Chapter 31
LARK
Lark
I wake up slowly and debate going back to sleep. Eventually, I open my eyes and realize I’m in an unfamiliar room.
It takes me a moment to remember where I am. When I do, I’m unsurprised but slightly disappointed not to see Azrael anywhere. I didn’t actually expect him to hold me the entire time, but part of me hoped he would.
“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” Hal chirps from somewhere to the side of me.
I bolt upright, not realizing anyone was in the mostly empty bed with me. I look around until I find Hal stretched out on the bed next to me, fully clothed. “Um. Morning. How long have I been out?”
I stretch my arms above my head, working out all the tightness from sleeping in one position for who knows how long. The sunlight trickles in through the partially closed curtains, highlighting the sharp angles of Hal’s face and making his pale green eyes sparkle with mirth.
“A day. It’s been two nights and a full day since we brought you back. And you wouldn’t believe what I woke up to yesterday.” Hal’s voice is dripping with good-natured amusement. He clearly enjoyed whatever he saw.
I arch a brow at him. “What?”
“You, sound asleep in Az’s arms. And, more surprisingly, the stubborn bastard asleep with you.” Hal shakes his head and chuckles. “I swear, he’s like a damn vampire with how little he sleeps.”
Something warm blooms in my heart hearing that. “Oh.”
I know he was probably just as exhausted as I was, but it kind of feels like holding me helped him sleep. The fact that I could make him feel safe enough to sleep means the world to me.
“Yeah. And he didn’t let you go until about an hour ago, when you started stirring. He eventually moved onto the bed with you after we all got up yesterday, but he clung to you like a vengeful koala for over twenty-four hours.”
Azrael kept his promise, and I don’t know what to do with that.
It’s so much easier to think of him as a moody asshole who needs experience talking to people. Then, at least I have logical reasons to stay away from him.
But when he does something so incredibly thoughtful, like hold me the entire time I’m sleeping to heal my injuries? It makes it harder to do the smart thing and keep my distance.
I’m not stupid enough to think what happened changes anything between us. Azrael was very clear about not wanting a “complication” like me in his life. If only my heart understood that Azrael holding me meant absolutely nothing to him.
Realizing I have yet to say anything, I simply repeat, “Oh.”
Hal grins at me and ruffles his messy brown hair. “So, how are you feeling?”
I mentally take stock of myself and am pleasantly surprised to find minimal aches and pains. “Better. My head doesn’t really hurt anymore.”
I’m damn lucky I’m a shifter. I would have some healing to do or long-term damage from my head getting so banged up two days in a row if I were human.
“Fantastic. Are you ready to learn what you are?” He waggles his eyebrows, drawing another laugh from me.
It feels good to have a lighter interaction after the heaviness of the past couple of days. Sure, my heart is still raw and bleeding, but laughing makes it feel the slightest bit easier to bear.
“Of course. What am I?” I’m so excited to find out what I am, I’m practically bouncing on the bed. I’ve been wondering what the hell I am for the past seven years. Having the answers at my fingertips now is both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.
He snorts. “Still have to show you, wild girl. Get dressed, and the six of us will go down to the caves together.”
Well, that sounds ominous.
I wonder why they have to show me in a cave instead of in the comfort of their own house. Maybe it has something to do with how they access their powers. I sure hope I don’t have to be in a cave anytime I want to shift into whatever super-secret thing Hal and the others turn into.
Disappointment flows through me that I have to wait even longer to get answers, but I shrug it off. I’ve waited this long—I can wait a while longer.
I’m surprised Azrael is still here. Or, at least, I’m assuming he is by the way Hal said six of us would go to their top-secret cave. I would’ve thought he would’ve left as soon as his promise was fulfilled.
More hope that Azrael might actually care about me blooms in my chest, and I can’t, for the life of me, figure out how to smother it completely.
Sighing at myself, I hop up and do as Hal said.
While I’m in the shower, I can’t help but marvel at how much better I feel. The world doesn’t feel as overwhelming, the guilt as crushing, or the future as hopeless as it did a couple of days ago. Despite all the awfulness that happened with Andrew.
I guess getting truly good sleep for the first time in almost eight months makes all the difference. Who would’ve thought it would be Azrael who helped me get the rest I needed? Certainly not me.
