Chapter 9
LARK
My legs swing from my perch on the workbench as I glare down at my sketchbook. I’ve been trying to capture the place Rook showed me for the better part of the last week, and no matter what I do, it’s always slightly off. It’s driving me insane.
With a huff, I toss my sketchbook to the side and shove my pencil into the pocket of my borrowed basketball shorts. It’s way too hot out here in the garage to wear my jeans, so Coop let me have a pair of his shorts that are comically long on me.
My phone buzzing snags my attention. When I pick it up and read the text, my blood turns to ice in my veins.
Unknown number
My patience is wearing thin. Come home now, and your punishment will be less severe. Make me come find you, and you’ll regret it, birdie.
I resist the urge to throw my phone across the garage. And I barely stop myself from gagging at the horrendous name my ex-fiancé, Andrew, insisted on calling me, despite my objections.
How the fuck does he keep finding my number? I’ve changed it at least six times to six different area codes in the six months I’ve been down here. But, like clockwork, I get a text from him every four weeks.
His texts have turned from seemingly concerned fiancé when I first disappeared to veiled threats like this one.
I don’t know how it took me so long to realize exactly the kind of man Andrew is.
His slimy charm was just a thin mask to disguise the bully he really is, and I fell for it like the fool I am.
I let out a soft groan at the fact that I’m going to have to change my number.
Again.
I don’t know how I’m going to convince Charlie and Coop that I forgot to pay my phone bill for the fifth straight month. That’s the excuse I use to explain why I’m constantly changing my number.
Charlie’s been skeptical and asking questions for months. I don’t think Coop even slightly believes me, but he’s willing to let me figure out whatever it is on my own.
I don’t want to tell them that I’m pretty sure Andrew is texting me because I don’t want to heap any more problems onto their plate. And I need to prove to myself that I’m strong enough to handle this myself. I should be able to manage one stuck-up rich boy with a mean streak on my own.
The Lark that needed other people to fight her battles is a thing of the past. Or, at least, I’m trying to make sure she is.
Turning off my phone, I set it aside to deal with later. There’s nothing I can do about it right now. So, I’m going to try to enjoy hanging out with Coop as much as I can.
I’m over at their place because Coop was helping me put frame sliders on. He showed me how to take off and put back every freaking piece of plastic on my bike. Why Kawasaki decided to make accessing the frame so hard, I have no idea.
But I successfully put the sliders on myself—with Coop directing me. I’m still pretty proud of it, even though it probably took twice as long as Coop would’ve on his own.
We’ve just been chatting and hanging out for the past couple of hours as Coop works on his bikes and I sketch. It’s been pretty chill thus far.
Coop decides to make it decidedly less so when he sits up and looks over at me. He wipes his greasy hands on his faded jeans as he says, “So… Charles told me that you’ve been talking to some biker guys.”
“Charlie needs to keep her mouth shut,” I snarl half-heartedly, unable to be truly angry at my best friend.
While Charlie is a vault for some secrets, she’s way too chatty about others, like Hal, Rook, Colt, and Remy. She doesn’t know about Azrael, and I haven’t brought him up. I love her, but sometimes I wish she wouldn’t gossip about my life with Coop.
He huffs a laugh and pushes to his feet. After swiping a forearm over his sweaty forehead, he walks over to me and leans his hip on the workbench. “My sister is a bit of a gossip, but it’s because she cares. So, what’s going on with the guys you met?”
I look away, not able to meet his eyes as I mumble, “Nothing.”
“Mm-hmm. Nothing, huh? That’s why you won’t even tell me their names?”
“There’s nothing to tell, Coop. I bought a bike from their dealership and hung out with them once.” Twice, if I include going to Rook’s secret spot, but there’s no way I’m telling Coop about that.
Coop’s searching gaze pries into me, like he can see all my secrets if he just stares at me long enough. Eventually, he sighs. “Whether it’s with the biker boys or whoever else, you’re allowed to move on, you know? You don’t have to punish yourself by staying single forever.”
“Oh, yeah? And when are you moving on, Coop?” I regret the words as soon as they’re out of my mouth. Coop looks like someone just slapped him, and I hate myself for being such an asshole to him. Hanging my head, I whisper, “I’m sorry.”
He gently bumps his shoulder into mine. “’S okay.
You’re allowed to be upset and angry and mad.
You’re allowed to take it out on me. You’re allowed to scream and rage and say things you regret.
But what you’re not allowed to do is freeze yourself in the past and stop living your life.
You deserve a hell of a lot more than that, Lark. ”
That man has given me far more grace and understanding than I’ve ever deserved. We all know that he’s hurting the most, but he’s still been there for me no matter how much of an absolute doorknob I’ve been.
My mind flashes back to one of the many times I screamed at him, crossed so many lines it’s not even funny, and generally treated him like shit right after it happened.
“Why the fuck didn’t you stop her? Why the fuck didn’t you notice? Why didn’t you do your goddamn job and protect her?” I scream at Coop, my voice rough and scratchy from all the crying I’ve been doing for the past four days.
I somehow feel numb and like I’m shattered inside at the same time. I keep hoping I’ll wake up any minute now, and it’ll all have been just a bad dream. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t wake up from this living nightmare.
