Chapter 35
Lily
" L et's just go." I nudged Ann-Marie after picking my jaw up off the ground from the sight of my men in suits.
They looked good as hell. Ryan's suit threw me off a bit. He was wearing a black turtleneck beneath the black jacket, and it wasn't even fall yet. Still, he wasn't sweating. I guessed the car's air conditioning had something to do with that.
They weren't wearing suits when they left. Wherever they had to go was apparently more important than being here for me in my time of need. I didn't care what they had to say to me; whatever it was could have waited.
"I'm with you, girl, but unfortunately I'm not looking forward to riding with my husband either." He was also changed...out of his suit.
Weird that they all left us here and turned up wearing different clothes, but after the session I'd just had, my over-analytic brain had been run through and was seeking a desperate reprieve. The last thing I wanted was to get into a conversation with my men, explaining how much they let me down today. It was moments like these I wished I had my old car, my own money, and my old independence, because now, what? I was stuck traveling with them?
"I'm sorry." That was the first thing that came out of all four mouths as they approached me and Ann-Marie left me alone in the den with them.
We did our best to be each other's support today, at least outside of the therapists' offices. I was hoping for kind of a dual therapy thing, because I didn't want to be alone, which was selfish of me. Ann-Marie was adamant about having her own therapy session. She was still not ready to open up to me about her kidnapping story, and mine would trigger her.
Yet another reason why I needed my men with me. I was falling apart in there, as I was sure she was. I thought I'd fallen apart for good after going through everything. It was a miracle I still had my head on my body.
Men, they could be so damn clueless sometimes.
"Let's just go home." I kept my eyes on the ground, walking away from them and toward the vehicle which I had to wait for them to unlock for me.
Irritating.
They used it to their advantage, and I was about to blow a fuse. I said as much without saying a word, pinning them with eye daggers.
"That's the thing." Ethan approached me and pulled out a bunch of keys. My brows creased. "I wanted it to be a surprise."
I didn't know why he was smiling. There was nothing amusing here.
"I got a call from the realtor this morning while we were at the hospital..." He started.
My jaw slackened.
"We managed to close on the house. We can start moving in whenever you're ready. Would you like to go and see it?" Ethan's smile widened.
Pop, went the fireworks in my heart.
Hold on, wait a minute. I was still mad at them.
Mad and excited as hell.
I got a flashback to the hallucinations in that dark container as I teetered on death.
Knowing that the house was here, and that it was real, and happening, I couldn't help but wonder if it looked anything like the one in my dreams did. Now, that was all I could think about. I was already packing my bags in my head, thinking about all the furniture we could get, ideas I had on interior decorating. What could I say? He was right; it was a salve to the last couple hours of an extended session, the one good thing that happened when I thought today couldn't get any worse.
My lips quirked up despite myself. They trembled as I fought my elation.
"You couldn't have postponed the meeting until after the therapy session?" I frowned.
"I wasn't thinking. I thought it'd be nice for you to walk out to some great news after. Was I wrong?" He tugged on my T-shirt. Well, Eric's T-shirt which he'd thrown onto my body to protect my decency in the ambulance.
Eric had brought back a pair of slacks for me after leaving during the night to drive the car to the hospital. I wasn't matching, nor was I looking attractive, but Ethan's gesture, the way it knocked me off balance, gave me butterflies. I couldn't help blushing.
"I would've wanted you all here with me first, then the house." Okay, my cheeks were burning now; there was no hiding it. "But, no, you weren't wrong. I'm so excited." I snatched the keys from his hand and he grinned, wrapping his arms around my waist.
"How was the session?" Eric stroked his hand through my hair. There was something behind his eyes I couldn't quite place.
"It was a lot. We can talk about it after. What's up with you?" I reached out to smooth the wrinkles in his forehead.
