31
Maeve
“I-I just don’t—” I stopped. Did it feel fake? No. Nothing about last night felt fake. Nothing about sitting with Christian while he told my ex that he would help out with my kids schooling so that I looked better to the court felt fake. But the truth was so much scarier than the lie we were trying to play off.
He inched closer to me. “This is real to me. Please go out with me, like a proper date.”
I took two breaths and paused for a moment before looking back up at him. “I’m scared.” My voice was barely above an audible whisper. My hands were glued to my side, but I felt them shaking beneath me. “I thought you didn't date.”
He pulled away from my face and looked me up and down like he was taking me in.
“I don’t.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I want to try it with you.”
Fuck. Fuck. This would mess everything up, but it already had been.
“I can see your brain thinking over there, firecracker. Stop thinking, just do.” I nodded slowly.
“Okay. A date.” He smiled one of those genuine smiles that filled me with pride and joy.
“Wear something you can get dirty.” He dropped a kiss on my lips so quickly and naturally that it felt normal.
“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” I asked as he bounded up toward the stairs.
“Nope, but we’re leaving in a few hours.”
I sat in my room and contemplated what to wear for what felt like hours. I ended up wearing a pair of ripped straight jeans, my favorite Keds, and a white sleeveless bodysuit. I added a few stacked necklaces and matching earrings. I called Chels, who guided me through curling my hair.
I looked at myself in the mirror and wanted to rip everything off and hide under my covers for many reasons. The biggest one being that I was going on a freaking date.
I called Tatum. I was panicking, and I didn’t want to leave this room because then I would run into Christian…because we shared the same house. I huffed.
“Hey.” Her voice was breathless as if she had been running.
“What’re you doing? Why do you sound like you have no voice?”
“Nothing.” I heard her giggle and then Julian in the background.
“Ew! Tatum Marchetti, are you having sex while you answer this phone call?”
“Maybe? Is this important?”
“Yes. Hurry and finish up and come over.” There was silence on the other line.
“Give us five minutes,” Julian said, and I made another disgusted noise before hanging up.
It wasn’t more than twenty minutes before someone knocked on the door, and I quickly whipped it open to find a very disheveled Tatum.
“You guys are fiends.”
“I promise it’s the pregnancy hormones. They make me absolutely crazed.” I laughed.
“Okay, but I called you here because I’m in a moment of panic.” She looked me up and down, and I quickly shut the door behind her. We stood awkwardly in the middle of the room.
“Is Christian downstairs?” I asked.
“Uh, I didn’t see him?” she questioned. “What is going on? Why do you look different?”
“Because I’m going on a date,” I whisper-yelled at her. If I said it aloud, then I felt like it was actually happening, which it was, but it made it somehow real.
“Ohhhh ho-ho-ho.” She crossed her arms and leaned on my bed frame.
“Those are not words,” I responded by pacing back and forth.
“Is this a fake date or a real one?” I stopped and shot her daggers with my eyes. She just laughed again.
“A real one. He asked me out, and I somehow agreed to it. Selfishly knowing we still haven’t talked about him leaving.” I could feel myself ranting, and somehow, I couldn’t stop from word vomiting either.
“You’re nervous,” she stated.
“Very,” I responded.
“Okay, let's talk this out. Why?”
“This is the first person I have dated since Tyler. The girls already know him and are attached, so it can be very bad if things go wrong.”
“Why?” Tatum asked again.
“Because then it would be awkward between us.”
“Honestly, I don’t think anything would go wrong between you two, but if it did, I don’t think anything would change. Christian is very respectful and would be professional if we were ever together.” I stood there silently and stared at her, wanting to believe her but definitely not.
“He offered to pay for half the girls' schooling. He told Tyler today when he picked up the girls that we were paying for half, but I don’t have the money.” Tatum sat on the edge of my bed and ran her fingers through her brunette locks.
“That is serious, Maeve.”
“I know. Is this a bad idea?” I asked, lowering my tone.
“What do you think?”
“I want to do it. It is a bad idea, but I feel like I deserve a little something.”
“You have been through so much. You deserve all the happiness in the world.” She reached her hands out for me, and I took them.
“Remember when you braided my hair in a gross bar while I cried about not knowing what to do with Julian?” I nodded, laughing at the old memory of us and looking at where we are today. She was married and pregnant, and we were neighbors.
“I think this is my moment to tell you the same thing you told me. You never ever doubted Julian and encouraged me to follow what my heart told me. You need to listen to that same advice.” I swallowed…hard.
“He would never hurt you, no matter the outcome.”
“Okay,” I meekly responded.
“That’s the spirit. Go down there and walk with your shoulders high.” I gave her a quick hug.
“I will. Thank you.” Tatum got up to leave my bedroom before turning back to me.
“Call me tomorrow and let me know how it goes.” I nodded, and she left as I stood there in the empty bedroom.
