Chapter 26
Grace
Unknown
Asoft, cool hand strokes the side of my face as my eyes start to flutter open. I manage to open them fully, but everything is bright, and I wince and close them again.
“One moment, Shadow.” The hand pulls away, and the voice disappears.
After a moment, the hand is back on my cheek, repeating the small, soothing strokes. I attempt to blink my eyes open again to find the room darker than before. I lift my hands to wipe my eyes and groan at how sore my body feels.
“Fuck.” I try to rub the blurriness away.
“The sensation shall fade soon. The moment you’re moving, you shall feel it lessen.” I still, recognizing her voice.
Milly.
I try to sit up when her hands gently place me back into a lying position. “The moving can withhold a little longer.” She rubs my shoulders as my vision comes into focus, locking with her golden irises.
“Milly,” I whisper with a raspy voice.
“Here.” She leans backwards and grabs a glass of water, handing it to me. She helps me sit up slightly as I take the glass from her hands and sip at it.
“Thank you,” I mumble, feeling how dry my throat is.
She stuffs pillows behind my back as I adjust to the new position and look around the room. “Where am I? What—what happened?”
I try to look around.
There are curtains blocking the sunlight. The walls are wooden, and a few cobwebs hang from the ceiling. There is a stained glass window above, leaking rays of rainbow light across the room.
I look down and touch the velvet of the couch I’m lying on. It’s emerald green and large enough for another body to lie beside me. I continue to fidget with the fabric of the couch as I gather my bearings.
Small twinkle lights hang down the walls where they connect to the ceiling at a sharp point.
A table in the middle of the room holds books and boxes of what appear to be files.
The furniture is in all different tones of fabric and colored woods, showcasing a love of jeweled tones.
Along one wall is a large bookcase that runs its entire length, displaying even more novels, textbooks, and journals, most of which are romance novels with titlesI recognize.
“What is this place?” I ask again, confused.
“Welcome to my escape. I’ve done my best to make it as cozy as it can be. It’s my room…in a manner of speaking.” She looks around, her face smooth with relaxation. “Ironically enough, it’s in the steeple of the chapel—the attic to be precise.”
Milly glances around the room before looking back at me with her beautiful, soft smile. “I’m so terribly sorry for what happened, truly. But I had to get you out of there. There was no time to explain.” She glances at her hands as they slightly fidget.
I place the glass of water on the table behind the arm of the couch and lay my hand on top of hers, stopping her nervous fidgeting.
“Hey,” I whisper, waiting for her eyes to meet mine. “It’s alright. Thank you for helping me get out of there. I’m sure my fate would have been very different if you were not there.”
She chews on her lip. “I don’t believe you quite understand the gravity of the situation I placed you in.”
I pinch my brows together, my hand stilling on top of hers. “Milly, what do you mean?”
I try to reflect on what happened right when we heard the footsteps outside the door. I remember her placing her hands on me. I remember my body becoming quite cold, but I just assumed it was because she was holding onto me. I figured I was having a panic attack when I couldn’t—
My thoughts abruptly stop.
My eyes fling to hers. “Milly, how did I pass through the wall?” I ask in disbelief.
She hesitates for a moment before lifting her chin, finding the courage to speak. “I simply changed your form to a non-corporeal one, that is all,” she says as casually as she can.
“WHAT!” I whisper emphatically as I fling my body forward into a sitting position. I grip the strands of my hair, pulling them softly until they sting. Okay, I can feel pain. But does pain correlate directly with living?
“It was only temporary. I did not even know I could, but I had to try. It drained me completely, wiped every bit of strength I had once I got you here,” she rushes the words out, recognizing my shock.
I try to process what she’s saying, but the idea overwhelms me. She turned me into a ghost? I mean, did I actually die?
“Shadow, I am so sorry. I truly apologize. It was merely a temporary circumstance.”
I gasp slightly, glancing at my hands to see if they have a soft glow like Milly’s usually do, when she places her hand on her chest and shakes her head with concern.
I lay my head back on the pillow and look at the ceiling, then lift both my hands once more to look at them.
They’re solid. My hands are solid, and I appear to be here.
She says it was temporary. How am I even alive?
