Chapter 41
Simmons
Everything was going well. I had my plan ready for confessing my love for Freddie and just needed the right time to do it, which I had decided was going to be today.
Currently chopping feta for his post-swim lunch, I’m in his kitchen treating it like it’s my own. I have my favourite music playing through my phone, which I’ve stuck in a stainless steel bowl to amplify the sound; a little chef trick Freddie taught me.
We had fallen into a relationship without even thinking twice, and although none of us at brought up the D/s contract, it seemed we both wanted more than the original contract had listed. Nearly every day is full of his smile, his scent, and his bratty behaviour.
We're fucking like bunnies and exploring every inch of one another. Freddie has even been letting me choose his cages before I head to work on the nights we sleep at each other’s.
There’s even a latex event happening in the city next to ours that I’ve already booked the hotel for with the plan to make my own dildo out of my cock to surprise him with.
Freddie brings out a fun side of me I didn’t think even existed. Not to say I was never fun, despite the reputation professors get as being boring with a stick up the arse. Ha! Even a little of his Scottish is rubbing off on me.
I finish the salad and place it in the fridge, then take out the marinated chicken for grilling.
Just as I’m plating the food, I hear the door bang shut and a set of heeled boots hit the wooden floor of the hallway.
Unable to stop the grin on my lovesick face, I finish the meal and pour two glasses of water as Freddie comes running into sight.
He’s holding two boxes. Cardboard boxes. Like packing ones. Fuck.
“Hey! Food smells heavenly, be through in a min,” he shouts and then he’s off as quick as he arrived.
His black fur jacket flapping behind him.
I don’t even get to respond before banging from his room starts up and I just sit there like a fool.
An in-love fool. What the hell was I thinking?
Freddie’s not gonna stay for me. He’s clearly not even thought about staying for me with the way he didn’t even offer an explanation for the boxes before running off to pack.
This is probably just a fun thing for him. Us. Nothing more than something to help pass the time while pining for home and counting the days down until he can move back to Scotland.
Unable to stay standing, I sit on one barstool and let my head fall into my hands, where they are propped on my knees.
Why did some part of me think he might have loved me back?
Now he’s fucking singing. While packing.
While leaving me. I have to get out of here.
Before I say something dumb like, ‘don’t leave, I love you even though all I am is your Dom.
’ Yeah right. The worst Dom to exist. I couldn’t even keep a contract with a sub without breaking it.
I shake my head as I hear the singing get louder as Freddie comes back into the kitchen.
“Everything okay there, honey bear?” His soft smile, which he only reserves for me, adorns his pale, beautiful face, and I almost break out in tears there and then.
I nod, but that’s not enough for him.
“Did you burn the chicken? No need for the upset, I’ll phone down to that Indian place and get them to send us some chicken chaat,” he tells me as he moves towards the island where he must have sat his phone.
“No,” I manage, unable to look up at him.
“Simmons, what the fuck? Has something serious happened? You’re not acting your usual stoic self,” he says, and although he’s making a joke, his tone is serious. Time to rip the band-aid off, I suppose.
“When were you going to tell me?” He has the audacity to look confused until I clarify it further for him.
Pointing to the boxes I can see in the hall, I ask him, “When were you going to give me the courtesy of knowing that you’re going home? Back to Scotland. That’s what those boxes are for, right? It’s why you’re singing?”
“Simmons… no. What?” But I can’t listen to him let me down. My chest is tight and if I don’t leave soon, I think I might pass out from my heartbreaking.
Putting my hand out as I stand, I just shake my head. Another sub. Another gone. Destined to be alone because of my massive fuckups.
“Simmons, are you going to bloody listen or just leave? Don’t walk out on me without hearing my side,” he growls as I storm past him and grab my coat. Dizzy and scared of what he will say next, I head for the front door.
“What the fuck? You’re giving up on us because of an assumption? Listen for two bloody minutes and I’ll tell you what you so clearly think is happening is not what you think,” he yells as he follows me. A coward, I only turn to say goodbye and look only at my feet as I mumble it.
“Goodbye? Well, fuck you then, Simmons. I thought this meant more to you than a D/s contract. That I meant more. Just look at me for thirty goddamn seconds.”
I can hear the hurt in his voice, but it only angers me. Lifting my gaze to his, he has unshed tears glistening as he chews his bottom lip. He looks terrified, but it makes no sense.
“You do mean more, Freddie! Don’t you see that?
And you’re fucking leaving. I knew you would go home at some point, but now?
I thought I meant more to you. I can’t stay here.
I’m a fool for thinking someone so promiscuous and free-spirited would want to be tied down.
Too bratty and selfish for this to be serious.
I should have known better,” I cry out. Knowing I’ve gone too far but too angry and hurt to stop the word vomit of hurt that I’ve hurled his way.
Freddie wipes his tears that are now dripping onto the hardwood floor and shakes his head at me.
“Fuck you, Simmons. Would someone too bratty and too selfish, too promiscuous and free-spirited give you their virginity? Yeah, didn’t fucking think so.
And by the way, the boxes are for my old shoes that I am sending to Stacey, who I was on the phone with before I got home,” he argues with so much venom.
Like the fucking moron I am, I just stand there with the front door half open, gaping at this perfect boy’s confession. Knowing that I have finally and truly nailed the coffin that is our relationship shut with my accusations.
“You were a… “ is all I stutter out, my brow furrowed in realisation, before he’s moving forward, placing his hands on my chest. And as he pushes me out of his flat and out of his life, the saddest look I have ever seen on the love of my life’s face etches itself into my brain forever along with the loudest bang as he shuts the door on me.