23. Mila #2
“I wish I knew.” She shrugged. “Maybe I’m too ugly for him. Too fat. Too whatever.”
“Lara.” I frowned at her, got off the bed, grabbed her arms, and pulled her up from the bed.
“Look at me,” I admonished her. She wouldn’t meet my eyes.
“You’re beautiful. You’re kind. You’re loyal.
You’re the most generous person I know. You are not ugly.
You are far from fat.” I squeezed her hands.
“My brother is a fool if he doesn’t see that.
” I looked into her grateful brown eyes, and my heart broke at the pain I saw there.
“You’re my best friend and my sister. And you will find the perfect man for you.
Maybe that’s not Parker,” I said with a quick smile.
“And maybe Ryker’s not my perfect guy, either.
Maybe we need to wake up and smell the roses.
Maybe our Mr. Rights are out there looking for us right now. ”
“So you want to blow Ryker off tonight, then?” she asked hopefully. “We can go and look for the guys who are looking for us.”
“That’s not such a bad idea,” I said, though my heart fell at her words.
I knew Ryker was bad news for my heart. The more time I spent with him, the more I fell for him.
His eyes had this way of piercing into my soul, and his smile was like a hammer, chipping away at the wall around my heart.
Every time he smiled, a dent was made. He was becoming a part of me.
When he was inside me, I felt like we were truly one.
I had to keep reminding myself that this was an illusion.
These feelings, this want, this obsession, weren’t real.
At the end of four weeks, I was very likely to find myself torn and broken apart.
I didn’t know how I would survive without him, and that scared me.
We’d only just gotten into this arrangement.
We’d only just begun this farce. We’d only just begun, but already I was blinded by my love for him.
I walked away from Lara, grabbed my phone, and pulled up Ryker’s contact.
“What are you doing?” Lara screeched, her eyes widening as she watched me making the call.
“Morning, sunshine.” Ryker’s voice was silky and smooth as he answered.
“Morning,” I said. “I have some bad news.”
“What bad news?” His tone changed, and I swallowed hard. Lara was shaking her head at me and frowning.
“Are you crazy?” she whispered. “I was joking.”
“I can’t come tonight,” I said softly as I smiled at Lara. I needed to be a good friend more than I needed to be a good fake fiancée.
“What are you talking about?” Ryker’s voice was angry.
“I have to do something else tonight.”
“You have a date?” His tone was deadly, and I shivered. Who knew that he would get so pissed off so quickly? And why would he think I had a date?
“Um, not technically,” I squeaked out.
“Not technically?” he said, and I waited for him to continue before speaking. “What does that mean, Mila? Do I have to remind you of our deal? Of the contract that you signed?”
“Ryker, I’m just going out with Lara,” I said before he started getting carried away. “She’s feeling down.”
“Mila.” Lara glared at me.
“Well, she wanted us to go out and see if we could meet the men of our dreams.” I paused and listened to the silence on the other end of the phone. Even Lara was looking at me with a shocked expression. “That came out wrong,” I said in a quiet tone. “Ryker?” I asked, wondering what he was thinking.
“You want to bow out of your obligation tonight so you can go and tart yourself up and meet strange men?”
“I didn’t say I was going to tart myself up, and I said the men of our dreams, our soulmates, not strange men.”
“So you want to meet the man of your dreams tonight and then come and fuck me tomorrow night? What are you going to tell him if he asks you out? ‘Sorry, I can’t go because the other man I’m seeing wants to bend me over and fuck me?’”
“Ryker,” I gasped, aghast, but also slightly turned on.
“What?” He chuckled, but he didn’t sound amused.
“I guess that was wrong. I should have said that you want me to fuck you as badly as I want to. I’m sure your panties are wet right now, aren’t they?
” His voice became low and rough. “I bet you’re wishing I were with you right now so I could spank that ass and pull those panties to the side as I bend you over and slam into you from behind. ”
“I’m going to the mall to buy a new dress,” I said stiffly as I changed the subject, embarrassed that I was feeling turned on by his words, and in front of Lara, who was looking at me with a quizzical expression.
“The dress is for your party tonight,” I continued.
“So I’ll be using the credit card you gave me. ”
“So, now you’re coming?” he said in a tone that said he’d achieved exactly what he’d wanted. “I guess you’re missing my big?—”
“Ryker!” I shouted as I cut him off. “You’re too much.” I rolled my eyes at Lara, whose eyes narrowed at me. “Yes, I’m coming,” I said, exasperated. “I’ll let Lara cry herself to sleep while we’re out partying.”
