Chapter 34
LARK
Iwake up slowly, lingering in the half-awake, half-asleep state for a while. When I eventually blink open my eyes, it’s to realize that the bed is completely empty.
After the shit show with Azrael yesterday, I locked myself in the room for a while. I needed time and space to get myself together after tasting his blood, getting thrown into a bad decision haze, and having him tell me that everything between us was a mistake.
I know Azrael and I are going nowhere. I know I have no future with him. But I still thought we had shared a moment. That what we did meant something to him, like it did to me.
But I was wrong. It was nothing more than a physical release that he deeply regretted. Because it was with me.
Eventually, I was able to stuff my emotions about what happened so far down that I became numb.
By the time I went down to hang out with the rest of the guys, Azrael was nowhere to be seen. I was relieved, honestly. I don’t think I can handle facing him for a while after what happened.
The rest of the day passed pretty casually with us just hanging out, talking, and decompressing after the craziness of the past few days.
Each of the guys pulled me aside individually to ask me if I was okay. It was cute how they all did the same thing while having no idea the others were doing it too.
The last thing I wanted was to talk about Azrael regretting us making each other come, so I just lied and said I was tired and overwhelmed. Which I guess wasn’t that much of a lie. I am exhausted and overwhelmed with everything I’ve learned and everything that’s happened.
I still haven’t told Charlie or Coop about the whole thing with Andrew. I don’t even know if I should, because I don’t want to implicate them in my crime.
I haven’t had the courage to ask the guys what they did with Andrew’s body or whether my apartment still looks like a crime scene. I can’t hide out here forever, though, so I’m eventually going to have to face it.
Just not today.
Sighing to myself, I push the covers off and get out of bed. Lying here moping isn’t going to accomplish anything or make me feel better. But spending time with the guys just might.
Quickly brushing my teeth and throwing on clothes, I wander out of the room and down the stairs in search of the guys. It was weird that I woke up alone. One of them has been with me at all times for the past few days.
I’ve gotten used to their constant companionship, probably a little too quickly. I feel weirdly lonely as I look around the living and eating areas and don’t find anyone.
The faint sound of voices drifts from somewhere to my right, so I start walking in that direction. My footfalls are silent on the polished walnut floors as I walk for what feels like forever. I wind through hallway after hallway and pass by too many doors to count.
While I knew their house was big from the outside, I’ve only really been in the main living spaces. The kitchen, dining room, living room, and bedrooms are all clustered fairly close together, making the space feel cozy and intimate.
In reality, though, the house is huge.
When I turn down a corridor that dead-ends at a white door, I finally find the source of the noise.
“You need to fucking remove the other illusion, Az. This is ridiculous. She deserves to know.” Hal’s raised voice drifts through the crack in the door.
My eyebrows raise at what he said, and I creep closer, wanting to know more. I don’t know who they’re talking about, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s me. Whatever Hal thinks I should know, I definitely want to.
When I’m only a foot or two from the door, I stop, not wanting to alert any of them to my presence.
“No. I told you when we first found her that it would be a bad idea to get involved. She’s done nothing to convince me any differently,” Azrael rumbles, his voice hard and unyielding.
Even though he’s not speaking to me, I still flinch at how harsh his tone is. Whoever he’s talking about, he sounds like he absolutely despises her.
“But it’s different now,” Remy almost whines. “She’s a dragon. There’s no reason to hide this from her.”
Well, now I’m almost positive they’re discussing me. I don’t know how many other women they’ve discovered can turn into dragons lately, so I’m fairly sure whatever Azrael is hiding involves me.
“There’s every reason. She is a complication that none of us need right now. We have bigger problems to focus on than some girl who is nothing but trouble.”
Even though I don’t know for sure if he’s talking about me, his words still feel like an arrow straight through my already fragile heart.
All my life, I heard about how I’ll never be worth the trouble I cause, how I’m nothing but trouble, and how life would be so much easier without me. For some reason, it hurts exponentially more coming from Azrael than it does from my parents.
“Our mate will never be a fucking ‘complication,’ Az,” Colt growls.
It sounds like he slams his hands onto a desk or table.
