Chapter Thirty-Six
On Christmas Eve, Gina helped Rico set the table for their Feast of the Seven Fishes. Rico worried it might not feel special enough with only two of them celebrating at his house in Aspen Corners. In past years, Gina and Michelle had always celebrated together, sometimes including Aunt Sophia, too, when she could travel. Rico had spent many Christmas Days with Michelle and Gina, but never Christmas Eve.
He’d wanted to invite Franco, but Gina had insisted it should just be the two of them on this first Christmas Eve without her mama. Rico missed Franco terribly but understood and had agreed. Franco would be celebrating with his family at Angie’s house. Still, Franco had become such a fixture in their lives that it seemed strange not having him here. But he’d do anything to make this difficult holiday easier for Gina.
Tonight, Rico planned to give Gina one of the letters Michelle had written.
“I love candles,” Gina remarked as she stared at the centerpiece on the table between them.
“Just don’t play with them without adult supervision.”
Gina rolled her eyes. “I know that, Zio Rico.”
About halfway through the fourth course, Gina set down her fork. “I miss Mama.”
“I know, Sweetie. So do I. What did you two usually do on Christmas Eve?” Michelle had always wanted Gina to herself that night. Maybe that’s why Gina wanted only Rico with her this year.
“Different stuff.”
“Like…?”
“We used to dress in matching pajamas.”
Now that would have been good information to know yesterday when he could have done something about it.
“We’ll do that next year. What else?”
“We always watched A Christmas Story at least one time through.”
“There’s a twenty-four-hour marathon going on, but we may have to do that tomorrow afternoon.” There was only so much he could fit into the next six or so hours.
“Oh, before the PJs, we got dressed up and went to Midnight Mass. Are we going to do that tonight?” Gina asked, a hopeful expression on her face.
He hadn’t been to Midnight Mass since he’d taken his mama to her last one. “Would you like to?”
She nodded. “It’s my favorite Mass of the whole year with the candles, Christmas songs, and those pretty red Christmas flowers.”
“Poinsettias?”
She nodded. “I never can say that.”
“A lot of people can’t.”
Wouldn’t hurt him to show up in church every now and then, he supposed. “We certainly can go to Mass tonight. I’ll have to check and see what time it starts.”
“Eleven-thirty.”
She’d looked it up? “Is that the church in Denver or here?”
“Oh, I forgot.” The smile left her face, perhaps showing her disappointment that they wouldn’t be going to the same church where she’d have attended Mass with her mama.
But it was time to forge some new traditions.
“How’d you like to look at some pictures I found of your mama and me when we were little?”
The smile returned in a flash. “Sure!”
When she started to jump up, he reminded, “Dinner’s not finished yet.”
Her plate was still half-full from the current course and they had three more courses to go. “But I’m full.”
He’d forgotten that a kid’s stomach wouldn’t hold as much as his and realized he might have overdone it on the portions he put on her plate. “Tell you what. I’m getting full too, so why don’t we just eat a bite or two of the last three courses and then we can consider the Feast a success?”
Gina nodded vigorously. Rico took her plate to the stove where the remaining dishes were being kept warm. He placed a small amount of each one on the plate and returned it to her before doing the same with his own, although he went a little heavier on the linguine for himself, because that was his favorite dish. Comforting.
Rico finished first. It took Gina a while to get down her last bite. Did parents today push kids to clean their plates, or was that frowned upon? Rico ought to do more reading on good parenting, but those books had never held his interest. He could subscribe to a magazine, but he tended to just google whatever he wanted to know using keywords. More efficient. So many ways he could screw her up if he didn’t do things right.
Finally, she put the last bite in her mouth.
“Let’s clear the table, then we can go sit by the tree.”
A lot of the photos were of holidays, including Christmas, so that might set the mood. While decorating the tree last night, he’d pointed out the special ornaments Michelle had given him each year. Most were a little irreverent, and he’d only put the PG-13 ones on the tree. Lots of pride colors with sayings like “Love is Love” and “Don we now our gay apparel.”
