Chapter 19
LARK
“Everything looks great, Alice,” one of Colt and Remy’s dads rumbles.
With the introductions to Colt and Remy’s four dads and Hal’s three dads, I’m struggling to keep track of everyone’s names, so I’m only sixty percent sure his name is Elliot.
He has dark hair and a matching short beard. His dark green eyes are perpetually narrowed, and his face is set in a slight scowl. He’s one scary-looking dude, and I wouldn’t want to run into him in a dimly lit alley alone.
Colt and Remy’s dads are at one end of the massive dark oak table, with Hal’s dads and mom at the other end. The guys, Wes, Win, and I are in between the two groups. Remy is on one side of me, with Colt on the other. Hal and Rook are directly across from us.
“I couldn’t have done it without Win, Wes, and Lark.” Alice smiles at the three of us before she tucks into her food.
That seems to be the signal everyone was waiting for as the whole table begins devouring the spaghetti and meatballs. There’s garlic bread, a salad, and fresh fruit to round out the meal, and everything I try is just as amazing as what Charlie and Coop’s chef makes.
The table is silent at first as everyone starts eating. I have a few minutes of peace to enjoy my meal before Jacob, Colt and Remy’s blond-haired dad, asks, “Where’s Azrael?”
I freeze at the question, a meatball halfway to my mouth. While the question wasn’t directed at me, I know the answer won’t reflect well on me. I quietly hope that whoever answers will gloss over the nitty-gritty details. I want their families to like me, not think I’m a troublemaker.
“He had something come up,” Colt answers for the five of us.
Their redheaded dad named Wyatt, I think, with freckles, tilts his head as his sky-blue gaze bounces between the guys and me.
“Strange, because Azrael never misses these meals. Does the reason he’s absent have anything to do with the girl?
” He nods in my direction, just in case anyone was confused as to what girl he was referring to.
I quietly set my fork on my plate before hunching into myself, as if I could make myself small enough to escape notice.
The camaraderie in the kitchen confused me, but the interrogation and inevitable accusations, insults, and yelling is exactly what I’m used to. I’d really rather go back to the strange niceness than deal with this dinner turning out how I expected.
Remy notices and places his hand on my thigh, giving me a reassuring squeeze. I try to give him a small smile, but I’m pretty sure it looks more like a grimace.
Colt’s head snaps up at the question, and he pins his dad with a fierce glare. “Whether it does or doesn’t isn’t any of your concern.”
Their largest dad, who has curly brown hair and brown eyes so dark they look almost black, scoffs. By process of elimination, I can fairly confidently say his name is Alexander. “I can see why Azrael didn’t want you getting involved with her. She’s already causing trouble between the five of you.”
Welp, I think it’s safe to say Colt and Remy’s dads don’t like me. At least Alice, Wes, and Win seem to be fine with me, so that’s something.
Colt shoves back from the table in a burst of movement.
He slams his hands down on the oak, hard enough to rattle our plates as he snarls at his dads.
“Don’t you fucking say that about her. Lark is not, and has never been, a problem.
Az is the one choosing to be a moody little fuck and create problems where there aren’t any.
Which you’d know if you found out the facts for once in your fucking lives instead of jumping to conclusions. ”
His dads are varying levels of shocked at Colt’s outburst, and I feel like his reaction only confirms that I cause problems.
It’s depressingly hilarious that I’m always accused of stirring up trouble when I’ve spent my life going out of my way to avoid even inconveniencing anyone. No matter how hard I try to please everyone, I always fail. I’m always the problem. I’m always the one who needs to change.
The familiar rage and despair claw at my insides, and a scream bubbles up in my throat at the unfairness of it all. Letting it out won’t help the situation, though. It takes everything in me to swallow it back down and keep my expression neutral.
“Stop,” I whisper when he draws in a breath to keep yelling at them. Even though my plea was barely audible, Colt still freezes and looks down at me questioningly.
Blowing out a breath, I turn to their dads.
I’m not brave enough to look any of them in the eye, so I settle for staring at the tops of their heads.
“Azrael got into an argument with one of my friends. It escalated to a physical brawl, and I got in between the two of them. Azrael wasn’t happy with that decision, stormed off, and we haven’t seen him since. ”
There’s a beat of silence before the four dads start talking loudly over each other.
