Chapter Six #3
‘I don’t know how you can say that. I’ve never done anything like this before.’
‘I’m aware.’ He moved his hand to her chin, tilting her face towards his, and moving his body closer, so there was no air between them. ‘And yet you’re so good at it.’
Her heart swelled. ‘Flattery will get you everywhere.’
‘I’m right where I want to be. For now.’
For now. She took those words and formed them into a small brick of ice, to add to the wall she’d erected around her heart. It was ever-important to remember the impermanence of this. He was leaving and she was glad. She could never have borne marriage to someone like Javier.
Even now, she could see the dangers of being with him. How easy it would be to move beyond the physical and fall head over heels in love with him. Because he was too much of everything. Loving her husband was something Astrid was not prepared to do.
And your child? A voice deep inside Astrid demanded, echoing one of her greatest fears. Because of course she would love her children and in doing so, would open herself up to the kind of pain and loss she’d been running from for over a decade.
Panic gripped her and, for a moment, refused to let go. She couldn’t placate it. She couldn’t reason with it. She closed her eyes and visualised the Greek alphabet, starting with Omega, Psi, Chi, working backwards for extra focus.
‘When are you leaving?’ she asked softly, when she could trust herself to speak again.
He hesitated in what she knew was an uncharacteristic moment of doubt. ‘I’m not sure.’
Her eyes roamed his face and despite her best effort, she felt a blade of hope burst through her. ‘Oh?’
‘I had intended to be here only for a day or two.’
‘Yes.’
‘I don’t trust them, Astrid.’
Her eyes narrowed. ‘Your family?’
‘You don’t know them well enough to understand, but they are a danger to you.’
‘A danger?’ she repeated, shaking her head to dismiss that. ‘I might not know them as well as you, but I know enough. Otto is—’
‘Not who you think. Nor is Carlotta.’
‘What are you talking about?’
His lips compressed, his eyes lancing hers. She shivered at the cool expression that crossed his features. ‘Would you take my word on this?’
She did trust him, in a way she found utterly strange and scary, all at once. Anja was the only person whose judgement she never questioned, the only person Astrid trusted with her life. Until now? How could she feel such a sense of faith in a man she’d only just met?
‘It would be easier to take your word if I knew a little more about your history.’
‘They would be using you.’
‘And I would be using him.’
‘You don’t care?’
‘I have no expectations of a normal marriage.’
Javier’s finger dropped from her chin, to one of her nipples. He began to draw concentric circles around it, so her stomach pulled as though an invisible string were being tugged at. ‘Are you seriously telling me you are still contemplating marriage to my brother?’
No. In her heart of hearts, she’d dismissed the idea almost as soon as Javier had warned her off the first time.
But she’d certainly known, for a fact, that she couldn’t marry Otto once she and Javier had slept together.
But to admit as much to Javier was to admit more than she was comfortable with.
It might make it seem as though she wanted more from him and from this relationship.
It might, in short, open her to hurt and Astrid avoided that like the plague.
‘I think we shouldn’t have this conversation.’
His fingers moved to her nipple and squeezed it sharply, so her hips bucked. His eyes narrowed with knowing certainty even as his hand crept lower, over her flat stomach.
‘Do you like sleeping with me, Astrid?’
She sucked her lower lip between her teeth to stop herself from admitting how much she liked and craved it. How much she craved him. He moved his hand between her legs then, his fingers brushing her sex, so she couldn’t help but cry out.
‘I’ll take that as a yes.’
She groaned softly.
‘I will not sleep with you again if you intend to marry my brother.’
Her stomach twisted. She wanted to cry out. ‘You’re leaving anyway,’ she pointed out. In the back of her mind, she couldn’t help but wonder why she was being so stubborn. Why not just tell him the truth? That the idea of sleeping with two brothers made her insides twist and not in a good way.
‘What if I were to stay for the holidays?’
Her eyes widened as the possibility unfurled before her like a magical golden path of pleasure. His fingers slid inside her warm, moist sex and she whimpered. Nerve endings that had only just started to come back to earth suddenly flirted with heaven all over again.
‘What if I were to stay right here, doing this, with you, whenever we could make it happen?’
Another guttural, animalistic sound emerged from deep in her throat.
‘All I would need is your assurance that the marriage to Otto is off the table. Once and for all.’
‘Are you jealous?’ she managed to ask, surprised that even then she was capable of offering something slightly pithy in response. After all, he was using her own body against her. Her innocent, inexperienced desire was being manipulated to his ends.
He moved quickly then, withdrawing his fingers from her sex and bringing his body over hers, one hand braced on either side of her face. ‘He would make you miserable, Astrid. I’m trying to protect you from a fate you can’t comprehend.’
His certainty was undeniable. This was not jealousy then, but something else. Protectiveness? Her insides softened at the thought of that. How long had it been since she’d had someone to look out for her, besides Anja?
And how dangerous was it for Astrid to want it?
‘I hated seeing him talking to you,’ Javier muttered. ‘I wanted to storm across the room and throw you over my shoulder, to hell with the cameras. I wanted everyone in that room to know that you, Queen Astrid Thyra of Norvenheim, are utterly and completely mine.’
She surrendered to that even as she fought it. What a strange duality to know that he spoke a truth she couldn’t accept.
She pressed a hand to his chest, needing—for the sake of her survival—to get this out properly.
‘I am not yours,’ she contradicted, wishing the words rang with more confidence.
‘Any more than you are mine. And I will only allow you to stay if you agree that this is purely physical. I am not interested in a relationship with you, Javier. I’m not interested in anything other than sex. Understood?’