Prologue
“Is it helping?” he rasps against my lips.
His husky voice sears through my body like silky fire.
“Yes,” I reply.
Fuck yes.
But my response is lost in a groan as I drag him closer. My mouth molds to his, desperate from hunger like I’ve never experienced. I can’t get enough of his soothing light, his explosive heat. Maybe it’s our imminent separation. Or maybe it’s the horror of the last few days that’s shredded my mind, body, and soul into battered fragments.
Either way, the need is unbearable as my pounding heart sends warm pulses through every inch of my body. It’s not enough. It’s never enough with him. And the constant craving has become one of the many tortures I’ve endured.
It will be the only one I’ll miss.
His gloved fingers grip my hair. His lips fully surrender to mine. I feel the submission of his powerful body against me. My kisses are a drug to him, but it’s an addictive high for me to control a man embodied by such violence and force. I’d want to claim him even if I didn’t need him.
But we don’t have time to satisfy the hunger. Like every other stolen brush of intimacy, this one is rushed, calculated, and incredibly dangerous. It’s also necessary if I have any hope of escaping.
I pull back abruptly.
“I need to go,” I say.
Pain flashes in his eyes. Fear.
“You have to go? You mean we,” he says.
As usual, all I can see of his face is dark lashes blinking over stunning brown eyes. Full lips that have soothed some of the deepest scars. I don’t have to see anything else about him to know he’s beautiful. I knew it from the moment he first took my hand.
“Matteo?”
I shake my head. “I meant what I said. You’re not coming with me.”
He reels back. His athletic body ripples with tension through the soft leather uniform.
My palms burn to run over the warm, sculpted muscle one last time. I love the way his brute strength melts into my touch. God, it would be incredible to peel that leather off his chiseled form and experience his bare skin. I’ve never seen more than a few tattooed fingers, but it doesn’t take any imagination to know he’d be magnificent naked.
Another torturous fantasy I’ll carry with me after I’m gone.
“What do you mean I’m not going with you? Of course I am! I just?—”
“No.” Despite the fact that every other part of me feels so weak and broken, my voice is firm. I’ll have to use every ounce of the strength I have left to crush him.
It’s the only way.
But my resolve wavers at the confusion in his dark brown eyes. I back further away. The closer we are, the harder this is.
“I don’t… I thought…” He grips the back of his neck. “I’m risking everything for you!”
“Yes, and I am grateful. Thank you.”
“Thank you?! Are you fucking kidding me? After everything, that’s all I get? Fucking thank you?!”
The voice that’s been my beacon in the dark for so long is now slicing into me. I clench my eyes shut to gather the strength to resist it. I need to go. There’s nothing I’ll be able to say to make him understand.
My eyes snap open when he grips my wrist.
Sparks surge through me again. Fresh longing fires straight to my cock. I force down the sudden urge to shove him against the wall and finally take what we’ve wanted for so long.
“Let go of me,” I growl instead.
His fist tightens. “Take me with you. That was the plan. It?—”
I rip my arm away. “No. That was a fantasy. Your fantasy.”
His arm drops to his side in defeat. Wounded eyes search mine, torn between shock and anger.
“So you don’t love me? This was all a lie? You were just using me this whole time?”
Yes. It was just survival.
The lie is right there, but I can’t get it out.
“Answer me, Matteo! None of this was real?”
Those gorgeous brown eyes are tearing at my heart more than the cracked ribs surrounding it.
“I’m sorry,” I say when I can’t force the lie past my lips.
A sudden wave of agony hits strong and fast. I double over as the pain from my injuries pulsates through every part of my body. Grasping at the wall for support, I fight to fill my lungs. Fuck, it hurts. Everything, fractured and torn.
His intense stare scours me in the harsh silence. The pain, the longing, radiates from him. I do everything I can to keep my own from surfacing. He doesn’t understand why I’m pretending this should be the end, because there is no end when you love so fiercely.
Only a lie can save him.
“You should go,” I manage through clenched teeth. “You shouldn’t be here when I leave. You need to establish your alibi.”
A heavy cloud settles over us.
“Leave!” I snap.
I lower my head, unable to look at him anymore. All I am is pain now, inside and out.
After an agonizing pause, heavy boots smack against the concrete floor. A door slams.
When I lift my head again, he’s gone.