Chapter 1
Chapter One
Leon
“Cleo is dead.”
Three bitter words I just delivered to my father, informing him not only as the patriarch of my family but as my Capo.
Months ago, after my conversation with Cleo, I confided in Apollo about what was going on.
I couldn’t keep something so big bottled up, even if my wife wanted privacy.
I don’t know many people who would be able to lock up news so detrimental for more than a few weeks.
I didn’t last long, and I’m glad I didn’t.
If I didn’t tell Apollo, then I probably wouldn’t have told my father either.
It was my brother’s idea to talk to our dad, after all.
And if I kept this secret from Dante Moretti, I would have regretted it.
He deserves better than finding out at the same time as everyone else.
He’s more than earned the right to be informed about something so substantial.
He’s a good father—a great one, even—and an even better Capo.
Not only did he deserve to know, I deserved to have him in my corner.
A man like him…he knows how to be there for you, no matter what you’re going through.
He’s seen death, up close and personally more than once.
He lost his wife, and though she loved him as much as Cleo loved me, he cared for her in his own way.
He lost his brother too—held him while he was dying from multiple gunshot wounds to the chest.
Dante Moretti has lived over fifty years in this dark and twisted world we operate in, and he was exactly the right person to inform when shit went sideways.
Since he found out, he’s been helping me prepare.
Cassio is our most logistical brother, and it’s never been more evident that he adopted that from our dad.
While I’ve been stressing for months on end, and going through confusing emotions of dread, betrayal, and sadness, he’s been a rock.
So much changed while Cleo’s health slowly declined.
Apollo and Rayna did get together. They got together and they married each other.
I knew he loved her, probably before he even truly realized, but I didn’t expect Rayna to soften toward him.
Though, it wasn’t exactly a swift process for her.
But now, not only are they husband and wife, they’re parents.
Vaughn Dante Moretti, our future Capo, is tiny and still very much in his infant age, but growing every single day.
Leo, Bastian, and I have spent a fair amount of time with the couple and their baby since his birth.
Cleo wanted to spend as much time with the boys as she could before she passed, but she also feared being around them.
She didn’t want them to see her suffering, or worse, see her lash out.
Her condition slowly ate away at her mind, and made her angry.
When she wasn’t crying from her pain, her depression, or her frustration, she was yelling.
But the extreme symptoms weren’t a problem for very long.
She went from bad to worse quickly, and soon, it was time for her to say her goodbyes.
She wrote the boys letters for the next twenty years.
One for each of them that I was meant to deliver to them on their birthday.
She had long talks with them when her mood was stable, and she explained death in a way that was easiest for kids to understand.
She would be going to heaven with Uncle Cesar, and she wouldn’t be coming home.
The boys didn’t scream or cry in protest. They frowned and asked questions, but her soft words and smiles of reassurance seemed to keep them calm.
We didn’t know if that calmness would last, but it was enough to make her feel better about leaving them too early.
Her conversations with them weren’t the only ones she had either.
She grilled me for weeks on end, making me promise to give the boys the best life possible, and she wasn’t shy about informing me that the best life possible included one with a mother in their lives.
Cleo refused to die before I agreed to remarry someone worthy of being a mother to our boys.
Since Apollo knew about her circumstances, she made him agree too.
If I dragged my feet in finding a suitable replacement for her, he would step in.
Watching her talk to him like that was so fucking odd.
We were married for years and she never really conversed with any of my siblings.
But when it came to making him vow to give my sons another opportunity for a mother, she spoke to him as if he were truly her brother.
She demanded, and not by yelling or snapping at him, but by pleading earnestly.
It’s baffling to even think about it still, and that was more than two weeks ago.
“Did you tell Apollo yet?” Dad asks, his voice laced with the grogginess of early morning rasp.
“No, you’re my first call,” I reply, my hand clenching around my cell phone as I hold it close to my face. “She asked for more, knowing it would…” I trail off, letting him fill in the blanks.
End of life care meant morphine and very little restrictions on it.
When you’re already dying, you don’t get to be told your pain doesn’t matter.
In fact, your comfort is the only thing that matters.
If the pain medicine kills you, then it kills you.
You were already dying, and the extra medication just allowed you to do it while lying comfortably in bed.
She asked me to give her the dose that would kill her, and I had no reason to deny her.
I could see the exhaustion on her pale face, and the way each breath fatigued her further.
“Okay, Son,” Dad says slowly, softly. “It’s okay, it was her time. You helped her feel better. I’ll get Apollo for you, all right? He and Rayna will pack up Vaughn and make their way to you. Do you want me to call the mortuary for you?”
Apollo and Rayna are going to come stay with us to help me with the boys for a while, in case they have a hard time now that their mother’s trip to heaven is a reality rather than a story.
It was Dad’s idea, actually, to have them come live here for however long we need.
I considered objecting to the offer, but Rayna wouldn’t have it, even if I tried.
The boys adore her, thankfully. And she’ll be a welcome guest. I can already smell the cookies she’ll throw in the oven as soon as she arrives.
Leo and Bastian have adopted her as their favorite aunt, and I wouldn’t deny them the comfort of a familiar face during this time, even if asking for help makes me supremely uncomfortable.
“I already called.” I swallow, exhaling slowly. “They’ll be here in an hour for her. The boys are sleeping, she wanted the extra dose after their bedtime. She doesn’t want them to see…She said her goodbyes earlier, before their bedtime story.”
