Chapter 5
Lily
" M om." I approached her with caution, keeping my voice low, needing to do anything but overwhelm her. The nurse also took her time and joined her on the sofa.
She stared ahead, shaking.
"Mom," I whispered again, searching her eyes and stroking her arm.
When her eyeballs shifted to regard me, I let my whole body relax. I would deal with Ryan later, but right then, I needed to make sure she stayed with us.
The door swung open and the hairs on my skin stood up the way a cat's back raises up when it senses an attack. I spun around, relieved when it was only Ethan, not Ryan. Was that what my life was going to look like with Ryan now? Scared and on edge all the time? I couldn't manage that on top of everything else I had going on. They were supposed to be my safe space, not adding more trauma to my life.
"I brought the food." He handed me a hefty homemade burger in Tupperware. His shoulders were tense and he avoided eye contact with my mom. Still, he managed a smile for my benefit. In light of what Ryan had just done, my heart bloomed in gratitude and appreciation for Ethan.
"Thanks." My cheeks flushed as he mouthed, 'no problem' and exited the room. "Look, Mom. Aren't you dying to sink your teeth into this bad boy? Damn, Ethan really went all out for you, didn't he?"
"Oh, he's such a kind man. Let me go and get you a knife." The nurse grinned at me.
This burger was big enough to serve three people.
"Yeah, you can't have too much at once. Plus my mouth is watering..." I smiled.
"Have it. I don't want it." My mother frowned at the sandwich as if it had just farted.
"Not in the mood for burger? Want to stick with the soup for now? I could probably ask one of the guys to run out and..." I was rambling, grasping at something positive.
"I don't want it. I don't want anything from those men," she scowled.
I mean, who could blame her after the way Ryan had carried on?
"He's not always like that. They're all pretty sweet." I gulped, wondering if I could still group Ryan into that 'they'.
I didn't want to have to lose him. My belly hurt at the thought. All of a sudden, the burger didn't look good anymore.
"Was he right? Is Terry dead?" she whispered, more to herself than to me.
Grinding my teeth, I reached for her hand and cursed Ryan out again in my head. "Yes. You don't have to ever worry about him hurting you again."
She pulled her hand away from mine. "He'd never hurt me."
I couldn't help the scoff that came out of my mouth. I knew I was supposed to be all, "yes, Mama", "whatever you say, Mom" right then but she was taking the delusion a little too far.
She flashed a look my way.
"I'm sorry," I muttered.
She grimaced. "You're glad he's dead too, aren't you?!"
Well, um, obviously.
I didn't respond.
"They've got you convinced of all kinds of bullshit. You always were gullible." Excuse me, air, where art thou? I narrowed my eyes at her downcast head.
What did she just say?
My throat hollowed and I swallowed against my closing airway.
With a deep, forceful breath, I nodded. "Mm-hm. Mom, you know you should really eat something."
She raised her hand to slap the food away and I moved it just in time.
"No!" she screamed. "I said, I don't want it. They'll only try to poison me."
"What?" My brain rattled around in my head. I thought I'd like to take a step outside of her distorted reality please. My brain cells were crumbling away into powder. "Mom, what? Look." I sighed and raised the burger to my lips.
Her eyes bulged out of their sockets.
"Stupid girl." She grabbed my hand. "Can't you see? They'll kill us like how they killed Terry."
What a crock of horseshit. Biting down hard on the inside of my cheek, I managed to keep myself from screaming out laughing.
"Okay, mom. You've been under a lot of stress. Especially today." Heartburn crept up on me at the thought of Ryan's contribution to her stress. I was going to rip him a new one. With my words, of course. No matter how much I'd like to staple his mouth shut and prevent him from uttering a single word for the rest of his life. "Let's get you into bed. If you're not going to eat, you might as well get some rest and we'll take you in to see the doctor after. Just try to calm down."
