Chapter 11
Grace
I’m not sure how long we sit on the floor under the chalkboard with our backs against the wall. Milly’s head is resting on my shoulder as she slumps into me. My back is straight and tense as my mind continues to try and find any sort of resolution to the predicament I’m in… that Milly is in.
We haven’t spoken since I wrote those three little words.
I think that she’s worried about my soul, probably my life in general.
But I don’t know if I feel anything, honestly.
I feel numb. It might be shock. I’m not worried about what happens to me.
It’s not like I’ve been living this life to the fullest anyway, constantly in the shadows of my father’s reprimanding denial of who I truly am.
It’s always been easier to hide a piece of myself, no matter how big it is.
It’s my identity, but self-preservation won out.
I chose to suppress my truth to avoid the hateful gaze of holy men.
I glance down at Milly’s head on my shoulder, my heart pinching at how good it feels to have her leaning on me.
I’ve kissed a few girls, been to second base, but I guess you could classify me as a virgin.
I tried to kiss a boy once when I was in high school, but had to hold in the gag.
The sensation of the few hairs on his face stroking against my cheeks, paired with the taste of the dip lingering in his mouth and the too-strong smell of Axe body spray, felt wrong.
He felt wrong. I wrote it off as the wrong man for me, still considering myself bisexual and capable of being happy with a man. Problem solved, right?
Flash forward a few years, and a few toads kissed, I realized without doubt that I was truly a lesbian.
I tried to fight the inner pieces of myself, but became comfortable just cruising through the supposed best years of my life to avoid any further conflict.
I’ve always been more of a loner. Even as a teenager, I just felt more comfortable lost in the music of my favorite records.
If anything, I became comfortable thinking I was born weird.
I chew on my lip, rubbing Milly’s back in soothing circles.
My parents were normal, well, at least my mom.
Their support in my formative years made this realization even harder.
They always encouraged every sport, every hobby, every opportunity possible for me growing up, and for that, I will forever be thankful.
It hurts to think back on the past, especially remembering how my father was when she was alive. I wonder if she’d be livid over what Dad has done to my college career, let alone me.
I flinch a little, and Milly lifts her head and looks at me with sad, concerned eyes.
“We will figure this out—we must,” she whispers.
I smile at her and lift my hand to her beautiful, soft curls. I twirl my finger around the one framing her cheek, cherishing the smoothness against my rough fingertips.
“It’ll be alright, Milly. I’m not that worried.” I shrug off the underlying nerves.
I gaze into her eyes and see the slight fire seep into her golden irises. I smile tightly and drop the curl from my fingers and face forward again, with my head against the wall.
“I’ve spent my whole life hiding, but it’s not until I truly have to hide that I find the courage to step out of the shadows.
” I close my eyes and continue, “I don’t want to hide who I am anymore, Milly.
I thought I didn’t care about hiding a piece of myself from the world, but being in the shadows every single day of my fucking life is exhausting.
All I had to do was not act on what my heart wanted. It could have been much worse. But it is draining, Milly. I’m tired of not loving someone the way I want to, expressing myself the way I want to, all because of fear. I will be damned if another religious man tells me who I can and cannot love.”
Milly places her hand on my thigh, and my body tingles in response to her touch. I roll my head to the side as I open my eyes. I follow her delicate fingers rubbing across my thigh, holding my breath slightly, scared to break the moment.
What I would give to not be wearing these joggers, to feel her touch on my leg, skin to skin. I shiver slightly, and she pulls her hand back abruptly. I snatch her hand and place it back on my leg, shaking my head.
“Don’t–”
“Forgive me–”
We both start at the same time and smile sadly. I nod my head to encourage her to speak.
“Forgive me, I fear my touch is colder than what you may be accustomed to. I wish it were not so.”
I place my hand on top of hers and rub the back of her hand. “And my touch is probably rougher than most. I only shivered because…” I swallow. “Your touch ignites a part of my soul I haven’t felt before.”
Her hand pulls away from mine, and I glance up, confused, as I feel her fingers trail up along my thigh slowly. I shiver again, seeing Milly bite her lip in response.
