Chapter 19
Grace
What the fuck isn’t possible? Not only do we have ghosts on this planet, but now we also have magic. Actual fucking magic. Milly just made snow out of thin air. And to top it all off, I’ve lived a life before this one. Am I reincarnated? Is that a real thing? I have never had so many questions.
I rub my eyes gently as they dry out from all the tears. I feel achy. My eyes are puffy, and I’m sure my face is red from crying. I try to inhale, but my nose is congested. I cough a little as I grab a tissue and blow into it. Hot.
I’d like to say that the groundbreaking news about being brought back to life is what shocks me, but it’s the fact that I somehow found Milly again that grips me.
From the second I saw Milly…no, correction, from the second I saw Milly again, there was something about her.
I felt drawn to her instantly. As though my suddenly arriving at this campus was truly fate intervening.
I would have never set foot here willingly.
My body naturally repelled being on this campus.
But the second I saw Mildred again? I suddenly felt hope.
I suddenly felt the desire to uncover the unknown—the unknown about the history of the campus, which happens to be my history too.
At least now I understand my heightened emotions around her.
I suddenly don’t feel as ridiculous for the attachment that I’ve been trying to suppress.
“Milly, what did Warren Brown do? Why are his family members still doing this?” I ask with a weak voice. She looks down at me as I scoot slowly away to take her all in. She sighs, looking out the window, lost in flashes of the past.
Without words, she pulls the neckline of her nightgown down. I stare at the tension peeking through her cheek as her jaw clenches, before glancing down and gasping instantly. A giant scar burns with a stubborn redness where her heart lies underneath.
“Did…did Priest Brown do this to you? Is that how you—” Rage consumes me instantly. Words are no longer at the forefront of my mind. All I can think about is one thing.
He hurt her.
She places her hand on my clenched fist, and my eyes open again, but I find myself only able to lock my eyes on her wound. She gently takes her other hand and lifts my chin up to make contact with her before they flicker out again briefly, her own rage overpowering her form.
She leans her head back, opening and closing her mouth a few times before frowning softly, appearing to be lost for words as well. I remain silent, offering her time to compose her thoughts as I try to hold in my fury.
“I still cannot recall all the details of what transpired. It remains a blur. Yet, I do remember…being sacrificed by Priest Brown.”
Madness rushes through me as I clench my jaw at my mind’s image of Milly begging for help, dying from that fucking man’s hands.
There will be a chance for me to right this wrong, and when I do?
I’ll find a way to make Priest Brown suffer for continuing the rituals of his ancestors, even if that means I have to go to Hell itself to watch him burn.
“I am so, so sorry. I can’t begin to imagine how you feel being in the presence of his family. It’s disgusting that they have carried on these traditions for all these years.” I lift my hand up to gently stroke her forearm.
Part of me is grateful I don’t remember the pain myself, but witnessing Milly experience it? I wish I could switch places with her to alleviate it.
She shakes her head at me, and I pinch my brows together in confusion. “No, my shadow. It is not his kin, but the very Warren Brown himself. He has never crossed over the veil.”
My jaw loosens the clench I’ve been holding onto as I lean up in shock, my body now filling with tension in response, becoming stiff as a board.
Warren Brown is the original priest? The one who murdered Milly and me all those years ago?
My anger transcends rage, turning into something so dark it makes my body tremble.
A fire ignites within me, a distinctly feminine fury that burns in the deepest parts of my soul, as I envision the torment she must have endured in his unrelenting presence.
The frustration of seeing the man who murdered you for the sake of religion live.
“What do you mean he hasn’t fucking died, Milly? How is that even possible? You’re telling me that man, the man who can’t look more than 50 years old, is the original Warren Brown? He’d have to be over a hundred years old!” I run my fingers through my hair as my wrath overwhelms me.
Everything that I thought I knew is continuing to collapse. It begins to fill me with an overwhelming sense of dread. The potential of anything being truly possible in this sick and twisted world drowns me in shock.
How are we going to stop him? What hope do I have against someone who has learned the ins and outs of a world I still am struggling to wrap my mind around?
“I must warn you, my shadow, this may be rather jarring to hear. I can disclose all I know.”
My eyes flash back toward her as I swallow. I so desperately want to shake my head, run for the woods, and never look back. I can feel myself tremble with fear at the weight of the information inundating me, wondering how I can continue to stay strong and not shatter.
