Chapter Twelve
Franco couldn’t suppress a grin when Rico did so without hesitation. He began giving Rico a shoulder massage. The knots in his shoulders spoke of the stress and poor sleeping conditions he’d been dealing with.
“Mm. That feels better than sex.”
Franco laughed. “Good, because this will have to do under the circumstances.” Not that the two had ever even spoken about having sex. He couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like with Rico. Would their relationship ever make it to that level after…
He didn’t want to think about how Michelle’s death would affect Rico’s life, much less their budding romance. It sounded as though Rico would be raising Gina, and Franco doubted he would allow time for dating or serious relationships, at least not until the two settled into some kind of routine. So right now, he’d simply enjoy these moments alone with Rico, however innocent and brief they might be.
Suddenly, Rico leaned forward and stood, breaking free of Franco’s hands. He turned around to face him, looking so lost Franco could do nothing other than round the chair and pull him into his arms to hold him.
“I’m terrified, Franco,” he whispered.
“It’s going to be okay. You don’t have to do this alone, you know. I can help.”
“You’ve already helped a lot, and I really appreciate it.”
Franco pulled away first this time and met Rico’s gaze. “It’s been my pleasure, both to ease some of the strain on you and because Gina’s adorable.”
“Isn’t she, though?” He smiled. “I’ve gotten to know her a lot better these past few months and can’t imagine my life without her anymore. Of course, when Michelle’s time comes, Gina will be my full responsibility. I’m not sure I’m ready.”
Just as Franco had surmised. “You’ll be a great papa to her.”
“Papa?”
“Well, you can’t go on being her uncle forever, especially if you have complete charge of her.”
“I guess you’re right, but I don’t want to talk about that now. Let’s sit.” Rico took his hand and led him to the sofa where they sat close to each other, as if Rico needed that connection too. “At this stage in life, I sure didn’t envision parenthood in my future. I have no clue what to do.”
“You’re already doing all you have to. Love her and take care of her. Meet her physical and emotional needs first and foremost, but also have fun with her. Show her the world through your eyes.”
Rico rested his head on Franco’s shoulder. Franco was glad he could be here for him, but what else could he do to relieve some of the burden?
“Why don’t I make a pot of Angelina’s minestrone for you two to eat this weekend?”
“Mm. More comfort food. Sounds great. I didn’t know you did much cooking.”
“I used to work in a firehouse, remember. We all had to take turns regularly, although Matteo slacked off a lot when it was his turn. But Tony and I both learned to make that soup, a favorite with the crews at our two stations.”
“Huh. You’ve been holding out on me.”
Franco laughed. “I can see you saying that about our unexpected meetup at the club, but it’s my cooking that prompts the comment?”
“God, I still can’t believe you were the Dom I found in the theme room that night.”
“I’m not sure which one of us was more shocked, although I tried to stay in Dom mode and not let on.”
“You definitely were all Dom, or what I imagined a Dom would be. Man, I sure could use another session right about now—second only to a good night’s sleep. I’m so tired, but I’m barely able to sleep anymore.”
“I wish I didn’t have to work while Gina’s in school, because I know a number of techniques that might help. Letting someone else call all the shots and take care of your needs for a change would do wonders to help you release some of that stress.”
Franco thought about some classes on mindfulness he’d taken at the club and wondered if Rico might benefit from something like that. “I still might be able to help.”
Rico sat up and met his gaze. Franco missed having his head resting on his shoulder. “I’m all yours.”
I wish.
Focus.
“Submission is all about controlling your mind and the responses of your mind and body. There are any number of ways for me to get you to focus on your breathing and your body’s response to whatever I’m doing or saying that will help you release the tension and let go, however briefly. None involve impact play or making noises that might scare or confuse Gina.”
“I’m intrigued. Maybe after hospice leaves, we can give some a try.”
Franco nodded, his mind already mapping out an exercise for them. If he could help Rico disengage from his tight hold on everything, even for a short time, it would do him a world of good. The days weren’t going to get any easier for Rico with Michelle’s condition worsening.
Maybe he could start now. “How much longer will the nurse be here?”
“At least fifteen more minutes.”
“Perfect. Close your eyes and rest your head against the sofa.” Rico did so. “Good. Now take some slow, deep breaths. I want you to focus solely on your breathing and the air moving into your lungs. Don’t think about anything or anyone else.”
“Might be hard with you sitting so close.” Rico didn’t open his eyes, but grinned.
Franco also grinned, although he spoke in a serious tone. “Behave, or this might turn into a disciplinary session real quick, and I won’t care who hears us.”
“Yes, Sir.”
Franco could have moved away, but he wanted Rico to learn to focus even with him or someone else sitting next to him. “Now, breathe in slowly through your nose, imagining it as if the air is a blue wave.” Rico did so. “Hold that breath.” After a few seconds, Franco instructed, “Now, let it out slowly through your mouth, expelling it from your body.” When Rico had done so, he added, “Without further prompting from me, I want you to do that three more times. Every time a thought comes into your head, recognize it briefly then let it go and refocus on inhaling and exhaling the blue waves of air.”
“Yes, Sir.” Rico did as he’d been instructed. Franco watched as his chest rose and fell. Occasionally, Rico would furrow his brows briefly, but apparently pushed the intruding thoughts away and refocused.
Good boi.
After the third cycle, Rico kept his eyes closed and awaited further instruction. Franco wished they could move on to some kinkier techniques, but this would have to do for now.
When Franco didn’t fill the silence, Rico asked, “Just breathing? That’s it? I expected some kind of pain or bondage if we’re doing BDSM.”
