Chapter Five
THE FLICKERING OF flames had always been soothing to Astrid. She tilted her face towards the fire, enjoying the play of golden light against the ceiling, wondering if it only appeared so vivid because something new and wonderful had just played out for her.
She shifted as much as she could with the weight of Javier’s body on hers, naked skin to naked skin, muscle and sinew against her softness.
Her fingers moved to idly run over his back.
Strange that she’d been nervous to touch him earlier, almost uncertain if she were permitted, and now, only minutes later really, she ran her hands over him as though it were her birthright.
He pushed himself up onto one elbow, removing the pleasure of his weight. She wanted to cry out because there was something so addictive about having him there. His eyes roamed over hers, as though he were reading her for cues. Reading her like an open book.
Only Astrid didn’t want to be read.
She didn’t know what he’d see, if he looked too closely.
She needed a moment to compose herself, to remember who she was, to anchor herself back to reality. She couldn’t do that when he was looking at her with such obvious attention.
His fingers moved to her cheek, stroking her gently, but gentle was the last thing she wanted.
Gentle was to risk the unravelling of even more of her boundaries, the guarding she did so carefully of her inner sanctum, her core, her heart.
Gentle was a disaster and it sure as heck wasn’t what she expected from Javier Diamandi.
Hadn’t she let this happen with him because of his power and dynamism? Because he seemed like someone who could seduce a woman and walk away without a backwards glance?
‘That was wonderful,’ she said, honestly, her tone of voice very familiar to her.
It was the way she might address the prime minister after a speech, or a doctor, opening a new hospital ward.
It was congratulatory and cool, drawn not from her heart but from her head.
The coldness made her flinch inwardly, even as she was glad to be back to normal. ‘Thank you so much.’
Also appropriate.
For as much as the intimacy and raw passion of what they’d just done unnerved her, she didn’t regret it. Not as much as she would have regretted not coming here, anyway.
Who knew what kind of sex life she’d have when she was married?
Chemistry was very low down on the list of considerations she was bringing to bear in choosing a husband.
Instead, her emphasis was on compatibility and calmness.
She wanted to find a man who’d be as undemanding as he would be uninvolved.
Having one wild, runaway sexual encounter made it easier to accept the reality she was staring down the barrel of.
‘You’re welcome, Your Majesty.’ And despite the way her voice had been pushing him away, when he did actually move to separate from her, she felt a rush of regret and a burst of longing.
A desire to beg him to come back. Instead, she watched silently as he stood and strode across the enormous room, towards a wide, high-ceilinged corridor, and disappeared through it.
Being naked on the lush rug in front of the fire had seemed fine when Javier was lying on top of her, but now that he’d left, self-consciousness crept in, as well as a comprehension of how antithetical this was to her usual state of play.
She’d got what she came for, she really should get dressed and leave. Except…her skirt. It hit her like a lead balloon that she could hardly leave in the same outfit and Javier was not likely to have anything she could wear back to the palace.
Anja would have to bring something to her, which meant Anja knowing where she’d been and with whom. Nonetheless, it couldn’t be helped.
Astrid sat up and reached for her underpants in one motion, and was about to draw them up her legs when Javier reappeared, naked except for the towel he had wrapped around his hips and slung low. The crisp white was of stark contrast to the deep tan of his skin.
Something had changed and the sensual fog that had consumed her was dissipating, leaving Astrid with an increasing sense of not belonging. Of needing to leave.
He moved towards her with an intent in his eyes that had everything skittering though. She went to pull on her underpants but his voice stilled her.
‘I wouldn’t bother.’
Her eyes flew to his.
‘Did you really think we were done?’
Her pulse leaped into her throat.
‘Oh, Your Majesty,’ he tsked, crossing the room and standing right beside her, lowering a hand for her to hold. ‘That was just the beginning.’
Her jaw dropped as temptation flared to life once more. But Astrid was returning to herself, the woman who was always in control, who prided herself on being able to keep everything and everyone at bay.
‘I should go.’
‘Should you?’
She swallowed past a thickened throat and nodded slowly, even as she put her hand in his.
‘You don’t look so sure.’ He jerked on her hand, pulling her to standing, so they were once more toe to toe. Breast to chest. She tilted her face towards his, all the breath leaving her body in a rush.
