Chapter 15
EDEN
Present day…
I haven’t seen Kieran in four days. Not that I’m counting. Not that I care . It’s just a fact that I’ve been aware of.
A part of me has been surprised, given the last time I saw him. The memory of it has been infiltrating my mind relentlessly, suppressing every other thought when it comes to Kieran.
It’s been confusing to say the least. Instead of thinking of him as the man who kidnapped me and locked me in a room, I keep seeing him as the one who tongue-fucked me in the hallway, who swore he never lied to me, who looked desperate for me to accept that I’m his wife.
And it’s getting harder not to let my guard down. He’s given me free rein of his house, fed me, and touched me like I’m all he wants. Now, I’m just stuck with one question: why? Why has he treated me like this when all I’ve done is insult him and actively fought against him?
If I really was married to him, I guess there must have been a reason.
It would explain the way my thoughts keep going back to him, the way my body responds to him.
It almost makes me want to seek him out—which makes no sense—because the last time I saw him, the taunting and teasing had a new layer to it.
It didn’t feel so defensive. Instead, it built a tension I liked.
A nudge against my thigh pulls me from my thoughts, and I tilt my head, finding Mika’s warm eyes on me. A smile pulls at her lips as she raises a brow. “You were zoned out.”
I drop my gaze, trying to ignore the way she’s eyeing me. Even though I like Mika, I haven’t felt ready to actually talk to anyone about what’s been going on in my head. If I’m being truthful, I’m scared to trust anyone. I don’t want to play into their hands or give them ammunition against me.
Mika, however, isn’t deterred. She nudges me again. “Spill.”
I steal a glance at her, her eyes sparkling. We’re in the dining area, warm light spilling in through the windows and highlighting the strands that have fallen out of her extremely messy bun. “Spill what?”
She shakes her head. “I’ve been letting you get away with that, but not this time. I heard about your latest run-in with Kieran, and I gave you time to process. Now, I want you to spill. Tell me what’s got you in your head.”
It’s the first time she’s pushed, but it doesn’t feel like she has an ulterior motive.
There’s a flash of concern in her eyes that makes me think she really has been trying to give me my space but wants to know I’m okay.
If everything she’s told me is true—if we really were friends—then maybe that’s all it is.
A wave of exhaustion washes over me. I’m so tired of holding everything in, of studying every interaction when I’m alone while I debate if I should be trying to escape this house and where I’d even go if I did.
It’s enough to make me want to finally take a chance. A small one.
I pick at a piece of fruit, not looking at Mika. “I can’t remember anything,” I say quietly. It’s easy to admit because it’s not a secret, but it’s a good starting point for all that I’m struggling with.
“That must be terribly frustrating.” Her voice is soft, understanding. I like that she didn’t say she already knew. That she didn’t belittle this leap I’ve taken by making it feel like nothing.
I nod, my throat tight. The idea of sharing any of my thoughts feels nearly impossible, and it has me considering ending the conversation here.
It’s so confusing. I keep thinking about the few days I spent with Damian, who genuinely seemed to want me to heal. Listening to Parker preach things that I’m still not certain aren’t true—even if they are a little skewed. I’m confused.
But I also think I’m getting less so.
“You are handling it better than I would.” There’s a playfulness to Mika’s tone that encourages me to look up at her. Her light brown eyes are filled with so much emotion that I almost feel guilty for ever doubting her. “I would have completely lost it after everything you’ve been through.”
A small laugh escapes me. “I kind of have…a few times now.”
“On Kieran?” She looks thrilled at the prospect.
I nod, feeling more proud than sheepish about it. “And your husband once.”
That has Mika’s head tipping back as she giggles. “He probably deserved it. I’m certain Kieran did.”
“He did!” I settle back in my chair feeling more at ease. “He’s always pushing me. Either he locks me in a room and refuses to look at me, or his temper gets the better of him over the smallest things.”
“That’s Kieran.” She shrugs a shoulder. “Honestly, they’re all temperamental as fuck. Even Lochlan. He acts goofy, but when he’s pissed off, he’s a little terrifying.”
“I can’t imagine you afraid of anyone.”
Her grin turns sharp, and she slips the small blade at her thigh free, twirling it. “That’s because I’m not.”