But more risqué had been the set of six December Diamonds mermen she’d given him a few years ago. Most were bare-chested men but knowing his preference, Michelle had made sure to include a couple of bears too—one in leather gear and another a cop.
They’d reminded him of Franco from the moment he’d pulled them out this year.
Rico hadn’t intended to put any of them on his tree this year but had inadvertently told Gina Michelle had given them to him. It probably wouldn’t have mattered, though, because when Gina saw his sexy mermen, she’d fallen in love with them too and promptly insisted on naming every damned one.
She’d even named one Rico and another Franco.
Gawd, I love this kid!
They settled on the floor in front of the tree with one of the photo albums his mama had put together. “Okay, baby, ready to dive in?”
“Yes!”
They looked at them in chronological order, Rico telling her what he could remember about each one. When they got to one taken on a boat on Lake Michigan, she pointed out, “That’s where Mama’s ashes are!”
“It is indeed.”
Rico couldn’t help but feel sad looking at the vibrant teen in the photo who was now reduced to ashes, and he blinked away the tears. He watched on as Gina flipped through the next few pages without comment.
You’ll live on through her, Michelle.
Gina leaned closer to a pic of a teenage Michelle on Christmas morning. “What did Santa bring mama?”
He returned his focus to the album, but before he could answer, a worried look came across her face. “Do you think Santa will find me here?”
That she still believed in Santa surprised him, but Michelle had said to let her figure it out for herself, just as they had both done. So he’d continue as long as it took. Then again, maybe she knew where the presents came from, but didn’t want to put an end to it. Rico supposed he’d figure it out some day too.
“I know he will. I spent a lot of Christmases away from home, and he never let me down once.”
Her body relaxed. “Oh, good! I have been a little worried about that.”
“Remember, I want you to let me know if you’re worried about anything. I will do what I can to help you with whatever is worrying you.”
“I know, but I keep forgetting.” She glanced away and nibbled on her lower lip. Uh-oh. Something else must be bothering her.
“Is there something else you want to talk to me about?”
“Is it bad that I didn’t think about Mama as much as I should have today?”
“Come here, baby.” Rico coaxed her onto his lap, pressing her head against his chest as he stroked her hair. “Your Mama knows you’re busy living life, and that’s exactly what she wants you to do. Zio Franco says every time you think about her, she’s with you, but we can’t keep her here all the time. We want your mama to do what she wants in Heaven as well.”
“You mean her new job as an angel?”
He grinned. “That’s right.” Someone else could disavow her of that notion if they wanted to get all technical about it. “She’s your guardian angel, for sure, and here whenever you need her, but she probably has some other goals too.”
“I don’t need her all the time, but I do miss her tonight. And tomorrow won’t be the same without her.”
“No, it won’t.”
This seemed the perfect segue for part of what he had planned for tonight. Tomorrow would be more about Gina and presents and the like, but tonight, he wanted them to remember Michelle. It was one of the reasons he wasn’t too disappointed they weren’t joining the Giardano family’s feast. He wanted Gina to feel her mama’s presence.
“Wait here. I’ll be right back.” As if she had anywhere to go.
She scooted out of his lap and went back to looking through the photo album.
Rico had brought one of Michelle’s letters with him to his house, and now would be the perfect time to read it. It was labeled “your first Christmas without me.” This would be the first one he’d read to her, and he wasn’t sure how she’d feel about it.
When he opened the envelope, two letters were inside. One was addressed to Rico, which he read now in the privacy of his bedroom.
Dear Cuzzo,
How’d you do on your first Christmas as the sole parental unit? Did you survive Christmas Eve? Hope you didn’t have to assemble too many toys or games. Believe me, it wasn’t easy with big wheels, bikes, Barbie condos, and the like. Over time, you read the labels more carefully before you buy—or start working on them days early if a neighbor will stash them for you.
Christmas was one of my favorite holidays, and something I’ll miss most, but I hope you two will make some new traditions with each other. I know she’ll probably want to hang onto the past, but don’t let her wallow in it.
Take care of her and you. Ho ho ho!
Santa Michelle
Michelle had hit the nail on the head. They would hold onto some things from the past but build a future with their own traditions.
