27. Mila #4
“Make me jealous?” I asked him, confused.
“I was looking forward to our dinner all day, and then I walk in and see you flirting with some guy.” He shrugged. “It made me upset.”
“We weren’t flirting.”
“He wanted you.”
“He was just being friendly.”
“Guys are only friendly to women they want.” He made a face. “He wanted you.”
“I didn’t want him.”
“I acted irrationally; I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” I took a deep breath, and my heartbeat slowed as I calmed down a bit. So, maybe he didn’t think the waitress was his soulmate, after all. Though, I still thought it was pretty shitty that he’d been flirting with her right in front of me.
“I’m an asshole.” He leaned away from me and lay flat on his back. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I said and lay flat on my back as well.
I didn’t know what to say now. I wanted to ask him what he really thought about me, if he’d ever thought about me in any other way.
If he’d ever love me. But I knew that would be pathetic.
Just like me. I hated feeling this way. He’d think I was crazy, acting all emotional over nothing.
“Doesn’t it sometimes seem like the world is against you?” Ryker finally said, his voice sounding different, less sure of himself.
“Yeah, it does,” I agreed, wondering what he was talking about. “Why do you say that?”
“I just sometimes feel that way,” he said, his voice low. “Everything in my world has always been black and white. Hot or cold. Yes or no. But that’s not always how life works. My life has always been me against the world.”
“That’s not true,” I protested. “You have Parker, you have my family.” I didn’t want to tell him that he had me. That seemed too personal. Too revealing.
“Yeah, but in my heart and brain, it’s all been me against the world.” He sighed. “And I’ve always told myself that . . .” His voice trailed off, and I waited for him to continue. However, after a few minutes of silence, he still hadn’t said anything, and so I spoke up.
“You told yourself what?”
“Nothing. I’m not making sense.” He rolled over, and then I rolled over to look at him. His eyes were tender, but his lips were twisted. He looked so lost, like a little boy, and I felt my heart overflowing for him. I loved this man so much it hurt.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said softly, his eyes meeting mine.
“Thank you,” I said in reply.
“It killed me to see you crying.” He took a deep breath. “I thought something happened.”
“Nothing happened.”
“I know, but I thought . . .” His voice trailed off again, and he closed his eyes. “This is a mess.”
“What’s a mess?” I reached over and touched his shoulder.
“Nothing.” His lips became one thin line. “You’re so special—you know that, right?”
“What’s so special about me?” I joked, but my heart stood still as I waited for him.
“You just don’t even know.” His eyes seemed to darken, and he was silent for a bit. “Oh, Mila, butterflies envy you.” He reached over and caressed my face.
“Why would butterflies envy me?” I laughed awkwardly. The air stood still in the room as I waited for his answer.
“The sight of you. The sound of your laugh. The lightest touch of your arm. The smell of your hair. The way your eyes crinkle when you smile. The way you play with your hair when you’re nervous.
The way you listen to me. The way you make me feel when I’m with you.
The whole world stands still when my eyes catch yours.
The whole world stands still, and even the butterflies are caught up in your aura. ”
“Oh, Ryker,” I said, about to say more, but he held a finger to my lips and smiled, a beautiful, handsome, heartwarming smile that made my heart ache. I reached over and pulled him closer to me.
“The sight of you ignites my heart, Mila. The sound of your laugh is music to my ears. Just knowing that I’m next to you, the way that makes me feel, it’s enough to let me know . . .” His voice trailed off again, and he looked away from me then.
“Let you know what?” I asked breathlessly.
“I knew I was falling for you when the world stood still,” he said, as if he were talking to himself.
He then looked back at me, a confused expression on his face.
“When I saw you crying just now, it felt like the world was going to combust and burst into flames. It made me feel things. Think things.” He sighed.
“Is that a good thing?” I asked him, hope starting to bubble inside me.
“I’m still trying to decide.”
“Do you love me?” I asked, my throat immediately closing as soon as the words were out. How could I have asked him that? I wanted to die as soon as I’d said the words.
“I’m trying not to. I’m really trying not to.” He looked so bleak, and I wasn’t sure, but I reached over to him to bring him even closer to me, to comfort him, even though it was my heart that was breaking. All I could think inside was love me, love me, love me, please, love me.
“Don’t fall for me, Mila. Please don’t fall for me,” he said as he kissed my neck and held me close.
I already have. I closed my eyes and held him close, praying that more tears wouldn’t start to fall.