Chapter 14
Ryan
T he darkness of the Airbnb welcomed our silence. What was left to speak about? Today had been an emotional rollercoaster, and I was left drained. We'd only be saying the same thing to each other anyway, because that's all we were good for. Talking to fill us with purpose during a time when we were helpless, yielding no results. I grabbed a few beers from the fridge and found the energy to hand some out.
The corner of the room called me to it and offered me a promise of solace. There, I drowned myself in alcohol and clutched the only thing I had left of Lily. Photos.
Her smiling face morphed into a frown. Her eyes begged me to find her, and I chugged my beer to drown out her sobs. I berated myself for sitting there and running away through drink, but I didn't know where else to look, who else to talk to. I'd exhausted all options.
Lily was somewhere, and all that was left to hope for was that she was still alive. Alive and suffering. Alive and desperate to be found. Alive and lost, somewhere no one could hear her voice. Slowly rotting away while I was here, drinking beer. I'd change places with her in a heartbeat.
I wished I could snap my fingers and make it so. Why the hell wasn't that an option?
"I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help," Tyler broke the silence.
I looked up to find that the rest of the guys had all retired. Great, so I was the one left to have a conversation when my tongue was too heavy to speak.
"Yeah," I managed. "Thanks for trying." I cracked open another beer.
Tyler cleared his throat. "It's not over, you know. I'm still here if you need me, and I'll keep an ear out."
"Yeah." Again, that's all I managed.
"I better get going." He hesitated, but I tipped my beer toward him, sending him off.
I understood he was trying to be a friend. After all, my best friends were going through the same thing. That's what happens when you're all desperately in love with the same woman and she's been taken away from you, in danger and there's nothing you can do about it. Helpless together. How the hell were we going to get each other through this?
The door closed and the silence and darkness wrapped around me. His absence triggered regret for sending him away. Now I was left with nothing but the demons in my head. Must be what Lily was going through, except she had nothing to numb the pain with.
I'm not a praying man, but I bowed my head in prayer. It was about the only thing I had left. Still, I wasn't sure if prayers would help someone like me. I didn't know if I considered myself a good person, considering the events of the day. But I was desperate.
Besides, the prayer wasn't about me. It was for Lily and her safety. Surely, a prayer from a 'bad man' was still worth listening to. Unconvinced, I downed my last beer for the night. With nothing left to do, I took myself upstairs, deciding on a shower. I didn't know why since I didn't have the motivation to get clean. Instead, the floor of the shower became a lapidation ground; the heavy flow of water pelted holes into the top of my head.
Outside the bathroom, Eric shouted. "Guys!"
I jumped up, almost slipping and crashing into glass and tile, as I clawed at hope for some good news. Rushing out of the bathroom with the towel around my hips, I met with the rest of the guys in the hallway. Eric's eyes were filled with tears.
"My mom and dad are on the news," he choked. "They've managed to convince the media to make this a priority and they've launched a search and rescue mission." He sobbed. "They've even forced the police into action. That's something, right?"
"Something? That's more than we've had for the past couple days." My body shook and tears bubbled out of me.
We weren't the only ones fighting to find Lily, and I couldn't express how much weight that lifted. Overwhelmed, I pulled him into a hug and we sobbed like big baby girls on each other's shoulders.
Ethan and Matt hugged each other. We all howled in the hallway as if we were sending out a call to our pack to find Lily and bring her home. Pfft. As if it were as alpha as that. We gathered ourselves because our masculinity wouldn't allow us to collapse with vulnerability for too long; subconsciousness crept its ass in and pulled us away from the one moment of actual solace we'd had since Lily had been gone. "I know you're worried about your parents' mental health. How are you doing?" Matt grunted and placed his hand on Eric's shoulder.
"I don't know how to feel. I'm relieved that Lily has a literal army out there looking for her. And I'm terrified my parents are putting their lives at risk by putting their faces out there to lead this. Even if they aren't on the actual site." Eric rubbed his forehead; weight gathered on his shoulders and pulled them down. "I can't lose Lily forever. I can't lose my parents either. What if this triggers them? They're too involved. I only hoped they'd pass the information on to their colleagues."
"Your parents want to help. Trust that they have a team of supporters around them who will help keep their mental health in check." I attempted to assure him even though I couldn't know that. What else was I supposed to say? I wanted Lily home and this was our only lead.
