Chapter 12 Roxi
“There are no words that will ever be enough.”
It is what I am thinking, but it is Fracture who says it. I know Titans feel emotion like humans, but it is never something I’ve heard Titans discuss because they were never free, until recently.
“How many humans have you watched die?” I ask him as Drillbit and Morbid bury the bodies of my coworkers and friends.
Fracture’s eyes flash with light. I can almost see him counting them by the recordings he’s pulling up. “Two thousand, eight hundred and thirty-six. That’s not including those I encountered with dark Sparks.”
“Must seem like just another day to you.”
“No. Every human is unique as any Titan Brother or Sister. Each lost is one we cannot get back.”
“Makes even my ultromotor stutter,” Flashbomb adds. “And I blow up. My motor can take a lot of abuse.”
The way his eyes swing away from us, I know that is the kind of household he came from as a child. “Dreamt of just blowing the roof off so everyone would stop fighting?”
Flashbomb jerks his attention back to me. “How did you know?”
“It was my job,” I apathetically reply. I am in a strange numb place as I watch Paiya’s face disappear under soft dirt.
She deserved to live. Our people would be better off with more of her kindness to hold us together.
Now, my purpose is to keep this fleet safe and get supplies to the Titans and humans. I cannot let what happened here happen to Aegis, BlazeStar, or the rest of Rogue and Rebel fleets.
I check my tablet as I walk over to Eon in Raven’s junker ship, something that looks CSP in origin but has the ailerons of a BoltBurner.
Seconds later, the LightBlade hovers in with a cluster of crates dangling beneath it. She cuts the beam and the crates thump to the ground. “I’ll be right back. One more load,” she says over my earcom.
Eon watches her fly away while Fracture and the others load Raven’s ship.
“How have you managed to keep this place quiet for so long?” Fracture asks as he picks up two massive racks of bundled medicinal herbs and carts them up the ramp after Flashbomb, who picks up a pallet of berries like it’s nothing.
“We just never came out of our hole. We studied passing signals in space, tracked patterns, only called out when it was critical. Mostly, we just accepted that this was how we were going to survive. Harvest is automated, so unless something broke, we stayed below. Only the occasional outreach mission to a suffering colony or another resistance facility was worth the risk.”
“Defense systems on the surface drew too much attention. Solcrue don’t develop planets.
They just need the resources. That’s why they need terran species to cultivate and mine and assemble.
So we couldn’t build ground-to-air missile systems or anything because it would be visible from space, a beacon that says there are humans here. ”
Fracture keeps working with Flashbomb and the others. I walk to the hilltop and look out toward the distant crop site to see Raven in the LightBlade picking up the last of the food supplies with her gravity net.
I should have trusted the Titans. I should have felt safe with them. But I keep seeing my team splintering open from the center, their eyes darkening, and their bodies falling to the ground, and I can’t bring myself to live under the illusion that it won’t happen again. I thought that once before.
My mistake.
And it will be the last time I make it.
Raven flies back toward us and drops off the last load, then hovers into the lower hangar of her ship. CSP ships were designed for Titan and Omega Force vessels, not Solcrue. The shapes don’t quite line up. But she still docks with ease.
I walk just to the edge of the forest where I can see the spring and the river that weaves through the hills. Creator Eleeya’s pattern of white stones is still in the hillside, Morse code for Live for the Dead.
I am not living in their place.
I have not honored them. Her.
I was taken, but it feels like I abandoned them. There’s no doubt that I failed them. I just fell victim to the belief that we were all on the same team because I didn’t want to believe there was a traitor among our isolated group.
“Hey, you ready?” Fracture walks up to me, eyes patrolling the area like he senses something.
“Yeah. Just wanted one last drink before I left this place behind for good. The water here is exceptional. Chasm said the recirculation system and filtration are working optimally, and it wasn’t worth the risk to refresh the water supply without an actual tanker ship. But I will miss fresh water.”
“Chasm prefers one mission at a time. If we get spread out too much in our vulnerable state, we could have too many catastrophic injuries and no one to rotate. With all the humans we’re carrying…”
“You need to get them moved to the warship the twins took, Aidathrin. The crew accommodations and supplies will be useful.”
“Most don’t want to leave. They want to stay with us. Too many traumatic memories from that type of vessel.”