“Silence!” Elliot barks after several moments of the chaos. When everyone quiets down, he turns a piercing glare on me. “What the fuck were you thinking? Do you not know Azrael at all? You’re lucky he didn’t kill you.”
Everything in me wants to curl up into a ball and hide under the table at how angry he is. He reminds me a lot of my own father right now, and all the memories I keep under lock and key are trying to bubble up.
But he’s not my dad, and there’s little he can actually do to hurt me. So I can’t give in to the urge to hide. Not in front of the guys.
While I’m pretty sure whatever friendship I was building with the guys is over after this debacle, I still don’t want them to see how broken and messed up inside I am. I want them to see me how I want to be—strong, capable, fearless, and someone Wren would be proud of.
Taking a deep breath to steady myself, I tilt my chin up and try to project a strength I don’t feel.
“No. I don’t know Azrael. I’ve met him twice.
And I was thinking that he was going to kill Coop.
And… I can’t lose him too.” My voice breaks on the last word, and a traitorous tear tracks down my cheek.
Swiping it off, I push my chair back from the table and stand as gracefully as I can.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to use the restroom. ”
I walk calmly out of the dining room without looking at anyone, ignoring the calls of my name and the angry shouting following behind me. As soon as the heavy wood door slams behind me, I take off at a sprint toward the powder room Win showed me earlier.
The hallway blurs through the tears flowing freely, and I almost miss the white door to the bathroom, with it being tucked into a corner. Pushing open the door, I slip into the room and quickly lock it behind me.
Once I’m in the relative privacy and safety of the powder room, my legs buckle under me. I slide down the smooth wood door to land in a crumpled heap on the cold, marble floor.
A sob breaks out of my chest at the thought of losing Coop too. There’s no doubt in my mind that if I hadn’t stopped Azrael, he would’ve killed him. And I know without a question that I’m not strong enough to handle losing Coop right now—or ever, really.
Coop has not only become one of my closest friends and someone I consider family, but he’s also my last tie to Wren. He was her fated mate. His soul was a perfect match to hers, so it feels like a little bit of her lives on in him. If he dies, then every part of Wren really will be gone.
And I don’t know how to accept that.
I know she’s gone, but part of me is still stuck hoping that these past seven months have been a horrible nightmare that I’ll wake up from. Hell, I’d give anything for the past four years to be nothing but a bad dream.
But each day that passes, the hope slips away and the reality that she’s gone forever sets in more and more.
A fresh wave of tears pours down my face, and I don’t bother trying to stop them. It’s better to get them out now when I’m alone than have a breakdown in front of everyone when I eventually gather the courage to go back out there.
“Hey, Lark?” Remy’s soft voice drifts through the door, interrupting my thoughts.
“It’s Remy. I’m so fucking sorry about all that back there.
My dads were so utterly and completely out of line.
The guys and I all put them in their place.
Even Win, Wes, and Alice were yelling at them for you.
None of what they said was true, okay? Nothing’s your fault, and none of us are mad at you. ”
Remy goes quiet for a moment, probably waiting for me to say something. But I can’t. Not when I know my voice is going to come out scratchy and choked up from all the crying.
After a beat, I hear a soft thump against the door, like he let his head fall against the wood.
“Although, I understand if you’re mad at us for what they said.
We should’ve just stayed in the loft, ordered in pizza, and watched cheesy action movies all night.
Then, you’d still want to hang out with us instead of hating us because our dads can be real dicks sometimes. ”
He sounds so heartbroken that it makes my chest ache.
“I’m not mad at you, and I don’t hate you,” I whisper, needing to do something to make him feel better. If he’s a shifter, like I think he is, he’ll have no problem hearing me.
“Yeah?” Remy asks with hope in his voice.
One side of my mouth twitches up at his relief. “Yeah.”
“Any chance you can open the door for me, then, alouette? I’m worried sick about you. We all are. And I’d really like to see for myself that you’re okay.”
As much as I want to, I can’t hide in here until the end of time. Sighing, I scrub my hands over my face, like that will hide the fact that I’ve been crying my eyes out. Pushing to my feet, I twist the handle to pop the lock. I open the door to come face-to-face with Remy.
Instead of his usual smile, Remy’s lips are tipped down and his eyes are pinched with worry. When he gets a good look at me, his face falls and his light blue eyes fill with sorrow.
