Chapter 53
fifty-three
EZRA
Waking up with Maverick’s warm body wrapped around me should have been enough to start my day off great.
It would have if it wasn’t for the screaming muscles in my body and the uncertainty of what happened between us last night.
I tried to stay as still as possible so I wouldn’t wake him and break the moment, but my muscles were so sore, I needed to move.
“Good morning,” Maverick croaks behind me in a sleepy voice before placing a soft kiss to my neck. I could barely breathe, terrified this was him not fully awake, just waiting for the moment he tells me last night was a mistake.
“I need to go stretch. My muscles are tense,” I say before he gets a chance. Sliding out of bed and away from him is difficult and not because of my stiff back.
“About last night,” he says, and I can feel him shuffling into a sitting position behind me.
“I get it. You don’t need to explain,” I say around a lump in my throat.
“Get what?” he asks. “Look at me, Ezra. Please.”
My shoulders slump, but I slowly turn, staring at his bare chest instead of his eyes. I think if I look into his eyes right now, I’ll break. He doesn’t give me a choice, reaching out with his finger and gently tilting my chin up until my eyes meet his.
“I don’t regret it or whatever you’re overthinking right now,” he says with a small smile. “I just think it’s a good idea to go slow and get to know each other again. I don’t want to jump back into this and ruin things before they even get started.”
I let out a heavy exhale. It’s not exactly what I want, but it’s so much more than I thought he was going to offer me.
“Okay,” I say, nodding even with his finger still on my chin.
Maverick smiles, his eyes twinkling in a familiar what that I wasn’t sure I’d ever see on him again.
Not after what he’s been through. Not after what I put him through.
He leans in close to me, pressing his lips softly against mine in a sweet but quick kiss.
“Go stretch, old man.”
I laugh. “I’m only a year older than you.”
Maverick gets out of bed, naked as the day he was born, morning wood on full display, shoots me a smile, slaps my ass, and makes his way to the bathroom in the hallway.
My eyes bulge as I run after him and check to see if Jo’s door is open.
Thankfully, it’s closed. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind seeing him naked, but it feels cruel for us to both walk out of this room together with him looking like that.
That satisfaction I thought I would feel with Maverick being mine—well, almost mine—isn’t there.
If anything, I feel a little guilty. I don’t want to hurt her.
Jo is an amazing woman, and she deserves someone to love her for everything she is.
Whoever that is will be a lucky bastard.
I ignore the pain in my chest at the thought of some faceless stranger holding Jo, but I chalk that up to my instinct to protect her.
It’s what I’ve been doing for over a month. It’s just a habit.
Slowly making my way down the stairs while Maverick is occupied and not able to see how sore and stiff I really am, I think about what happened over the past few days.
That podcast episode really fucked me up.
Maverick’s pain was awful to hear, but Kai’s killed me just as much.
I need to call him. The moment my foot touches the bottom of the stairs, I realize I had left my phone upstairs.
I look up the staircase and decide the phone call can wait.
My yoga mat and foam rollers are calling my name.
I feel much better after stretching. Not back to normal, but enough to function without pain for the most part.
Making my way into the kitchen, I stop in my tracks.
Maverick is sitting on one of the stools with Jo standing between his legs, his hands on her hips.
It would look more romantic if she wasn’t biting her lip nervously and picking at the sleeve of his blue sweater.
She doesn’t seem to be aware she’s doing it, lost in thought somewhere while Maverick rubs soothing circles into her skin with his thumbs. He looks worried.
“What’s going on? Did something happen?” I ask, walking quickly over to them. “What’s wrong, Bambi?” I ask her, taking the hand that was playing with Maverick’s sweater and holding it in my own to get her attention.
She gasps, seeming to come back to Earth as she focuses on me and then quickly looks at Maverick before turning back to me. “Nothing is wrong!” she squeaks. Maverick laughs and gazes at her with a type of adoration that triggers immediate jealousy. What the fuck is going on right now?
“We just want to talk to you about something,” Maverick says, reaching over and putting his hand over where mine and Jo’s are still joined.
My brows pull together as I wait for him to explain.
Every worst-case scenario runs through my mind like a fucked-up slideshow. “I’d like to be with both of you.”
“What?” I blurt, not sure I’m understanding correctly.
“Maybe explore things with both of you is a better way to explain it,” he says casually, like my mind isn’t about to implode.
“Willa mentioned it, actually,” Jo says, sounding more timid than I’ve ever heard her. It makes me squeeze her hand even though I didn’t remember I was holding it. “But it’s a big decision and something that all of us need to agree to.”
