Chapter Thirty-Eight
Arya
There’s something off about Nathan when I carry Pihu out of the ER one and a half hours later. He’s standing stiffly beside Nova, who’s also wearing a grim expression.
Standing side by side, they make an intimidating duo. Equally tall but where Nathan is lean and cut, Nova is muscular like a boxer and is rough around the edges. If they weren’t wearing bespoke suits, no one would guess they’re savvy businessmen.
“Do you have my number, Arya?” asks Rosalie, jerking my attention away from our men.
“No, I don’t think so,” I answer lamely.
“Tell me yours. I’ll shoot you a text.”
I recite my number as she types. “I left my phone in the car. I’ll save yours once I get my hands on it.”
“No problem.” She smiles. “If you need anything or have any question, call me immediately. I don’t care if it’s three in the morning.”
The dark cloud hanging over my head has somewhat passed. After running a few tests and giving Pihu an exam, the vet said she got food poisoning from something she ate, which caused her a high fever. Hence, her deep slumber and lethargy.
They’ve given her injections and medicine so she sleeps peacefully through the night. They also told me not to worry and that she’ll wake up in the morning. Of course, her treatment will take a few days until she’s fully healed.
I am so glad Nathan brought me here. Every single member of staff was sweet, professional, and caring. Rosalie has built something special and runs it with all her heart.
“Thank you for everything, Rosalie,” I tell her gratefully, and bundle Pihu against my chest. “I appreciate it. I thought maybe I did something that made her sick. She’s my first pet.”
“Oh, I know the panic. I mean, I have had three cute fur babies for years, yet I become scared shitless whenever they fall sick.” Waving her hand, she mutters, “And they always find something bad to eat behind your back. So, don’t fret too much.
All that matters is that your precious Pihu will be healthy in a week. ”
“I’m going to take the day off tomorrow to look after her.”
“That would be best. But if you must work, I’m more than happy to babysit her.”
“That’s so sweet of you. I’ll skip the office, though, since I won’t be able to concentrate anyways. But I might call you for some tips on how to feed her medicine. I hope she doesn’t fuss.”
“I’m a phone call away.”
“Thanks.”
Tucking her red hair behind her ear, she nervously bites the corner of her mouth, and says, “Look, about the last time we met, I’m sorry for acting like a total bitch. It was uncalled for.”
“Hey.” I touch her arm and lean closer. “You don’t need to apologize. I deserved it.”
She shakes her head. “You didn’t. I’ve known you since we were kids and I know how much you love Bianca. The separation must’ve been difficult on you as well.”
“It was, but everything is good between Bianca and me now. Let’s leave the past in the past.”
A wide grin stretches on her red lips. “I’m so happy you two made up.”
“Same.”
“Listen, Nova and I are throwing a party to celebrate our wedding anniversary next month. You are coming.” Pointing a finger in my face before I can say a word, she utters bossily, “I’m not taking no for an answer.”
“And what’s the question, little hellion?” a deep and amused voice says from behind us.
I turn, finding Nova’s mischievous gaze locked on his wife. Over his shoulder, my eyes connect with a closed-off Nathan. The look in his metallic gray eyes is dark and brooding. It unnerves me.
“I’m not always up to trouble, hubby,” Rosalie sasses. “I was just inviting Arya to our anniversary party.”
Rounding to her side, Nova pulls her against his chest [RK23]with an arm around her waist. Smacking a kiss against her lips, he teases, “Your middle name is trouble, Rose.”
She rolls her eyes, but there’s a grin on her face.
“How’s Pihu?” cuts in Nathan, keeping two inches of space between him and me. Though they feel like a mile.
Rosalie’s gaze slides to him, becoming hard. I bet she holds the same opinion as Bianca. It immediately makes me want to jump to his defense and shield him from their judgments. I hold myself back. Barely.
“She has food poisoning,” I answer him to diffuse the sudden tension. “Fortunately, it’s not critical and she needs to take medicine for the next couple of days to become healthy.”
