Chapter 33
Thirty-Three
“I don’t want to stay here.” Tansy looked around the abandoned farmhouse and stuck out her bottom lip. “It’s dirty and smells like rot.”
“We’ve stayed in worse places,” Finn said tightly. “After we rest for a few hours, we’ll decide what to do.”
Dawn was breaking. After Owen had thrown her out, she’d gone back to Pell House.
There’d been no time to grieve the loss of her love: in a fit of rage, Owen might send the authorities after her.
She’d shut down her emotions and taken charge, instructing the Hawks to pack what they could carry.
Under the cover of darkness, she’d led their flit from Chuddums.
Now they were on their way to London and had found this tumbledown shelter. Beggars couldn’t be choosers. Something ran over Finn’s foot, and she jerked.
“There’s mice here and cobwebs. I hate it. I want to go back to Pell House. I want Mrs. Thornton’s pie.” Tansy’s voice rose. “And Mr. Duffield promised me ribbons!”
“Hush, Tansy,” Nell said. “The Harringtons know about our scheme and might have sent the constables after us. We had to leave.”
“This is your fault!” Tansy shouted at Finn. “You spoiled everything!”
“It wasn’t me.”
Finn turned accusing eyes on Caleb, who’d been at Pell House when she arrived. With the impending danger, there hadn’t been time to confront him. Now the floodgates opened, the emotions she’d been holding back pouring from her in a frothing rush.
“This is Caleb’s doing,” she spat.
He paused in the act of laying down his blanket next to Simon’s.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
His shifty gaze confirmed her suspicions.
“You told Carver about the ring. That is why he sent his men to steal it from the Harringtons,” she said with trembling fury. “At least have the guts to own up to your actions.”
“Fine.” He straightened. “It was me.”
“How could you betray me?” Finn yelled. “Betray us?”
“You left me no choice!” he yelled back.
“After Carver’s lackeys tried to abduct Tansy, someone had to do something.
Your plan of sticking your head in the sand and pretending that we’ll work together with your lovey-dovey lord and his family was bloody claptrap!
Carver is going to keep coming after us until he has what he wants.
So, yes, I made a choice—the one you should have made.
After you all went to the manor, I went after Carver’s men. ”
“How…how did you know where to find them?” Nell asked.
Caleb shrugged. “There’s a coaching inn favored by the rough-and-ready crowd.
Sure enough, they were there. I told them about the final clue—and about the ring being kept in the study of Bottoms House.
We made a bargain: they could bring both back to Carver as part of the payment for Iris’s release, with the rest of the jewels to follow. ”
Finn’s chest clenched as he voiced her worst fears.
“You’ve doomed us,” she whispered.
“I saved us. Bought us more time,” Caleb argued. “When Carver receives the ring and final riddle, he’ll know we’re carrying out his orders. Iris will be safe. We’ll all be safe—”
“Carver means to kill Iris.” She threw up her hands in frustration and despair. “To kill us. We know too much, and the only reason any of us are still alive is because he needs us to find the treasure.”
“You’re lying.” Caleb’s throat bobbed. “If you believe that, why are you trying to find the treasure?”
“Because having the treasure in hand is our only leverage! Our only chance of saving Iris and ourselves. But now you’ve given him the ring and the final clue, whetting his appetite for the rest. Knowing that greedy, impatient bastard, he’ll come to Chuddums and try to find the jewels himself.
If he succeeds, he will kill Iris and the rest of us. ”
“You’re wrong.” Caleb’s face looked pale in the watery dawn light. “I specifically said that I was exchanging the ring and final clue for the safety of all the Hawks—”
“And you think I have gone soft?” Finn’s laugh was harsh. “When have cutthroats cared about honoring conditions? Use your bleeding noggin. You’ve removed the only power we had in the situation. Thanks to you, Carver will now see us—and Iris—as dispensable.”
The sudden panic in Caleb’s eyes revealed that she’d hit her mark.
He balled his hands. “At least I tried to save Iris. Which is more than you’ve been doing.”
“I’ve been doing everything in my power to—”
“To snare that lordling of yours,” Caleb snarled.
“He is all you care about. You’re supposed to be our leader, but you think only of yourself and your own selfish desires.
Do you even recall our motto, Finn? No Hawk flies alone—but you’ve been doing it the entire time.
Sneaking around with your lover, keeping your visions secret, and making plans without consulting the rest of us. ”
“That is not true,” she said desperately. “I tried to do my best for all of you!”
“Your best? You’ve made us forget who we are.”
One by one, Caleb gestured at the Hawks.
“Take Simon. He looks like a clodhopper with that stupid straw hat he wears like a crown. He doesn’t realize that the haberdasher gave it to him out of pity—that the villagers all pity him. To them, he’ll always be an outsider, the way Felix Pearce was.”
Looking stricken, Simon ripped off the hat and ducked his head.
“And Nell,” Caleb continued. “You bought her a shawl, and now she thinks she could be that farmer lad’s sweetheart. But do you think he’ll want her when he learns she’s a bastard some whore dumped at an orphanage?”
A pained sound left Nell.
“Then there’s Tansy.” He sighed. “She’s the apple of everyone’s eye in the village. You’ve fooled all those bumpkins into believing she’s a sweet and harmless little girl—but we know that ain’t true.”
“I am sweet,” Tansy said, her voice wobbling.
“Do you know what your worst failing is, Finn? You taught us to deceive ourselves.”
The statement flew true, piercing Finn in the chest.
