Chapter 27
In the morning, I come awake to the sound of water running, and it takes me a moment to remember where I am.
I find Felix next to me, still asleep, his hand resting on my hip. Memories of last night fill my head, making me warm all over, but my heart is heavy.
I knew being with Jasper and Felix would be hot and exciting, and it absolutely was, but I didn’t expect it to also be so emotional. And it’s not just me getting my heart involved. The way they touched me, looked at me, and said the things they said made it clear that it meant more to them, too.
They may not have labeled it like Rudy did, but we weren’t fucking. We were making love.
My heart hurts to think of Rudy and Nick. I wish I could split myself in two and be with both sets of brothers. In fact, it already feels like my heart is in pieces, and it’s never going to be whole again.
Felix stirs, opens his eyes, and smiles at me. It’s an incredible smile. What a sight to wake up to. “Morning.”
He kisses me, and those broken pieces of my heart crumble. I’m not even sure why. I feel bad lying here next to him, thinking about the Frosts. I’m never going to be able to make a choice.
Felix draws his head back, frowns, and wipes my tears with his thumb. “What’s wrong?”
I can’t speak, because if I do, I’m going to cry harder. Instead, I just shake my head.
Instead of pushing, Felix holds me, and it’s lovely, but makes me even more sad. Finally, I let out a breath and say, “I’m not going to be able to choose.”
He rubs my shoulder. “It’s okay. It’ll be clear. Now isn’t the time to make decisions.” He kisses the top of my head. “You’re not even fully awake.” His tone is light, and his easy comfort makes me smile. “Plus, you’re probably starved. What do you want for breakfast? I’ll order it.”
We talk about food for a minute, but I can’t hide the turmoil I’m feeling.
“Let’s enjoy the rest of our stay here,” Felix says. “You can think about things later.”
I nod, appreciative, but no less unsettled. I get showered and dressed on my own, and can’t help but wonder if we all might have showered together, or at least gone another round this morning, if I hadn’t brought up the looming decision.
Though they’re warm and thoughtful, the men seem to be holding back this morning. I may be overthinking, but since my heart isn’t going to be able to make a choice, all I can do is think harder and try to figure things out with my head.
Over breakfast, Jasper asks, “When can we see you again? We’d like to spend Christmas with you.”
“Our grandparents went north to visit family,” Felix adds.
I twist my napkin in my lap. “I don’t know what I’m doing on Christmas.
” I want to be with them, but I want to be with Nick and Rudy, too.
I’ve been trying to split my time equally among the brothers, but a special day like Christmas presents a problem.
Maybe the best thing for me to do is to spend the holiday alone. “I’ll let you know very soon.”
Jasper starts to say something, but Felix speaks over him, giving me a smile. “That’s okay. Let us know when you’re able.”
“Thank you for bringing me here. I had a truly wonderful night,” I tell them both.
“So did we,” Jasper says.
Later, at home, I’m still troubled, and the more I think about things, the further I seem to get from clarity. This isn’t the type of decision you can solve with a pros and cons list.
“Do you think they’ll just let me carry on dating all of them?” I ask Cupid, who’s sitting by the back window watching a single dried, brown leaf blow around on the back patio.
She turns and looks at me and meows.
“Yeah, I don’t think so, either.”
A few weeks ago, it clearly seemed that one set of brothers was naughty and the other nice, but now, after getting to know all of them better, I’ve learned they’re all a perfect blend of both, the kind of men to keep me both excited and content forever. If only I didn’t have to choose.
I crouch and give my kitty’s head a few rubs, making her purr. “I need a Christmas miracle, Cupid.”
The Frost brothers text me on Monday to ask if we can get together for coffee after work. I’m tense, afraid they’re going to expect a decision when I meet them at the same shop where we had our first date.
I could never have imagined then how these past few weeks would have gone. Even though the Winters flirted with me that day, too, I didn’t think I’d end up dating all of them … and that I’d fall in love with all of them.
“We don’t want to pressure you,” Nick says, “but we’d like to spend Christmas with you.”
“We definitely don’t want you to spend it alone,” Rudy says, somehow having read my mind.
They’re being very gracious not putting pressure on me, when Christmas is only three days away.
“I know I need to make a choice,” I tell them. “It’s almost all I can think about, but I need a little more time.”
The Winters text that night to tell me again what a great time they had with me on our overnight date.
“We hope to see you again soon,” Jasper says.
“Our day is open on Christmas, if you’re free,” Felix says. “No pressure.”
Even though I’m typically a decisive person, I’m becoming less and less certain that I’ll ever be able to make a choice between these men. I can’t keep leading them all on, though.
If I can’t choose, maybe I should just break things off with all of them, though the thought of that is even more painful than trying to make a decision.