“Good.” His tone is soft. “Did you purchase the prescription?”
“Yeah.” I hold up the paper bag. “Rosalie provided it.”
He takes it from me, so it’s not dangling from my hand. Glancing at Pihu, he commands, “We should go.”
“Yeah, okay.” Turning to Nova and Rosalie, I say, “Thank you for everything tonight. You’ve done amazing with the hospital, Rosalie.”
“You’re welcome.” She pulls me in a hug. “See you soon.”
Bidding her goodbye, I follow Nathan outside. Unlike the protectiveness I felt from him when we came earlier, an iciness wraps around him that chills my bones.
The worry over Pihu lessened, I become hyperaware of the problems between us. The distance. The awkwardness. The unspoken feelings.
He doesn’t even spare me a glance when he buckles me into the seat. There’s no slamming of the door when he closes it, yet I startle anyways.
It feels like he’s slamming the door on us.
On what we could’ve been.
Locking us inside the car, he pulls out of parking lot and immediately turns the volume up on the radio, sending a clear message he isn’t interested in talking.
I twist my head to stare out the window, biting my lip to swallow back a sob. It didn’t hurt as much when Aryan left me at the altar.
The long drive is tensed, stretching like a rubber band seconds away from breaking. Even though you know an acute sting is coming, you still aren’t prepared.
We turn onto my street, my building standing tall and glittering in the distance. Less than a minute later, we’re parking outside of it. I make a move to open the door, when his voice stops me.
“Wait.” Stepping out from the car, he reaches my side and holds open the door. “Let me take Pihu. I’ll walk you to your apartment.”
“Thanks.” I pass her to him and unbuckle my seat belt. Grabbing her medicine and my things, I get out and close the door.
The night shift doorman nods his head and lets us in. I blink against the bright lighting of the lobby as we strut to the elevators. The higher we climb, the lower my stomach sinks. I hate the heavy silence all the way to my apartment. It’s too much to bear.
Nathan quietly follows me inside. “Where do you want her?”
“The bedroom,” I answer, trailing toward the hall that’ll lead me there. I put the medicine on the nightstand while Nathan lays Pihu on the bed and fluffs the blanket around her so she isn’t cold.
My pulse skips a beat when he caresses the top of her head lovingly before straightening.
Our eyes lock.
His are impassive, while mine are full of pain and confusion.
“I’m going to go,” he murmurs, his voice devoid of emotion and his shadowed face a mask of impenetrable mask. I take a step to walk him out when he coldly halts me. “Stay with Pihu. I’ll walk myself out.”
Without waiting to see if I’ll agree, he sidesteps the bed and briskly exits.
I stay rooted to the spot, feeling the last of my strength wither away.
A voice in my head whispers if I let him leave, I’ll never know what went wrong.
I’ll lose him for good. I’m not tolerating his silent treatment and letting him deny there isn’t something between us.
He isn’t cheapening what we had for the last two months.
Spinning on my heel, I run outside my room.
His hand is on the doorknob, his head bent like the weight of the world is on his shoulders when I call out, “Why have you been ignoring me?”
His spine goes rigid, but he doesn’t face me.
“Look at me, Nathan,” I whisper.
A rough exhale lifts his broad back, yet he still doesn’t give me his eyes. Even when they’re tightly concealing the thoughts in his head, they tell me more than he realizes.
His head turns as he says in a torn voice, “You’re getting under my skin and I fucking hate that.”
“So, you’re running away?” I murmur, taking a small step toward him. “Between the two of us, it isn’t your thing.”
“You don’t know me well enough to say that.”
“Because you won’t allow me.”
The accusation and disappointment in my tone have him turning and leaning against the door. “I’ve told you I’m not looking for a relationship, Arya.”
“And I want to know why. I know you like me and care about me. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have come tonight. So, give me one good damn reason why you won’t even give us a chance.”