“All these years, we survived because we had no illusions about how cruel life is to people like us. We survived because we had each other. But you—you broke us.”
Caleb’s accusation widened the crack in Finn’s heart, and one by one, her failures bled out.
Everything was her fault. She’d thought herself so clever, but she hadn’t found the treasure.
Iris was still in danger. Because of her, Xenia had been held at knifepoint.
Owen despised her and never wanted to see her again.
Even Finn’s own gang was turning on her: she saw the doubt on Nell and Simon’s faces, the stony condemnation on Caleb’s.
She wetted her lips, wanting to defend herself.
But no words came out.
“There is only one thing left to do.” In that instant, Caleb snatched the reins from her. “We Hawks do not leave our own to languish in the enemy’s hands. If Carver will not release Iris, then we will have to break her free.”
“No.” Panic gave Finn back her voice. “The idea is madness, Caleb. You’ll be headed to your own grave and taking everyone with you.”
“Whatever happens, Hawks fly together,” he declared. “We’ll return to London and strategize our attack. Who is with me?”
In horror, Finn watched as Simon raised his hand. Nell did the same.
“Tansy?” Caleb prompted.
Tansy shook her head, moving closer to Finn.
“Please don’t do this,” Finn pleaded. “I know I’ve let you down, but you’ll get yourselves killed and Iris too—”
“Collect your things, Hawks.” Caleb cut her off. “We’re leaving.”
“No, listen to me. You’re making a mistake! I’m begging you—”
Finn tried to bar the path, but Caleb shoved her aside and strode out. Not meeting her eyes, Nell and Simon followed him.
Finn stood there numbly. It took her a moment to register that Tansy was pulling on her sleeve. The girl’s gaze was wide and worried; she’d never looked so young—so lost.
This is all my fault. I’ve let everyone down. The Hawks—they’re going to die because I failed.
“What do we do now?” Tansy whispered.
“I-I don’t know.” Finn’s eyes filled with helpless tears. “God help me, I don’t know.”
Finn hadn’t meant to fall asleep—hadn’t thought she could, with the fears swirling in her head.
But Tansy needed rest, so she’d spread blankets in the cleanest corner.
Tansy was soon dozing, and Finn sat beside her, resting her head against the wall and intending to keep watch.
Yet her eyelids grew heavy, her head lolling as exhaustion claimed her.
She didn’t know what made her open her eyes—if it was a noise or simply a feeling. But she found herself staring at a familiar figure. As beautiful as ever, Rose glowed with otherworldly light, her hair rippling as she came closer.
Finn rubbed her eyes, and Rose was still there.
“Am I dreaming?” she whispered. “Or is this a vision?”
“Does it matter, my dear?” Rose replied. “I am here.”
“But you haven’t been.”
Finn bit her lip; she hadn’t meant to sound accusing.
“You had to find your own path.”
“I could have used your help.”
“I did what I could. I warned you the last time, didn’t I?”
We both lose what we love to save it.
“I’ve lost everything.” A tear escaped, sliding down Finn’s cheek.
“I tried to rescue Iris and to protect Owen’s family.
But I failed at both. Now Caleb took Nell and Simon to face Carver—and they’ll end up in Carver’s clutches just like Iris.
They won’t listen to me. There is nothing I can do to stop them. ”
“No,” Rose agreed. “They’ve made their choice.”
“And Owen.” For the first time since his rejection, Finn let down her defenses and allowed herself to feel the agony of the loss.
“He…he despises me. And I cannot blame him. I did lie to him about my true purpose. I did pretend to be something that I am not. But the one thing I didn’t lie about was…
” Her voice caught in a sob. “I love him, Rose. With all my heart. He’s everything I could ever want, and I would have given anything to be with him—but I had to protect Iris and the Hawks too. ”
“Life is full of difficult choices.”
She buried her face in her hands. “I’ve made all the wrong ones.”
“I felt that way once.”
“Everyone left me. Except for Tansy.”
Swiping away tears, Finn looked over at the sleeping girl, whose small cheek was still bruised from the smacking the brute had given her.
“I don’t know if I can keep her safe,” Finn said miserably.
“You can. You can keep everyone safe.”
“How? Please tell me. I will do anything!”
“You have the answer. You know what you must do.”
“I don’t know,” she said brokenly. “There’s no one to turn to. I-I’m so alone.”
“That, too, is a choice, isn’t it?”
At Rose’s gentle, knowing smile, Finn felt pain well up from a deep, buried place.
“Caleb said I was selfish,” she whispered. “That I acted on my own because I didn’t care about them, but that’s not true. The Hawks are my family. I care about them too much.”
“Then why did you fly alone? Why did you distance yourself from your gang? And from the man you love?”
You’re no good to anyone. No one loves you, and you’ll always be alone.
Finn’s throat dried; she couldn’t speak.
“You’ve never been truly on your own.”
Rose reached out, touching Finn’s pendant. The heart glowed and gave off a tender vibration.
“Understand your fear, Finn. Face it. Only then will you break the cycle.”
With a gasp, Finn opened her eyes.
She was still sitting in the corner of the farmhouse, Tansy curled up beside her.
She didn’t know how long she’d been asleep…
if the visit with Rose had been a dream or a vision.
Yet as she became fully alert, she felt a lifting in her chest. She touched her tin pendant and felt a faint, stirring pulse.
The truth blazed inside her; as Rose had promised, it gave her the answer she’d been looking for.
“I know what I have to do,” she whispered.