Twelve
Gabe
The horror on Leonie’s face when she’d seen my gun was the last thing on my mind. Finding out who the fuck had decided to break into my apartment was the first order of business. I wondered how much grovelling I would have to do when I allowed her out of my wardrobe. Leonie didn’t like the dark, I remembered when we had the blackout and I’d had to rescue her from the basement.
After ensuring she was safely hidden away, I left my bedroom in bare feet to ensure minimal noise and pulled the gun out of my waistband. I knew how to shoot, I was part of a gun club for years, at my father’s insistence of course. Had I shot anyone though, that would be a big fat no. I preferred to use my fists but only did so when there was no other way. I wasn’t Max who was always chomping at the bit to get physical.
The clattering I’d heard earlier had stopped. I’d originally put it down to Asher but as I’d checked his room, his bed had been untouched. Having walked past Leonie’s room, I had briefly looked inside and thankfully she had been in bed, sleeping like an angel. I’d felt it best to leave her there in ignorant bliss.
As I’d gone back to my room for my gun without venturing down the corridor to the kitchen, I’d heard her door open and fuck me, the fear I’d felt at the thought of something happening to her was like actual pain.
Even more so than my brother and it was then that I knew; I was falling in love with her. The truth of that worried me. I needed to put the fucking breaks on.
Taking a deep breath, I drew the gun up to my face and slid down the wall towards the kitchen. There was zero sound. A tense silence stretched out before me.
Flicking my head around the corner, I could see we’d had company as one of my archive boxes was back on the table and there were papers and shit everywhere. That’s the thing about people who break in, they have very little finesse.
I sighed and banged my head once against the wall behind me. I so couldn’t be dealing with this shit. But this was the reality of my life thanks to my fucking father and his dealings with mafia scum.
Just then the lift arrived and I ducked behind the counter, my gun aimed as the door slid open and…
Marco fucking barrelled out with his gun raised. I held up a hand, “Easy, it’s me,” I whisper-shouted.
Coming into the apartment like a whirlwind, Marco did what he was trained to do. He kept his gun up and swept the entire area, before striding off down the corridor and checking all the rooms.
I placed my gun and the counter before me and rolled my shoulders before cracking my neck from side to side. My breathing was laboured and I was surprised I hadn’t shit myself. Fuck me but that was intense. I was usually quite calm in these types of situations, like when meeting with Gerard and his cronies. Shit, I sometimes got off on danger, but not with Leonie being in the house. This drew my attention back to the fact that I shoved her in my wardrobe and that reoccurring swarm of guilt erupted in my gut.
She was in danger because you couldn’t keep it in your pants. You let her in and now she is part of your world, something you tried so hard to avoid.
Fuck, Leonie!
Grabbing my gun, I pushed off the counter.
Marco met me partway down the corridor. “It’s clear boss. Did you get a look at him?”
“No, he must have left before I had the chance.”
“Why were they here? Did they take anything,” Marco blasted, his questions like an interrogation when I needed to get to Leonie.
“I don’t know, I haven’t checked, but they were looking for something.”
“I’ll go check the place is secure again. I take it we won’t involve the fuzz?”
I pursed my lips thinking about it. “No, no police, we’ll sort this ourselves.”
“Boss,” Marco said with a nod. I saw he respected the fact that I had decided against involving the police. Marco used to work for them and he’d told me that most of them were corrupted to fuck.
Tiptoeing into my room so as not to alarm her, I put the safety catch on the gun then placed it on the bedside table and covered it with books.
Moving over to the wardrobe, I then slid it back. What the fuck, it was empty. It was only the sound of a little sob that I glanced downwards to see Leonie scrunched into a ball at the bottom of the space.
The pain I felt at her suffering was like how I imagined taking a bullet.
I placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and she jumped, “Leonie, it’s me. Gabe, it’s all OK. You’re safe.”
She was shaking and I coaxed her out of the foetal shape she was in and then lifted her bride style into my arms. She buried her head against my shoulder.
“I was so scared that something would happen to you,” she sobbed as I placed her on my bed.
“It’s fine. Just a break-in, nothing to worry about,” I lied. “Marco is here and I’m going to check things out now they’ve gone. You go to sleep. You can sleep here or I can carry you to your room?”
She snuggled back against the covers. “No, I want to stay here,” she whispered dreamily. Now half asleep. “Are the police on their way?”
Closing my eyes, I did the best thing and lied through my teeth as why wouldn’t I call the police. Because my father is mixed up with some shitty people, that’s why. I knew Leonie had googled us but she didn’t know the half of it. “Yes,” I said. “The police are on their way.”
