalus to rest, he convinced her to lay with him a while, at least until he fell asleep.
It was in the warmth of the blankets and their intertwined arms that she told him, “We’ll need to leave for Fallorian when you’re strong enough.”
He rumbled happily, nuzzling at her neck until he was pillowed comfortably by her breasts and tucked beneath her chin. “Then tell me everything about the capital, the palace, your council. I want to know it all.”