"Me? Why would you think anything is wrong with me?" He went red for a hot second, then cooled off, switching faces. "I'm just tired." He smiled, took my hand and kissed the back of it. Something felt specious about his words, but he dismissed my worries with a rough peck on my cheek. "What do you say we go look at that house?"
Come to think of it, they were all a little off. There was nothing I could think of that would cause that shadow that was cloaking them, unless they were hiding something from me. For the first time in a while, I wasn't paranoid about their secrets.
Instead, I worried that there was something going on personally with them that they were afraid to share with me because I had my own problems. Damn, that therapy session must have helped because I thought I had space to think about something other than what had happened to me or my mother.
My men were so strong and capable, I expected them to always have everything figured out, to be my support system, to protect me...what if they needed me too? I hadn't even spoken to Eric about his parents, thanked them personally for what they'd done, I didn't know what was going on in Ryan, Ethan, or Matt's life. They were all about me. And I was all about me. Okay, now I was the one with the guilt.
I should do something about that.
Ethan
Shit. My internal organs were on the verge of a stroke and the quick smile that spread across her face was a breath of fresh air. Thank goodness she bought that. I had to think of something on our way back to the shelter, a reason to excuse our long absence.
A stroke of luck had appeared like lightning in a thunderstorm when our realtor called me on the way home to inform me that we had closed on the house. I saw my opportunity and took it, glad he was available to meet me with the keys. That was fucking close as hell. Otherwise, I'd have fumbled over an excuse.
None of the guys were of any help with Eric suggesting that we tell her we had to meet with the police about Terry and Carter to find out whether or not they had caught him yet. "Yeah, great idea. Land us in it with your big mouth, will ya? A little too close to home, don't you think?" was my response.
"Well, I don't hear you coming up with anything, smart guy." Matt had countered before turning to a too quiet Ryan and asking him if he was okay.
Of course he wasn't. None of us were. We had just played a role in murdering two people, dumping their bodies, being mindfucked by Tyler, had scrubbed our bodies clean of blood and were expected to carry on as normal, without a moment to breathe, on our way to collect Lily.
We were all fucked in the head, wondering whether there was any way to turn back time and undo the irreversible.
Then the phone rang and we had been saved from having to come up with something on the spot, which would have Lily calling us out on our bullshit with her immaculate insight. Thank goodness Ryan fixed his face and got himself together at the last second. Seriously, I thought he would have opened his big mouth and spilled everything out on the gravel parking lot of the women's shelter.
Ryan stands behind her now. "Keep your eyes closed." He uses his hands as blindfolds as we take her on the long walk to our door.
She grins. "This is crazy. I'm going to trip over something and fall."
"Never. I'll protect you," Ryan assures her.
Damn right. She has no idea the lengths we'll go to make sure of that. Not a single hair on her head will ever be harmed again, not a nick, a cut, a bruise, nothing will scar her skin again. We'll wrap her up in bubble wrap if we have to. Well, obviously not. She'd suffocate in that and that would defeat the purpose. You're being a little bit too literal now, Ethan, my inner voice chides my intrusive thoughts.
However, my intrusive thoughts have gained momentum and I capitulate to them. I don't have a choice. Lily's face behind a bubble wrap consumes my thoughts and it is haunting. She gasps in my imagery, eyes questioning why, disappointment and fear fusing, breath shortening, skin graying and the ultimate knife twister, her face glitches between her father's, Carter's and hers.
I'd never hurt her! I reason with myself, negotiating with my unyielding thoughts. Your ways of protecting her may cause her more pain than anyone else has.
No! Invisible walls close in on me.
"Ethan, are you seeing this?" She laughed out loud as her legs tested the ground ahead of her before she took a step.
I pushed a laugh out of my belly, hoping it was a convincing one, and the act inspired a chuckle, proving the 'fake it till you make it' adage successful. "If you keep doing that, we're never going to make it there before sundown."
And we were all going to be stuck here in the dead of night, among the trees. I didn't know how we were going to manage to keep up the pretense that everything was hunky-dory.
