Chapter Thirteen
IT HAD ALMOST destroyed him to leave her. Seeing her cry, knowing he had the power to drive that grief from her, knowing she’d only acted as she had to, to protect herself, as she’d learned to act because of her grief.
But Astrid wasn’t the only one who’d been hurt.
She wasn’t the only one who’d built a protective mechanism.
Javier had done exactly the same thing. For the first time in his life, he’d let his guard down, only to have every rejection dealt to him anew.
It had cut so much more sharply, coming from Astrid.
It was a wound that had widened and festered and turned to a form of toxin in his blood, so his every thought was now bitter and angry.
Except…except when he thought of Astrid and it was like the sun bursting from behind the clouds.
Even now.
Especially now.
I love you with every part of me.
He pressed his head back against the leather of his car seat, staring straight ahead with a heart that was thumping too hard to be healthy.
With a feeling in the pit of his stomach that he’d done something really, really stupid.
Worse than what she’d done, because he’d caught her off guard.
Javier had come here prepared to see her and she’d risen to the challenge.
She’d offered her heart and he’d rejected it.
He’d broken it, just as she’d broken his, only that had never been his intention. He’d come here because he couldn’t bear to think of her believing he’d moved on, because he hadn’t wanted her to suffer. He hadn’t wanted her to hurt.
And now, she was, all because of him.
Fuck.
‘Go back to the palace, Enrique,’ he said quickly. ‘Go back immediately.’
* * *
The only reason she’d stepped into the shower was that it offered a way to absorb her sobs.
Her tears were falling unchecked and the water running over helped to cover that, or at least to make her feel less flooded with grief.
She pressed her back against the tiles and stared out at the bathroom, the pain in the centre of her chest growing with each second that passed.
There was nothing for it. She simply had to exist, minute to minute, day by day, until eventually she could function with a semblance of normality.
But it was over.
Absolutely and completely over. He’d left no room for negotiation, no hint of promise. Javier didn’t want her any longer. It was done. All because she’d ruined it.
A noise sounded, surprising her out of her state for a moment. ‘Anja?’
She frowned when no answer came, flicked off the water and immediately felt the tears still pouring from her eyes. She grabbed a white fluffy towel and patted her face, her body, then wrapped herself in a robe and stepped into the bedroom of her apartment.
To see Javier standing in the centre, hands on hips, glaring at her with such a spectrum of emotions on his features it took her breath away.
‘That was a mistake,’ he said, shaking his head and moving to her.
This time, he pulled her to his chest and wrapped his arms around her, just like she’d needed him to earlier. She sobbed, pain from his rejection still heavy in her chest.
‘Don’t cry, querida. It’s the last thing I want.’
She couldn’t help it, though.
‘Walking away from you isn’t the answer to anything. We have to make this work, even when it scares the hell out of both of us.’
Her lips parted at his words, her brain screeched in confusion. It was the last thing she’d expected him to say. ‘I’m—I beg your pardon?’
‘I am completely absofuckinglutely head over heels in love with you. There is no way I can walk away from you again, if you feel the same way.’
‘I do,’ she said, nodding quickly. ‘I absolutely do.’
He cupped her cheek, dragging a thumb over her lower lip. ‘Please don’t cry,’ he commanded.
She nodded, but tears were still sliding from her eyes, the emotions too heavy and hard to ignore.
‘It’s just too much,’ she whispered.
‘I love you, Astrid, and that means understanding you. Understanding why you are the way you are. I knew you were scared that day and why. I should have given you space to come to terms with what I was offering, instead of letting my own feelings get in the way. I told you I loved you, but failed at the first test of that love. I deserted you when you needed me most. That day, I made the worse mistakes, not you.’
She bit into her lower lip. ‘You were hurting. You offered me your heart and I acted as though it meant nothing, when that couldn’t be further from the truth.’
‘But I understood why and I should have—’
‘We both should have done a lot of things differently,’ she said on an uneven laugh. ‘Let’s not fight over who has more blame.’
His eyes sparked with hers.
‘All I care about is what comes next.’
He held her close to his body, so she felt the way he sucked in a breath. ‘Well, I have it on good authority that you need a husband,’ he said. ‘And I happen to know that the greatest honour of my life would be in making you mine in front of the whole world, Astrid.’
‘I am yours,’ she said softly. ‘And always will be.’
‘Then what do you say to making it official?’
‘I say yes, with every single breath in my body. I say absolutely yes.’