I left her alone and went to find Marco, he had secured the apartment. Whoever had broken in was a pro as they had reprogrammed the doors, so no forced entry. It annoyed the fuck out of me. It had been so easy for them to get to me and they had chosen to attack on Marco’s night off so they must have been watching the apartment.
I thought about calling my father to find out if he knew anything about it. Motherfuckers. To think of Leonie being at risk again kept digging into my skull.
As far as I could establish, they hadn’t taken anything but what the fuck were they looking for?
Marco came back to say that the tamper alarm had triggered his phone and he’d come as soon as he could but of course, I had the fucking car downstairs, which, to add insult to injury was now wearing a clamp, so Marco said.
As I started to dump the papers back into the box, I wondered if they’d been looking for paperwork, of what I had no clue. And then I realised my laptop was missing. So, they did want information. What the actual fuck. I knew then that I needed to speak with my Garrett. What shit had he gotten me into?
When I returned to my room, Leonie was fast asleep and I drew the covers further up her body. I noticed she wore my tee and the beast in me roared again. Mine.
I didn’t realise it was possible to care for one woman so much, but I did.
A ton of emotions plagued my thoughts as I sat on the chair beneath my window, staring at her sleeping form. She looked so peaceful and young. Breakable.
After the shit that went down tonight, if I truly cared for her, I had to do the right thing.
I knew that I couldn’t let her go. But I had to put this thing between us on hold, for a while, at least until I knew what the fuck was going on.
I necked the rest of the scotch I had brought to my room, welcoming the burning feeling the liquid caused at the back of my throat.
After a few more minutes of processing my decision, I undressed and slid into bed next to the girl who had taken my heart.
Protecting Leonie was my last thought.
Leonie
I didn’t have class that morning which was a good thing considering I slept so late. Gabriel hadn’t woken me and I was relieved as I needed it. To think that someone had broken in last night made me feel sick to my stomach.
Spying Gabriel’s large fluffy robe on the chair, I pushed my arms into it and followed my nose, the smell of bacon was divine.
The sleep had done me good but I was still reeling from last night, especially the part where Gabriel pulled the gun out. I wasn’t stupid, there was something he wasn’t telling me. Was he more involved with his father’s types of clients than he was letting on? I had no idea. It was a terrifying thought but not one big enough to make my feelings for him disappear.
“Good morning, how did you sleep?” Gabriel questioned as I rounded the corner rubbing my eyes. He was standing grilling bacon. “You’ve just missed that guy Trevor, he turned up with the bag you left at the club,” he stated, pointing toward where it sat by coats.
“You mean the bag we left at the club?” I corrected with a slight smile. Gabriel rolled his eyes.
“So, he beat Max to it then?”
Gabriel snorted. “He certainly did. Maxi is, what can I say, unavailable.”
“Nursing a hangover?” I replied.
“Well, there is that. It just so happens that he’s nursing it from a jail cell though,” Gabriel informed me dryly. The way he said it suggested his friend was no stranger to being arrested.
“Oh dear. Do you need to go and get him out or something?”
Gabriel flipped the bacon and shook his head. “No, he texted to say that Amber had agreed to pick him up.”
“Amber as in Lady Swift, the bane of his life?”
“The very one,” he replied with a smirk. Interesting.
Changing the subject I said, “Well, I imagine Trevor wanted to check I was OK after being carried off.”
Gabriel shot me a you asked for it look and I planted myself on one of the tall stools by the counter and glanced around. “Did they steal anything?” I asked. The room didn’t look out of place or anything but then Gabriel would have cleared it by now.
“Did the police dust for prints and all that stuff?” I added feeling like I’d watched too many episodes of NCIS.
Gabriel placed the bacon into two buttered rolls and then passed me one. “Yes, all that’s sorted.” He said it in such a dismissive way that part of me wondered if that had happened at all.
We sat there in silence, the elephant in the room flying around us and I just went for it.
“Why do you have a gun, Gabriel?”
He chewed, his strong jaw flexing as he finished off part of his sandwich. The cogs were spinning as to how best to answer.
“Why do you think? For protection,” he replied smoothly. Taking a drink of water. His keen eyes roamed over my face.
“But this isn’t America. Normal people don’t carry guns.”
He cleared his throat. “I’m not normal people.”
“Have you ever shot anyone?” I asked, placing my half-eaten butty down. If he said yes, I would probably eject my breakfast back onto my plate. My stomach churned as he took forever to answer.
“No.” His reply was flat and direct, his tone suggesting he answered to no one.
“You don’t think your father is involved in this do you?”
“Not directly,” he said, clearing his throat. I had a feeling he wasn’t telling me the whole truth but I didn’t want to push it.
