Asher #2
It broke my heart to bear witness as Lennon denied herself life’s greatest gifts. She was a raft adrift at sea, refusing every shore that came into view.
Reaching for her chin, I tilted her face up to meet mine. Her eyes widened. “Lennon, I refuse to give up here. I know you want this, too.”
She shook her head—subtly at first—until the first tear welled in the crease of her eye. She tipped her face toward the ceiling, continuing to shake her head as she held her breath.
Her mouth opened in a sharp gasp as she fought to steady herself, to keep the tears at bay. She couldn’t look at me. The desperation for me to look away was thick with need. I saw it, but I refused to let her win this one.
“Lennon,” I started, but she sprang to her feet, dragging her fingers through her hair and shouting up at the ceiling.
I moved to follow her, but she threw up her hands, pleading for me to stay where I was.
“No. Stop. Just stop, Asher.” Her voice broke. “I’m too tired to fight you, but I just can’t. I can’t with anyone. I’m fucking broken. A toy tossed to the bottom of a bin. A weed someone had to dig up and rip out of the garden.”
As she paced, I could almost see her brain processing her thoughts, all while she unravelled. She was pushing me away—but she still needed me to fight for her.
“I’m here, Lennon,” I said firmly. “And you can. You fucking can. You do every day in ways you never give yourself credit for. You can fucking do anything. And you can be with me.”
She dropped her head, her bloodshot eyes finally leaving the ceiling to land on me. The hurt pouring from her was almost unbearable to witness.
“I can’t,” she whispered. Her shoulder began to shake as tears streamed down her cheeks and her body slid down onto the floor.
I followed her down, pulling her into my arms as she sobbed.
“You don’t have to overthink this one,” I murmured, kissing the back of her head as she trembled. “I’m doing enough overthinking for the both of us, little siren.”
She didn’t laugh. She didn’t even flinch.
“I can’t, Ash,” she cried. “I want to—fuck—I want you, but I’m rotten fruit.
I poison everything I touch. I’ll just poison you too, and you won’t even realize it until it’s too late.
There’s no good left in me. I’m just fragments of a broken person.
I want to be nothing whole, nothing concrete.
I’m just fragments. And when I leave this place, the only place fit for me to be is somewhere in hell—if there even is one. ”
Her voice gave out under the weight of it all. She was exhausted.
“Baby, I’m ready to battle this out with you. There’s so much good you don’t give yourself credit for. And if you’re going to hell, then I’d love nothing more than to rot there alongside you. I mean it when I say I’m all in.”
I tipped my head back against the wall, steadying my breath as she sobbed quietly in my arms, “Lennon…you know how you said you’re dying?”
She nodded. She didn’t need to speak—it would have taken energy she didn’t have.
“So am I. We’re all dying in terrible, horrific, and beautiful ways.
That’s just life. Our time is limited. Some more than others, sure, but it’s all a guessing game.
My time is set. So is yours. So is everyone else’s.
And what I refuse to do is to let death consume me.
If I can’t have you forever earthside, then let me have what you have left for now.
And when we meet on the flip side, I’ll be gifted with the rest of you. ”
Her bright green eyes connected with mine, bloodshot from the pressure weighing on her shoulders. A soft smirk flitted in the corner of her mouth. “It would also be good to finish our bucket list anyway.”
A smile flooded my cheeks. “Be loved by someone?”
Something clicked in her eyes. “Well—not loved. But we could make love or whatever. Close enough. Exclusively, like…for the rest of the group, at least.”
“Make love, huh?” I teased. “What is this, the 1800s?”
Lennon wasted no time shoving me, chuckling, “You know what I mean, idiot.”
Sensing the shift, the air lighter now, I made my move—pulling her on top of me as I fell back, her body settling against mine. “I don’t,” I said smoothly. “But you should enlighten me.”
I tucked a loose strand from her top knot behind her ear, gazing into her eyes and catching something bright there. Nova clambered over, seizing the chance to lick my forehead as I lay on the floor with Lennon.
A smile broke out over Lennon’s face. “I mean, we could do things together, like fuck and fight, and then make up and fuck again.”
A grin spread across my face. “Mmm, Lennon, I want to do all of the above with you. You’re creeping into my fantasies saying things like that, you know?”
She rested her hands on my chest, hesitating as she weighed her next words. “I have a lot of fantasies, Asher.”
I gulped, thoroughly enjoying where this was heading. “So do I, little siren.”
“Dark fantasies?” she questioned quietly.
I nodded, leaning in until my lips brushed her ear. “So many dark fantasies—and every single one of them involves you.”
She turned toward me, leaning in and nipping my lip with her teeth. She wouldn’t let go and the sting of the bite was painful, but sexy as hell at the same time. It made all of the blood in my body race southbound. Fuck, she was igniting a flame inside of me.
I reached up and grabbed the back of her head, pulling her into me. I kissed her so deeply, I lost all air in my body. Our hands collided with one another’s body and created a map to all of the lost time we had experienced, to all of the time we had left with one another.
Lennon reached down to my jeans, ready to remove them from my body. I shook my head. “Lennon, I’d like to take you out.”
She stopped reaching for my pants and looked up at me, a curious spark of mischief in her eyes. “Take me out?”
I laughed. “Yes—on a fucking date, Lennon. Then I’ll bring you back here and we can make all the love you want in this apartment. But I want to take you out first.”
“I don’t want to go out on a date…” she started, then hesitated.
She flashed a shy smile. “I don’t have anything to wear for a date.”
“Baby, wear what you have on now. You’re perfect,” I said softly. “I’m only going to rip it off later, anyway—after you tell me all those dark little fantasies you possess.”
Lennon rolled her eyes. “I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”
I gave her a slow, almost sinister glare. “Oh, I’ll tell you all of mine—after I take you to Forsythia to eat.” Pulling her closer, I crooned, “And once you’ve eaten, it’ll be my turn to eat, little siren.”
A bright pink flush filled her cheekbones as she eyed me warily. “Forsythia sounds fancy. Very date-like. Not really my thing, you know.”
I pushed myself up off the floor, drawing in a deep breath as I turned her around and nudged her toward the door.
She stopped abruptly and whipped back around. “Whoa! No, I need to get changed and whatever, okay? I can’t look like a total hoodrat.”
I reached down and gave her an encouraging spank. “Get that ass moving then. I want to get back here sooner rather than later.”
She glanced back over her shoulder, slow and seductive, eyes heavy with promise as she bit her lip. “We could just stay here, sir.”
I groaned, dragging my hands through my short hair, locking down everything she was attempting to unravel. “Don’t tempt me.”
She laughed and skipped off toward her bedroom to get ready—toward a night that would end up setting the tone for our relationship.
Somewhere in that moment, I knew I’d finally placed a crack in the walls she kept so rigidly built around herself.
I was finally starting to show her the love that she so desperately deserved, and in return, I began to feel what living was supposed to feel like.
I was fucking living.