Once I’m showered, I rifle through my bag to find something to wear. At least I packed pretty much all black, so mixing and matching the random pieces I chose two nights ago is easy. I pull on a black sweater, black jeans, and my boots before heading back out to join Hal.
He looks up from his phone when I emerge and gives me a smile that makes my heart beat a little harder. The way he looks so overjoyed every time he sees me is certainly good for my lackluster self-confidence.
Hal shoves his phone into the pocket of his dark-wash jeans before holding out a hand to me.
I take it and let him lead me out of the room, down the grand staircase, and to the dining room.
The rest of the guys are already seated and digging into a breakfast consisting of eggs, bacon, sausage, and pancakes.
Remy is the first one to see me. As soon as he does, he hops up from his chair and bounds over to me. When he reaches me, he wraps me up in a bear hug that forces all the air from my lungs.
“Oh, alouette, it’s so good to see you awake and about. I’ve been so fucking worried for you since Colt told me you were in trouble.” He pulls back and offers me a warm grin. “I’m sure you’re starving after all that healing, so let’s get you fed.”
Before I have a chance to respond, Remy tugs me toward the table. I shoot Hal a bemused look over my shoulder, and he just lifts his hands in a what-can-you-do gesture.
When we reach the table, Remy pulls out a chair between Colt and where he was eating. After I sit down, he pushes me closer to the table and begins filling a plate for me. He piles it high with fluffy scrambled eggs, crisp bacon, and golden pancakes.
Of course he thinks a pig like you would be able to eat all that. Only you would think men like them would want someone like you when you behave as you do.
I grit my teeth and shove my mom’s voice out of my head. He’s giving me so much food because he’s worried about me being hungry, not because he thinks I eat too much. There’s nothing wrong with my body or my eating habits—just a lot wrong with how she always treated me.
Or, at least, that’s what I try to tell myself as I quietly thank Remy for the food.
Even though part of me wants to refuse to eat, I know I have to. At the first bite of the perfectly scrambled eggs, I moan. I know it’s just hunger talking, but I don’t think I’ve ever tasted anything more delicious than the cheesy, eggy concoction in my entire life.
A low growl sounds from in front of me, cutting off all the chatter at the table.
My gaze flicks up to find the source of the sound and connects with a liquid gold one.
Azrael’s watching me intently as my fork with another bite pushes between my lips.
He’s looking at me almost hungrily, and I freeze in surprise.
Before I can say anything, he shakes himself out of it and glares at his plate as he continues eating.
Wondering what I did to piss him off will get me nowhere, so I continue digging into my food. Whichever one of them cooked this should consider being a professional chef because they’re one hell of a cook.
“How are you feeling, sweetheart?” Colt asks after I’ve devoured all the eggs and start on the greasy, crispy bacon.
“A lot better than I was. Sleeping really helped.” My gaze unconsciously darts over to Azrael to find him already watching me.
“Good. I was worried about you.” Colt surprises me by gently grasping my chin and forcing me to look up at him. The anger and worry and heartache I see burning in his icy blue eyes makes my breath stall in my chest. “Don’t ever do that to me again.”
“Do what?” I breathe.
“Almost give me a heart attack with your cryptic call and the scene we found in your apartment. That hour I spent wondering if I’d ever see you alive again was the worst of my life.” Colt closes his eyes for a moment, seeming to try to get himself under control.
My heart hurts that I made him worry so much. “I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head and opens his wintery eyes once more to focus his intense gaze on me. “Don’t apologize. Just try to understand how damn much I need you to be okay, sweetheart. How much I need you to be safe. Because I need it more than I need my next breath, more than I need anything else.”
After bouncing my gaze between his for a long moment, I nod the best I can with him still holding my head in place. “I’ll try, Colt.”
Seeming satisfied, he lets go of my chin, and we resume eating. His words bounce around my head the entire time I’m finishing my breakfast. I can’t figure out why any of them care as much as they do.
I know we’re friends now, but it sometimes feels like they want a hell of a lot more than that from me. Hal and Remy have even said so explicitly.
And the truth is, I want more from them, too, but I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know how to let them in, especially when I don’t understand why they’d want someone like me.