But now he worried about all those presents in the closet he would have to pull out and get ready by morning. He hadn’t paid attention to how much assembly was involved.
Oh well. Too late to worry about it this year.
Rico put his letter in his sock drawer and returned to the living room to find Gina staring up at the tree, lost in her thoughts.
“Gina, Sweetie, I have something for you that your mama wanted me to give you this Christmas.”
“A present?” She jumped up and came closer.
“Well, not the kind you might be thinking of. But when your mama got really sick, she decided to write you a few letters and have me give them to you on certain occasions, including this Christmas.”
Gina’s forehead wrinkled as she took the letter and opened the envelope cautiously as if a snake might jump out. Maybe he should have prepared her better for this.
“Mind if I read along?” he asked her.
She nodded her head but didn’t say anything. Rico pulled a chair behind her, sat, and pulled her onto his lap. Resting his chin on her shoulder with his arms wrapped around her, he read.
My Dearest Gina,
I know Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are two of your favorite days of the year. Know that I will be with you in spirit watching you and Zio Rico having a wonderful time together.
I hope you will always remember what we used to do and take time to volunteer this week to help those who don’t have as much as you’ve been blessed with. But I also want you to do new things and make new memories and traditions with Zio Rico. Remember to hug and thank him for being there for you through all of this.
I miss you and will always love you! Merry Christmas, Sweetheart!
All my love,
Mama
Gina sniffled, and Rico blinked away his own tears as he wrapped his arms around her from behind. He wished he could shield her from the pain of losing Michelle, although that would be impossible. Then she drew herself up and took a deep breath.
“What can we do to make Mama’s wish come true?” Hearing the way she worded it made Rico smile.
They went over to the couch to sit, and Gina held the letter against her chest. “What kinds of things have you done in the past?”
“Well, one year we made cookies for a shelter where moms and their kids didn’t have much of a Christmas.”
Aspen Corners didn’t have a shelter, although Breckenridge did. However, he’d like to keep it close to home in a community Gina lived in, at least part-time. He appreciated Michelle’s wanting her to understand that there was more to the holiday than Gina opening and playing with her presents.
“Mama J, Angie, and I made lots of cookies yesterday. We can’t eat all the ones they gave us. Can we take some to the firehouse for the firefighters who have to work on Christmas?”
Rico grinned. “I think that would be the perfect thing to do. But they’ll need more than cookies. Why don’t we make them a sausage-egg casserole in the morning too?”
“Yeah! And biscuits!”
Rico wasn’t sure he had any of the ingredients for the latter. “The casserole actually has the bread baked in.”
“Cool! What time should we go?”
“Shift change is at eight. I can text Rafe and ask if about eight-thirty or nine would be good.”
“No! Let’s surprise them!” She grew pensive. “Will that be before or after I open Santa’s presents?”
“Depends on how early you get up.”
“I always get up early on Christmas.”
“Then I’d say it will be after, as long as we have time to assemble and bake the casserole.”
“Do you think Mama will like my plan?”
“I think she’ll love it. You’re getting more and more grown up every day.” I hope you can see her, Miche.
Gina grew solemn and met his gaze. “I’ll take Mama to church with us tonight and to the firehouse tomorrow.”
“Sounds perfect.” Getting the words out past the frog in his throat wasn’t easy. He hadn’t planned on going to Midnight Mass himself, but if that was one of the traditions she wanted to keep, they would.
Gina turned her attention back to the last pages of the photo album, and they discussed a few more. At the end, Rico set the album under the tree. “You can look at it again whenever you’d like. Consider it one of my early presents to you.”
The organist played Angels We Have Heard on High as Franco and his family entered the church. He hadn’t been here since Angelina’s wedding. The sanctuary was lit with candles and chandeliers making it feel bright against the darkness outside.
Franco hadn’t joined his family for Midnight Mass in recent years, but now he no longer felt like an imposter here in Aspen Corners. Regardless of what the Church thought of him, his family accepted him for who he was, and that was all that mattered.
“Franco, it’s good to see you,” Father Bancroft greeted him.
