Chapter 36
Lily
I t's a hectic morning to say the least. It's the day of the fair, and the sun was out and blazing. I had to find the perfect balance to protect my mom's skin and keep her cool all at once. She's in loose mid-thigh shorts today, with little polka dots and a yellow tank top. Ryan picked out the outfit for her when I opted for lightweight joggers and a T-shirt. 'Just because she's ill doesn't mean she can't be cute along with the rest of us. Plus, she'll burn up in that,' he'd said.
Since he's barely been speaking to me as of late, I obliged him, pairing her outfit with white tennis shoes. He even managed to comb her hair, brushing it back in a low braid, and I had to say, she looked closer to her sixty years now, rather than looking eighty as usual.
"Hey, you're kinda like a gay best friend." I laughed.
He gave me a half smile, reminding me that gender and sexuality had nothing to do with having good taste in clothes and being able to style hair, do makeup, nails, or anything deemed feminine. Then he gave me a look that assured me that while he's dated men, he's still very much bisexual, and I had to spin around from him to hide my blush.
The house was buzzing with activity as I tried to make sure I had everything: extra diapers in case she needed it, thermos bottles filled with cool water if the lines were long, and she's dehydrated. Extra sunscreen to top her up after a few hours, snacks (again if the lines were long), lunch bags packed with her labeled containers of puree food, medications, house keys...wait, where were the house keys?
"Do you have the house keys?" I turned to Eric, who's trying to help me pack but doesn't know where much of anything is, irritating me a little.
"It's right here." He pulled them from his pocket and jingled them before taking me by the shoulders and holding me still. "Relax. Today is supposed to be a fun day, remember?" He smiled. "And we're in no rush. The fair isn't going anywhere. Let me take this..." He reached for the bag, and I launched toward it like he's robbing me or something.
"No! Wait." I grabbed it. "I just... let me just check to make sure I have everything." I muttered to myself again as he left me to it, and I groaned when he walked out the door, making a mental note to apologize to him later.
After checking and rechecking several times, I carried all my bags out. A nurse or caregiver always has bags galore. The guys had already taken my mother and transferred her into the van by the time I got to the door, and I sighed in relief, checking my pockets one last time for my phone.
Damn it, I forgot my phone.
Dropping my bags at the doorway, I ran back into the house to grab it. I tried not to delay any longer, hoping that I'm not leaving anything else. When I got back to the door, I caught Eric carrying all the bags toward the van with ease while I huffed and puffed. I sighed in gratitude, closing the door behind me and when I settled in next to him, I reached for the back of his head and pulled him into me for a kiss.
"What was that for?" he breathed as our lips separated.
"I'm sorry for being a bitch sometimes." I kissed him again, and he groaned.
"You can apologize to me like this anytime." He nuzzled the side of my face.
"Uh, don't forget your mom's in the car," Ethan spoke up from the driver's seat. I looked around to see all of them rigid, and I pulled away a bit abashed.
I could always say, 'No worries, I've seen her do a lot worse,' but that would be uncalled for. We weren't doing anything that vulgar, but I guess it must have been uncomfortable for them. Although Ryan didn't mind watching me a few weeks ago, and they didn't mind hearing about it then.
We sat in that rigid, uncomfortable, awkward silence for the car ride. I thought it was a bad idea to agree to the fair. When we got out of the vehicle, my mood was helped by the possibilities ahead of us. The air buzzed with joy, screaming laughter set the soundtrack for the day, I spotted kids eating pink and blue cotton candy, and my tension eased like that. Clack! The snap of a finger.
As I reached into the vehicle for the bags, Eric rushed over to take them out of my hands. "No, you're going to have fun. Ethan and I will watch over your mother for the next hour, won't we?"
"No, I can't leave you. What if she needs...?" I started.
"What's the worst that can happen in an hour? Besides, I helped pack the bag, I know what meds are for what condition and if there's an emergency, I'll call you, and you can just tell me what to do. Now, go on with Ryan and Matt since he can barely contain himself." He grinned. "Look at him. He's like a little kid."
I looked over at Matt, his eyes wide with wonder.
"What? I'm not," he retorted, his face cracking into a smile too. "Okay, maybe I am. Just a little bit."
"And you and Ryan get on, don't you?" Eric added.
I dropped one brow and struggled to find words to respond. Ryan looked from me to Eric with his eyes wide as if he didn't know what to say either. It's a simple statement, and we're both acting as if we've been caught outright fucking in front of Eric.
"Besides, Ryan's been all grumpy lately. It's like he forgot how to have fun," Eric offered. "Ah, go on, you three." He encouraged when Ryan and I hesitated. Matt was already gone.
Ryan and I looked at each other and with a shrug continued ahead.
Eric
"Come on, Mrs. Thornbread. Let's take in the sights." I strolled with her through the parking lot into the venue, chatting away with Ethan who had a bag over each shoulder. There's another one tucked away underneath Mrs. Thornbread's seat.
The vibrant Ferris wheel that was visible from the road was grander up close. It spun with screaming children as others waited with their parents in line for their turn. There were other fate-testing rides which got even mine and Ethan's adrenaline pumping. Lily overpacked water and snacks; there were so many food options at this state fair that the small town couldn't even put a dent in it.
The air was thick with grease, diabetes, and heart attack foods, like funnel cakes and donuts, turkey legs and burgers, sausages and hot dogs topped with caramelized onions, peppers, and cheese. The songs of live bands playing somewhere in the venue traveled toward us. There's even a one-man band playing a bagpipe. It'It's hard not to smile. Ethan and I were grinning from ear to ear, watching adults tempt death by getting on rides not made to fit them.