Instead of matching my anger, Coop slumps his shoulders. “I’m sorry, baby S,” he whispers. I can hear the depth of how truly sorry he is, but his apologies don’t do anything to fix it.
His quiet acceptance of my anger and blame and accusations only infuriates me more. I want him to tear into me. I want him to berate me. I want him to rip me to pieces like I fucking deserve for failing Wren.
Growling, I advance on him until we’re toe to toe. I shove at his shoulders, and he lets me. “That’s all you have to say for yourself? Do you even care? Did you ever care about Wren?” When he doesn’t say anything, I shove at him again. “Fight me, goddamn it. Fight me like you never fought for her.”
Instead of shoving me back or screaming at me that he’s hurting too, Coop just bands his arms around me, crushing me to him.
I slam my fists into his chest again and again until the dam finally breaks.
Tears stream down my face as I collapse against him.
Sobs rack my frame and make it hard to breathe as I crumble into pieces in his arms.
“Shh, baby S. Shh. I’ve got you,” he murmurs over and over into my hair. He holds me as I break apart, as though he can somehow put all the fractured parts of me back together if he squeezes hard enough.
When I can finally draw in a breath past the sobs doing their best to strangle me, I meet Coop’s blue eyes drowning in a grief so visceral it makes me physically hurt. “Why wasn’t it me?” I choke out. “Why wasn’t it me?”
When I shake myself from the memory, I look back at Coop, who’s watching me worriedly. “You deserve that, too, Coop. You and Wren both deserved a happily ever after,” I manage to force out past the lump in my throat.
“Yeah,” he whispers as he wraps an arm around me. I let him pull me into his kind of sweaty chest as we try to take strength from each other.
“How can I trust myself after Andrew?” I whisper.
Andrew was my first serious relationship. He was supposed to be my future. He was supposed to be a good man, but he turned out to be nothing other than a slimy little snake who only wanted a subservient wife who would boost his social status.
Coop pulls back to look at me, his face lined with understanding. “That wasn’t on you, Lark. He is an incredibly manipulative piece of shit, just like his older brother. He used every trick in the book to get you to choose him. He didn’t play fair, and that’s not on you.”
“But I fell for it.” I was so damn desperate for someone to love me that I fell head over heels for the first shifter guy to show me any attention. I ignored all the things he did that made me uncomfortable and all the warning bells he set off.
“You did, but you know that now. You know that isn’t what love looks like. You know you deserve to be treated better. While there are a lot of guys like Andrew, there are a lot of ones who aren’t. You just have to find the right ones.”
“What if I can’t figure out who the right one is? What if I fall for it again?” I breathe.
I don’t know how I can ever trust myself again when I let Andrew manipulate me and treat me like absolute shit. Sure, Rook, Hal, and the others all seem nice enough, but Andrew did too.
I’m completely and utterly terrified that any guy I try to date will end up being like Andrew. And I barely survived him. I don’t know if I’ll get as lucky a second time, so it’s easier and safer to stay single for the rest of my life.
Coop crosses his arms and stares me down. “Then Charlie and I will help you pull your head out of your ass.”
I huff a laugh.
Charlie never liked Andrew. She warned me away from him from the start, but I was too blind to who he really was to listen to her. I wasn’t really close enough with Coop for him to say anything about Andrew, but I could tell he didn’t like him either.
If I ever feel brave enough to put myself out there again, I guess I need to run the guy, or guys, by Charlie and Coop first. They seem to be better able to tell who is and isn’t garbage personified.
Chewing on my lip, I stare over Coop’s shoulder for a long moment. “Do you ever wish it was me instead of her?”
His brows shoot up in surprise. “What? Of course not, baby S.”
I close my eyes, not able to look at him for this conversation. “How can you say that?”
“I can say it because it’s true. First of all, you are an amazing person who deserves so much more than the hand you’ve been dealt.
You deserve to find love and peace and happiness with some amazing guys, and you’d never get that chance if it had been you.
And, selfishly, I wouldn’t want her to have to live with the pain that we do.
The type of pain that makes every breath a challenge and every day feel impossible.
I know how fucking devastated she’d be if it had been you instead, and I would never want to put her through that. ”
Leaning my head back against the bare drywall behind me, I finally open my eyes to look at Coop. “You’re a really good guy, Coop. I hope you know that. I know moving on isn’t an option, but I hope someday you’ll at least find peace and contentment.”
He gives me a sad smile but doesn’t say anything. I can see in his eyes that he doesn’t believe his future will ever be anything other than feeling like someone took a sledgehammer to his heart.
If it hadn’t been what Wren wanted, I don’t think either of us would be here right now. Time will tell whether it’s for the best that we’re here, doing our absolute damnedest to live the life she wanted for us.
And part of what she wanted was for me to take care of Coop. And he really needs a pick-me-up right now.
I jump off the workbench, trying to force myself to seem upbeat for Coop’s sake. “So, how ’bout we go on a ride? You take one of the 600s, and we can race through the twisties. If you’re not scared to lose, that is.”
I raise an eyebrow and give him a challenging grin that I don’t feel.
Coop gives me a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, but he doesn’t turn me down. “Let’s see if your riding can back up your big mouth, baby S. Loser has to clean everyone’s bikes.”