I heard the front door click closed, and then there was a small knock on the shared bathroom door. I opened it. Christian stood there wearing dark black jeans and a plain tee in the same color. He had pulled his blond hair up to the top of his head. He looked both rugged and cleaned up, which was an oxymoron, but somehow, he pulled it off.
“Hey.” He stopped and looked me up and down before he reached my face. “Maeve, you look breathtaking.” I laughed and rubbed my sweating hands on my jeans.
“I clean up okay.”
“You look beautiful every single day, and today is no different. I promise to tell you every day how stunning of a human you are.”
“You’ve never seen me puking with the stomach flu, then.” I tried to add some levity to the heaviness of his confession.
“Then you would be the most beautiful puker I have ever laid eyes on.” I laughed.
“Why did you knock?”
“I heard what you said to Tatum,” he confessed. His hands held tightly onto the countertop in the bathroom while I leaned against the doorframe.
“Only the end of the conversation, though, I promise. I came in here to get dressed—”
“It’s fine, Christian.” I interrupted him, offering him a slight smile.
"If this…” He gestured back and forth between us. “If this doesn’t work out, I would never do anything to jeopardize our friendship or the girls. I need you to know that before we go out tonight.”
“You promise?”
“I swear to you. I don’t think I could move on if I broke your heart, but your trust is something else completely. You mean far too much to me.”
I sat there for a moment, processing what he just said. It was all the right words. I honestly felt like I was in a fairy tale. I had already tried to be married to Prince Charming and it didn’t turn out very well, but the morally gray villain in the story? He was fucking perfect for me. I wanted this so badly.
“Let’s go?” I offered and reached my hand out in his direction. He grabbed my hand, and we intertwined our fingers like always. It was a perfect fit… like always.
Christian held open my door when we got outside, and I slipped into his little sports car. As we sped down the highway headed toward downtown, I looked over at him while we sat there hand in hand, going out for a date night like any two typical humans. It was so normal, when nothing else was normal for us.
“I have to leave town next week.” He finally broke the silence between us.
“No problem, I can ask my mom to—”
“No,” he stated blatantly.
“Okay?”
“I already arranged it with Julian. It's on your day off, and I will be back by the time the girls are in bed. I just wanted to let you know I wouldn’t be in town.”
“Oh, well, thank you for letting me know.” He reached over and gave my thigh a quick squeeze before putting his hand back on the steering wheel. This felt uncomfortable. It was…different. He felt hesitant about something, but I couldn’t quite pinpoint it.
“Can I pick the girls up from school?” he asked, staring at the road and not looking back at me.
I couldn’t help but let out a small giggle. “Is that why you have been so anxious? This car is so tense that I could cut it with a knife.”
“I didn’t know how to ask,” he responded earnestly. I reached over and grabbed his thigh before he moved his hand toward mine.
“I know we have a lot to talk about, but let’s have fun today. The heavy stuff can wait a few more hours?” He nodded in agreement, and I looked up to realize where we were headed.
“Are we going to Belmont Park?” It was a large pier turned into a year-round fair with a small roller coaster, arcade games, and fair food.
“Yeah. Is that lame? I would take you—”
“No, this is perfect. I haven't been here since I was a teenager, and I’m not really a stuffy date kind of person.” I didn’t mind being wined and dined because Tyler used to do it with me often, but I much preferred something more low-key, especially once I became a mom. I realized that it was nice to just be out of the house on a date in general.
We pulled into the parking lot, and I went to grab the door when Christian stopped me.
“Let me do it.” He walked around the car to my side and opened it, reaching his hand out for me.
“Thanks.” I felt like a high schooler on some forbidden romance type of date. He was so wrong for me even though it felt so incredibly right. We both came into this with baggage, but somehow, it felt…okay to hold it together.
After dominating every carnival game we encountered, thanks to Christian's seemingly superhuman strength, we triumphantly gathered our winnings—a pair of stuffed unicorns for the girls and an absurdly large polar bear that Christian insisted I keep because he found it endearing.
Hand in hand, we continued our expedition through the amusement park, immersed in a whirlwind of laughter and excitement. The radiant lights of the rides cast a dazzling spectacle against the now evening sky, creating an atmosphere of enchantment. The air buzzed with the sounds of delighted screams and catchy tunes, adding to the vibrant energy surrounding us.
Christian's firm grasp offered a sense of security as we ventured forward, grounding me amid the whirl of thrilling chaos. A detour to a cotton candy stand allowed us to savor the sugary confection, playfully stealing bites from each other amid lively conversations that sparked laughter. We plopped ourselves and the stuffed animals we had collected on a picnic bench a ways from the stand, and I grabbed two lemonades.
I slid onto the table next to Christian. Normally, at a restaurant, I would judge couples who sat next to each other because it looked so much more natural to sit across, but being this close and this carefree with him tonight made me realize how much I wanted to be near him. I was desperate to touch him, and sitting across from him felt far too distant.
“Hey,” I murmured through the chaos of the park goers around us.
Christian all but smiled, and I reached up to pull a little piece that fell out of his bun and tuck it back in.