I shake my head and close my eyes as a slight headache starts to spread along my skull.
“Do rest, Shadow. Perhaps this conversation is best postponed until you’ve had proper respite.” She strokes my cheek with her cool hand. I lean into her touch and open my eyes to look at her.
“Did I die, Milly?” I ask in a soft whisper, part of me wondering if the body ache I feel is an adjustment to the afterlife.
“No.” She smiles softly at my worry. “You did not pass on. Your heart, though having slowed to seldom a beat, did not fail. You became incorporeal, just long enough to slip through the brick as though it were a fog. The moment you emerged on the other side, you returned precisely as you are now.”
I nod along to her words and take a deep breath, feeling my heart skip a beat in anxiety.
I bring my hand to my chest and rub where my heart is, trying to slow the race that is beginning again.
I could have lost myself, lost being near her.
As scared as I am of how she made me pass through something so solid, I know that she wouldn’t risk my life unless necessary.
And if I had died? At least it was by her hands and not his.
My heart starts to relax, and I take a slow, deep breath through my nose and out my mouth.
I smile at the thought that perhaps if even I were dead, at least I’d be bound to this campus with Milly.
Maybe if I were lucky, when that day comes, I could be bound to her presence for eternity.
I won’t move on in the afterlife without her again.
I don’t recall anything from my past life other than this unwavering familiarity.
But I won’t abandon her. I just wish I knew why I had.
I lean forward, pushing against her hand.
My nose grazes across her jawline as I inhale her warm, sweet scent.
“You can do anything to me, Milly. If it meant dying in your arms—I’d do it.
Sure, the thought terrifies me, but being stuck with you forever, or rather the chance of being locked with you, would be a heaven I never thought I’d deserve.
I’ll never leave you behind again, love.
I promise, if I could remember why that happened, I would tell you. But, I am so so sorry.”
I watch her swallow at my words and shiver slightly. Her eyes tear up, and I gently kiss her chin, whispering once more, “I am sorry if you were frightened.”
I feel her tense up instantly, a telltale sign that has become familiar that she’s putting up that damn fucking wall again. I sigh, bringing my head down lower and nibbling along her neck.
“Shadow, refrain from the dramatics.” Her voice shakes slightly as I continue to taste her, cherishing the feel of her flesh along my tongue.
“You are not dying. There is no cause for worry. Now allow your body respite. I am perfectly well.” She lifts her hand to shake off in mock nonchalance. But I know my specter well now.
I can’t begin to comprehend the pain of continuing to exist in a world where she didn’t exist, let alone in the place where she died, constantly haunted by the what-ifs of our lives. She spent years stuck in the past. I frown as I watch her hide her pain from me.
I bite at her neck, and she gasps at the sudden pain I bring to her skin. “No, Milly. You do not get to write off how I feel for you or how you feel as well.”
I bring my tongue along the reddening bite mark and lick it softly. “These confessions and apologies? Let me show you how sorry I am for hurting you all those years ago.” I kiss along, sucking softly, trying to brand her with my affections.
She inhales shakily, moaning quietly after. I grin at knowing that I have her in my hands, finally. I continue to lean up when Milly vanishes on me.
I groan and wait for her to reappear. “I swear to the God that hates us, Milly… come back here.” I hear her fleeting giggle spread throughout the room, and I clench my jaw in the urge to have her in my hands. I can never have enough of her.
“You must rest. You’ve endured something that I cannot recall any other living soul has faced. I will not expend your strength for my sake.” Her voice echoes through the room.
I pull the blanket off my body as I swing my legs over the edge of the bed. Suddenly, I feel a pressure pushing my back down over the couch, my arms being pinned over my head. I see nothing in front of me, but I’m well aware that it is Milly pressing against me.
“Lie down, Shadow. Rest.”
I lick my lips, ignoring her words as I start to lift my hips for contact, finding none.
“Lie down with me,” I retort.
I lift my legs and wrap them around her, finding her invisible body as I pin her against mine. She becomes visible again as the curls on her head cascade around us, blocking out the light of day filtering through the room and illuminating the warmth of her hair.
“You’re so beautiful,” I say as I gaze into her eyes.