“Good to see you too, Father. Merry Christmas!”
“And to you.” The priest greeted the others in his family as Franco checked for exits, not because he needed to flee already, but it was simply his nature to always be aware of his surroundings and all exit routes in case of an emergency.
The place was packed already, and there was no way they’d all be able to sit together. Mama took his hand, though, as she pointed in various directions for his siblings and their spouses to sit. Then she turned to Franco. “You’ll sit with Paul and me tonight.”
Franco grinned. “I’d love to, Mama.”
“Zio Franco!”
He turned to see Gina bounding up to him to give him an exuberant hug. “Well, hello there! I didn’t expect to see you here,” he said, more to Rico than Gina who had gone on to hug Mama and then Paul.
“Turns out, this is one of her traditions with Michelle, so we wanted to keep it up.”
While the others chatted, Franco pulled him a little to the side and whispered, “I’ve missed you. Still coming tomorrow?”
“You know it. We have a mission to complete in the morning, then we’ll head over to Angelina’s.”
“Great! So is this a secret mission?”
“Not really. We’re going to—”
“Hey, Rico, Franco,” Rafe said in greeting as he came up behind them. “Good to see you here,” he said to Rico. They chatted a bit until Rafe went to chat with other family members.
Intrigued, Franco asked Rico, “So what are you two planning?”
“Sorry—didn’t want to say anything in front of Rafe, but we’re taking cookies and a sausage casserole to the firehouse crew working tomorrow.”
“Ah.” Franco had been on those Christmas crews before, and what Rico and Gina were doing would brighten the day for the crew for sure. “They’ll love it. And aren’t you the upstanding citizen?”
“Hey, I’ve always been an upstanding citizen.” He glanced down at Gina who was chatting with Mama. “But I’ll admit that I probably would have slept in tomorrow if it were up to the old me.” He explained that this also was something Gina and Michelle did around Christmas every year. Rico said he’d participated in the volunteer activity on occasion as well.
Mama came closer to them. “Rico, why don’t you and Gina sit with us too? Paul’s found a pew with enough space.”
“We’d like that, Mama. Thanks.”
Mama took Gina by the hand to lead the way.
“So how does it feel to be back in church for Midnight Mass again?” Rico asked him. “I don’t remember the last time I came to one.”
“Me either. But having you here makes it even more special. I sure did miss you both tonight.”
Rico grinned. “I missed you too. Next year, we’ll celebrate together. Now, we’d better sit down before your mama comes looking for us.”
They walked down the side aisle looking for where Mama was sitting.
“Zio Rico, here we are,” Gina called out quite loudly.
Seated next to Rico, who sat beside Gina, Franco had a weird sense of belonging that he hadn’t felt inside this church in a long, long time.
Rico and Gina made all the difference.
“Santa came! He did find me here!”
Rico opened his eyes, having barely gotten to sleep after assembling Gina’s presents and getting the electronic gifts into working order. The bike had been his biggest nightmare.
Note to self: Next year, do all assembly before Christmas Eve, doofus.
Michelle always called him doofus as a kid, and he could hear her voice loud and clear. He wasn’t sure if it was brain muscle memory or if Michelle actually was here, but he acknowledged her all the same.
“Cut me some slack, Miche. I’m still learning the ropes of being a parent.”
“Wake up, Zio Rico!” Gina jumped onto his mattress, bouncing with excitement.
“I’m awake! I’m awake!” Barely. “Do you think it would be okay if I got a mug of coffee before we tackle all those presents?”
“How did you know there were lots of presents?”
Oops. “Well, you’ve been such a good girl all year, I just figured Santa would reward you.”
“Maybe I can open one thing to play with while you make your coffee?” She blinked at him with those big brown eyes. This kid was going to be an amazing hostage negotiator one day.
“All right,” he said, tossing back the comforter, “but I get to choose which one.” He wanted today to be mostly about presents and playtime and for Gina not to dwell on her mama not being here. Of course, she’d vowed to take her mama along to the firehouse. Rico smiled at how she’d worded that.