It had taken a few hours to drive from Durham to get to the boat which took us across, you'll never guess it, the lake, to where our new beginning awaited. Okay, I wasn't sure if it was the same lake. It might not have been, but it was close enough a resemblance for us guys to resort to blaming our reactions on some level of "sea sickness" despite the lack of sea, Eric's surfing prowess and the many pictures Lily had seen of us out on a yacht, living our best lives.
There was no way she believed us, but she didn't dwell on it. She was more concerned with how we were going to get her mother here, handle grocery shopping and get furniture delivered. To be fair, I hadn't visited the place before, I'd just seen the pictures, met with the real estate agent, took his word for it and let my imagination run wild.
In my anxiety to get here and focus on anything other than Terry's and Carter's dead bodies or the mental imprint of the knife in my palm which I could still feel the weight of, I'd used my GPS to get us as close as possible, before learning that the next course of action was to charter a boat.
Of course, it was only after touching foot on the solid ground of the island, and bringing up Lily's concern to the realtor, that I found out about the causeway which would be a far simpler option in the future.
"Are you sure there's a house here?" Eric asked as the walk went on longer than any of us appreciated.
Matt regarded me with a look that said, 'I hope you didn't get us scammed out of millions!'
"Yes! I'm sure," I growled.
"Okay, Ethan. I'm sure it'll show up soon," Lily attempted to reassure me. It didn't help and I shut my mouth against a curt response.
The trees were many, running wild and free as trees do. Don't be so literal, you know what I mean. Here was the problem. The natural terrain was uncanny. We had spent this morning in a forest, doing unspeakable things that I would take with me to my grave. We were in a forest again.
We had spent our afternoon on a lake, and I had the stupid idea to take Lily to the house on the lake that I bought before I knew we'd be dumping bodies in one.
You get how that adds up, what that can do to a person, right?
Instead of jumping with glee at the real estate agent's call and running over here like it was some sort of saving grace, I should have had the good sense to withdraw my offer and find us a house on the whole other side of the world, preferably without lakes or any body of water, and no trees.
My intelligence only allowed for financial investment strategies and luck, I didn't have any luck with strategies in any other area of my life. And if buying this island was any indicator, I wasn't doing so well on the financial investment front either, since I'd invested in what would now be my own personal hell. Great. I wondered if the guys felt the same way about this as I did, if their lives here would be as nightmarish as mine would be.
My irritation hit a wall, however, when I spotted the house winking at us through the trees. My heart expanded and I stopped dead in my tracks, allowing the others to catch up to me. Palatial island was what I asked for, and it was what I got.
"We're here!" I almost said that like an exaggerated cartoon character clicking their heels together and waving their hands around in jubilation.
After a while, as they all grew frustrated, Ryan had dropped his hands from Lily's face, the surprise losing its appeal. But his beaming gaze followed mine, and as Lily searched for the gem, Ryan blindfolded her again, causing her to groan and grin all at once, resuming the spirit of play.
As we drew closer to the large, spanking new pale gray gates, I started to breathe easier. All our initials were held within a circle between the metal rods, a special touch I had requested, marking it as ours. I was pleased to see that it was already there.
Everything was so much better than the pictures. Modern, sharp, gray stones created a fence around the whole property. More trees were contained within the fence, but these were trimmed, nothing like the wild forest-like appearance of before. These were welcoming, communicating something different: comfort, luxury, easy breathing, a sense of being wrapped in a hug.
A cobblestone path continued beyond the gates and from where we were standing, the large glass and brick mansion was nestled behind lush flora and palms.
"Damn, this is ours?" Ryan remarks.
Lily grabbed his hands away from her face to get a breathtaking peek.
"Well, damn. Thanks, Daddies," Eric cracked, forgetting our problems for a moment.
Matt grinned. "This was all Ethan. I just contributed some money. You did good, bro." He pounded my fist.