Dad clears his throat. “That’s good. They shouldn’t see her while she isn’t breathing.
It’s hard when they’re this young. We want them to have good memories of her, not frightening ones.
The funeral people will take her away before they wake up, and you can talk to them in the morning.
I’m sure having Rayna and the baby there will distract them too. ”
“Yeah, maybe,” I agree reluctantly. “Maybe I should have told them to bring the cats. Leo would lose his mind.”
Dad chuckles lightly. “Jade and Ana will take good care of their cats for now. But if things need brightening up over there, I’m sure Rayna wouldn’t mind bringing them over for a while.”
Apollo having cats is not something I ever pictured for his future, but what his wife wants, she gets. Leo and Bastian adore the little feline creatures, but they’re staying in their home for now. We don’t want to disrupt their lives while they’re still growing, if we can.
“Will you tell everyone else?” I ask, my throat tightening with tension.
He already told me that he could handle informing the family when the time came, but I want to be sure he hasn’t changed his mind.
It will be a difficult task, informing all his children that one of our own is gone.
To tell them that a secret has been kept from them for a long time.
Most of my siblings will be understanding, some will be sad, others may even be devastated.
Whether it’s for my loss, for my sons losing their mother, or for Cleo in general.
Melani’s reaction is the one I’m the least prepared to deal with.
She’s Cleo’s only friend, but my wife hasn’t been a very good friend to her.
She has no idea what’s been going on, and Cleo dying is going to hit her hard no matter how new their friendship is.
Melani doesn’t have very many friends either, after all.
“Of course I will,” he agrees, his tone caring but firm. “Do you want me to come with Apollo? Even just for the day?”
My first reaction is the urge to say no.
To brush off his offer and tell him that I’ll be fine.
I’m a grown-ass man. A man who may have just lost his wife, but a wife who shared no love with him.
I should tell him not to bother, that I won’t need him here, and that he has more important things to do.
But I’m not fine. I have no fucking idea what I’m feeling or thinking, but I know that having my father here might be what helps me figure it out.
“If you have time,” I say thickly. “The boys would love to see you.”
I need you.
“I’ll be there,” Dad tells me without pause. “Let me make a few calls, and I’ll be ready to go when Apollo and Rayna are all packed up. It shouldn’t be long. Call me back if you need me, Leon. I don’t care if it’s only a few minutes from now, or an hour, okay?”
My throat bobs in a heavy swallow. “Yeah, okay. I will.”
“Don’t sit in silence while you’re waiting for us, all right?
I know it’s the middle of the night, and I know you’re not going to get any sleep at this rate, but don’t just stare at the wall while your mind runs wild.
Turn on some music, or a show, or go work out.
Hell, pull a guard in from duty and spar with him.
Do anything besides being alone with your thoughts, will you?
We’ll only be a few hours. We’d be faster if there wasn’t a drive. ”
“Okay, I can do that.” I push off of the kitchen counter. “Cleo’s hospice nurse is going to stay here until her body is picked up anyway, so I don’t have to worry about the boys waking up and trying to go see her.”
“Exactly,” he agrees. “You don’t have to just sit and wait. Keep your mind occupied with anything else.”
It’s good advice, great advice even. I don’t know how productive I’ll be able to be at this time of night, but maybe sparring with a guard will help shut the doomsday brain thoughts out.
“Yeah, all right. Talk soon?”
“Yes, we’ll talk soon, and I’ll be there shortly, Son.”
I hang up before he does, and take a moment to just breathe, allowing the reality of the day to settle over me.
Cleo is dead, the boys are asleep, Rayna and Apollo are coming to stay, and my father is coming to visit.
There’s nothing I can do to change anything bad that’s happened, but there are people around me who are making an effort to make it better.
I’ve always been grateful for having a family as strong as mine, but I’ve never thought about needing them like this.
If I didn’t have this support system, I don’t know where I would be right now.
Probably binge drinking something that tastes like lighter fluid and staring at a wall or standing on the top of my roof just daring the wind to pull me closer to the edge.
I’d like to think I could be strong enough for my kids all on my own, but I don’t know how I would act.
I guess it doesn’t really matter, though.
I have my family, and they’re coming. No matter how hard the boys take the news of their mother passing, they’ll have people surrounding them to console them.
They won’t be allowed to be alone and in pain, not while we’re here to make it better.
Instead of pulling out a bottle of something I’ll regret later, I steady myself and head to the security office. I know I have enough guards on duty that pulling one away won’t put our safety at risk, and I know there’s more than a few men on shift who could give me a good fight in the ring.
It doesn’t take long before I’ve singled one out and it takes even less time before we’re throwing punches.
Each hit feels like a bout of normalcy. Each sting signals a new possible bruise, but somehow it feels more like salvation than pain.
Sparring is something that I already do regularly to keep up my strength.
Underbosses aren’t as powerful as Capos, but in some ways, we’re even more respected.
We do all of the same things, but at a greater distance from the family stronghold.
I keep up my training not only for my safety, but to keep the respect of the people around me.
No one wants a weak leader who lets himself go.
And something tells me, the death of my wife is going to push me into more strenuous training.
I won’t be the Underboss who loses his edge due to grief, I’ll be the one who becomes stronger because of it.