‘I’m not sure,’ she admitted. ‘That’s the problem.’
His lips quirked in a half smile. ‘Tell me more.’
She shook her head. She’d already said more than she’d intended.
‘Then let me guess,’ he murmured, linking his hands behind her back and holding her close to his body. ‘This scares you.’
Her eyes widened, her heart raced. She hated that he could see inside of her so easily, because it meant she was failing.
Keeping a cool mask in place, fooling everyone into believing she was the perfect queen they expected, was a huge part of her identity.
So why couldn’t she do that with this man?
‘You want me, but wish you didn’t.’
She pressed her teeth into her lower lip.
‘You have spent your life being able to control every relationship you have, never wanting more. Never wanting, full stop.’
She looked away to shield herself from him.
‘This is just one night, Astrid.’
Even the way he called her by his name was addictive. Being treated as a woman—no, a person—was a new, exhilarating experience.
‘I do not intend to stay in Norvenheim for longer than necessary. A couple of days more, at most. We won’t see each other again, after this.’
She told herself it was relief spreading through her at his assurance and the return of a sort of icy familiarity. He was right. That did lower the risk considerably.
‘My point is that you do not need to rush off. Take tonight to explore this. Tomorrow you can pick up the threads of your life.’
The last few words of the sentence seemed to flatten a little, with a hint of derision. As though he didn’t think her life was as she should be living. Then again, who was he to judge?
‘You’re very persuasive,’ she murmured.
‘So I’ve been told.’
She didn’t want to think about by whom or when. She didn’t want to think anything that might make her feel jealous, because jealousy was an emotional response and emotion had no place here.
‘I’ll tell you what.’ She continued to pull her underpants into place, glad for a little distance between them, because it was easier to think straight. ‘My assistant will need to bring me a new skirt. I’ll message and ask her to do that. I can’t go anywhere until then, so…’
His eyes narrowed. ‘It won’t take her long to get here.’
‘Well, I don’t have to message her right away. I mean, my phone’s all the way over there.’ She pointed across the room, to where her handbag had dropped in the haste of their arrival earlier.
‘Then let’s keep it that way,’ he said, brow raised as he scooped her up and carried her through the enormous home, towards a room with high ceilings and a king-size bed in the centre. ‘Because that was just the beginning of what I want from you, Your Majesty…’
* * *
It was almost midnight when she messaged Anja.
The sheer regret she felt as she tapped out the text was enough to convince her she was doing the right thing.
Because she didn’t want to leave. Her body was sapped of energy.
The pleasure he’d tormented her with—and yes, he’d been right, it had been a form of torment—had changed everything she thought she knew about herself, the world and the way things worked.
It was as though a barrier had been peeled back to show her something she hadn’t known existed, yet she knew this was the beginning and end of it.
She messaged Anja and then stepped into the luxurious shower Javier had prepared for her, the room steaming from the heat of water.
It ran over her body like a balm. Newly sensitive nerve endings throbbed with sensation as the water caressed her flesh.
Afterwards, she towelled herself dry then dressed in her bra, shirt and underpants, briefly contemplating trying to fashion the skirt into something useable before abandoning the idea altogether.
She padded out into the living area of his home, nervous suddenly.
Ridiculous, really, after the intimacies they’d shared.
Intimacies that brought a flush of heat to her cheeks and a tingle to her body.
The fragrance of something delicious hit her though, reminding Astrid it had been a long time since she’d eaten anything.
Lunch? No. She’d been too nervous and excited for Javier’s visit to eat beforehand, too wired and worked up afterwards.
Breakfast, then. No wonder she was hungry.
‘What are you cooking?’ she asked, as she came into the kitchen with a frown tugging at her lips. Because the meal in the pan looked gourmet, and somehow, that didn’t fit with the character profile she’d drawn of Javier.
‘A simple paella,’ he remarked. ‘I thought you might want to eat before you leave.’
Her lips tilted at the thoughtfulness of that. ‘Anja will be here soon.’
‘But you do not have to go right away.’
Was he asking her to stay longer? She ignored the burst of pleasure at that—the warmth that spread through her because of his validation. She couldn’t feel it. She wouldn’t.