Chapter 40
Lily
T he sexual tension was crazy hot. I'd been fought over before, but I'd been accustomed to the Marco way. Not this kind of civilized, subtle competition between two men I could rest assured I'd be safe with. It's hard not to want to soothe them both, let them know there's no need for competition, that there's enough of me to go around. But I remembered Eric and I video called him to find him and Ethan taking such care with my mother that my heart warmed and guilt crept in.
"Don't tell me Matt and Ryan are already getting on your nerves." Eric's handsome grin zoomed into the camera lens. It's always sunny in Eric's world. It's one of the things I love about him.
"They tend to do that," Ethan said from behind Eric.
The camera turned around so I could see Ethan pushing my mother alongside a tranquil lake. The noise and activities had scared away the wildlife so it's just dark water making tiny laps beneath the Carolina sunshine.
"No. It's not that. It's just... I guess it's kind of weird not having you guys here and leaving you with my mom. How's she getting along? Has she eaten? Drank any water? Did you remember the pureed food I put in her insulated lunch bag? It's labelled..." I started.
"Lily." Eric stopped me with that look of his that told me to calm the fuck down without saying it aloud. "Your mom is fine. Yes, she's eaten. She's had water. If there was anything wrong, I'd call you. So, why don't you just admit you called cause you miss me?" he teased, and I grinned. "Are you having fun?" he asked.
"Yeah. More fun than I've had in..." I paused. "Well, I can't remember how long it's been since I've had this much fun. I actually feel my age. How great is that?!" I grinned.
"So, you've been on a few rides? I know the guys will see to it that you've been eating and drinking, so I don't even have to ask you that," he said.
"Excuse me? I can take care of my own eating habits, but yes, they've bought me food." I blushed and panicked over the uncontrollable response, pulling the phone away from my face so that he didn't see it. Matt and Ryan saw me blushing though as Ryan stood in line at the ticket station, and Matt overheard our conversation.
"Yeah, we know we'd have to face your heat if anything ever happened to her in our presence," he responded.
"Yeah, right. Like my 'heat' is what you're really concerned about!" Eric shouted back as Matt grinned. I got the insinuation, and I had to say, they're awfully casual about it.
"I don't know how to feel about you all treating me like I'm somehow incapable of looking after myself!" I fired back, a bit too harsh.
I mean, I didn't like it when Eric was jealous before, but how come he's not a little bit more upset? Oh, I don't know, Lily. Because he trusts you? And he trusts his best friends not to go there? My inner voice mocked me. I knew my problem wasn't with him
. It's down to me being unsure whether or not I deserve his trust. You see, I don't trust myself.
My face must have fallen or something, because Eric's voice grew soothing. "Hey, whatever worries you've placed on your head just now, I want you to forget about it. I don't care what it is. Let yourself have fun, Lily. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Live in the moment."
"But I..." I began.
"No 'buts,'" he interrupted. "Live in the moment." And then he hung up the phone. Oh! The nerve of him.
I'm staring at the phone with my mouth open when Matt hooks his arm into mine and smiles at me. "You heard the man. Live in the moment."
"That's right." Ryan walked up next to us. "So..." he hissed. "I only got two tickets to the gondola ride." He winced. I fought a grin at the way Matt rolled his eyes. "But I still have that ticket you bought me. Why don't you use it? Lily and I can do the gondola ride together, can't we?" he asked.
"Uh... sure. I guess." I shrugged, my posture stiff. They said live in the moment, but I'm afraid of what will happen if I do.
"Fine." Matt sighed, exasperated. "Go on, bore her to death on your little gondola ride. Some of us know how to have some actual fun."
"Aw, come on. I don't think it's boring." I laughed. "It looks fun."
"Ha!" Ryan fired back, slipping his hand in mine as if it's natural, and we've done this before. We walked away together, and I'm aware of the security his handgrip provided. Still, I'm like a little trembling leaf on the inside, worried about what would happen if Eric were to catch us. That worry wasn't enough for me to let go of his hand though.
"Ladies first." He guided me in when it's our turn to get on.
The open blue carriage rocked with our weight, and I exchanged wide-eyed glances with Ryan. Turns out this ride is more adrenaline inducing than I thought, and we haven't even left the ground yet.
"There are no seatbelts on this thing?" I asked the attendant who flipped the metal bar over our heads and locked it in place.
"This is the seatbelt," he said.
Before I could respond, the ride was up and off, and we're being rotated toward the top.
"Are you okay?" Ryan pulled my hand into his lap. "I can tell them to stop it if you're not."
We're already so far off the ground, I don't want to make a fuss. Gripping his hand tighter, I hoped my fear of confrontation wouldn't be the death of me.
"Don't worry. We'll be okay. I won't let anything bad happen to you," Ryan tried to assure me, but it's easier said than done, isn't it? What's he going to do if we're both slipping out from underneath this flimsy bar and falling to our death? Act as a parachute or something?
Yet, when he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, I found myself sighing into him. My quickening heartbeat had something to do with fear, but it's less about the ride and more about him. I'm more aware of his scent: smooth like the tone of his voice, warm like his muscles pressing into the curves of my body, spicy like the fire he ignites in me, and comforting like the weight of his biceps and forearm wrapped around me.
I inhaled him in, releasing my inhibitions as the ride took us over the view of the whole park. The people below were tiny. If Ethan and Eric could see us, I wouldn't know, which is why I let what occurred next happen.
My hand had the audacity to rest against his left pectoral muscle. His heartbeat picked up against the palm of my hand. Out of habit with Eric, I moved my hand across it, stroking it with my thumb. It's subconscious, except this isn't Eric, and I'm quite aware of that when he does that thing he did earlier and places his finger beneath my chin.
Butterflies aren't quite what I feel. It's as if the butterflies are professional dancers performing a number on my insides. There's music in the background, my heart the percussion. The intensity rises, and my breath catches when his eyes drop down to my lips. I've caught him looking at them before, but this time is different. I already know it is by the way he's breathing, and the way I'm breathing. This time, this thing we've both been imagining for months is going to happen.
When he leaned forward, there's a voice in the back of my head saying I should push him away. This is wrong, think about Eric, but damn, Ryan is so close. So, I didn't pull away. Instead, I leaned forward, unable to resist my urges any longer. Fireworks popped and crackled when our lips met. The forbidden element made it sweeter. I lost myself in the fullness of his lips rolling over mine, working my nerves into a frenzy. Clutching onto his T-shirt, I forgot where we were. It's like we're flying. Our feet are literally off the ground, the sun competing with the fire sparking in my veins and between my legs. If I were to fall out of this damn thing, I still don't think I'd hit earth. A cloud would sweep in and take me on a ride or something.
Our kiss was breathy as he savored my lips, dipped his hand in my hair, and tilted my head back so that he could deepen it. He's in control of this kiss. I'm along for the ride, and I'm loving it. Until the screams of the fair break into the illusory silence that almost had us thinking we were all alone together.
With awareness comes memory, and with that memory comes guilt. It crashed down on me when I opened my eyes to find that this isn't one of my dreams that I've had night after night since the guys re-entered my life. No, I'm kissing Eric's best friend.
Pulling myself away from an error I can't reverse, I covered my mouth with my hands, in an effort to hide my trembling lips, and because I'm afraid if I don't cover them, I'll lean right back into his embrace.
"I'm sorry," I muttered, in a distant sort of voice.
He reached for my face, his attempt to soothe me, but I scooted to the end of the carriage, leaving no more than six inches between us. "Hey, you don't have to apologize," he said.
But his voice was an echo as I searched for my phone with trembling hands. Grateful I hadn't dropped it, I called Eric.