14
Christian
Holy shit.
She came onto me with a confidence even I barely recognized. Suddenly, we were kissing. Yet, it was so much more than just kissing. Something else was happening between us. I wanted more, but I knew I needed to stop.
I was aware that if I stopped it, it would deal a blow to her self-assurance so I kept kissing her, fully aware that I was about to screw up everything between us, just like I always did. Relationships were never my forte. That was why I preferred one-night stands. There was usually nothing messy to clean up afterward. My ex divorced me because my work addiction was too overpowering. Adding sobriety to the mix only made things messier, and Maeve and I were already tangled in a mess.
With as much gentleness as I could muster, I pushed her away from me.
"Maeve.” I locked eyes with her, desperately hoping my expression would convey that I didn't actually hate kissing her. In fact, if I continued doing it, I would end up throwing her forcefully over the desk and fucking her because all I could think about was how much I wanted to devour her.
But I needed to stop before this fucked everything up between us. I just had to wait six months so that she could have her kids and the custody situation with her ex sorted out. I promised myself that if I still felt this way after the six months, then I could fuck her. Right now, I didn’t want to fuck this up, so I was doing it to protect us. Both of us.
“Oh,” she exclaimed quickly and moved away from my thigh. She looked down, and I knew she saw my raging boner. “I am so sorry.”
Turning her head away from me, she started to fuss with her hair and adjusted her shirt that had ridden up from my hands.
Fuck. I fucked up. She was confident, pulling me in here with ease, and I knew I would fuck things up. But I was trying to think above just wanting to fuck her for a second. I was trying to be the bigger person no matter how hard living here with her would be. Now that I knew what her mouth felt like, I knew all I would do was imagine her pretty pink lips wrapped around my cock as she swallowed me whole.
“I’m so sorry. I-I just thought…” Fuck. She was overthinking. I could see the wheels literally spinning in her mind.
“It’s just…complicated, Maeve.” She hadn’t turned her head in my direction. In fact, she kept staring at her feet this entire time. She grabbed the handle of the door to the office.
“Right, yes. Complicated.” None of it was a complete sentence. She was panicking, and I desperately wanted to comfort her. I hated seeing her like this.
“I’m going to go.” She opened the door and looked back at me in the briefest of moments. I met her watery, tear-filled eyes before she left. “Anyway, thank you for everything, Christian. It doesn’t go unnoticed.” With that, she walked out.
“Fuck,” I murmured angrily as I ran my hands through my hair, throwing it up into a bun on the top.
I gathered myself physically and mentally before gaining enough courage to head back outside.
Everyone was admiring the pool. Julian stopped me and gave me a pointed look. “You good?”
“Yeah, man.”
“Need to call your sponsor?” he asked me quietly.
“Nah. Thanks, though.” I gave him a pat on the back before I stood there and listened to the conversations around me. I was nodding like I was part of the whole ordeal, but I couldn’t take my eyes off Maeve. The blush had left her face from earlier, but she was perfection, and I had totally just made everything weird as fuck between us.
A few hours later, everyone had left except for Pat and Sarah.
“We should get going.” Sarah looked at the now quiet living room where we all were sitting.
“Do you have to?” Maeve asked her mom, who only responded with an empathetic smile.
“You’re a big girl, sweetie,” Sarah responded as I just watched them. Many times, I would beg my mom to stay with me, but I was maybe five years old. There was something sweet about this interaction.
“I haven't been alone in so long, Mom,” Maeve responded. Why did I feel this compulsion to go over there, wrap her in my arms, and tell her that she wasn’t ever alone? That kiss must have fucked me up real good.
“Honey, you have Christian.” I just raised my sparkling water with a silent nod.
I needed to get out of here. This place was starting to suffocate me right now. There was no one else but Maeve and I, and quite frankly, I wasn’t sure if I could control myself if it was just the two of us.
Once her parents retreated, I went upstairs and got an overnight bag. I wasn’t going to stay here. I needed to get out of here quickly.
I typically hated fucking the same girl twice, but I went through my Rolodex on my phone and picked a few. The first person who responded was the one I was going with tonight. No time to fuck around and be picky. I just needed to drown these thoughts out. Some said that replacing booze with pussy was just trading one addiction with another, but the way that the thoughts swirled around my mind made it hard to decipher and pull the truth. It was just easier to drown everything out. Right now, I was desperate. Call me a needy fuck, but I needed to drown out the very loud noises.
Me: Hey, you wanna Netflix and chill tonight?
Not to sound cocky, but it didn’t take a lot for me to find someone to fuck around with. Within moments, a text came through from a leggy brunette I fucked in the parking lot of the grocery store last week. She would do.
Jenny (with the legs): Only if you spank me and let me call you Daddy.
Whatever works.
Me: See you in 20.
I grabbed my bag and took off downstairs, tossing a set of spare keys on the countertop.
“I’m out,” I said to the room, and she turned around from where she was watching HGTV reruns. Fuck, what I would have wished to stay here with her.
“Wait.” She stood and looked almost terrified when she saw my overnight bag in my hand. “Where are you going?” She looked down and quickly corrected what she had just asked.
“I mean, you don’t have to tell me anything. I know this seems so stupid. I guess I have never really stayed overnight anywhere alone so I was just curious.” She was as fucked up as me right now, which was the reason leaving was better.
"I'm heading out. This place has top-notch security, so you are fine here. If you need anything, Gianna and Tatum are just up the road," I said, avoiding direct eye contact. I couldn't bear to witness the way her face instantly sank with sadness, nor could I bear to see the faint quivering of her lips and the tears pooling in the corners of her eyes. No, I couldn’t look at any of that because that would make me the monster to the one person who didn’t make me the villain of their story.
“Okay, cool.” She wiped a few fallen tears before sinking back onto the couch. I walked out the door and immediately jumped into the car. I could feel my chest tighten and my breathing rapidly increase. What I wouldn’t do for a fucking drink right now, knowing it would take away everything I was feeling.
I grabbed my phone with a shaky hand and dialed my sponsor before driving to the leggy brunette’s house. One fucking step but this felt like a goddamn
leap.