Gabriel was watching me with a thoughtful expression that gave nothing away apart from the fact that he was thinking deeply. I knew I wasn’t going to like what he had to say.
“Gabriel. What did you do to Simon?” I questioned, interrupting what he was going to say.
“You saw what I did. You were there.”
“OK then, what did Marco do to him then? You sent him up there?” The gun had put all sorts of unsavoury thoughts in my mind.
“He didn’t fucking off him if that’s what you’re worried about. Marco gave him a warning. If he ever came near you again, I’d arrange for him to have his balls fed back to him.”
I swallowed and took in a deep breath. I certainly hadn’t expected him to say that.
Gabriel shook his head, now looking mildly amused. “You should see your face. It was a warning, Leonie. That’s all. Fear is a weapon. It doesn’t mean I would have gone through with it.”
Relief pooled in the pit of my stomach.
“But he could have been involved in the break-in. To pay you back for hitting him?”
“I doubt it. Anyway, enough talking about that prick. We need to talk about us,” he began, his voice now quiet.
I cocked him a look, “I didn’t think there was an us.”
“You know there’s an ‘us’ Leonie. I’ve been inside you, countless times, I don’t think you can say there isn’t an us.” Temper flashed across his face.
“OK, so what do you want to talk about?”
After finishing his sandwich, he wiped his mouth with a napkin and pushed his plate away.
“We need to put the reins on, slow the fuck down.”
Wrinkling my nose, my lips thinned with the surprise of that statement. “I don’t understand. Why? Because you got burgled?” I asked, leaning across the counter. It suddenly felt like someone had sucked all the air from the room.
Gabriel stared up at the ceiling as he chose his next words. As his gaze levelled on me again, he explained in an emotionless tone. “I don’t think my father had anything to do with what happened last night but I do know some dangerous people.” That earlier softness had faded away and his voice was now factual; exactly how you would expect a lawyer to speak in a courtroom. Almost devoid of humanity. Robotic?
Exhaling loudly, I said, “Dangerous? Do I even want to know in what way?” For my dignity, I picked my words carefully. I wasn’t stupid, I knew this was Gabriel back peddling.
“Probably not,” he replied in a bland tone. I was amazed at how fast he could switch his emotions off. One minute he’d been all over me and the next, BOOM. The barrier between us was like a brick wall and due to a break-in? An incident that I was now sure wasn’t just that. I wasn’t being told the whole story.
I closed my eyes and shook my head slowly. Processing the situation and the speed of the about-face. As I re-opened them, I could see he hadn’t moved and was watching me with a hooded gaze. That mask was so firmly in place again.
“We’re moving too fast and we just need to put the brakes on.”
My nose was wrinkled in distaste.
“So, what are you saying? We just ignore it, pretend there isn’t something there?” I adopted a tone of disbelief. Gabriel was the one who had been coming on strong; I had just been swept up in the madness and yet now he was having second thoughts? I felt a sudden pain in my chest.
“Even if we just hold off for a short while. At least until my father is out of the business. He’s sick and so can’t provide the support his main client needs. Once he’s out, it will be easier. I have a feeling that the people he works for may have visited us last night,” Gabriel explained. I found it interesting how he brushed over the bit about his father so quickly.
“It’s for the best Leonie,” he added sadly.
I shrugged my shoulders and pushed my plate away. “The best for who?”
“For you,” he said, grasping my hands in his on the counter.
Misery flooded my gut. “I see. So, do you want me to move out?”
His eyebrows pinched and he scowled. “No. I don’t want that at all.”
My skin fizzed as he rubbed the back of my hand with his thumbs.
“But surely that’s the only way to deal with this. Out of sight out of mind and all that?”
Gabriel looked even more annoyed at the suggestion. Talk about mixed signals. “No, I don’t want you to leave,” his tone was firm.
I tugged my hands away and stood, the stool almost falling over. “No? Gabriel, you’re not making any sense.” Tell him you love him, an inner voice said but I pushed her back down into the darkness. If I were to reveal my true feelings he’d probably back away further.
“But we’re only just getting to know each other, I mean outside of the physical stuff.”
“Believe me, the more you learn about me, the faster you will run in the opposite direction,” Gabriel said with an uncomfortable expression.
I circled the counter and came to stand beside him; we were more on a level with him sitting and he turned on the stool.
I placed my hands on his thighs and he tucked me between his legs. “You’re wrong. I’ve already seen your darker side and it didn’t put me off. Annoyed the heck out of me but I’m still here, aren’t I?”
“You haven’t seen half of it. We’ve known each other, what, a month, two? Trust me when I say you haven’t even scratched the surface.” I moved my cheek against his hand as he cupped my face.