I had never owned an island before, never would have thought of owning one if it wasn't for Lily. Watching her run up to the gate and trace her fingers over the L.T. had me exploding with joy. I was wrong before; I think this is paradise.
"Is that...?" Tears came to her eyes.
I nodded, smiling. "That's your name. All our names are on this. You guys just have to make it official on your end and sign off on the documents. But this is our home. From now on, we're a unit."
When I said those words, you know what, it had me thinking that this new beginning was everything we needed to wipe away all the shit we'd been through. Even the forest grew on me. Kind of. I wouldn't be taking walks in it anytime soon. The causeway would be my way on and off this island. But I liked the way it was hidden and took a long time for us to find; hopefully, we could keep our ownership private for as long as possible. From Tyler.
I wondered if there was any way we could persuade Lily not to invite Ann-Marie and Tyler over? Tough luck with that. We were bound by more than secrets for the rest of our lives. Yeah, the other side of the world was looking more appealing. Whether or not he could still find us would have to be proven, and I'd have rather had my chances there. But, what's done is done.
Opening the gates, I let the birds that fluttered from the trees warning the other birds of our arrival, and the expansive garden with stone seats built into the ground awaiting us, brainwash me into thinking that we'd been reborn.
Sometimes we're willingly brainwashed, needing an escape from the reality we know. Hell, I even considered that Tyler meant the words he said, that he had no ill intentions toward us. I envisioned Ann-Marie and Lily outside in the garden drinking tea, reading a book, sun-bathing, while Tyler and us guys went fishing in the lake.
Yup, I did mention that our home is on a lake, right? The thing runs around the perimeter of the place. Yeah, I might have mentioned it. No escaping that one. So, there it is. I tried to let myself run away with delusion, but our decisions today have marred the future of our lives on this island. And whether or not Tyler meant what he said, he still manipulated us into helping him kill two people. There are still hard feelings there. I don't think that will ever fade. All this money spent, a whole ass island (well, not exactly, more like an islet) and we'll still be looking over our shoulders.
Lily's whimsical tone invited me to join in on her fantasy.
"I still can't believe this is all ours." Mouth agape and breathless, she looked at the acres of green, the sunset lighting up the dark body of water that I'd been struggling to appreciate, the serene ripples on the deceptive blanket in the cooling air, the garden nook her mother would love, the large glass windows and doors which beckoned to us to come inside and explore further.
But, Matt had other plans.
"There's no one here but us," he whispered, the unanticipated thought.
Matt grabbed Lily's hand, and when she gasped and looked up at him in confusion, a grin spread across his face.
"We can run free, Lily." He tugged her along, loosening his tie and setting one arm free of his jacket, only releasing her hand to set the other arm free. He tossed the jacket in the air with a wink. "We can run naked if we want."
She started laughing, and I could almost hear the night birds singing songs of awe as she dashed after him. Off they headed together in the dim evening. Wide-eyed, Ryan and Eric turned to me. I shrugged.
"Guess he's living in the moment," Eric frowned.
"We did the right thing, didn't we?" Ryan asked.
Her laugh echoed as we three stood together and watched Matt pick her up and spin her around.
"Look at her. She's radiant," I remarked, the soft light bathing her in an angelic glow. "She's free."
Eric looked ahead, a smile turning his lips up at the corners, and he nodded. "I haven't seen her run free like that, since, I don't know, we were teens? She must be really happy. At last." He took a deep breath.
"At least now we know for sure, her attackers won't be coming after her," I nodded.
Even as I said it, doubt crept in.
Ryan gave a voice to those doubts, swiping his hand over his short beard. "But do we know for sure that she's safe?"
He didn't have to say anything else. We were all on the same thinking wavelength. Tyler was unpredictable, and we weren't rid of him yet. And even if he meant what he said and we could start the process of putting what we did behind us, what were we going to do if someone else threatened Lily's safety? Kill them too? Was that what we'd become?