"You're never too old to have fun, are you, Mrs. Thornbread?" I teased.
"You know that's a faux pas, talking about a woman's age like that," Ethan huffed, sweat already beading off his skin. "Bro, let's get out of this heat."
We spotted a building and moved toward it, relieved to find that it's air-conditioned. Lily made this look easy, but pushing around a wheelchair in the dehydrating heat wasn't easy. Ethan sighed and reached into the bag for some water. He took a sip and offered me some before popping open another water bottle and offering it to Mrs. Thornbread.
"What?" he said. "If we're sweating, she's bound to be dehydrated as well."
We both sighed again when she accepted the water without resistance. She must have been affected by the ebullience as well. Inside this building might be more her speed, in her current condition, with expos showcasing North Carolina's wonders and crop competitions. It's quieter and cooler, and the crowd is older, and it's less hectic for someone who can't express themselves. Then again, I might have been wrong, and she could have been bored out of her mind. From what I knew of her, she didn't strike me as the 'quiet and peace-seeking type,' and she's still her, even with this disease. But I couldn't imagine the events taking place in her mind. Even the wildest of us need peace and quiet at some point.
As I passed by a display of roses, I picked one up for Lily. I caught Ethan eyeing me and dropping his eyes in a sort of dejectedness. We hadn't spoken about Lily since we'd had that little chat after I caught them drooling over her. But we had that sense of awareness now.
When Lily and I took a break from each other, all four of us guys had an understanding with each other. None of us had a shot with her. But now that we're hanging out again, I could tell it's eating him up, watching me and her. It's eating me up too, if I'm being honest, not being sure of her feelings for any of them and not knowing how to bring it up in conversation with her.
So, I've sent her off with Matt and Ryan on her own. I could tell she likes them; she knows they like her, but she won't tell me. And it's awkward as hell pretending that I can't see what's going on when we're all together, or the way her eyes fill with longing when she sees Ryan or admiration when Matt does something that colors her cheeks. I'm tired of not knowing.
They might not act on their feelings without my permission, out of respect. But she doesn't need my permission. I don't own her. And we haven't spoken about monogamy per se. Yes, I wished she could trust me with her feelings, and I wouldn't have to devise a scheme to get the truth, but she doesn't, not yet anyway. I'm hoping time spent together and giving them space so they don't feel like I'm breathing down their necks will provide the perfect breeding ground for honesty. The 'expression of truth,' if you understand what I mean. I couldn't believe I'm thinking this, but I hoped they hit it off. In truth, I hadn't been able to shake the fantasy of watching her indulge in pleasure as she's being showered with the desire pouring off all of us, grateful for the chance to sample all that she has to offer.
Clearing my throat and leaving the haze of my thoughts, I turned to Ethan. "You should get her one too, if you want."
"What?" He turned around, his eyes wide open and jaw slackened.
I grinned at the way he reacted as if spooked by the question. "Lily. It's who you're thinking about, right?"
"What? No." He pulled his brows in and fixed the bags on his shoulders.
"It's all right. We spoke about this," I reassured him.
His skin grew ruddy as he studied the roses in contemplation. "Nah." He shook his head. "What's it going to look like coming from me? She expects it from you."
Still, his finger hovered between a white and orange rose.
"But I'm sure you wouldn't mind one, would you, Mrs. Thornbread? My mother loves white roses. Hmm. I heard somewhere that orange roses reflect good health, so this one is for you." He pulled it and offered it to her. When he tried to fit it between her fingers, it fell. He frowned.
"Well, I guess I'll keep it then." He shrugged, sticking it into one of the bags.
Gospel music invited us outdoors. At first, we didn't recognize the music as that, until we walked outside to find a church. Wait... what? It's so strange to find a church at a fair that we stopped and stared. None of the guys are churchgoers; neither is Lily. I doubted her mother was. But there were other people seated in wheelchairs there, and there's an outside performance. It's good music. I figured it'd help her mother feel like less of an odd duck if she saw that she's not the only one needing assistance, and it's peaceful.
"What are you doing?" Ethan asked from the folding chair next to her and looking up from his phone as I walked back toward them with a little cup of ice cream for Mrs. Thornbread and an ice cream cone for me.
Swallowing the bite of cold sweetness, I handed him the tiny cup. He looked at it and back at me. "No, it's not for you. And before you start, I know Lily packed up some puree for you, Mrs. Thornbread." I turned my attention to her. "But it's gotta get boring eating the same thing day in and day out, right? A little bite of ice cream won't hurt. She can join in on the festivities." I redirected my attention to him.
"So, you couldn't even get me a cone too?" Ethan remarked.
"Who's going to feed her if we're both eating ice cream?" I raised my brows at him, smirking as I ingested another mouthful.
His mouth rounded before he swore. "You bastard. Gimme that." He reached for my cone.
"Oh! Too slow!" I grinned.
"I'll get you back, just you wait." He smiled, before coaxing Mrs. Thornbread with some ice cream. Again, she didn't refuse it. Twice in an hour? It must be a miracle. We're about to celebrate when a tear rolled down her cheek. I did hope it's a tear of joy.
"Aw, Mrs. Thornbread." I sighed, taking her hand. Together, we sat, hand in hand, swaying to the music. Well, two of us swayed to the music, anyway.