“Anajas?”
“Yes.”
“Then we need to find them another ship. Having civilians and soldiers on the same vessel is a bad idea.”
Fracture frowns. “Yeah. You know, speaking of trauma… I often wish I was able to pull others’ pieces back together and heal instead of this frustrating skill.”
“You were used to feeling broken.”
He shrugs and looks back at the ship. “I don’t know.
I have a few memories of a shitty car, broken bones, Mom on stims to keep her awake for her jobs, cracked holoscreens, gunfire in the neighborhood, and my father's drunken rage. It doesn’t matter anyway.
This is what I am now…and who. I have to make peace with that. ”
He gives me an edged look.
“Are you implying I haven’t accepted my life?”
“I’m saying, it’s possible to be strong even when we’re broken.”
I think Fracture would understand if I told him who I really was, but I’m just not ready, not after losing Kraken and the others. They were too much like family. And getting attached to anyone again feels like I’m just setting myself up for more heartbreak and doling them a fate they don’t deserve.
Rebel Roxi>>Flashbomb: How are the skies? Any enemy pings?
Flashbomb>>Rebel Roxi: Negative. Clear. Ready for launch.
The engines of the Fuck It warm and begin to stir up the meadow as the ship prepares for takeoff.
Fracture touches my shoulder. “You sure you’re okay?”
“We got the supplies, the records, equipment, even the most critical assets. I have the whole base recorded. We can double-check anything. It’s just the guilt that’s lingering now.” I hand him the tablet as the other ships leave orbit. Fuck It is last, just waiting on us.
Fracture takes my tablet and looks it over as I lean down for one last drink of fresh water that doesn’t carry the metallic tang or sweetness of recirculated, filtered water.
“There is something that’s been on my mind,” he says.
I sit back and wipe my mouth on a sleeve. “Oh?”
“Yeah, the doors that the Solcrue entered from... They’re not on Garett’s level but above. He wasn’t shot from the entry point stairwell. Not based on the wounds we saw. You said Solcrue killed him.”
I think about it for a moment. “I never saw him get killed. I just heard the call for Paiya to go up, and then Solcrue came down.”
“Garett was killed from the inside.”
I pull up the floor plan in my mind. “Garett said we had a cargo delivery at the front gate. But Solcrue came down instead.”
“Right, and that’s not the direction of the bullets that killed him. So how did CSP know to shoot Garett? How did they know he hadn’t just been fooled by Solcrue, made a mistake?”
“What?”
“Based on Garett’s position, he was not expecting anyone from the inside to know.”
“But how could CSP know what the security system didn’t?” I wonder more to myself. “Garett was clearly a traitor, but…”
“Can we discuss this on the ship?” Fracture asks. “I don’t like the way this place feels anymore.”
I get up and turn around. Fracture’s looking behind me like he’s seen something in the forest. A flash of light pops to life several paces behind him, and a Solcruean soldier appears through a mirage of a portal over his body.
Rebel Roxi>>Fracture: Get down!
In my frantic need to protect him, I grab his arm and tug him behind me. Fracture’s body solidifies as I draw my gun and fire. He staggers a step like he’s stunned that I moved faster than he did. My blue ball of vengeance turns the enemy to olive green mist.
“Run, Fracture!” I shout back at him as five more enemy soldiers step out of the trees, shimmering green gateways blinking out behind them, and their pulsefire warps the air. The sharp, angular symbol on their armor has changed since I last saw it. But I know their kind.
“Roxi!” Fracture starts toward me, but I am not losing another Titan.
Rebel Roxi>>Local: Flashbomb, get the fuck out of here now! Venom Squadron has sent assassins!
I fire back at the Solcrue, but they keep pouring in. Fracture doesn’t move. I can’t lose him, so I shove him as hard as I can toward the ship.
“No! You go and let me fight!” he counters, firing his rifle at a cluster of entering Venom soldiers.
“You don’t have the right blood to defend us! Regular bullets don’t work on them! Go! I’ve got your back!”
Flashbomb>>Local: We’re waiting for you!”
“Fuck that! Go! That is an order!” I roar, desperation clawing at my nerves until I feel like I’m on fire.