Opening his arms, Remy rasps, “Oh, love, c’mere.”
I don’t know why I listen to him, but I do. I walk into his arms and collapse against his chest. Breathing in his nonexistent scent as I’m pressed against him, I instantly feel a little calmer and more grounded.
His strong forearms band around my back for a long moment, crushing me to him. He then drops his hands to my ass and hoists me up into arms. I don’t have the energy to do anything other than gasp at the sudden movement.
Walking into the surprisingly spacious powder room, Remy kicks the door shut and slides down the wall, still holding me. When he’s sitting down, he rearranges me so I’m straddling him and my face is tucked into his neck.
“You can let it out, Lark,” he murmurs into my hair. “You’re safe in my arms. I won’t let anyone hurt you. I swear it.”
I release a pathetic whimper. I don’t want to keep letting the hurt out. I’m so damn tired of hurting all the time. I just want it to go away so I can finally feel okay.
“I’ve cried enough for a lifetime. I don’t wanna cry anymore,” I croak, giving Remy more honesty than he was probably hoping for.
“I understand. I know what it’s like to be so fucking done with crying and hurting that you’d give anything never to do it again.” He strokes a hand over my freshly braided hair to soothe me. “There anything I can do to help you feel better? Even a little?”
I open my mouth to tell him I’m fine, but that’s not what comes out. “Why do your dads hate me? What is it about me that makes parents hate me? Even my own parents can’t stand me,” I admit in a small voice.
He makes a wounded noise in his throat and hugs me to him tighter.
“They don’t hate you. They’re just protective of Azrael and don’t trust outsiders easily.
Not after what happened to my mom. Their reaction has nothing to do with you or how fucking awesome you are.
It has everything to do with the internal wounds that never healed, even so many years later.
As for your parents, they’re fucking idiots, and I’m happy to put them on my hit list if you want. ”
A startled laugh bursts out of my chest. “You don’t even know them. How can you offer to kill people who could be upstanding citizens besides being cursed with a shitty daughter like me?”
I know my parents are bad people aside from everything they’ve done to me, and especially Wren, but Remy doesn’t know that.
Remy doesn’t laugh with me. “I don’t know many things in this life, but one thing I do know for certain is that you’re not a curse, and you didn’t deserve how your parents treated you.
I don’t care how great they are. All I care is that they hurt my favorite person in the world when it was their job to love her unconditionally. ”
I pull back to look at him in surprise. “I’m your favorite person? You haven’t known me very long, Remy.”
One corner of his mouth tilts up, but his eyes remain serious. “Sometimes, when you meet someone, you just know. And I’ve known you’re my favorite person from the moment I laid eyes on you. That means I’ll do anything for you, alouette. You just have to ask.”
“I don’t know what to do with that,” I admit, uncertainty trickling into my voice.
I like Remy. He’s goofy and fun and energetic. He loves riding the way I loved dirt biking. And he has a surprisingly sweet, caring, and empathetic side.
But I don’t really know him. I can see myself caring about him a lot in the future, but I need to spend more time with him before I get to that point.
He gives me a genuine smile as he brushes a strand of hair off my forehead. “You don’t have to do anything, love. I just want you to know it. I’m not expecting anything in return.” Not letting me dwell on it too long, Remy switches the subject. “So, you feel like going back out there?”
I shrug and look away. “I don’t know. I kinda never want to see your dads again.”
He snorts. “I’m in the same boat, and you don’t have to see them again if you really don’t want to. But I promise they’ll be much better behaved. And Hal got you a surprise for dessert. That’s why he left early.”
“Are you trying to bribe me with sweets?” I ask with a smile.
Remy grins. “Why? Is it working?”
“A little.” I also don’t want to let Hal down if he spent time and effort getting something for me. Sighing, I give in. “We can go. I don’t want to keep Hal waiting. But if your dads yell at me again, I’m leaving.”
My voice is surprisingly strong, when I’m doing everything in my power not to tack on if that’s okay. It’s not much of a boundary if I need permission from someone else for it.
He’s nodding before I even finish talking. “How about, if my dads or anyone else make you even a little uncomfortable, you tell me? And I’ll take you wherever you wanna go, okay?”
I flick my gaze between his eyes for a long moment, trying to figure out if he’s telling the truth or just what he thinks I want to hear. When I don’t see anything but honesty, I nod. “Deal.”