Chapter 28
When I meet Tristan at the castle entrance at dawn, I yawn and stretch my limbs, willing myself to wake up.
“Nice to see you’re bored with me already.”
I stifle my yawn. “No sleep.”
“Yeah.” He pushes himself up from where he’s leaning against the cool stone wall. “Sleep and I haven’t been well-acquainted lately either.” His tone is light, but I sense a deeper meaning behind his words.
After I healed Jona, my power bloomed in my chest and stayed. It answers at the briefest call now, no longer timid or reluctant. It’s back, and my mind can’t stop thinking about the possibilities. What can I do with this power, now that it’s returned? How strong can I become?
How will I use it to kill the Fox King?
“What unique torture do you have planned for me today?” I ask as I bend to touch my toes.
“We’re practicing with power again.”
I look up, lifting an eyebrow.
“You can do it.”
I don’t budge.
He crosses his arms over his broad chest. “Why does your face say you don’t believe me?”
“After last time—”
“Forget last time, we’re starting fresh.”
I wonder if, by “forget,” he means my accusation of jealousy … or the look he gave me when he asked if I still love Hunter. The tension is too much to bear.
I huff in mock confusion. “And here I thought you were only interested in arrows, swords, and other pointy things.”
A reluctant smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. “Yes, well, I do love pointy things.”
“I know.” I unsheathe my knife and give it a fancy little twirl for good measure.
Tristan watches the blade spin between my fingers. Something tells me the tightness in his jaw isn’t just annoyance with my showmanship. His eyes study mine beyond the flashing blade. My skin prickles and I sheath my knife in one swift motion.
He clears his throat. “As you’ve reclaimed your power, we need to measure exactly how much of it you can control.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “A test?”
He sighs, then waves for me to follow him.
He leads me out into the early morning mist. Overnight rain has flattened the snow into icy patches.
I focus on not slipping as we cross the field and head toward the wall of trees.
The forest is wet and the branches hang low, burdened with melting ice.
It’s like the world is confused. It’s not sure if it should be melting or freezing this time of year.
For the first time in my life, I wish the world would commit to winter a little longer, because spring means my father’s soldiers can pass through the Spires. It means death is marching toward us and I am nowhere near ready.
The Wolf brings me to what might be a woodland meadow, if it weren’t frozen solid.
“Why aren’t we just practicing in the training yard?” I ask.
“I thought we needed a little distance from the castle. There’s been a lot of distractions lately.”
Hunter, he means. Not that Hunter and I are on the best terms.
Tristan stands in the center of the frozen meadow. “Get into position.”
I ready myself, stepping into a fighting posture that’s become natural to me now.
The Wolf strikes. Smoke bursts from his palms like a flying arrow. I deflect it with a burst of light, pushing it aside without even thinking.
“Good.” Tristan nods, but his face is still grim.
A small twinge of pride rises in me, but he comes at me again before I can think much of it. Darkness engulfs the meadow like a wave on a stormy sea. It crashes down from above so fast, I don’t see it coming.
“Gah!” Shadow engulfs me before I have a chance to ignite any light at all.
“Less good.” The Wolf’s voice cuts through the darkness.
After he summons his darkness back into his palms, I shoot him an irritated glare. My movements are slow from lack of sleep, and my mind is unfocused. I take a deep breath and step into position again.
This time, I attack first. I shoot a bolt of light toward him, but he sidesteps easily. The bolt crashes into one of the many boulders scattered around, leaving a deep dent in the rock. I wave a cloud of rock dust away from my face.
Tristan nods, as if appreciating the newly improved boulder. “Impressive, but your speed is lacking.” Tristan steps back into position.
“I’m trying.” My jaw clenches.
He doesn’t answer. Just nods once, curtly.
The frozen meadow is silent except for the occasional rustle of wind and our blasts of light and shadow. Above, the sky is pale, the sun swallowed by hazy winter clouds.
Pride surges inside me when I manifest a crackling ball of energy. But the energy evaporates into thin air when I realize it’s singeing my shirtsleeves. I wave my arms and pat out the fire, but luckily it didn’t burn my skin.
“You’re not paying attention,” Tristan says.
“I’m doing the best I can,” I snap.
“Well, your best is sloppy. Distracted. Slow.” With the wave of his hand, he paints the world in darkness again.
I trip backward over a root.
Tristan heaves a long sigh and recalls his power.
I stand up, brushing the snow off my backside.
Tristan’s voice is terse. “Do you think we’ve spent all this time just playing games?”