Franco laughed. “Mindfulness is important to many BDSM scenes, but I didn’t want to start something more intense that might be interrupted. Now, let’s reassess. How’d you do at keeping the stray thoughts away?”
“It was hard to slow my brain down the first two breaths. Somewhat better on the third.”
“It will take a while to train your brain, but I want you to do that at least three times a day for about ten minutes each time. It should help you release some of the stress.”
Rico took Franco’s hand in his. “You’re just going to leave me hanging, huh?”
“You’ll survive. Just do the breathing as often as you need to or can. Eventually, gaining better control of your thoughts will improve your kink sessions too.”
“Assuming there will be kink sessions to look forward to?”
Franco grinned. “I’m willing if you are.”
“Count me in when things settle into some kind of routine for me.”
And with that, reality returned.
“Is there anything I can do to help with Michelle? I could at least watch over her tonight so you can catch some z’s.”
“I don’t want her to wake up to a stranger at her bedside, but thanks. She sleeps most of the time now. I just want to be there when she…”
Rico became silent, as if unable to say the word dies.
Franco squeezed his hand supportively. In some ways, he wished the end would come sooner rather than later, especially given the fact there didn’t seem to be any hope for a cure. But that would only bring on more stress as Rico and Gina dealt with the finality of it all.
The nurse came out of the room and Franco released Rico’s hand abruptly. The reflexive response made him a little ashamed of himself, because he didn’t want Rico to think he was embarrassed about their connection, but he wasn’t ready to be demonstrative in front of vanilla strangers.
Rico stood, though, and didn’t act as though he’d noticed. His focus was now on his cousin. “How is she?”
The woman gave him a sympathetic look. “Her blood pressure is dropping. I don’t think she’ll be able to hold on much longer. I’m sorry, Rico.”
Franco stood and caressed Rico’s back in comfort, no longer caring what the nurse thought. She didn’t seem to notice or care, though, and soon left.
“Thanks for coming by, Franco. Just having you here has made a huge impact on Gina and me.”
“Get some sleep, if you can.”
“I’ll try, but spending the night in her room usually means sleeping in a chair.”
“Well, do your best.”
Franco hadn’t planned on spending the night, but he hated to leave Rico. “Mind if I crash on your sofa tonight if you won’t be using it? I don’t want you to be alone.” At least they could face whatever happened together.
Rico’s eyes glistened with unshed tears. “I’d appreciate that. Let me get some sheets and a pillow for you.”
“Just tell me where everything is. I can take care of myself.”
“Bathroom closet.” Rico paused a moment. “Thanks, Franco. I’m glad you’re here.”
“So am I.”
Rico paused as if he wanted to say or do more, but merely said, “Good night.” Franco watched him walk toward Michelle’s bedroom, his head held high to face whatever lay ahead. Franco wished he could do more to help but was at a loss.
He needed to call Mama. She’d know what to do.
When Rico closed the door, Franco went into the kitchen so as not to disturb anyone and pulled out his phone. He touched Mama’s name at the top of his favorites.
“Franco? What’s wrong?” He supposed she wasn’t used to getting late-night calls from him.
“It’s not me but Rico, Mama. I need some advice.” He explained the situation Rico was faced with.
“That poor boy.” To Mama, her kids were still kids, and apparently so were their friends.
“I don’t know what to do to help him or the little girl. She’s going to be devastated to learn her mama has died.”
“Losing a mother at such a young age…” Mama’s voice cracked. Mama had lost her mother young too. Nonna, her papa’s mother, had taken over the role of mama in her life, even though she’d had to do so from an ocean away.
“My heart is already breaking for what Gina will have to go through. I’m glad Rico explained to her what’s going on. It won’t be easy, but he gave her a chance to say goodbye. My lifelong regret is that I wasn’t able to do that with my own mama. My papa didn’t tell me she was so sick.” She sighed. “But I quickly came to realize that Papa was all I had left, well, other than Nonna, but she was so far away. Papa became my everything. I’ll admit, I probably clung to him a little harder, afraid he would leave me too.”
Mama had never spoken to him about this before, and his heart ached for the little girl she’d once been. Obviously, the pain never went away. But she’d grown into the strongest woman he knew, and his hope was that Rico would be able to help Gina do that too.
“What kinds of things did Nonno do to make it better?”
“He loved me, first and foremost. That’s what Gina will need the most.”
“Rico already loves her.” Gina was easy to love.
“Good. Next will be to reassure her that he doesn’t plan on leaving her. I know he can’t promise forever, but at this point, he needs to come close to it. She’s going to be afraid she’ll lose everyone she loves, and it is going to take some time to rid her of that fear.”
“Rico’s a man of his word. He’ll be there for her, barring any disaster that might separate them.”
“I know he will. Taking on the sole responsibility for her will be difficult, but I’m so proud of him and can’t wait to tell him so. Of course, they’ll both be grieving the loss of Michelle while trying to navigate their new relationship. I’m sure Rico will do fine, though.”
“Agreed.”
“Tell him I’m thinking of him and will say a rosary for them tonight.”
“I will. Thanks for listening, Mama. You always know how to help me see that everything will be okay in the long run.”
“As Rico’s friend, he’s going to need you too. Don’t be a stranger to him.” Mama had to have known Franco had distanced himself from Rico as well as his family over the years.
“I won’t, Mama. I’m trying to find ways to help lighten the burden for him.”
“Take away some of the day-to-day burdens like cooking and housework. Find ways to engage one or both of them in activities that will help them forget about the pain for a while.”
“Great advice, Mama.” He’d already done some of that instinctively.
“You’re a good man too, Franco. Follow your heart.”
Franco wasn’t sure if Mama was saying something more about him and Rico but shook off the notion. They were merely friends as far as Mama knew, nothing more.