"Bed? Rest? Here?!" My mother scoffed and launched to her feet, punishing her wiry legs as they struggled to take her out the door. "I am not staying under the same roof as these murderers and let them put a pillow over my head while I sleep. Get my shit. I'm leaving."
"Woah, woah, woah! Mom." I hurried after her.
"Mrs. Thornbread, it would be advised that you at least eat something." The nurse gestured to her stick-thin body.
A fan breeze was all it would take to set her off flying. She'd be sore afterwards, putting that much pressure on her legs. To be fair, she should have been sore now, after holding her body in such an uncomfortable position for so long. But she was too caught up in her delusions for any of it to matter.
"Mom, that's just the stress talking. Think about it. They have helped me feed you, lived with us for a while, combed your hair, took you on walks, and you're still here, aren't you?" I stroked her lower back.
She pondered.
"No one is going to hurt you. Certainly not them. I promise you, mom. They're the sweetest men I have ever met. I didn't know men like them existed." I smiled at her.
She didn't smile back. "Listen to you. Singing their praises. Yes, I'm alive because I wasn't a bother to anyone. I kept my mouth shut. You could leave me alone and forget about me while you got up to all sorts of nastiness." She curled her lips.
My cheeks flushed and a smidgen of guilt festered. We weren't always careful and now I could die at the thought that she heard everything.
I shifted on my feet.
"But now, I will not keep my mouth shut. Not until the world knows the truth. That they're wolves in sheep's clothing, and they took my sweet Terry away." She broke down, sobbing.
Okay, now she was testing my patience. "Sweet? Sweet Terry? What are you talking about? Didn't you hear anything Ryan said?"
I couldn't believe I was defending his actions and even referencing him, but he wasn't lying. She had to know that. There was no way she could go out there spreading lies about my men, when Terry was the bastard. Why was she refusing to see that? It was one thing if she wrapped herself in her delusions to help her readjust to real life, but when her delusions threatened the life of someone else, that's when I had to take a stand.
"Terry and his accomplice kidnapped me! Mom, they could've killed me for money. How can you defend him?!"
"The same way you're defending Ryan." Mom fired back.
"It's not the same thing. Ryan is just going through something." I waved her concerns away. "He's never done anything remotely close to all the shit Terry has done! Damn it, mom. You might not give a shit about what he did to me. But look at what he did to you. Ryan isn't like that." My anger poured out of me, hot and strangled. I shouldn't have been arguing with her.
"Are you sure about that?" My mother taunted.
"Yes. I'm pretty damn sure. Not all men are as fucked up as Terry Thornbread. And I'm sorry you can't see that these are good men whose lives you want to ruin." I should have stopped.
While I was ripping Ryan a new asshole, I should have remembered to do the same for myself.
"Ha! So you think you're better than me? Is that what this is? In your fancy house with your fancy men." She scowled at the breathtaking beauty surrounding us. This guesthouse could be all hers if she'd just let go of this ridiculous notion about my men.
"You're unbelievable." I massaged my temples and eyed the door. It was best to leave her with the nurse. I couldn't be responsible for her recovery. This was all too personal for me.
"You're blind if you can't see it, you know. It's as clear as day that he has a temper and we know that Terry had a way of getting on people's bad sides. I'm not saying the man was a saint. But at least I knew him. You're living in a make-believe fantasy world. I pity you," she said to my back. "If you want to disrespect your father's life and stay here with his murderers, be my guest. But I won't. I'm leaving."
I took a deep breath. The door was right there. My escape was a couple steps away.
Oh, fuck. What was I doing?
"Do you hear yourself, woman?" I spun around and tapped my head. "Disrespect his life? He kidnapped me! Tormented both our lives for as long as I've been alive. That's almost thirty fucking years. I don't know why you'd want to go back to that hellish house marked with the memory of him. I'm glad he's dead. I'm glad Terry Thornbread no longer walks this earth."
Fuck. Shit. Damn it. I said all of that without a drink, as opposed to Ryan.
Before I could say anything more, I spun on my heels and marched out the door.