“Because you think I’m some good guy and I am not!” he grits out, his stormy eyes full of anguish. “Why can’t you see I’m trying to save you from heartbreak? Protecting you from destroying your life, from the darkness inside me?”
I flinch, stumbling back a step from the force of his confession.
He shoves away from the door, his features hardening into stone and a cruel smirk twisting his lips. “Don’t tell me Bianca didn’t warn you about me when you met her.”
“I don’t believe her.”
“None of it is a lie. I did set out to ruin my brother’s life by any means necessary and I almost succeeded. And I didn’t even care if I broke Iris’s trust in my need for revenge, when all she had done was be my best friend and love me.”
“Are you still seeking revenge against him?” I demand, even though I already know the answer. “Plotting ways to disrupt his relationship?”
“Why does it matter?”
“Answer me.”
Neither of us backs down until he replies with a sigh, “Not anymore.”
“Then you’re not the same man anymore,” I utter challengingly, bridging the distance between us. “So stop trying to convince me you’re a villain I should hate.”
An internal war happens in his steely gaze while his hands clench into fists by his sides. I place my palm over one and curl it over his, eliciting a shudder from him.
“You were angry at your brother, hurt that he cut you out of his life without a second thought, so you tried to hurt him back and made a mistake. It doesn’t make you a horrible guy, it makes you human. You’re letting guilt and regret make you believe otherwise and push people away from loving you.”
“So what?” he taunts with a humorless laugh. “You think you can fix me?”
“No, I don’t,” I whisper, smiling sadly. “You fix what’s broken. You’re just misunderstood and carrying emotional scars left by the people closest to you.”
At once, all his anger withers away into dust.
The lonely man, who has locked himself behind an invisible fortress, stares back at me. “I’m not worth loving,” he whispers so low that I wouldn’t have heard it if I wasn’t standing a hairbreadth away from him.
“You’re wrong.” I cup the side of his face, baring my soul. “Let me prove it to you.”
A flame of hope flickers to life when he curls his fingers around my wrist.
Only to be doused when he removes it off him and forces me a step back. With one cold word, he shatters my heart into a million pieces. “No.”
“N-no?” I stutter, tasting saltiness on my tongue.
“I can’t.”
“Why are you doing this? Why do you keep shutting me out, Nathan?” I cry out in agony. A devastating realization dawns and I gasp. “Do… do you still have feelings for Iris? Is that it?”
He stops short.
My hand flies to my mouth, and I mumble, “Oh my god, you do.”
“I don’t,” he simply says.
“Why should I believe you?”
“Because losing her didn’t rip me to shreds half as much as the mere possibility of losing you does.
Because if another man tried to steal you from me, I would end him.
It’s why I keep you at arm’s length, because I don’t know where my madness ends for you.
Or if it even does. If I keep you, let myself irrevocably fall for you, let myself believe you’re mine, I am never letting you go. ”
My heart drops as I figure out the unspoken meaning. “Yet you don’t want to keep me, even though I want you to. Why?”
He loses it, and roars, “Because my head is one messed-up place! A dark hole I can’t get out of, Ari. I am not letting you sink into it.”
Running his fingers through his hair in frustration, he viciously scoffs. “I should’ve known you couldn’t handle our arrangement without getting attached. It’s my fault for letting it go this far. This—us—just became too complicated.”
A complication? That’s what he thinks I am after everything I said to him tonight?
His cruelty cuts me open and splits my insides in two.
As I stare at him, it dawns on me that I’m talking into a void. He won’t let me in even if I beg him on my knees.
Meeting my hopeless gaze, he hammers the last nail in the coffin. “I’m ending it, Arya. We’re better off working together.”
Brushing my tears away, I steel my spine and reply, “As you wish.”
“One day you’ll see I did the right thing.”
No, I won’t.
“Leave my home, Nathan.” Turning away, I tell him over my shoulder, “You aren’t the first man to walk away from me.”
However, unlike last time, I won’t hide away from the world and stop living.