Chapter 50
fifty
JO
I shouldn’t have listened to them fucking.
I didn’t mean to. Being woken up in the middle of the night by sex noises in a previously sexless house is disarming.
I might be numb. It’s been hours since I heard them, but I’m still lying in the same position I was in when my eyes flew open.
Should I be crying? Or angry? I’ve been trying to figure it out and now that I can hear them getting up and moving again, I have to decide what to do.
Pretend I didn’t hear them or tell them I did.
Are they going to act like a couple now?
Are they a couple? This would be a lot easier if my feelings weren’t broken.
I think I felt too many at once and they short-circuited.
I want to call Harlow, but I don’t think there’s a way to stop her from finding out where I am and driving here to take out people’s knees.
Grabbing my phone from the nightstand, I quickly text Cal.
Is there a way to get in touch with Willa?
Not an emergency.
I know Willa won’t hold back to spare my feelings. I respect that about her, and I’m hoping that maybe she can help me unscramble my brain.
Cal
Yeah. They all got phones as of last night. Wore down Harrison. I heard him complaining to Harlow when he called last night.
I would find that funny if I wasn’t broken. The man went from having one kid to having a small busload of adult children. Cal sends over Willa’s contact information, and I quickly thank him before opening a new message.
Hey Willa, it’s Jo. Do you have time to chat?
Willa
Jo! It’s so good to hear from you! Do you want me to call?
I listen for a minute, still hearing soft muttering from the room next to me.
Text. I don’t want to be overheard.
Willa
What did they do?
I snort. Each other, I think, but I don’t type that. I don’t even know what to say to explain the situation.
I think I broke my feelings.
I watch the three little dots pop up and disappear several times before disappearing completely.
The door to Maverick’s room opens with a squeak, and I lay perfectly still, listening to see where they go.
Better not be in here. I can’t deal with them right now.
Luckily, I hear heavy footsteps going down the stairs.
Once I’m sure they’re on the floor below me, I call Willa.
“Are you okay? Was that code for something? Kai says it’s not,” she says the moment she answers the call.
“I don’t know!” I whisper-shout into the phone, my eyes trained on the door just in case one of them comes looking for me. “That’s what I need help with.”
“Right,” she says, pausing. “Do you think you could give me more information to work with here?”
I sigh and unload everything that’s happened here this past month, leading up to Ezra half dead and freezing and ending with me listening to him and the man I’m in love with having sex in the room next to me.
“And I’ve been lying here ever since,” I end with. I didn’t need to explain my feelings for Maverick to her. She already knows.
“What time did that happen?”
“Three this morning.”
“Jo! It’s almost ten! You’ve been lying there for seven hours!” I pull my phone away from my ear and wince, hoping the guys didn’t hear that. I’m pretty sure it was loud enough to be heard through the floor.
“I know. What do I do?” I ask her because I genuinely don’t know.
“Get up!”
“Not physically,” I argue. I don’t want to get up.
“At least sit up. Please,” Willa says more calmly.
I groan and do as she asks, leaning my back against the headboard. “Now what?”
“How do you feel about Ezra?”
“Uh . . .” Her question throws me off for a moment, but I think about it. “I hated him at first. It was hard watching you all suffer while he was out living a whole life.”
“And now?”
I fidget while I think about how to word what I want to say.
“He’s kind, but with this hard exterior.
He cares a lot about his people, but you’d never know it by looking at him.
I feel bad about how much I misjudged him at first. I mean, I definitely think there was a better way to handle things than pretending to be dead, but I’m also not so sure how much of that was his choice.
” I bite my bottom lip and Willa stays quiet, letting me gather my thoughts.
“He’s a really good friend. We spar every morning and then he makes breakfast. I like the routine. ”
“Do you, um,” Willa says, and I can practically feel her thoughts through the phone. “Do you have romantic feelings towards him?”
“He’s gay, Willa.”
“That wasn’t the question, Jo.”
“Of course I do!” I burst, not bothering to keep my voice down. “I have a habit of falling for unavailable men.”
“Is Maverick unavailable though?”
“I just told you I heard them bumping uglies last night!”
“Polyamory is a thing, Jo!”
“It’s only a thing if the other person or people want it and the people we’re talking about don’t even want me!
What am I supposed to do? Just be a third wheel for the rest of my life and watch them be in love while pretending they love me, too?
I can’t fucking do that, Willa!” My chest is heaving and angry tears are streaking down my face.
“Well, that at least fixed your emotional blockage,” she says.
“Great,” I mutter.
“Talk to them or just talk to Maverick. He’s always been very open with his feelings. Maybe he wants to be with both of you and is just assuming that option isn’t on the table.”
“And what if he says no and just wants Ezra?” I ask, my voice sounding broken in my ears.
“Then you have your answer, and you can begin to heal.”
I nod even though she can’t see me, sniffling and wiping at my eyes. “Thanks, Willa.”
“You don’t have to take my advice. If you want out of there, just say the word and I’ll get you somewhere else that’s safe.”
“I think,” I say and then pause to take a calming breath. “I think I’m going to talk to them. If there’s a shot I can be with Maverick, even if that means sharing him, I need to take it. Hopefully, my heart will figure out that Ezra can only love me as a friend in time.”
“Will you let me know how it goes?”
“Yeah,” I grumble, already not looking forward to the conversation. There’s no way this is going to go well for me.
“Oh, and would you mind giving Ezra this number? Declan didn’t get a phone with the rest of us because he decided he liked being unplugged, but he’s been wanting to talk to Ezra.” Her voice holds a note of annoyed fondness, and it causes a pang of jealousy.
“I will.” After thanking her again and hanging up the phone, I think I’ll have time to decide what I want to say to Maverick.
Joke’s on me.