“I must confess, Shadow. There is something truly pleasurable in watching you tremble.”
I inhale on a short breath, lost for air at her words. I lift my neck toward her as she leans over me slightly, her fingers sliding higher and higher up my thigh as cool air is exhaled from her mouth onto my neck.
The area pebbles in goosebumps as her tongue darts out and licks from the base up to my ear, nibbling on the lobe. I gasp, offering more of my neck, desperate to feel more of her on me.
She pulls her other hand onto my abdomen as she continues her kisses from my ear to sucking softly and nibbling my neck, slowly untying the laces of my pants at the same time. I tense, and she halts her movements.
“Use your words, Shadow. That sweet tongue of yours—don’t let it falter now. I shall stop the moment you bid me. I must hear your consent. Say it, and mean it.”
I nod, whimpering, “Yes. Please, Milly, touch me. I want this.”
She continues to untie my pants and pulls them down slowly as she purrs into my ear, “Good girl.”
The words are enough to undo me. Being praised by this woman is and will be the end of me. I’d do anything she asked, anything to hear two words uttered to only me for my entire existence.
I lift my hips slightly as she moves both her hands to the waist of my pants, continuing to shift them down below my ass.
She traces the black lace thong around the front of my pussy with her fingers, and I swallow in anticipation.
“Such exquisite lace, dare I be vain that it was chosen with hope of our paths crossing this evening?”
I hesitate in embarrassment at the truth behind the notion that I truly put this lace thong on just in case. I even gave myself an everything shower.
Her finger slips under the strap, lifting it high and snapping it against my hip. I hiss in response to the sting, the pain bringing immediate pleasure in its wake. It burns a heat so hot throughout my body that my legs start to rub together, craving relief.
“Your words, Shadow.”
My jaw drops, my eyes pinching closed as she teases the lace of my panties between her fingers. “Yessss, yes. I wore them for you,” I whimper, desperate for her fingers to move further south toward my apex.
Her smile turns feline as she shoves her hand under the flimsy lace fabric.
Her thumb gliding against my clit so slowly, I start to tremble.
I throw my head back in a silent moan, her touch electrifying my senses.
Her other fingers slide through my folds, pressing softly into me, her thumb rubbing achingly slow against my clit at the same time.
Her fingers tease the area in slow, torturous circles, driving me closer to the brink. Oh god.
She suddenly pulls her fingers out, lifting them up between us both, and they shine in the faint light of the moon.
“Goodness, so eager. Look at how you glisten for me.”
She brings her fingers to her mouth and sucks them, her eyes rolling back with a soft moan.
“You taste exquisite—dangerously intoxicating. I could savor you for hours.”
She spits on her fingers and brings them back to my pussy. I shiver at the cold saliva spreading through my lips. She leans forward and slams her mouth to mine at the same time her two fingers plunge into me, her thumb picking up pace on my clit.
I moan loudly into her mouth as she inhales it, the sound reverberating through both of our bodies, lost in the sensation of one another’s touch. Her fingers move in and out slowly, curling and hitting the perfect spot.
I lift my hands, thrusting my fingers through her curls as I pull her face closer. Our tongues intertwine, the taste of her sweet like the purest form of sugar. I can’t help but smile knowing that the baking of her confections must linger on her lips.
She pulls back and exhales above me as she increases the pace of her fingers, my back arching in pleasure. I moan again, trying to hold back the building burn in my lower abdomen.
I don’t want this to end.
“Let go for me, my shadow. Shatter upon my fingers.”
I moan, keeping my eyes open, losing myself in the golden swirls of her eyes. I am desperately trying to keep them open to engrain this memory in my brain for eternity.
It takes only those words for me to lose control. I feel myself squeeze her fingers tightly as my pussy begins to pulse in an orgasm that crashes through me.
My eyes roll into the back of my head as the sensation rocks through my body, igniting my veins in a fire that feels like heaven, goosebumps scattering across my skin.
It feels like hours have passed before I come down from the sensation, just as Milly swirls her fingers between my folds one last time, my body twitching in sensitivity.