Milly must notice it on my face because she smiles at me and whispers, “Let’s stop for a moment, Shadow. You’ve done so well. It’s all right to continue to unravel for a while…to not be okay.”
I smile back at her somberly. “I’ll be okay. Just—just give me a moment.”
I inhale for 5 seconds, hold it for 4, and then exhale for 6 counts after. I repeat this breathing technique over and over again until my nervous system calms down as much as it can. I exhale heavily one last time before nodding at Milly to continue.
She pauses before staring out the window once again as the memories seem to play through her mind, taking her completely out of this moment.
“Priest Brown holds his purity as a matter of great pride. From a young age, he was raised by his parents to have devotion to God. He actively sought opportunities to draw closer to Him more than any other. He longed to be the next disciple, the one who would walk and talk closest to Him.
In his spare time, he devoted himself entirely to reading, memorizing, and sharing the word of the Bible.
At first, his heart was pure, as far as anyone could observe.
The story goes that he became utterly convinced he was speaking directly to God whenever he lit the candles and knelt before the cross in his silent devotions.
But it was not God with whom Warren Brown was speaking.
” She swallows as a single tear drips down her cheek.
“No, it was something far darker—something much worse. He had fallen into the lure of a demon, one of Satan’s own, one who craved the sacrifice of human flesh.
It was through this deception and manipulation that the demon convinced Warren that he was to lead the path to the Rapture through these sacrifices.
” She sits there, letting me absorb her words as I stare at her with my nostrils flaring.
I rub my eyes as my head starts to ache. I guess I really do believe in Heaven and Hell now. I mean, for fuck’s sake, there’s a demon on this devoutly Catholic campus sacrificing humans.
Another tear drops from my cheek as a shockwave of grief passes through my body. If there’s a demon, that means the devil also exists. But where is God in this chaos? Where is He when this evil festers? My chest aches at the thought of Him not being present in the midst of all of this.
Don’t get me wrong, I found myself drifting further and further from Him, from the actions of His church, but there was a tiny piece of me hoping He did hear my cries. I reach out to Milly, touching her cheek, instantly reminding me that I am present and I am here.
She nods when she sees me breathing slowly again and continues.
“His actions have granted him a sort of eternal life, so long as the sacrifices continue. His vanity blinds him. He no longer sees the signs that this surely is not God. His heart has been hardened to the truth, his vision blinded. He is utterly consumed by the notion of eternity through God, and the authority his role affords him.”
She shimmers again as her corporeal form flickers in and out, as if the intense emotion of the situation is making her lose control over her spectral form. “But why you, Milly? Did he know you liked women, too? Liked me?”
She looks down at her hands as she fidgets, as if she should be ashamed of what she’s going to say next. “He discovered us once. We were sharing a kiss under the weeping willow tree on the outskirts of the campus grounds. From that moment, we were marked. We became his next sin to erase.”
Her form flickers out into a soft hue of cloudy matter.
The light in her eyes dims in recollection of her terrible fate.
“I made every effort to escape, truly I did, but my body failed me, and they were far too numerous. You were taken from me, gone before I could breathe your name again. I did not know yet that my fate trailed closely behind. It wasn’t until death claimed me that I finally saw the truth of what happened. ”
The tears scatter across her cheeks, falling onto her lap into a puddle of nothingness. I watch her pain radiate and find my own eyes filling with unshed tears at her loss. I never had to mourn her, but she had to mourn me.
In that moment, I find myself committing my life to hers—to freeing her from this torture. She doesn’t deserve any of this. She shouldn’t have had to experience all of this alone for so long. But, where was I? Why can I not remember anything about the invisible thread that connects me to her?
I look at her, placing my fingers under her chin as they pass through slightly, but she glances up at me. “There will never be the right words to offer you, Milly. But I’ll start with an apology you are desperately owed from the very world that turned its back on you.
If God exists, He couldn’t have wanted this terrible fate for you.
Being in your presence has given me a glimpse of Heaven.
The darkness that has encompassed this school gives me every reason to believe in evil.
But I question whether our Father is really in Heaven.
If He hears us at all.” She pauses and sighs, but then allows me to continue.
“Let my actions speak the words I lack. I will avenge your spirit, Mildred. I will show Warren Brown that he is the very demon he warns the congregation of. I will exorcise the demon inside of him. I will bring ruination on his soul that he finds himself damned in the brightest of flames in Hell for his actions. If I lose my life again in an attempt to end his reign, then that is the story that I will live with. At least I tried in your name.”