"Yeah." He shook his head. "I'm sorry. I need to call them." His hands trembled and he stalked away from us.
"We're right here. As a matter of fact, put it on speaker," Ethan called after him.
Eric paused, looked at us, and hurried into his room to speak to them in private. We waited outside the door. This was a shitty situation for everyone involved, except for the kidnappers. They were loving this. But their reign was about to come to an end. I was trusting this feeling in my gut, even if I had been disappointed over and over again in the past couple of days.
Eric's bedroom door creaked open. His eyes were red, but his phone was now on speaker. His fidgeting gaze told us he was desperate for relief. I couldn't imagine the situation he was in. Losing Lily was bad enough. We didn't have the added burden of knowing that our parents could be putting themselves at risk.
"Hey Mr. & Mrs. Fletcher!" Ethan injected chipperness in his voice. "How are you doing?"
"We've already told Eric how we're doing. Don't tell me you're all going to be worry-horses over us as well?" Mrs. Fletcher said.
"What's a worry-horse?" Ethan asked.
She didn't get to answer as Mr. Fletcher interjected. Although I'm sure she would have given us one of her anecdotes about a horse that used to worry, or in the worst-case scenario, she'd recount times of war. We kept forgetting how ill they both were. This was all so recent. My heart bled for Eric.
"Look, the nurse agreed to let us do this if we were honest with our military friends. As much as it pains me to be bossed around by someone other than my wife..." Mr. Fletcher said.
"Hey!" Mrs. Fletcher remarked.
Eric cracked a smile through the storm on his face. "I'm happy you guys are in the same room again," he commented.
"Yes, well, our military friends only agreed to help us if we had a team of doctors to guide us through this and if we agreed to take our medications. I said, 'all this and we're not even front and center?' They said, 'Yes. And that's final.' So, here we are. Guess all this psychiatry crap and the meds help after all," Mr. Fletcher resigned.
Smiling, I gripped Eric's shoulders. I knew the guilt of leaving them behind had been crushing him along with everything else. He released a breath.
"Yeah, after being butthurt and deciding that this was not about us and it was for a greater good, we agreed. I'm sorry we took so long," Mrs. Fletcher apologized.
"Are you joking?" Matt sniffled. "Thanks so much for your help. You're incredible parents. I know this must have been hard for you. We're so grateful."
"Ah, we're just happy to help. We want Lily back safely and we're doing all we can behind the scenes to make that happen. After all, we can't wait to meet her. We're happy we can do something other than think about the areas where we failed and focusing on everything we've lost. I have faith that this will all work out in the end." Mrs. Fletcher examined her son and her voice cracked, the sole indication that she might cry. "So stop your worry, Eric. We've got therapists galore. Hell, we have so much, we could even give you one."
Eric's lips tilted up and I mirrored him. "That doesn't sound like a bad idea. We could all use one," I uttered. It registered after I smiled that this could be the first time I'd had this genuine breath of peace since this whole ordeal.
"You sound happier. I'm glad." Eric cleared his throat and returned to his room, closing us out of the rest of his conversation with the people we were indebted to.
Matt, Ethan and I managed a half smile. We were getting somewhere. As we were heading off to our own rooms, Eric popped his head out again.
"Everything okay?" I asked.
He nodded and stepped toward us. "I, um. I know this has been a rough ride for all of us. I just want to say I'm sorry I ever, you know, made out that it was through any fault of yours —" He cleared his throat. "You know, for leaving Lily — I'm sorry for blaming you. Of course I know it wasn't your fault. I was just looking for someone to be angry at, because I couldn't make any sense out of it..." He struggled.
"It's okay." I put my hand up. "I understand."
Though I will admit that it stung, I was relieved. His accusations were directed at all three of us at one point and even today, I felt that he still held that grudge.
"Hey, and I'm sorry for trying to force you into getting your parents involved, which led to the crash," Matt dropped his head.
"Come here." Eric holds his arms out.
Matt hesitated, squirming a little, before falling into the hug. Fuck. Yes, we were grown men who cried like babies and we needed hugs right then.
"It's okay. From now on, no more blame. We stick together. We don't fight over who has more of Lily when she gets back either." Eric patted Matt.
"When she gets back," I agreed, making eye contact with Ethan before we all surrendered to the hug.