She brings her fingers up. “Open for me.” She lifts her chin in a nod to my mouth, and I part my lips for her as she brings her fingers up.
I swirl my tongue around them, taking in every drop of my desire.
“Taste how sweet it is to be mine, my shadow.”
I groan softly at her words, melting into the idea of being completely hers.
She pulls her fingers out, my mouth making a popping sound as she shoves them into hers now, moaning at the taste of me as well.
“I could savor you for hours.”
I lean forward and place my hands on her suspenders, pulling the buttons off when she places her hands on mine.
“Tonight, let it be about you. Surrender all you once were to me.”
My stomach clenches in embarrassment of rejection, but she lifts my chin to look up at her.
“This is no denial of you, nor of the way your touch sings to me. There will be time—I shall make certain of that.”
My face flushes at how obvious my disappointment is, but I am grateful nonetheless for her affections and affirmations. “Thank you,” I murmur.
She grins brightly, her presence flashing in and out. She tucks a hair behind my ear and kisses my lips with such softness, I melt into her.
She disappears for a moment, leaving me to kiss the air as I open my eyes in confusion, when she suddenly appears again.
“I have exhausted too much of myself in holding this form. It is far easier to remain an apparition, but even that asks more than I can give. I must rest in the veil that keeps me. I shall find you again when I have strength.” She glances around nervously.
“You must go at once, and carefully, my shadow.”
She leans forward and presses a kiss on my lips one final time until all that’s left is the emptiness my soul feels in her absence.
I glance up at the chalkboard and stand up, pulling my pants up and tying the laces. I pull the sleeve of my sweatshirt over my hand to wipe the written words between Milly and me off the chalkboard and hide the fear we shared.
I hear a creak behind me and freeze instantly.
My shoulders tense as I swallow and slowly turn to glance behind me.
I see nothing, but my skin pebbles in the gaze of something unknown, a sensation far from the one that I receive in Milly’s presence.
But this unknown stare brings dread upon my spirit, the room dropping degrees as I stand here.
I quickly finish wiping away our words and run as quietly as possible to the window I entered, but realize I can’t climb up the way I jumped in.
Dread enters my body. I know I’m in more danger than I initially thought when I went hunting for Milly.
I rush to the wall near the door and place my body flat against it, trying to control my breath.
I might not have been worried about the loss of my life, but that was because I didn’t have anything worth living for.
Or at least that’s what I thought. If I don’t care about my life, I have to try to for her and the one she lost. If I died here, would I be able to be with Milly?
Would I cross into the veil, or would I be trapped in Hell or Heaven?
My father always reiterated the consequences of my choices—a wide road to a torturous Hell.
He instilled that fear and pushed for a dedication to a religion I was only beginning to truly question.
I shake off the thoughts. It’s not fair to think of death when Milly has been dwelling in hers for so long.
I hear subtle whispers and place my hand over my mouth to muffle my panicked breathing. I wonder if Milly can see me in the veil or if she’s fully resting, unconscious and unaware that I might be meeting her there sooner than she’d like. Shit.
I peek my head around the corner when, suddenly, a man rushes toward me and presses his hand over my mouth. He’s wearing a mask—one covered in bones, shaped around his jaw, leaving it visible. His eyes are white, with no iris or pupil. It’s jarring next to the bleach of the bones on his face.
“Do not speak, do not scream, do not run. I’m not going to hurt you, but you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
I try to mumble underneath his hold to ask who he is, but he glares at me with pinched brows of fury. I swallow and nod, biting my tongue.
He pushes me further back into the room as the sound of footsteps approaches. “If I move my hand, promise to be quiet?”
I nod, and he drops his hand slowly. It takes everything in me not to ask ‘what is happening’, ‘who are you’, ‘what do you know?’. The adrenaline is pounding the questions through me in confusion and curiosity.
I cross my arms over my chest and wait as he observes my terse compliance.
He nods and heads toward the doorway, glancing over his shoulder before finally nodding his head to follow.
I squint my eyes at him skeptically, but I realize quickly that I don’t have a better idea.
Milly is going to love hearing that I followed a mysterious man with a mask of bones through the basement of a haunted campus—totally safe.