“Hey back,” he responded by grabbing my waist and pulling me in tight against him.
“I have had the absolute best time tonight.” The statement was genuine. I felt more carefree than I had in years.
"Me too, firecracker," he murmured against my ear, his voice laced with a hint of husky desire. The anticipation of this kiss had built up all evening, and now, as I looked into his eyes, it felt like the perfect culmination of our undeniable connection. I couldn't deny the strong feelings stirring within me—the way his smile lit up my world and the warmth of his presence made me feel at ease and safe.
I couldn't help but wrap my hands around his neck, drawing him closer to me, our bodies inching nearer as if pulled by an invisible force. The air around us crackled with an electric energy, a shared understanding of our forged connection. It was as if this kiss held the power to solidify our bond, to affirm the depth of our emotions.
“Kiss me, Christian,” I somewhat demanded in a breathy rasp. Within seconds, he pressed his mouth against mine. His cool lips, a reprieve from the warm summer evening. My hands ran through his hair, and I opened my mouth to let him in. I didn’t care that we were in public. I was consumed with him.
Time seemed to stand still in that suspended moment as our lips finally met. It was a collision of passion and longing, a dance of intertwining souls. The world around us faded into insignificance as the intensity of the kiss consumed us both. Every touch, every breath exchanged between us spoke volumes, expressing a profound yearning that had been building between us for far too long.
“Christian?” I whimpered, pulling away from him.
“Hmm?” His eyes are full of a lovesick haze.
“Can you take me home?” I batted my lashes, and with our stuffed animals and cotton candy in tow, he lifted me and practically sprinted to the car.
“Put me down,” I jokingly taunted as he ran faster, and I playfully slapped his arm.
“Gotta get you home, firecracker. The quicker I get home, the faster I can finally come inside that pretty pink pussy of yours.”
I scanned the parking lot, which thankfully was empty, but still looked over at Christian.
“You cannot say those things in public,” I told him when he finally dropped me on my toes in front of the car.
As he opened the door for me, he whispered, “Tell me you don’t like it, and I’ll stop.”
I stuck my tongue out at him in jeer, and he laughed before slamming the door and making his way to the driver’s side.
“I like being your passenger princess.”
“You are a queen, firecracker. Don’t ever diminish yourself to princess status.” He leaned over and gave me a quick peck before heading back home.
“Take me to our house, Christian.”
“Happily.”
We pulled up to the house, and I started to feel the guilt creep in. We had this amazing night on an actual date, but I felt like we sort of just glossed over all the hard stuff.
As if he could sense something was wrong, Christian pulled me aside just as we walked up to the front door.
“I think we need to have that talk, Christian, before anything goes further.”
He hung his head low, and I could see the disappointment brimming in his eyes.
“I know.” He opened the door and then gestured to the back patio. “In my sobriety group of friends, we always put on coffee when we know we’re going to have a long, emotional night, so I’m going to make some for us. Go sit on the patio?” I gave him a slight smile as I made my way to the porch. I knew talking about his sobriety was hard for him. I knew it also probably had a lot to do with why he walked out on me for a week.
I went to the patio and pulled up one of the large Adirondack chairs around the pool deck. In the evening, the lights inside the pool gleamed, mirroring the glow of the night sky.
I could smell the coffee and feel his presence as he came around and joined me on the chair I had pulled out for him.
“This is a good tradition,” I offered, gesturing to the warm mug of coffee.
“I don’t know where you want me to start, Maeve, but I want to make this better. I want to be better for you because you make me want to become a better person.”
“You should want that for yourself, though. You should want to become a better person for you,” I encouraged as I took a sip of the steaming hot liquid that almost mimicked the way the steam came off the sauna.
“I do.”
“I was married to Tyler for a couple of years before he came home one day and told me he was having an affair and leaving me for Stephen.” I could see the hurt in his eyes.
“I’m so—” I cut him off quickly.
"I don't want to say this to upset you, but I need you to understand why your departure affected me so deeply. Throughout my life, I've experienced people leaving me, and it has taught me to rely solely on my family and myself to support my girls," I expressed, my voice trembling with emotion. Tears welled up in my eyes, threatening to spill over.
"Before you left the other day, I felt like you were different. I believed you could be someone I could lean on during tough times. I thought that was the message you were trying to convey, so it was incredibly disheartening to see you walk away and leave me alone again," I continued, my voice cracking with the weight of my emotions. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I struggled to find the right words.
Christian attempted to interject, but I couldn't let him. I needed him to understand the depth of my feelings. "Christian, it's not your responsibility to look out for me. I know that. It's my own duty. However, if we're going to explore whatever this connection is between us, I need to know that you're on my team. I need to know that you're in this with me, through the ups and downs, and that you won't just walk away when things get tough," I pleaded, my voice filled with vulnerability and determination.
A heavy silence hung in the air as I poured my heart out. The air felt charged with uncertainty, and I anxiously awaited Christian's response. The weight of his decision hung in the balance, and at that moment, my heart trembled with both hope and fear.