20. Rosy
TWENTY
ROSY
After a restless night, I’m exhausted, and the day has barely begun. It’s stupid. I had such a nice time with the guys last night. I should be feeling great, happy.
But my brain is demanding attention, swarming with so many thoughts I’m struggling to focus on a single one.
I’m so miserable already.
Guilt creeps in like greasy smoke, choking me. I should be happy. My bills are covered each month, just about at least. I’ve a roof over my head and food to eat. I’ve got new friends in my life, potentially a boyfriend…not that we’ve labelled anything.
I’ve so much more than other people in the world, so why is my mind sabotaging it?
The consuming guilt over my attraction for the other guys…
I need to squash it down, lest I risk messing things up with Nate and losing him. The guilt just opens the floodgates for all the intrusive, negative thoughts today.
A soft nuzzle in my ear pulls me from the spiral.
“Jerry!” I squeal at the face hovering above me as I lie in the grass. “That tickles, you menace.”
I bracket my arms around my head, trying to fend off the mischievous pony. But it doesn’t deter him one bit. His tongue slops out and lands in my ear, and my face gets covered in his slobber.
Lovely.
“Okay, okay. I’m getting up. You can stop,” I say, laughing freely. Rolling onto my knees, I come face-to-face with the stubby Shetland pony.
“You may be cute, but you're annoying. Why couldn’t you just let me lie there and have my pity party?”
Sticking his black muzzle in my face, he blows a huge raspberry. Sighing loudly, I wipe away the moisture. It’s my fault, really. I should’ve known complaining whilst kneeling eye-level with him wouldn’t garner me any sympathy.
“Okay, got it. No pitying allowed, but I at least deserve a hug.”
When I open my arms, he takes the cue and barges into my chest, hooking his head over my shoulder.
I wrap my arms around his neck and lace my fingers into his thick black mane.
He might not be able to hug me back like a person can, but there’s something about sinking my face into his furry bay-coloured body and wrapping my arms around him that soothes me.
“I needed that. Thanks, cutie.”
Gently pushing him back, I climb to my feet and dust off the blades of grass and mud stuck to me.
“Right, I need to get on with the day. Everyone’s been fed, but I need to clean out the goats’ shelter and check on their fencing. Do you want to come with and see Harry?”
Jerry tosses his head and stamps a teeny hoof at me.
“Okay, come on then.” I laugh, shaking my head at him.
His no usually results in a snort and him walking away. Pony’s too clever for his own good.
I turn to the gate, and Jerry charges past me and waits impatiently. I reach through the fence, grab his head collar from the hook, and put it on him. Gathering up the supplies from the barn, I chuck straw and hay into the barrow, then we head over to the field.
“Can you stop trying to eat their hay? You’re supposed to be on a diet, you hungry hippo. This is a social trip for you, not Meals on Wheels.”
Naturally, he ignores me.
We push through the gate, and we’re greeted by happy bleats. Well, except for Matilda, who’s angry at Jerry for munching on her food.
As soon as I unclip the lead rope from Jerry’s head collar, he trots off, butting Harry excitedly as they greet each other.
This right here is my bubble; the little piece of happiness that I fight for every day. To be here for them.
But it’s also for me too.
It’s grounding in a way I haven’t the words to explain.
With a little more lightness to my step, I grab the handles of the barrow and push it towards the shelter.
Once I finish cleaning it out, I move on to sorting the goat’s fencing.
With Mavis being an expert escape artist, we have to regularly check the fences to ensure there aren’t any gaps or damaged areas.
Crouched low, I’m absorbed in hammering an additional staple to secure the metal mesh to the wooden post, when my phone starts vibrating in my pocket.
“Crapsicles, hold on.”
Sliding the device out, I answer without looking, shoving it under my ear as I bring the hammer down again.
“Hello?” I say distractedly.
Almost there.
“Hey, Rosy!”
The hammer slips, and I just miss my finger. Concentrate.
“Bry?” Pulling the phone from my ear, I check the caller ID. “Everything okay?”
He sounds a little…breathless. Maybe he’s a runner, but why would he call me if he’s running? Wouldn’t he need to focus on breathing?
“Yeah…” Shuffling noises echo in the background. “I’m actually here, but I couldn’t see you in the office. So thought I’d try to find you. But there’s a cat, and it won't leave me alone.” He laughs nervously.
It takes effort to muffle my giggles. I stand and look to see if I can see where he is.
“That would be Daisy. She’s…too friendly, and nosy. I’m in the goats’ field. If you’re by the office, you need to turn left and walk straight along the path. At the end, you’ll see the pigs’ area, and I’m in the field just to the right of it. I’ll come over to the gate.”
Butterflies flit around in my chest, and a slight rush of giddiness rolls through me. I’m not usually one for surprises, I like to know ahead when things are happening, but having Bry turn up to see me is overwhelmingly good.
Bry arrives at the gate before I do and waves at me. Heart pounding, I wave back with a wide smile. A loud squeal comes from behind me, and quick sounding hooves echo as Jerry flies past me, heading straight at Bry.
Bry jumps back, eyes wide and hands lifted as he leaves a wide berth between him and the outraged pony. Jerry makes a ruckus, trying to shove his head over the too-high gate and making his displeasure known.
“Jerry,” I scold, stepping up beside him and nudging him back. A sharp nip on my backside has a small yelp bursting from my lips.
“Really?” Rounding on Jerry, my hands land on my hips, and I do my very best to frown at him. “We don’t greet guests like that, and we certainly don’t treat friends like that by nibbling on them, do we?”
Another raspberry sprays me.
“Really?” I squint, scowling back at him.
“It’s fine.” Bry laughs, stepping warily back up to the gate. “He surprised me, that’s all. I’m not that used to horses, or I’m assuming a pony, in his case.”
Leaning my arms on the gate, I take the time to appreciate him.
It’s nice weather today. The sun decided to shine, and it glints reflecting off the strawberry blonde tones in his hair, giving it an almost spun-gold look.
From here, I can even see the slight stubble coming through on his face, just as light and golden.
“He’s your typical Shitland pony, full of sass and attitude.” At his blank look, I add, “Yup, you did hear that right.”
His smile turns wide, mirroring the one spreading across my face.
“So what brings you here, Bry?”