29. Nate
TWENTY-NINE
NATE
My lungs burn, and I release the breath I’d unconsciously been holding in a loud exhale.
She’s here.
I wasn’t sure if she would come, seeing how upset she was last night and the messages she’s ignored since. Can’t deny I’m a little sore at her silence, but mostly I’m struggling with her hurt.
It’s not overly obvious to see. Her gaze is locked on the floor in front of her, avoiding everyone as usual. Her clothing is in different shades of blue, and fuck if that doesn’t sum up her mood.
As if sadness is slowly choking her.
Stepping up onto the treadmill, she digs her phone out of her leggings pocket, taps at it for a moment, and starts her walk. Not able to resist her magnetic pull any longer, I stride purposefully over and step onto the machine beside her.
Her head turns towards me. With a mid-blue base layer, her pale grey eyes are even more fucking startling as she takes a minute to assess me. She must see something in my eyes that eases her, and her shoulders relax slightly, some weight disappearing, making them lighter.
And fuck it does the same for mine. Some of the frustration melts, and the coiled disappointment in my gut over her reaction to Max, cools. Rosy taking some comfort from me means she’s not shutting me out.
Not offering her words, because often they’re just meaningless bullshit people use, I reach across the small gap between us, tugging her hand into mine. Selfishly, I need her touch, then we continue the walk in steady quiet.
With our gym session finished, we’re taking the short walk back home. But she’s withdrawing, and fuck if I know what to do to make it stop. Physically she’s here, but she’s retreated inside.
I hate it.
It’s not something I can control or force, but if I push, will she pull away more?
Sadness is still hanging off her. I miss her sweet smiles.
This is Max’s fucking thing. He does the jokes. The things to make her laugh. What does he even do to make her do it?
I didn’t even want to share in the first place, then the stupid little shit had to make her giggle and get all attached, only to leave her sad.
And stuck with me.
Scrubbing a hand down my face, I glance at her walking beside me. She’s staring straight ahead, walking on autopilot. Are her thoughts quiet at least? Or are they so busy she’s shutting down?
Not knowing what else to do, I reach out a hand and lock my fingers with hers. I might not be able to say the right shit like Noah, be good at listening like Bry, or even make her laugh like Max. But I can be there for her always.
She’s never going to feel alone again.
Her shoulders jolt in surprise, confirming how lost she was in her mind, and she glances down at our entwined hands. Squeezing her as softly as I can, I remind her I’m here.
It might not have the spark reappearing in her eyes, but a few of the tense lines around her face disappear.
My hand jolts her to a halt when we reach her door.
“Shit, sorry. I wasn’t paying attention,” she rushes out. “I’ve been really bad company, and an even worse friend for not responding to your messages.”
She drops my hand, and her fingers twist tightly together.
“Is that what this is? Just two friends?” I ask, stepping in closer, crowding her.
Her eyes widen, and her mouth opens to respond, then snaps shut. She tries again. “I don’t know? We haven’t said anything.”
Fuck. That’s on me. My head’s so full of her, she’s taken up residence in it. But I forgot she doesn’t know that.
“Then this is me saying something. I don’t want friends.”
Hurt flashes through her eyes, and I can almost see all the thoughts flying around in her mind.
I cup her face. “I want more. I want you.”
My body aligns with hers, crowding her even more as she backs into the wall. “I’m fucking feral for you, so I’ll take every morsel of you that you can offer me.”
Slowly I lean down, keeping our eyes locked. My mouth brushes against hers, the touch brief, then I pull back, hovering over her, sharing the same breath.
Fuck, I want to taste her.
But I need to wait. To hear what she wants. My heart pounds as she keeps me waiting, desperate to beat its way out of my chest and into hers.
“I want more too.” She nods, flicking tongue out to swipe across her lower lip as she looks at me through her lashes.
Circling my hand around the front of her neck, my mouth descends on hers, no longer gentle but primal and full of need. My tongue pushes in against hers, owning and taking what I crave.
The heat of us together feels scorching. Fucking potent.
My mouth belongs on hers, and when I stop, she sways forward into me. Hand tightening around the soft skin of her neck, her pants come out breathy. Short.
A sinful fucking smirk tugs at my lips.
I could stay forever with our mouths locked together. But I know she’s still unsteady and needs time.
“You coming for dinner?” Biting my lip hard, I regret the question as soon as it leaves me.
The desire in her eyes fizzles out, but she tries to hide it with a smile. She fails, though. She seems to forget that I fucking see her. I don’t want her hiding any of this bullshit for me; I want her raw and exposed.
“I think I need the night at home,” she responds, almost apologetically.
Gripping her chin firmly, I raise her dropped gaze back up to mine, my scowl probably obvious.
“No, don’t feel bad if you need that. I know Noah talked to you about everything. You don’t need to hide your feelings,” I bite out. “As long as your feelings for me are there, every other feeling you have, you tell me. You need time to yourself from the hurt Max caused? Then you have it.”
Her lashes flutter rapidly, and when her jaw starts quivering in my grasp, panic sets in.
Ah, fuck. Did I make things worse?
I prepare to grovel. To ease whatever I’ve fucked up, and make those tearful eyes look happy again.
“Thank you, Nate. That’s sweet…I think. A little unhinged, but sweet.”
Grunting, I drop another heated kiss on her perfect fucking mouth. The tension falls away, and I exhale heavily.
“I just need you to promise me something,” I mutter against her lips, pulling back reluctantly.
She nods, and one of her hands lands on my chest. Fuck, I love her touch.
“I was out of my mind worrying, and you didn’t reply. Didn’t know if you needed space, or if I needed to push it. Next time, just reply. Even if it’s to say you’re fine but need space…please?”
Both the request and the plea feel unfamiliar. I lack finesse and manners, but I push aside my usual demanding way as I try to be softer for her.
Only for her, though.
“That’s reasonable. I can definitely do that,” she breathes, her small tongue flicking out to wet her lip. Darting in, I wrap my mouth around it and suck.
A moan vibrates from her, and I clutch her closer, loving the taste of her in my mouth, our tongues tangling and sliding together. Food’s never going to have the same appeal again.
“I should go.” I don’t want to, but I don’t say that. “Let you get some rest.”
“Oh, okay,” she replies, reluctance threading through her words. Fuck, I’m trying to do this for her, but she’s not making it easy.
“Message me. Any time you need it. I’m here.”
My promise is rough, coated in need. She needs to get that. She needs to understand that my world has fucking pivoted, and now she’s the centre of it.
She nods, mouth all pink and swollen. Marked by me. I fucking did that.
It takes more strength than any weight I’ve ever lifted to force myself to walk away from her. But I do; because she needs me to.