“Why would you want to turn your back on something which could be so amazing? Don’t you at least want to try it and see where it goes?”
Gabriel dropped his hand as if I had burned him. “No, at least not at the minute. I’m not what you need.”
Taking a step back, I stared at him, attempting to see beneath his tough exterior but it wasn’t easy. “Shouldn’t I be the one to decide that?”
“It’s not the right time and I don’t want you getting hurt.”
Did he mean getting my feelings hurt or physically? I was slowly falling into a pit of doom. “But that’s all you’ve done since I got here. Hurt me.”
“For a reason. To push you away. Maybe to make you hate me.”
“Considering you’re a lawyer; your logic is severely lacking in the way a woman’s mind works.”
“How so?”
“Ever heard of treat them mean, keep them keen?”
“Please don’t make this harder. We just need to cool it.”
“As you keep saying, but I think you’re wrong. It isn’t for the best, not for either of us. How is denying yourself something you want so much, good for you?”
“Think about alcohol for instance or fast food, we all crave those things, but they aren’t good for you.” His comparison was weak.
I shook my head and rolled my eyes to make light of things. “I can’t believe you’re comparing this connection between us with booze and burgers. And I have never craved either.”
He rolled his eyes, “Of course not. You’re perfect.”
My face dropped and I adopted a serious approach. “I’m not perfect Gabriel.”
“To me you are. That’s why I need to walk away, for now.”
“No. I won’t allow you to run away and hide. You’re supposed to be the big bad guy. I am not that fragile and I don’t break so easily. If you want to take it slow and we go back to the beginning as friends, I will. But I am not allowing you to cut me out of your life.”
My words caused his shoulders to droop in defeat. Had I won? He then raised his head and his eyes drilled it mine as Gabriel tugged me back between his legs again. I placed my arms on his shoulders as he searched my face.
“When we first met, you were like a ray of sunshine in the dark, so clean and unaffected by the poison of the city. You had the light to chase away anyone’s darkness. But your face was so expressive; I could even feel your thoughts. Even now, you give everything away with just one look. But being so open is a weakness, Leonie and you need to be careful,” Gabriel whispered against my face.
“Careful of what?” I knew he was about to have another go of warning me away but I would have none of it.
His hands stroked my hair back from my face as he said, “Of someone who will take advantage of that.”
I tilted my head, “I see, and do you consider yourself to be that someone?”
His expression twisted slightly, and I saw a flash of the darkness he kept at bay. “Maybe. I’ve already told you I’m not one of the good guys.”
“You say that, yet you let me live here. Found me work, saved me from Simon and then some?”
“That’s not all there is with me. I come with baggage Leonie,” his face was now tortured. But he had lost.
“I’m here for all your ugly Knight,” I whispered. Gabriel’s face softened and I pushed up onto my tiptoes, placed my lips against his and kissed him. His mouth parted and I swept my tongue inside, taking control. He allowed me to do it with a deep groan as his hands tightened in my hair.
Once I had well and truly made my point with the kiss, I pulled back. I could see Gabriel was hard against his jeans and I grinned up at him.
“Well. You’ll have to do something about that yourself. From now on, we’re friends. Yes. Just friends. You’re lucky I’m a patient person.”
Gabriel exhaled and there was a beat of silence.
“You’ll be the death of me, woman,” he drawled, watching me affectionately.
“Friends?” I repeated and held out my hand. “Want to shake on it?”
He pushed himself off the stool and adjusted himself in his jeans. “No, I do not want to shake on it. Go and get dressed, and stop wearing my T-shirts.”
“Make me,” I said with a smile and he shook his head in a God give me strength type motion. I was still reeling from his decision inside but knew that if I pushed it, he would back away. If he wanted to wait, I could wait.
He then sobered as I started to clear the pots away and asked, “What are your plans today?”
“I don’t have any. I may practice for a while. You?” I replied, rinsing the pots in the skin.
“Fancy working out together?” Gabriel said, leaning his hip against the counter. I spun on my bare feet, my eyebrows sky-high.
“I thought we’d agreed to be just friends for now?” I said with a jut of my chin.
He rolled his eyes and folded his arms, “I meant a real workout, in the gym downstairs, not sex.”
I didn’t try to hide my disappointment and enhanced my pout to which he warned. “Stop it.”
“What?” I said, holding my hands up feigning my innocence.
Drying my hands on the tea towel, I then threw it at him playfully and he caught it.
“Oh, OK then. You’re on but I hope you can keep it up—oh sorry—I meant keep up Mr Knight.”
As I walked past him, I was very aware of his eyes on my bottom. “You have a dirty mouth, Leonie Smith.”