“Oh, we’ll be doing a lot more than partying,” he said in an amused tone. “Maybe, tell her you’ll be getting the fuck of your life. Maybe that will make her feel better about being ditched.”
“You’re disgusting,” I said, as I felt my stomach stirring.
“You don’t feel that way when I’m inside you. You didn’t feel that way when I had you up on that roof. You didn’t feel that way the other morning when I was going down on you. You didn’t think I was disgusting when you?—”
“Ryker!” I screeched.
“What?” He laughed. “Am I embarrassing you?”
I was silent as I waited for him to change the subject.
“I sure hope not,” he said silkily. “I have a lot more to show you. I have plans for us, Mila.”
“I know.” A smile erupted on my face as I rolled my eyes and shook my head at Lara. “I have plans for you as well.”
“Oh?” he said, his tone curious. “What plans?”
“You’ll see,” I said with a laugh. “You’re not the only kinky bitch on the phone. Pick me up at seven.” Then, before he could speak, I hung up the phone.
“Whoa, what was that about?” Lara asked eagerly. “And kinky bitch? Where did that come from?”
“I have no idea.” I laughed. “Kinky bitch? Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I said that. He just kept saying stuff trying to turn me on, so I wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine.”
“What do you have planned?” Her eyes were wide. “You’ve been holding back on me, girl.”
“I have nothing planned. I just said that to him to make him think I had something planned.”
“You need to think of something then.”
“You think so?” I asked, groaning. “I have no idea what I can do that would make him believe that I’m a kinky bitch.”
“You can do whatever you want.” Lara smiled, but I could tell from the look on her face that she was doubtful.
“What am I doing, Lara?” I sighed; my head felt heavy, and my stomach was wracked with nerves.
“I feel like I’m playing a role, being some character I’m not, and I just don’t know what to do.
I feel so happy being with him, but it all seems so fleeting.
Like, I don’t know what he really wants, and if it’s the kinky sex that’s important to him, well, how’s that supposed to make me feel? ”
“I don’t know what to say.” Lara chewed on her lower lip.
“I wish I knew what to say. I want to say all the things you want to hear, like this is going to grow and work out, but I don’t know.
I mean, this is real life, right? When do guys ever really change?
Do you feel like there’s a possibility that he really likes you—like, likes you, likes you? ”
“I used to think that,” I said, and then I paused. “Actually, I don’t know if what I felt was real or if it was all in my head. Some hope manifesting itself in me and making me see things that aren’t real.”
“Don’t overthink it,” Lara said, and then grabbed my hand. “Just see what he says and does. You’ve waited your whole life for him; you might as well see exactly what he’s open to, what he might really be feeling.”
“Yeah.” I nodded and smiled, but my heart sank as I thought about her words.
They were the same sort of words I’d said to her before about Parker, but what did they really mean?
Nothing. Lara and I were both keeping hope alive, but I wasn’t sure if it was worth it.
Were we wasting our lives and silently killing ourselves slowly with the wait?
“So where should we go?” I asked Lara as we got into her car. “Macy’s? Dillard’s?”
“Macy’s?” She looked at me and laughed. “Are you out of your mind?”
“What’s wrong with Macy’s?” I asked, trying to forget all my worries and just enjoy the afternoon out.
“You have a black credit card.” She grinned at me. “With what I can only assume is a massive limit. Actually, do you know the limit?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I have no idea.”
“Call the number on the back of the card.” She started her car but turned to me instead of pulling out of the driveway. “Come on, Mila.”
“Seriously, Lara?” I shook my head. “I’m not calling to find out the limit. They aren’t going to tell me anyway.”
“Why not?” Her eyes crinkled. I knew that look. She wanted to know, and she wasn’t going to back down until she got the answer.
“Fine.” I giggled. “You know this makes us horrible people, right?”
“Why does it make us horrible? Remember when we got our first credit card in college? Remember how we called every week to see if the limit had been raised?”
“That’s because we were stupid and wanted to buy things we couldn’t afford.” I laughed as I pulled out the card. “Thank God we only got thousand-dollar limits. You know how long it took me to pay that off?”
“I thought you were still paying it off.” Lara smirked, and I laughed and hit her playfully on the shoulder.
“You’re mean.”
“And you’re a shopaholic.” She grinned. “However, at least you aren’t a user. You’re not going to go crazy with Ryker’s card.”