I stare at the weapon as she spins it, feeling an odd sense of longing. Mika must notice because she flips it over in her hand, holding the handle out toward me.
“You want to take a look?”
If she has any doubts about arming me, it doesn’t show in her body language. It’s enough to make me want to let my guard down around her—because she obviously doesn’t have any hesitation when it comes to doing so with me.
I take the blade from her, noticing how familiar it feels in my hand.
The handle is a gorgeous dark wood that fits perfectly in my palm, the grain a beautiful contrast of colors that has me marveling at the design.
The knife is lightweight and balanced, slender enough to be wielded effortlessly and small enough to easily carry around.
Along the silver of the blade, small snowflakes have been engraved, and I twist it, watching the light reflect off of it.
“This is gorgeous,” I breathe, taking it in. Staring at it feels similar to the first time I saw Kieran’s patio, the sunset spilling over it. It tugs at something deep in my chest.
“One of my favorite Wintervale gifts.”
Holding the blade and seeing Mika’s obvious trust, I decide to push myself a little further. I keep my head down as I say, “Mika, I don’t know what to believe without my memories.” Fuck, it was hard to get that out, but it also bolsters me with a little courage.
Lifting my head, I find solace in her soft gaze. Enough so to keep going. “It’s what Kieran keeps snapping about. He’s said things to me that don’t make sense, and when I don’t immediately believe him, he…” Images flash through my mind—all the times he stormed away from me.
And that one night on his knees in front of me. The one time he didn’t fight me over my memories.
Sorrow passes over her features, and I remember when Kieran said she was like family.
“Kieran is the worst at talking about how he’s feeling.
Not that I’m excusing his behavior, but I want you to understand.
He’s more of a man of action, even if his temper is awful.
It has a lot to do with what they all went through growing up.
” She shakes her head. “He wants you, even though you don’t remember him, and he’s really struggling with the loss of that relationship. ”
I bite my lip and nod, digesting that. Placing her knife on the table, I gently slide it handle first toward her. “I guess if I look at it from his perspective, I can understand why he keeps getting upset.”
“He misses you.” Mika leans forward to place her hand on mine, leaving the blade on the table. “He’s said it to everyone but you, I’m sure. He hasn’t slept since the day you went missing, and he had expected your homecoming to go differently. I know that his actions have seemed a little…”
“Insane?”
She chuckles. “Definitely. But I just want you to think about how it has been for him. He fell hard and fast for you, and then he practically lost you unexpectedly. He’s not reacting well, and hearing you reject him kind of pushes him over the edge.”
I bite my lip, considering that. It makes perfect sense, given every interaction we’ve had. I was told that Kieran was ruthless and evil, and while I have seen that temper, I’ve also seen him try to hide so many other emotions. Ones that make sense with Mika’s context.
“I would have doubts, too.” She pats my hand and leans back.
“But Kieran is blunt. He’s not the kind of guy who will try to manipulate or trick you to get what he wants.
If he's willing to talk, he’s not going to waste those few words on lies.
And I hope I’ve earned enough of your trust that you believe me when I say that we really are friends, this is your home, and we are all happy to have you back. ”
My throat is tight as I stare at her, at the way her eyes are glistening and she looks so damn sincere. My chest aches, and I know deep in my bones that she isn’t lying.
I must be no better than Kieran because it feels nearly impossible to squeeze out a single word. Not because I’m trying to shut her out. I just think I must be awful at being open, too.
I guess Kieran and I make more sense than I thought.
“You have,” I finally whisper, looking away.
Mika lets out a soft laugh, and I bet this isn’t the first time she’s seen me struggle like this. But she doesn’t push it. Instead, she does what I have learned is a very Mika thing to do. She teases me.
“Well, I guess then I’ll forgive you.”
I lift my head, giving her a dubious look based on her tone. “For?”
“For forgetting me, obviously.” She gestures to herself. “I am too awesome to have been forgotten. But you did somehow, and I’ll finally give you the chance to earn my forgiveness.”
I roll my eyes, throwing a balled up napkin at her, but it breaks the tension, making us both laugh. And even if it was hard, I’m really glad I finally talked to Mika.