I turned back to face him, backing away towards my room. “I know, I got it from the best of teachers.”
With my mojo back intact, I went to my room and would treat that day as a reset.
I wouldn’t allow Gabriel to back away from what we had. I knew he cared for me but he was right. He was part of a world that I had no experience of but I didn’t want to continue to live my life in that safe little box I kept myself in. Hell no. Gabriel had given me a taste of excitement and had shown me that there was more to life than just ballet.
He made me feel empowered and confident and if anything, although he didn’t realise it, he was the perfect person to support me in achieving my goals. He was ambitious and wanted the best and that is exactly what I wanted.
I spent that morning getting ready for my workout session in the gym with Gabriel. I would train hard, tone my body and then, I would follow my dream of dancing on the stage at the Royal Opera House in Covent Garden.
If Gabriel wanted me to wait in the wings for him. I could do that.
*****
Having taken my eye off the ball recently due to my infatuation with Gabriel, I decided to try and focus on my classes. I put myself out there more, practising at the front instead of shying away like a wallflower. I caught the eye of a visiting choreographer, who gave me some tips about my alignment. I even managed to get the guts to send an application to the Royal Ballet School, Gabriel having helped me to fill it out so it was the best it could be. Ballet wasn’t all about the practical element, you had to use the right words to get your foot in the door and where words were concerned. Gabriel was a genius.
Asher and I hung out more as Gabriel threw himself into his work, going from freelance to apprentice. He spoke about some of the cases he had started to work on; one that stood out was a case against a juvenile detention centre where staff had allegedly abused some kids. I loved the fact that he was working on situations that would help people who had been wrongfully harmed in some way. It proved that he was nothing like his father, who even from his sickbed, still worked for that dodgy client Gabriel had mentioned. I thought back to the Charity Ball, I’d spoken to Athena again and she had seemed genuinely interested in my ballet. Garrett hadn’t made an appearance, being too sick and so I had yet to meet the big man himself.
Both Gabriel and Asher visited their father regularly and bit by bit hatchets were being buried.
The boys and I would hang out together at the house and watch movies, Gabriel still stole a few kisses here and there but we’d stopped having sex. I found it difficult and did attempt to entice him a few times but he was a man of his word.
I told him more about my foster parents and he was always keen to ask me questions. Things were heading in the right direction for me in all areas of my life but at a slower pace than before, which was fine.
The thought of being shut out of Gabriel’s world completely would have been the death of me, I was sure. I could continue to love Gabriel from afar and I knew that we would naturally gravitate together. Nothing was forced and I felt the bond between us getting stronger every day.
*****
It was Saturday and I was working at Felice’s. They had a function room behind the main bar area and Max had hired it out for his thirtieth birthday.
I dressed in my usual uniform of black jeans, with a black shirt and my name tag on and put my hair up into a ponytail. I then packed my jeans and a camisole with ballet flats into a bag. After my shift finished at six, I would join the boys for Max’s birthday drinks and Asher and Mark would also be there.
Every day at some stage, I would leave Gabriel a jokey note on a post-it on one of the mirrored wardrobes in his room and he would always return the favour. Once I’d received a rose on my pillow, another day a chocolate. It was a bit of fun and always made me smile.
I pulled my bag against my shoulder and wrote a question for Gabriel to read when he came back from Max’s party. He was at the office and had said that he’d see me there.
If you were an animal, what would you be?
Sticking it on the mirror, I then glanced around Gabriel”s space, taking in the neatness and how much I missed that bed. It had only been a few weeks but it felt like forever since we’d be properly intimate.
As I was leaving, I noticed another archive box next to his chair. The envelope that Max had signed for a few weeks ago was sitting stuffed down the side of the box. Turning, I leaned down and picked it up. I remembered it well as the handwriting was large and almost illegible but you could just make out Gabriel’s name, although it wasn’t spelt correctly. It remained unopened so maybe he hadn’t seen it. Trying to be helpful, I lifted it and placed it on his desk where his new laptop was. The last one was stolen the night of the break-in and so he’d had to buy another and upload all his old work from the Cloud.
As I walked past the kitchen, Asher shouted from his position by the TV that he’d see me at Felice’s later as he was waiting for Mark.
Whilst I was waiting for the lift, Asher called out, “Oh, there’s some post for you on the kitchen counter.”
The lift arrived, but feeling curious, I dashed over and lifted the envelope with my name on it. It was a large manilla one and on the franking label were three welcomed words.
A zoo of butterflies went off in my stomach. The envelope was from the Royal Ballet School and in it would be the reply to my request to join the audition process.
Shit!