“Get your goddamn head out of your ass before you lose her forever. Lark deserves to know that she’s our mate.
You can decide not to complete the bond with her, but you don’t get to rob the rest of us of that opportunity. ”
It feels like all the breath is knocked out of my lungs at Colt’s revelation.
Mate?
They’re my mates?
I found my mates months ago and never even knew it. And at least one of them is less than thrilled at that prospect.
Azrael pounds his fist into something, a loud bang echoing through the door. “I am the leader of this flight and your alpha. I will decide what is best, and my decisions are final. I will not be lifting the illusion, and I refuse to have this discussion with you again.”
My feet propel me forward as I stumble to the door in a daze. I push it open and come face-to-face with four very shocked expressions. Azrael, though, doesn’t look surprised at all. Maybe he knew I was eavesdropping in the hallway. Or maybe he’s just good at hiding his emotions.
“Mate?” I whisper as I bounce my gaze between the five of them. Everyone but Azrael is standing clustered around a pair of black crushed velvet armchairs that face a stately desk.
Hal is gaping at me, his spring-green eyes wide in surprise.
Remy’s giving me puppy-dog eyes as though he already knows I’m upset at him and hates it.
Colt looks enraged, his jaw clenched, lips pressed tightly together, and fists balled at his sides.
And Rook just looks resigned, his gray eyes holding a deep sadness.
Azrael is standing on the other side of a large walnut desk, facing off with the guys. One hand is shoved in his suit pants pocket and the other is clenched tightly at his side. He glares at me, as if I’m the one who caused all of this.
Azrael lets out a long-suffering sigh and shoves an agitated hand through his raven hair. “You might as well come in instead of lurking outside.”
Doing as he says, I take a few cautious steps inside what I guess is a study. My gaze skirts over the desk, chairs, black sofa, and gray stone fireplace before landing once more on the guys I was growing to trust.
The men who made me believe that people could be different. That hurt wasn’t lurking around every corner. That it was safe to open myself up to others.
But it wasn’t safe. They were hiding a huge fucking secret from me, just like the people back home always did.
“How long have you known?” When no one says anything, my voice cracks as I demand, “How fucking long have you known?”
“Since the day we met you,” Rook reluctantly admits. His stormy eyes are swimming with sadness, and his face is lined with heartbreak, but I can’t feel any sympathy for him.
Not when it feels like the five of them just took a sledgehammer to my heart and pulverized it. I struggle to breathe past the jagged shards lodged in my chest as I stare at the men I never should’ve let in.
They’ve known since we first met, and they didn’t say anything?
A high-pitched ringing noise echoes in my ears as I try to process it all, drowning out whatever the guys try to say to me. I can see their mouths moving as all four of them try to speak at once, but I can’t hear any of it.
All I can hear is Azrael calling me a complication, nothing but trouble, and a bad idea over and over and over. It repeats on a loop in my mind and fractures what little remains of my already broken heart.
Why didn’t they tell me?
Because they didn’t want me? Because I wasn’t good enough for them? Because they wanted more in a mate?
I can practically hear my mother’s delighted cackle as it turns out everything she ever said about me was right. I will never be enough for men like them to want me back. I’ll never be enough for my mates to want me like I want them.
A sob tries to rip out of my chest, but I forcefully swallow it down. I refuse to break down in front of them. I may not be good enough for them or what they wanted in a mate, but at least I can leave here with some of my pride intact.
I can’t do anything about the tears leaking out of my eyes and blurring my vision, though.
Shouting breaks through all the noise in my head, and I realize the room has devolved into a screaming match.
Hal, Colt, Remy, and even Rook are yelling over each other as Azrael watches them unravel with a cold, detached look on his face. When he notices me watching him, his aloofness transforms into white-hot anger.
He starts yelling back at the others, escalating the situation.
I back away from the five of them, their anger feeling like a physical punch to the gut right now. When my back brushes something smooth and cool, I turn around to see that I’m leaning against glass double doors. Beyond the doors is a grassy field that backs up to a forest.
Feeling like I’m suffocating under the weight of the knowledge that I’m not enough for them, I fumble around for the door handle. I open it almost silently and slip outside without anyone of them noticing.