When Fracture doesn’t listen, I growl at him. I cannot lose him, too, and he’s not heeding my requests. So I draw my stun gun and point it back at him. “I told you to go!”
I shoot Fracture with a soft pulse that knocks him toward the FI. He stumbles and catches himself, a look of betrayal sagging his face.
But this is my job.
And I’m not going to fail again.
I would rather he survive, and our trust be broken, than him stay because of a Bond and be decommissioned. “Raven, get Fracture onboard, now!”
The dark-haired junker who flies like a Titan walks to the end of the ramp, decked in a mishmash of CSP armor and scrapped gear.
She fires a grav gun that hugs Fracture's body.
He finally breaks through the effects of my contact and bursts into an angry cloud of shards that fight the green net, stretching it in my direction.
I hear her grunt over the earcom before a Titan jumps in to help her.
Flashbomb>>Rebel Roxi: We’ll circle back.
Rebel Roxi>>Local: Don't wait. You have what you need now. This was always a possibility.
I duck under a shot from a Solcrue weapon, dart around a tree, and fire back at them, turning three more of our enemies to mist.
Flashbomb>>Rebel Roxi: There’s still time.
Rebel Roxi>>Local: My world is gone. Let me do this.
I charge through the woods, hoping to lead the Solcrue away from the FI and the food it carries that Rogue Fleet desperately needs.
Fracture growls over my earcom. “Get this fucking thing off of me! I need the LightBlade!”
“Fracture, stay with them,” I tell him as I track two Venom soldiers, one to either side of me.
“I’m not leaving you! Why are you doing this?” He rasps over my earcom.
“Because everyone who has ever mattered to me has died.”
“What about me?”
“I can’t stand the idea of that happening to you. This is my job, Fracture. Let me do it successfully one more time.”
“Roxi…please don’t. Just find a spot. We’ll come in and get you out!” Fracture says, with desperation.
I sprint through the trees, duck as a shot scores the top of my shoulder, and change course. Tagging another Solcrue, I render him to mist before smashing into the next. He whips out a pulsing blade as we tumble to the ground. The soldier tries to jab it into my side.
I block his swing with both hands, leverage a leg over his neck, twist until my gun is pointed at his chest, and fire.
“Roxi!”
His body turns to vapor, and I fall through him to the dirt.
I’m not getting out of here. I know that now. There are too many. They portal in too closely for Fuck It to take them out without killing me. If this is my end, and it feels like it is, then I have to make peace with the one I leave behind.
“Fracture, I lied to you.”
He angrily grunts and then quiets. I can hear his rapid breaths over my earcom. “About what?”
I get up and scan. Another Venom squad flashes in from behind me. “What I am. Who I am. Who I was.”
“Which is what?”
FI’s engines roar in the distance. They’re coming for me even when I told them not to.
“Find a good female. Protect her. You are capable of more…” A bullet scores my side, sending scorching fingers taking up my ribs. The heat makes me curl forward and stumble. I try to stifle my urge to cry out, but I can’t hold in all of my pain anymore. “Ow, fuck.”
“Roxi?” His voice panics in my ear. “Roxi!”
Pressure rises in my face. I force myself to stay upright, lift my gun, and brace my bleeding side. Venoms are more cautious now, not running head-on after me. I fire at one who ducks behind a tree and tag only bark. The next tries to dart to a boulder, and my bullet paints him on the forest floor.
My vision blurs. The wound in my side pulses with my heartbeat. I should heal myself. I just don’t want to.
I fire at another Venom soldier and miss. “Fracture, you made me smile. You can do that for others. But you have to continue operating. And that means getting out of here in one piece. They want me. They don’t want you. Don’t give them a reason to change their minds.”
“Please don’t do this,” Fracture begs. “We’re trying to track you but…”
“I don’t have a beacon.”
“We’re following the heat signatures.”
Sounds of gunfire in the sky make me certain the Fuck It isn’t alone anymore. They are fighting with Venom ships.
“Fracture, you have to trust me.” My lips quiver as I say it because I don’t want to be left behind. I want to stay with him. But this was always a possible end for me.
A pulse slams into my chest. The bright flash of green light throws me back, into a tree. My suit takes most of the impact, and I fall to the dirt. I cough and suck in a rattling breath as I roll onto my side. “You have to go. You have to leave me. I’m as good as dead.”