“Okay! Let’s go!” She jumped down from the other side and rounded the bed to grab his hand and pull him toward the living room. The glow from the tree made for a cheerful backdrop. He’d had so much fun decorating his tree, as well as the house, with Gina and Franco this past weekend. They’d brought the decorations Michelle and Gina had collected over the years in Denver, combining them with the special ornaments he’d received from Michelle, but they had added some new decorations too.
Mixing the old with the new.
Most of the new ones were the noisy, annoying singing Christmas figures Gina had picked up in a Christmas shop on Black Friday, but they made her giggle, so he could put up with them, for a week or two.
Too bad Franco hadn’t spent the night. Would they have any alone time before the fire service claimed him again on Monday? Rico and Gina planned to stay in Aspen Corners until it was time for school to start in January. At Midnight Mass last night, Mama J had invited them over for Christmas Day dinner this afternoon. Of course, Franco would be there, along with everyone else. He hoped they’d find some time alone at least for an embrace, perhaps even a kiss under the mistletoe.
But right now, he needed caffeine. After Gina had gone to bed last night, Rico had drunk a little more wine than he should have. The job of playing Santa had kept him frustrated until the wee hours.
Revised note to self: Next year, only “no assembly required” presents.
In the living room, he found Gina eying the piles of wrapped gifts. Trying to remember what might keep her occupied without much input from him this morning, he pointed to a box set off to the right. “Why don’t you open that one?”
Sans coffee, he sat on the couch to watch her rip away the wrapping paper. “Cleo de Nile! How did Santa know?”
Thrilled that he’d chosen the right gift, Rico smiled. “The three other Monster High dolls on your shelf at home might have given him a clue.”
“I love her!” Gina hugged the box to herself before opening it to free the doll and embrace her.
Rico left her to it while he ambled to the kitchen. The coffee couldn’t perk fast enough.
They spent the next half hour with her going from package to package, opening each one and moving to the next without taking much time to examine the contents. She’d get back to them before they had to leave for dinner, he was certain. Last, he pretended to find a new bike in the pantry that Santa had hidden away for some reason. He’d wanted to make a production out of it, after all that work.
“Can I ride it today?”
Rico hadn’t even looked outside to see if there was fresh snow on the sidewalks or streets. “We’ll see if we have time, but I promise before we return to Denver, you’ll get to ride it multiple times.
He was mid-sip in his coffee mug when Gina came over with a present wrapped a little haphazardly. “This one’s for you, Zio Rico.”
His eyes opened wider. There hadn’t been anything under the tree for him last night. He took the package and saw the homemade tag read “To Zio Rico, from Gina.” The backs of his eyes burned as he set his mug on the coffee table.
“What’s this?”
“Open it!” She practically jumped up and down. “I made it myself!”
She’d really made him something? Blinking away the tears so he’d be able to see what it was, he tore away the paper and opened the box to find a hand-painted wooden ornament in the shape of a snowflake. It had a shimmer to it, in a shade of blue that reminded him of Frozen.
“It’s beautiful. And you made this?”
She nodded and took the ornament to turn it over. “See what I wrote?”
In a red marker, she’d inscribed it with Zio Rico, with her name and the year. There was a heart drawn between their names.
Rico had never received anything so precious.
“Sweetie, this is the most beautiful gift I’ve ever gotten, aside from you of course.” He opened his arms for her to come into them, and they hugged a few moments. “Let’s put it on the tree right now.” He stood, and they went to the tree, found the perfect spot to show it off, and hung it there.
“Rafe helped me make it and wrap the box.”
Rafe? The man had no kids, but maybe he’d helped Angelina do similar projects for Mama J. Perhaps he’d taken on a parental role with her even before those responsibilities had been thrust upon him at his papa’s death.
The lights of the tree made the ornament shimmer even more.
“I’ll treasure it forever.”
Rico glanced at the mantel clock. “Oh, it’s seven-fifteen! We need to get the casserole in the oven.”
“I’ll help!” Gina screamed as she gave him another hug.
Rico almost teared up again. He was so blessed, even if this moment had come out of so much pain and grief.