Shadows shoot past me. I stumble backward, then struggle to get my bearings again before another attack. The shadow swirls, taunting me.
His voice cuts through the darkness. “That this isn’t serious?” A gust of dark wind blows my hair and cloak out behind me, like the gale of a tempest. “That people aren’t going to die if you can’t pull yourself together?” The entire forest turns to night in the blink of an eye.
“Stop!” I throw a ball of light at him. It bounces off his shoulder and dissolves in the frozen snow with a pathetic sizzle. My breath is coming in wild, angry bursts that turn to mist in the cool air. “I get it! Okay? I’m a disappointment!”
Tristan sucks in a breath and turns his back to me for a beat. Snow crunches beneath his boots. “Red …”
“I’m not like you!” The words tumble out of me, hot and angry. “But I’m trying.”
He looks back at me, jaw tight, eyes unreadable. His dark hair falls over his face, damp with sweat and melting snow. “I don’t want you to be like me.”
“That’s not how it looks from here.”
Something in his expression cracks, just a little. “I’m hard on you because if you can’t fight, Sienna, you die.”
“I know that.” My voice breaks.
He says nothing. Just watches me. The wind shifts, catching a strand of hair across my cheek.
“Maybe I’m not as strong as you think. Maybe I can’t be the weapon you need me to be.”
His eyes narrow. And then, before I can blink, he steps forward, grabs my wrist, and pulls me toward him until we are chest-to-chest. My breath catches. His eyes are fierce as he stares down at me.
“Don’t ever say that again,” he says, his voice low. “You don’t get to give up on yourself. Not while I’m still here.”
I stare up at him, pulse hammering. He’s close enough that I can see the flecks of darkness in his gray irises. Suddenly, I’m very aware of his body so close to mine.
“I’m not giving up,” I say. “I’m just tired of disappointing you.”
His grip on my wrist softens, thumb brushing over my pulse. His voice is quieter now, almost apologetic. “You don’t disappoint me. You scare me.”
I blink, taken aback. “Why?”
“Because I care about you.” He swallows. “More than I should. And every time you’re near, I can’t help but think about what it would cost me to lose you.”
The air between us shifts, thin as frost. I don’t know if I want to kiss him or shove him away. He’s both infuriating and intoxicating. Gently, I pull my wrist from his grasp. My hands are shaking. I don’t look at him when I speak.
“I know what’s at stake. Nalina told me.”
Tristan freezes. “What did you say?”
I look back toward him. “I know about the fae in the dungeon. And I know how much you need to defeat my father. You once told me he would destroy the world. That wasn’t hyperbole, was it?”
Tristan’s face has gone pale. “No.”
A sudden, violent need to prove myself rises within me. Deep down, I know who I am. Who I’ve always been. I’m a Fox. I don’t run and hide. I don’t let other people fight my battles for me. I have as much at stake as Tristan does.
I blast a wave of light at him with renewed energy.
He blocks it with a wall of shadow, but I strike again.
And again. Darkness seems to seep from every pore of his skin as he counters my attacks.
We fight with all our pent-up frustration and anger.
With each new attack, he circles closer, like a predator ensnaring its prey.
I stop my onslaught when his face is mere inches from mine.
His voice is a rough whisper. “For the record, I never said you were a disappointment.”
I push him backward with my hands, knocking him off balance. He regains his stance in an instant, much to my irritation.
“You didn’t have to. It’s written all over your face.” I swing a fist at him, momentarily forgetting about light and shadows. He dodges my swing, but it just makes the fire inside me flare hotter.
I shoot crackling bolts of light at him. My breath is heavy and ragged, my chest an infuriating mix of anger and passion.
“Every.”
Bolt.
“Single.”
Sizzle.
“Day.”
Flare.
Tristan blocks my attacks with a shield made of darkness, but he’s slower to meet my power. I dig deep into my core and call forth a glaring flash of light that paints the world in shades of white. Tristan drops his wall of shadow to cover his eyes with his hands.
“Red, enough!” Tristan’s voice is far away, lost in this uncontrollable storm of emotions that’s making me spiral.
I’m gasping and exhausted, fueled by a fire I can’t smother now. It’s like I don’t know where I am anymore. Like I’m back in Caerwen Palace, trying to survive in a den of foxhounds. I am never good enough. Never wanted.
“I am done being a burden to everyone.” I extinguish the blinding light and send another lightning bolt that he barely blocks. “I’m not an inconvenience!”
The Wolf dodges every attack I send at him, but with less grace than he did moments ago. It’s as if I’m actually besting him at his own game now. As if my anger matches his skill.
“I am not weak!”