“How . . . uh,” I start, trying to gather my thoughts. “How would that work?”
“We’d have to get a lot better at communicating,” Jo says with a nervous laugh. “Figure out what works best for all three of us.”
“I would essentially date both of you, but you wouldn’t be dating each other,” Maverick says with a shrug.
I look at Maverick, and he’s smiling with so much hope behind those sweet honey eyes.
There’s no way I could deny him anything.
I’m not sure I’d want to. Do I love the idea of sharing him?
Not really, but if I had to, I’m happy it’s Jo.
I’ve come to like having her around, and I don’t think I was ready for her to split from us, anyway.
Not that she can. We’re still stuck here for now.
“Okay. Yeah. Let’s do it,” I say with a lot more conviction than I’m feeling.
This is a recipe for disaster, but all I can think is that if I say no and force Maverick to choose me, we’d be doomed from the start.
It’s utter arrogance to think he would even choose me over the woman who has been healing the hurt I caused.
So I’ll do what I have to do and share him.
“Really?” Jo asks, shocked. I get it. I’d be surprised too if our roles were reversed.
“Yeah,” I say, looking into her eyes and almost confessing what I was looking at on my phone while stretching.
I finally looked up what demisexual means, and I think Jasper might be onto something.
I’ve never really felt any sexual attraction to anyone other than Maverick.
So when I did, I just immediately labeled myself as gay and never questioned it again.
Because to me it didn’t matter. Maverick was all that mattered.
But then this tiny blonde with one hell of a right hook and a beautiful heart that she hides behind a suit of armor came charging into my life, and I found myself thinking about her.
Thinking about her naked and writhing under me.
The first time that happened was right after we got drunk together, and I blamed the wine.
But then I would wake up hard and aching from dreams about her.
It didn’t matter the moment Maverick showed up because I thought I had to choose. Maybe I don’t.
Everything is too fragile right now to bring that up. What if it’s just something that passes for me? It would ruin whatever the three of us are going to try to build. I need to keep it to myself. Jo probably doesn’t even think of me in that way. It’s always been Maverick for her.
It’s always been Maverick for you too, my brain whispers. I promptly tell it to shut up.
“Great!” Jo says, looking both happy and confused at the same time. “Can we have another shooting lesson now?”
I laugh and shake my head. We’ve only been able to do it once with how the weather has been.
The forecast keeps threatening snow, but we’ve been getting freezing rain instead.
I’m sure I could find an indoor shooting range, but those are always equipped with cameras, and it would be difficult to make sure Maverick wasn’t spotted.
“I’m up for it if you are,” Maverick says, causing me to raise an eyebrow.
He shrugs with a shy smile. “I don’t think I can shoot anyone, but Jo says if I’m going to be around guns, I need to learn gun safety.
” That has me laughing again because she’s right and possibly the only person who can talk him into it.
The last time we went outside to practice shooting, Maverick refused to come with us and watched a medical drama on his phone in the basement so he couldn’t hear the gunshots as well.
This arrangement between the three of us seems to have unexpected perks already.
“Put on warmer clothes,” I say to Jo, squeezing her hand quickly before finally releasing it.
She’s in one of my shirts and pajama pants that have cats eating cupcakes on them.
She smiles, kissing Maverick on the lips and running upstairs.
The hint of jealousy I was expecting at the show of affection isn’t there.
“You’re really coming out to shoot with us?
” I ask him, feeling bold now that we’ve discussed things and walking the space between his legs that Jo just vacated.
Maverick’s arms immediately wrap around me.
That happy smile hasn’t left his face. He’s just so fucking beautiful it hurts to look at him sometimes.
“I really am,” he says before reaching up and pulling me down to him by my neck, sealing his lips to mine. The kiss starts off slow and sweet, our tongues moving softly against each other. Maverick groans into my mouth, and I kiss him deeper.
“Let’s go! We can all make out later. I need to take out that stupid fucking hay bale before the rain starts up again and you need to go grocery shopping,” she says, pointing at me while I try to contain my laughter.
Jo’s first shooting lesson didn’t go well.
I had picked up hay bales at a local farm and spray-painted targets on them.
She missed every time. “Or I can go grocery shopping by myself.”
“No,” Maverick and I say at the same time. Jo rolls her eyes, but doesn’t contain her smile.
“I see how it is,” she says, already making her way to the door. “Last one there does the dishes.”
“Fuck!” Maverick yells, practically falling off the stool, since I was still between his legs and running after her. I just watch him go and laugh. He hates the dishes, but I don’t mind them. My cheeks hurt from smiling as I follow them.